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SeySorciere
Seychelles
1571 Posts |
 Posted - Mar 17 2015 : 02:33:42 AM
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I have been struggling for the past six months with a thief.
Someone has been walking into my house and stealing things; a couple of things at a time. It started with my jewellery, then to electronic devices; then money and now that all has already been stolen, he takes anything worth a few bucks he can find. I say he "walks in" because I often leave my doors and windows (previously) wide open, lately closed but unlocked. I strongly suspect it is my next door neighbour, a man of 45+ years, who is on heroine and lately out of work. He lives with his mother in a house just opposite mine and he sees all our activities. I have not called the police because the police in Seychelles is utterly useless. Also this man's family and I have been neighbours all our lives and I have compassion for his poor mother and for him (although my compassion is wearing very thin - hence voicing out here). At first I continued to live my life as if there was no thief. I still left everything lying around and still left my doors wide open. I refused to let one person make me change my life-style. Then, despite myself, I started locking stuff away, then locking the doors (but not used to doing that we often forget). I have considered engaging the services of a security firm and putting up cameras but why should I? I hate the idea of someone dictating my action because of their action.
From the beginning of this spate of thieving, I have been sending him Love, dropping him in my Samyama - to no avail, so far. Slowly my anger is rising, my thoughts have turned very unkind (which again I try to release when meditating - still sending him Love). He now engages my thoughts and energy - so he is winning.
Please help. Advice welcomed.
Sey 
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compassion
90 Posts |
Posted - Mar 17 2015 : 02:58:39 AM
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Hi Sey,
I'm sorry to hear about this situation. Sometimes the most compassionate thing is to confront people with reality, rather than protecting them from the consequences of their actions. That might mean approaching your neighbour for a chat about what has been happening. But I would suggest letting go of as much anger and suspicion as possible before you do this, and not to accuse him of doing this. Only if that doesn't resolve the situation, then to maybe find a way to collect evidence that he can be confronted with later.
What happens if your actions don't change because of someone else's actions? Then both of you suffer and neither of you are able to grow from the experience. |
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Ecdyonurus
Switzerland
479 Posts |
Posted - Mar 17 2015 : 03:43:03 AM
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Hi Sey, a very unpleasant situation!
I am in line with Compassion. By acting like you do, your are not doing a favour to your neigbbour and yourself, IMO. If he is the thief and addict, he has to solve his own problem. You can help him better if you find the way to speak to him and/or his mother than by accepting what he is doing to you, to himself and maybe to other people too. |
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BlueRaincoat
United Kingdom
1734 Posts |
Posted - Mar 17 2015 : 06:12:18 AM
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He very likely felt encouraged by your lack of action so far. He might even consider expanding. You're not saying if anyone else in the neighbourhood has had this problem.
I think it's important to be realistic about what you yourself can cope with. Unless you really are completely unattached to your possessions, to the extent that it truly doesn't matter to you if you keep them or not, then something needs to be done.
If you choose to confront him, you need hard evidence (a video camera that can record his visits? Witnesses?) Then you can go to him and say: “I know you have been doing this. This is not OK. You can get into serious trouble if you lead your life like this. I understand you are going through some difficulties. Can I help you?”
He must understand that you won't put up with being burgled any more. Remembering to lock up valuables might be a nuisance, but you've got to give a signal that thieves are not welcome.
I hope you will find a solution soon. Good luck! |
Edited by - BlueRaincoat on Mar 17 2015 06:17:34 AM |
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jusmail
India
491 Posts |
Posted - Mar 17 2015 : 07:28:58 AM
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Echoing previous posters here. Drawing personal boundaries is the key. If you don't act now, things might take a different turn who knows.
