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Here and Now
Spain
9 Posts |
 Posted - Apr 15 2015 : 1:03:14 PM
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Hello all,
I hope everyone is well. I also hope someone may help me shed some light on this issue, as I have found no answer in the forums or the Internet at large.
I am currently very satisfied with where AYP and my inquiry is taking me. Very grateful too to Yogani, Shanti, Katerine, Jim, Ananda, and all who post in this forum. Such help  It's been only a couple years, but I feel so much has changed since then..
Internally, most time nowadays is spent remembering the empty, timeless, infinite nature of my essential being, or recognizing this essence everywhere I go (loving/enjoying myself through everything my body-mind experiences). Energetically, very frequent and pleasing energy flowing up from my spine to ajna (I intentionally direct to ajna to avoid it being sucked in from the crown). Slight frequent pressure when it rises, but not uncomfortable. Sensitivity to the occurrence of resistance is high (compared to before) and whenever resistance pops up (frequently, although more and more subtle) there is an automatic remembering of my true nature as plenitude and acceptance. These process tend to end in a surge of energy to the head, ajna chakra being active many times a day as I said before.
So in a way it is like a process of remembering at all times when there a straying away from Truth. At the same time there is more focus on the present than ever before. So kind of like a process of remaining still and allowing that stillness to widen and widen the arms of its embrace within daily life. Resting in the knowledge that there is nothing to do but follow The/My Will (that which decides every thought, sensation, action, etc) from a present-moment position in which I know that my body-mind has no control of hat happens nor any knowledge of what will happen in the future, what is better or worse, etc.
At the same time I have a job, girlfriend etc so a seemingly "active life". But in reality I am realising that for the past 2 months at least, most of my attention is in what I mentioned earlier, in the background of whatever I'm doing. Having realized that bliss does not depend on outer objects / circumstances, I live external objects more transparently, as if they weren't that important in themselves but divine as with everything else.
The problem is that "my" body-mind is not functioning too great lately. I'm becoming increasingly forgetful as I abide more in the present moment, increasingly aloof, and with much difficulty placing my attention on things in themselves (without recognizing them as Myself). In day to day living this is OK, I spend more time alone or with my girlfriend and socialize less but no problem, bliss/plenitude is there most of the day. I spend time with my family and love them very much and listen to them, although I don't have much to say to them, as my mind's interest is almost solely on deepening this process, and this stuff is something my family doesn't understand.
Where I see some practical reason for concern is with my job. At work, I am finding it extremely difficult to get things done. It's as if my attention drifts from here to there, starts one thing but then stops to feel the silence within for a few minutes, then reads something on the Internet, etc. If this continues long-term it may be difficult for me to hold the job, which is pretty high-paced and intellectually demanding.
My bhakti doesn't care much about this. But then from time to time there is doubt as to whether I should factor in this practical aspect into the equation and somehow try to lose myself more in daily life and try to forget the True nature of it all (something I am not sure is even possible), or alternatively reduce practices. But this is not uncomfortable, this is nothing to do with Gopi Krishna nightmares...and Yogani mentioned that the rise of kundalini even in the best of cases brings certain side effects. So there is doubt as to whether this is a self-pacing issue and I'd love to hear your opinions, especially if you have lived through something similar.
Adyashanti spent some time feeling like his brain was being rewired and couldn't function well. Tolle spent a few years mentally quite incapacitated on a park bench. I think Mooji for a while also selling incense in a flea market. My bhakti tells me to forget about the future and just each day occur as it occurs (and to not compare myself with anyone else). Doing this in the past weeks generating intent of getting work done every day in the morning and after lunch, this has not worked for 1 month.
Maybe losing my job is what has to happen, maybe not, I wont know until it happens. But your advice could be a key part in the plan of happening or not happening that is already unfolding.
Thank you very much in advance for helping me out.
I send you all my/our love,
Here and Now |
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jusmail
India
491 Posts |
Posted - Apr 15 2015 : 1:36:04 PM
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| Just curious what are the ingredients in your AYP practice. Sounds like self pacing is in order |
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Wolfgang
Germany
470 Posts |
Posted - Apr 15 2015 : 2:05:12 PM
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An honest talk with your boss could help.
Explain to him that you are not sure about the future with your job.
Ask him if he is satisfied with your work.
Ask him if he wants to keep you in the job.
