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LordBuzzKill
Canada
171 Posts |
 Posted - May 11 2015 : 4:51:41 PM
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Hello,
The Primary reason I practice AYP is that I want power (siddhis) and direct control of energy (siddhis). Secondary would be enlightenment.
I have used other methods of energy control. Such as Energy work by Robert Bruce. I can control energy slightly but it's lack luster at best and it takes a lot of time to get going. I ended up forcing it in to my Crown chakra and it caused all kinds of problems. Other chakras didn't give any major problems. I can just keep it in my hands and it can grow like crazy but it's time consuming and slow! With AYP I got to feel the energy much better and I liked it even more then when I did energy control by Robert Bruce or using strong feelings.
When I feel or think of the power that is just out of my reach. I get this horrible feeling of panic deep down inside of my gut. I really don't like that feeling at all. All of this came about after I had a taste of power (siddhis) which is only thing that drives me forward. Before I used to be driven like a mad man with no regards for anything but power.
Examples of my siddhis experience. GPS as some of you already know. Seeing the future with my 3rd eye, which overrode my vision for my real eyes for a second. The vision came true. And finally control of energy which I could feel as if it was a ball of warm air that I could control. The only power that stayed with me for a LONG time is GPS. I had experienced it in many forms for 7 years! Most of the time on a daily basis. Oh how I miss my GPS. I know that if I can generate a lot of strong feelings I can turn my GPS on again, slow and time consuming. Let's just say strong feelings of love for another person activated my GPS.
What can I do about this? How can I keep with my devotion for power (siddhis) and direct control of it in a safe way. Yes I am following the advice I was giving and No I am not rushing off ahead in the lesson. I am taking my time. I am just stating my main and only reason that drives me to practice. And if over time it changes so be it. As of right now the desire for direct control over siddhis is the main driving force of my devotion.
Mind you I have come to accept the fact that getting siddhis for me will take time and that I must follow the lessons to the letter. Which is what I am doing. I am not going off on my own! Just to make that clear. I had enough headaches. I just want a safe way to get from A to B.
The reason I ask is because I am not sure if this was ever covered for a person who is after power rather than enlightenment as their devotion. As Yogani said whatever your devotion is let that be your guide. And so it is for me.
I have looked at http://www.anxietycoach.com/ posted by blueraincoat. What kind of panic would this be and how do I go about dealing with it? I don't feel any danger of any kind and not too sure about the fear. My guess would be that it's a fear of lack of power. Being powerless, helpless. Would that be accurate to say that my fear is of being powerless or helpless?
Thank you all for your patience and your help, I know I can be challenging at times.
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Edited by - LordBuzzKill on May 11 2015 4:54:21 PM |
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BlueRaincoat
United Kingdom
1734 Posts |
Posted - May 11 2015 : 5:53:26 PM
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By an interesting coincidence, just before checking on the forum tonight I was reading Chapter 1 of Eckhart Tolle's "The Power of Now". This is the last paragraph I read before putting the book down:
"Basically, all emotions are modifications of one primordial, undifferentiated emotion that has its origin in the loss of awareness of who you are […] it is hard to find a name that precisely describes this emotion. “Fear” comes close, but apart from a continuous sense of threat, it also includes a deep sense of abandonment and incompleteness” says Tolle.
Once you've found out who you truly are - which is pure consciousness - the fear will go away. So all you need to do is keep meditating till you find out who you truly are.  In the meantime let that fear be - don't fight it, don't pretend it's not there. If it's a driver of your spiritual growth, it is even a blessing, isn't it?
Good to hear you are following the AYP lessons.
Godspeed  |
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LordBuzzKill
Canada
171 Posts |
Posted - May 11 2015 : 5:59:28 PM
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I also have the power of now, forgot about it, has been collecting dust.
I am working on it. I have learned that we must accept our dark side and let it work its way through us. I am just trying to understand where it's coming from, which can help with the process of letting it go.