A better samyama strategy would be directed at barriers to better police services. That way, the whole community would reap the benefits. |
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Dogboy
USA
2294 Posts |
Posted - Mar 17 2015 : 08:33:41 AM
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| Yes, Sey, this is a call to action on your part. Most likely this suspect is suspect, but you need evidence to accuse. Be mindful of your safety in any confrontation and do all in your power to keep your home secured. Chances are yours is not the only home to be burglarized in the neighborhood. Perhaps you can enlist others to look out for each other and keep a watchful eye. Good luck to you! |
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kumar ul islam
United Kingdom
791 Posts |
Posted - Mar 17 2015 : 09:35:19 AM
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lock your doors not your heart. |
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dv2014
USA
93 Posts |
Posted - Mar 17 2015 : 10:19:19 AM
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Hi Sey,
I am no one to advise you; an absolute beginner in spiritual path:) But your story reminds me of a story of Sankaracharya. A disciple and Sankaracharya were walking in a forest and a tiger jumped in front of them and both swamis ran to save their lives. Later, the disciple asked why Sankaracharya ran away from the tiger; after all, everything is 'maya' including the tiger and why do we need to run away from or react to incidents in this 'maya' world. His reply was , yes, the tiger is 'maya', but you are also in this 'maya' and in that 'maya', you have to run. Not sure about the origin and details of the story, but this is something I remind myself when I find myself hesitant to act upon certain situations.
If the thief is bothering you and disturbing your mental and physical peace, do what can be done to secure your freedom and peace, that is, report to the police, inform his mother, alert other neighbors etc, what normally a worldly person would do ... of course wishing him well and doing Samyama shows your kind heart and it may have its own effects. But I think you need to act on other fronts as well, not just on spiritual front.
wish you all the best!
edited spelling  |
Edited by - dv2014 on Mar 17 2015 10:48:50 AM |
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Mykal K
Germany
267 Posts |
Posted - Mar 17 2015 : 1:08:25 PM
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Hi Sey,
The thief is a part of the universe as well as you are.
The way I see it the universe is asking you something, waiting for you to respond. |
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BlueRaincoat
United Kingdom
1734 Posts |
Posted - Mar 17 2015 : 1:16:11 PM
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Wise words Mykal K. And in confronting this situation, Sey, you will confront yourself, right? What will you do?
Good story dv2014 |
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SeySorciere
Seychelles
1571 Posts |
Posted - Mar 18 2015 : 01:24:33 AM
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Dear all,
Thank you for the abundant advice. Like mentioned this man (and family) has been my neighbour for 40+ years and hence a friend in the sense of close neighbours(not close buddies but friend nevertheless) . I have spoken to him about things going missing in my home - He hitched a car ride from me two weeks ago and I took the opportunity to suss him out. He swears that he has not been stealing from me and that he always ask me for assistance in hard times (true) but I do not believe him. I think his problem started when he progressed to hard drugs. Whichever, I am still faced with the problem what to do. I am not attached to my possessions, I am more hurt (and pissed) that someone is looking me in the eye and smiling at me but stealing from me behind my back. Know the feeling?
What would Love do? I go with Mykal - what is the Universe asking of me?
Oh and yes, other close neighbours are getting hit as well.
I know I have to act. Searching for Divine inspiration
Thank you friends - I will read all your words carefully. I am sure someone has given me the answer. How can it be otherwise?
Sey
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Ayiram
88 Posts |
Posted - Mar 18 2015 : 03:16:47 AM
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quote:
What would Love do? I go with Mykal - what is the Universe asking of me?
Hi Sey...
in this you remind me so much of me and am going myself right now through a similar Krishna´s Lila.
I would advise you to sit on this a la samyama style:
quote:
I hate the idea of someone dictating my action because of their action.
It´s about dropping our beliefs... even the "good" ones ...
If you stay open about it, Love will show you the way... |
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BlueRaincoat
United Kingdom
1734 Posts |
Posted - Mar 18 2015 : 07:58:16 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by SeySorciere
I am more hurt (and pissed) that someone is looking me in the eye and smiling at me but stealing from me behind my back.
Sounds like a good challenge... an Ego challenge? |
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technoyogi
Canada
158 Posts |
Posted - Mar 18 2015 : 12:05:12 PM
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Bummer of a situation. Now the spiritual aspects have been examined, so true to my moniker I will add a possible technical solution haha.