That's what I would do ... |
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kumar ul islam
United Kingdom
791 Posts |
Posted - Apr 15 2015 : 3:22:47 PM
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Hi I think the short answer is less is more in all respects ,not having much to say is not a bad thing because when you do speak its from a place better suited to a better outcome (action in inaction)with your job maybe you think your not doing much but what you do is probably more than enough ,the world really just flys around very fast the art of the yogi is functioning within his realm not seeking the fruit of action but acting through service in the best possible way ,maybe you need to change but do not force the issue the universe has a way of guiding the illuminated many blessings |
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Dogboy
USA
2294 Posts |
Posted - Apr 15 2015 : 3:57:58 PM
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You didn't say whether or not you like your job, but I will assume you wish to stay employed. I liked Wolfgang's suggestion to check in with your boss, to see if in fact he is not happy with your performance if you are concerned about that. Kumar's take that you most likely are doing well enough and to let the situation play out on its own I believe has merit. If you are irritable or in discomfort, then self pacing is in order. I don't believe this is what is happening for you, although I'm not completely sure what you mean by "sensitivity of resistance", or if your aloofness or inattention is debilitating.
"Losing yourself in daily life" does not mean "forgetting" the fruits of your yoga. You are indeed undergoing a rewiring, and this should benefit in all your family and work relationships. For me yoga has improved my daily tasks by introducing joy in the 'doing for doing's sake" of even the most mundane chore. If you are having a new found difficulty in job performance, time will tell if this is the job for you. Allow these fruits to assist you along the way, and employ self inquiry to get at the root of your condition.
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ak33
Canada
229 Posts |
Posted - Apr 15 2015 : 4:03:54 PM
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My bhakti tells me to forget about the future and just each day occur as it occurs (and to not compare myself with anyone else).
I think you've already answered your question. Our "spiritual" things are often hard to explain to others, and we don't make it any easier for ourselves by trying to think our way through it/plan it. Just get on with what you have to do, try your best. It is your duty to be a functional human being |
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sunyata
USA
1513 Posts |
Posted - Apr 15 2015 : 9:11:42 PM
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I went through that phase as well. Losing the sense of "I" and writing emails was interesting . Somehow the universe worked through this body mind. Make a to do list for the day and do the next thing. If the universe has other plans, you'll find out. There is no where to go except in the here now. It's working through ones samskaras in daily living and surrender that will lead to true happiness. Yes, please self pace when you stop feeling grounded.
[quote]
Just get on with what you have to do, try your best. It is your duty to be a functional human being
[quote]
Totally agree
Sunyata |
Edited by - sunyata on Apr 15 2015 9:18:54 PM |
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SeySorciere
Seychelles
1571 Posts |
Posted - Apr 16 2015 : 02:04:07 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Here and Now
The problem is that "my" body-mind is not functioning too great lately. I'm becoming increasingly forgetful as I abide more in the present moment, increasingly aloof, and with much difficulty placing my attention on things in themselves (without recognizing them as Myself). In day to day living this is OK, I spend more time alone or with my girlfriend and socialize less but no problem, bliss/plenitude is there most of the day. I spend time with my family and love them very much and listen to them, although I don't have much to say to them, as my mind's interest is almost solely on deepening this process, and this stuff is something my family doesn't understand.
Where I see some practical reason for concern is with my job. At work, I am finding it extremely difficult to get things done. It's as if my attention drifts from here to there, starts one thing but then stops to feel the silence within for a few minutes, then reads something on the Internet, etc. If this continues long-term it may be difficult for me to hold the job, which is pretty high-paced and intellectually demanding.
My bhakti doesn't care much about this. But then from time to time there is doubt as to whether I should factor in this practical aspect into the equation and somehow try to lose myself more in daily life and try to forget the True nature of it all (something I am not sure is even possible), or alternatively reduce practices. But this is not uncomfortable, this is nothing to do with Gopi Krishna nightmares...and Yogani mentioned that the rise of kundalini even in the best of cases brings certain side effects. So there is doubt as to whether this is a self-pacing issue and I'd love to hear your opinions, especially if you have lived through something similar.
Maybe losing my job is what has to happen, maybe not, I wont know until it happens. But your advice could be a key part in the plan of happening or not happening that is already unfolding.
I have gone through a similar phase as well where my mind was constantly 'empty', I could not seem to focus on anything and just seemed drifting through life, detached. And being concerned for my job. I remember wandering around Montreal during a two week work visit, not bothering to orient myself so that I could find my way back to the hotel (yet I always did), being completely unable to do the arithmetic required to convert to canadian dollars. Off on a tangent here. Sorry.
As for working, I would often find myself sitting around a conference table and all eyes turned to me for a response and my mind is totally blank but then I would open my mouth and say something brilliant.
So, do not fear for your job. Trust.
It was just a phase. I did cut back practices as well. I sit once a day only. Anyway, just to let you know you are not alone and wish you the best.
Sey  |
Edited by - SeySorciere on Apr 16 2015 02:05:30 AM |
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maheswari
Lebanon
2520 Posts |
Posted - Apr 16 2015 : 02:26:02 AM
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| are you feeling tensed or irritable in daily life? if so then self pace, otherwise i feel you are doing great |
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Charliedog
1625 Posts |
Posted - Apr 16 2015 : 03:40:13 AM
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I agree with Sey, it is a phase and will pass.