The panic has weakened over the years. I can feel it slowly losing its grip on me. I ordered the book from that website. I can't wait to read it.
Mind you the panic only comes when I actually think about the power I want. If not, it never crosses my mind. I just let it be. |
Edited by - LordBuzzKill on May 11 2015 6:14:50 PM |
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Dogboy
USA
2294 Posts |
Posted - May 11 2015 : 6:03:50 PM
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Youve misinterpreted Yogani regarding devotion for starters, for he would never have you chasing after siddhis. AYP practices are not about thirsting for power and control, so if you are seeking those answers, you're in the wrong place, my friend. I know this is not what you want to hear. We can advise you on building a strong spiritual vessel via consistant yoga and surrendering your desires. Your quest for power and control is a House of Mirrors, so good luck with that.
Fear of powerlessness? Helplessness? Are you really those things? Surrender it all, especially that fear.
Edit: wording |
Edited by - Dogboy on May 11 2015 8:29:48 PM |
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LordBuzzKill
Canada
171 Posts |
Posted - May 11 2015 : 6:12:51 PM
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| I am working on it Dogboy. One step at a time, following the lessons as best I can. All things in due time. |
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts |
Posted - May 11 2015 : 8:18:06 PM
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"Joy is the spontaneous letting go of all that we are into our infinite and eternal nature. It is surrender into that by which all is manifesting. Joy is the essential constituent in all of life and is the greatest siddhi – the greatest of all the super-normal powers. Joy is what has us laughing heartily as we become consciously One with the miraculous mystery of life."
--Yogani from http://www.aypsite.org/303.html |
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Dogboy
USA
2294 Posts |
Posted - May 11 2015 : 8:24:50 PM
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Yogani  |
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LordBuzzKill
Canada
171 Posts |
Posted - May 11 2015 : 8:35:52 PM
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| Yes I have noticed that. When I am able to let go of all expectations, no matter what I am doing, things tend to go smoothly. |
Edited by - LordBuzzKill on May 11 2015 8:44:58 PM |
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BlueRaincoat
United Kingdom
1734 Posts |
Posted - May 12 2015 : 06:12:32 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by LordBuzzKill
the panic only comes when I actually think about the power I want. If not, it never crosses my mind.
Every coin has two faces. The craving for power is the flip-side of your fear. If you weren't afraid, why would you want power?
When you focus on wanting power, then the fear makes itself felt. Of course. The craving for power is the fear. They are two sides of the same emotional tension.
The solution will come from your spiritual practice. With the rise of inner silence, you will transcend both.
You are doing the right thing sticking to your yoga routine. Well done for that.
I wish you all the best. |
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LordBuzzKill
Canada
171 Posts |
Posted - May 12 2015 : 12:48:35 PM
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| Yes that makes a lot of sense. Thanks BlueRaincoat. |
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compassion
90 Posts |
Posted - May 13 2015 : 10:50:31 AM
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Hi LordBuzzKill,
I have no doubt you are in the right place, regardless of the reason. If the reason results in twice-daily practice, then you are on the same path as the rest of us.
Soon after I started meditating, I experienced ecstasy and soon after I sought the power of controlling the experience. It became my reason to practise. As time goes on, the courage quite naturally grows to face what we are avoiding by grasping for such power, and other motivations come to replace these.
I think BRC is correct to suggest that the craving for power is fear. Sometimes we learn to avoid and forget about certain types of emotions by grasping for something outside of us. Frustration of that grasping results in the feelings resurfacing, which we misidentify as a craving for that object. The types of emotions that we avoid, are typically the ones that we were not fully supported with in our upbringing and that we continue to neglect as adults because we have not yet learned any better.
The good news is that these emotions cannot harm us, despite our fear of them. It takes courage to look. As BRC says, the rising inner silence is the vehicle to get there.
Good luck! |
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LordBuzzKill
Canada
171 Posts |
Posted - May 13 2015 : 6:31:41 PM
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| Thanks, will do. |
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Panic and Devotion