Looks like what you are missing at this point is evidence. It would be unfortunate to have to make a purchase in order to obtain that evidence, but one of the cheapest routes you can go is to buy an internet enabled camera like a dropcam. They are so good that they will even sense a change from inactivity to activity and send an alert to your phone, at which point you can see them on video if you have a video enabled smartphone:
https://www.dropcam.com/
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SeySorciere
Seychelles
1571 Posts |
Posted - Mar 19 2015 : 01:00:29 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by BlueRaincoat
quote:
Originally posted by SeySorciere
I am more hurt (and pissed) that someone is looking me in the eye and smiling at me but stealing from me behind my back.
Sounds like a good challenge... an Ego challenge?
Oh yes.  I do recognise that and tried enquiring into it.
Dropping my beliefs is definitely required - thank you Ayiram.
I am still left with needing to take action, so thank you Technoyogi. I will try that out.
Sey |
Edited by - SeySorciere on Mar 19 2015 01:08:13 AM |
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technoyogi
Canada
158 Posts |
Posted - Mar 19 2015 : 02:38:42 AM
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An interesting thought came to mind, since you have these chats with the suspect, telling them that you are buying the camera as a preventative measure so you can record the thief and report them to the police could by itself stop the thieving before you even buy the camera, and proving the guilt at the same time by process of elimination...
Of course if they are very cunning they will then conceal their identity next time, so still probably the optimal way to do it is to use the camera. Better to hide it at first probably, though they are about the size of an iphone...
Anyway, praying for the best of all possible outcomes for you and all involved
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts |
Posted - Mar 19 2015 : 4:34:57 PM
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Don't make me cast a little black magic on him...hehehe...kidding! 
Wishing you the strength and boundaries to keep him away. Tough love is the best course of action in these situations. Shut his ass out and don't tolerate the nonsense. I've had to do it before, and it's been done to me (in shadowy days of addiction). As Yogani has said, the natural functions of competition and self-defense don't get removed--they get elevated to a higher level. Note it!  |
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Holy
796 Posts |
Posted - Mar 19 2015 : 9:29:21 PM
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Hi Sey,
in all honesty, do what is needed. Even the muslim prophet said, after he was asked, first to secure the camel and then to go to sleep.
The main reason for you anger is because you are knowingly allowing this absurd situation.
Technoyogis hints are very nice "Dear neighbour, I am going to install step-sensors, infrared-sensors, cameras and an automatic police-call system.."
Securing your house does not contradict nondual-paradise, on the contrary, in this case it seems to be very much needed for your peace of body-mind.
Independent of all,
happy practice friend! :) |
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ak33
Canada
229 Posts |
Posted - Mar 19 2015 : 11:05:56 PM
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You have shown great compassion, we can all definitely learn
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SeySorciere
Seychelles
1571 Posts |
Posted - Mar 20 2015 : 03:48:10 AM
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Thanks guys /girls - your input is much appreciated. All my life I have lived with doors and windows open, no boundary walls, no security bars or cameras. It kills something inside of me to have to start building walls, adding cameras. On one hand I recognize the need to secure my home; on the other hand I ask myself is there anything that I value so much in my home than open doors and windows? And the answer is no. Except if I felt there was a physical threat to my kids. The thing is I value Freedom more than anything in the world (And that is why I am making a bid for Freedom with AYP)
I'm gonna give it another week or two. I have a feeling this drama will play itself out.
Sey
@BT - |
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Sparkle
Ireland
1457 Posts |
Posted - Mar 22 2015 : 07:16:23 AM
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Hi Sey
Your dilemma give me food for much consideration in how I live my life. My house is quite secure with an alarm and we are all very vigilant about making sure every door and window is secure before we even go to the shops for thirty minutes. And I don't live in neighborhood with a high crime rate either.
The freedom you have of leaving your house open is beautiful and also your relative non-attachment to possessions is lovely. Byron Katie you probably know has a lot to say about possessions and, for instance, if someone asks her for the ring on her finger or even admires it, she says she will give it to them without a thought.