As I look to myself, I changed from a multitasking person, very handy in all sorts of doings, into someone who is empty and living in the here and now.
There is not so much to do in the here and now, taking one step at the time. It was the always chattering mind which was making me feeling busy and doing.
Live is so much more quiet and peaceful now.
quote:
At work, I am finding it extremely difficult to get things done. It's as if my attention drifts from here to there, starts one thing but then stops to feel the silence within for a few minutes, then reads something on the Internet, etc.
I recognize this, self pace was the answer for me. There is a possibility that while you are changing also the interest in your work is changing. And there is a possibility that you notice the stillness between action, that is always there, but now you notice it.
Time will tell. Take it easy.
Thanks for sharing, I recognize all that you have written. Take care for yourself
edit; spelling.
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Edited by - Charliedog on Apr 16 2015 04:43:22 AM |
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Ecdyonurus
Switzerland
479 Posts |
Posted - Apr 16 2015 : 04:02:41 AM
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Similar things are happening in my life too. For example, yesterday at the bus station I literally omitted to step in the bus as it hopened the door - I just stayed there as a passive viewer, being aware that I had to go on that bus but unable to leave that observing/witnessing mode. I waited and took the next bus (being already late for the meeting), but I remained in the same mental mode, so I stepped out from the bus at the wrong station. Needless to say, the meeting also was a pretty weird experience.
Was not aware thet this can be caused by yoga. Are there any AYP-lesson on that issue? |
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BlueRaincoat
United Kingdom
1734 Posts |
Posted - Apr 16 2015 : 05:27:14 AM
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Hello Here and Now
I agree with the others, it's a phase and life-changing decisions are best avoided at such a time.
My impression is that some sort of readjustment takes place - before yoga, many of our actions are sustained by will-power stemming from the ego. It takes a lot of energy doing things that way. At some point a shift happens - the direction starts to come from somewhere else, from the silence. I'm going through a transition like that too, so many things seem to no longer have any point, but I know I'm still far from seeing things clearly.
I would avoid giving people at work any intentional signal that you're finding your job difficult. Best to listen to what others have to say about your performance. If your output really is seriously affected, then self-pacing is in order.
I hope things settle down soon. All the best. |
Edited by - BlueRaincoat on Apr 16 2015 05:34:31 AM |
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Here and Now
Spain
9 Posts |
Posted - Apr 16 2015 : 10:45:40 AM
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Hello everyone!
Wow, I am overwhelmed by your responses, in just 1 day! The power of this forum is astounding and the generosity of your hearts makes tears well in my eyes.
There is no irritability. More emotions, anxiety sometimes, some trouble sleeping, but nothing serious and all embraceable in my true Self for the time being. A month ago after getting my first experiences of sucking from the crown I did have one night where I felt intense heat and way too much energy. Although the worst of it was fear after hearing so many stories. I self-paced for a couple weeks and now direct the energy to the third eye if it shoots up and everything seems manageable, and at the same time quite blissful and ecstatic.
This is why my mind debates about whether it is a self-pacing issue. It seems like I can definitely handle things from now, and my mission is not to be the best worker but to embody the self and share this radiance all around. So I tend to favor your view maheswari (thank you, the comfort of your words filled my heart to the brim). Dogboy: the sensitivity to resistance meant that I am more sensitive than before to the plays of the ego trying to deny aspects of my experience, and the aloofness is only a problem in a professional setting such as my current one, I function more than well enough in other aspects of life.
Maybe if this continues I will try to self-pace a little bit as you did Charliedog and SeySorciere (and as you recommend BlueRaincoat). Maybe it will help with work and won't stifle progress too much? It's tough though to find the will to prioritize anything more than self-realization. The way I had viewed self-pacing before was in order to go deeper faster (and a avoid a serious detour not being able to practice for a while, etc) but not working or having minimum money doesn't necessarily impede practice, hence the hard time making this decision, and why I feel if I take it i am somewhat turning my back on yoga to fit in the world better.
Jusmail, I currently to SPB around 7-10 min with kechari level <1 + 3-4 kumbhaka breaths + 15-20 DM with sri sri ayam ayam mantra and solar centering + rest + amaroli + ashtanga yoga 3-4 days a week.
My current job in not ideal according to current inclinations, but its pretty good (I look for ways of resolving social and environmental issues through private investment. Although my bosses intentions are good, the way of doing things that he is accustomed to is manipulative, hiding information, subtly coercing to negotiate better etc. Maybe a part of me just blocks when I feel that I am being asked to act in ways that are not 100% honest, whatever the end that is sought (social or otherwise). Ideally I would like to serve in the sphere of self-realization as a job, work at the root of the world's troubles and not on cosmetic fixes. But I have no clue if there is interest in what I can share, if it is the time to do so in a professional setting etc, so for the time being yes Dogboy, I would like to hold on to this job as a way of paying my bills in a manner that is helpful to others.