You clearly feel there is something wrong otherwise you would not be angry and I wonder to what extent if at all you are enabling him by not applying "fierce compassion". Are you being a "doormat" because for instance this may be a pattern for you in this kind of situation. Just curious about these kind of questions as they often get hidden in ideas of compassion and love for others simply because its nice to be nice and you are obviously a lovely compassionate person and probably being taken advantage of for this very reason.
The question I would be asking is - am I enabling him and if so is this compassionate towards him and also to me.
I am visualizing lovely white beaches in the sun and open doors on houses, sounds idyllic from over in rainy Ireland |
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SeySorciere
Seychelles
1571 Posts |
Posted - Mar 23 2015 : 02:12:46 AM
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Thank you for the comments and question Sparkle, like the others contribution it does help me examine my motives. This is the first such situation so I can't comment on repeated pattern here, but if you are asking if maybe I am afraid of confrontations, I am not. I am the Head of a team of 20+ men and known for my frankness and impeccability of word.
At first I ignored the stealing simply not to give it more energy and not to attach to what was happening. But then the repetitiveness of the stealing every couple of weeks started getting to me (engaging my energy). Even now, still discussing on this forum, while helping air my anger and enabling self-inquiry, which is on one hand good, is on the other hand still engaging my energy in drama.
This weekend I got the urge to completely empty my house - give away everything - except the bare necessities. I think I will do that.
Sey
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BlueRaincoat
United Kingdom
1734 Posts |
Posted - Mar 23 2015 : 03:25:30 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Sparkle
The freedom you have of leaving your house open
Is it freedom or attachment to the idea of freedom Sey is dealing with?
If you can lock your house OR leave your house unlocked and not have your emotions tangled by any of the two situations, that is freedom.
Attachment to the idea of freedom is still attachment. |
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Sparkle
Ireland
1457 Posts |
Posted - Mar 23 2015 : 3:20:55 PM
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Hi Sey, I find the inquiry into attachment to possessions quite intriguing for me and that is why I find your dilemma interesting. What am I happy to do without and what do I feel I need for a comfortable life.
I do get angry if someone steals from me. Not so long ago someone stole a couple of things from my garden, I too was fairly sure who it was but couldn't prove it. I did report it to the Garda and put a small amount of energy into investigating it but there came a time when that energy was better spent somewhere else and I dropped the whole thing. So I see where you are coming from. To have it repeated then is a hassle.
I'd be interested to know if it the loss of possessions that makes you annoyed or the fact that someone is invading your privacy or something else?. In any case please let us know how you get on.
Blueraincoat, you said:
Is it freedom or attachment to the idea of freedom Sey is dealing with?
I've no idea, that's something you need to ask of Sey |
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BlueRaincoat
United Kingdom
1734 Posts |
Posted - Mar 23 2015 : 4:19:36 PM
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| Yes, it was a question to Sey, or rather a question for Sey, in case she finds it useful to ask it - I don't really require an answer, but hope and pray the events will turn out to be positive in the long run. |
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SeySorciere
Seychelles
1571 Posts |
Posted - Mar 24 2015 : 08:13:28 AM
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@Blueraincoat - we attach to all sorts of things. What I am attached to is my freedom of choice. Here, I feel someone is trying to take away my choice; the choice of leaving my door open and my things lying around. True Freedom is when one is not bothered by whether the door remains open or not. One can be equally free behind closed doors. But I am not there yet.
@Sparkle - I am not bothered by the loss of possessions - that maybe because they did not steal my books! - but mostly jewellery, expensive, but just jewellery. And invading my house is to me no invasion of privacy (that much I have progressed, I am not my house). I am bothered by the person being two-faced and lying and I am bothered at having to lock things away, lock doors - hence change in life-style. I am bothered having this negativity come into my consciousness. Plenty there to inquire and process.
Thank you friends for taking an interest in the matter.
Sey |
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The Thief and I