In terms of communication with my employer at this time, I tend to favor , as Wolfgang, I think that a conversation would bring up an issue in my boss that for the time being is a non-issue. I work quite independently and only if this continued for some more months would this be a real problem that would have to be addressed with him. Thanks kumar ul islam, its great to bring in a fresh perspective. Maybe what I consider very very little, is enough, at least for a while, and things may change later who knows.
It seems that this is a phase that will pass as I read from "famous" BlueRaincoat, Charliedog, Seysorciere and Sunyata. In the meanwhile, I will take to your advice sunyata and try to structure my work along clear micro to-do lists and go from one activity to the other (trying not to drift off between activities!).
Thank you Dogboy for the invitation to remember what's really important instead of selling out in order to produce more work, and to remember to surrender more deeply to whatever this process has in store for me. It's kind of how I feel. My mission as a human being is to completely wake up from the ilusion of identification, this is in the view of this bodymind the most profound service I can give and ak33, this would be my personal definition of a truly functioning human being. As I re-read you ak33, I realize that I deeply know what I want to get done here on earth, and nothing should stand in the way, but the bodymind is scared of not being able to get enough money -if I cant work in a decent job.
Just reading you guys and writing this post has somehow helped already. I am having a slightly more productive day than in previous weeks!
Love to you all,
Rodrigo |
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pkj
USA
158 Posts |
Posted - Apr 16 2015 : 11:09:50 AM
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I also went through very similar phase as well in my office when my work was affected. I knew this phase will pass and it is almost getting over. So hang in there no need to quit the job. Infact after a while you will be very creative as your brain will be functioning at a higher frequency. Also your intution will be higher as awareness is the heightened awareness. Agree during the clunky phase it is little bit tricky.
Blessings
PKJ |
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ak33
Canada
229 Posts |
Posted - Apr 16 2015 : 1:14:50 PM
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| Haha, I know where you are coming from brother. My goal is also to awaken, but I am in a constant battle between worldly life and spiritual life. I just try to keep meditating and hope for the best really, thinking about these things too much leads to distortion. |
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Here and Now
Spain
9 Posts |
Posted - Apr 17 2015 : 04:47:09 AM
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Thanks pkg. Great to have yet another point of evidence that this is probably a phase.
ak33, your totally right, mi mind gets in the way and its nothing but one of infinite perspectives.
Love,
Rodrigo |
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joseph
117 Posts |
Posted - May 19 2015 : 08:08:47 AM
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| Hey Here and Now. I had a similar problem with work. My boss was very supportive though and he allowed me to take breaks when I needed them and then add the time taken on to the end of the shift. So I'd be doing my normal hours, but if I felt like sitting down in quiet for twenty minutes that was no problem. |
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Kentox
India
61 Posts |
Posted - Apr 30 2017 : 11:46:50 PM
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Perhaps My opinion will not matter, but in my defense I am very very greedy, insatiable and hungry.
Why stop at Bhakti, add Karma to it. Let your work be a expression of your spirituality than to avoid it or be afraid of losing it at any given time. If that is done why stop there? add your intelligence/gnana to it and make it even more better, why stop there? Add your energies to it and go even further. Tear all boundaries, no need to hold back.
Why must man seprate work from life? Life is work. Why treat lovers and family separate they are part of life.
Everything you do must be in 100% involvement. I guarantee the extreme bliss that comes from that.
What I said might seem stupid, but it is truth. What is in-front of you becomes life...I remmember my college days where I spent most of the time in computer labs, time flew...my mastery grew. Each day was filled with ecstasy just by learning and using new tricks.
It is sad that I ended up down in dumps later after such a strong start off as everything around me reduced itself to rubbish including my health which I apparently didn't take care of much and overworked myself. I got heavily hormonally depressed due to constantly waking for nights and overworking despite the lack of necessary energy and to make things worse I didn't even eat properly. It tore me apart little by little until I got dengue one day and worst thing happened, I lost my position in movie making team. I showed as if I don't care but that killed me. Just a little thing set off big depressive episode.
I struggled with very very heavy deep rooted crippling depression for very long, If I had known Sadhguru at that time or atleast proper yoga and how to deal with my mental problems at that time I'd have been in much better condition. But I guess I needed to be lunatic enough to Forge my own path towards kundalini. I'll be walking alone without any guru let the pain come and tear me apart, I have no attachment left to anything, no self pity, no helplessness nor even mercy for own self. Only by destroying myself I can rise anew. I have only endless greed that can only be satisfied like this.
I wouldn't for the life of me stop practicing what I have been doing, no matter what happens. I'd rather increase my dosage many many times over if I can.
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Excessive Self Absorbtion: Sign to self pace?
