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cbrecalive
USA
1 Posts |
 Posted - Mar 25 2014 : 02:35:53 AM
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Hello friends
I'm a 23 year old male. I had a near death experience about 2 years ago. At that time, I was taking prescribed Zoloft for my depression. Many times before, but never while I was taking Zoloft, I had taken ecstasy for recreational use. So at the time I was on Zoloft, I decided to do ecstasy. When I took it, it was different than all my other experiences with ecstasy. Ecstasy has never made me a more creative person or able to get my thoughts running, it would only make me very, very, very happy. But that time while I was on Zoloft, it made me the most creative I have ever been in my entire life (i'm a musician), but it also gave me some sort of a negative feeling along with the EXTREME boost of creativity. At first, I was only writing lyrics along with some guitar chords, and it seemed to really help me feel better with the negative feelings. Then also at the same time, I started drawing pictures to go along with the song, and I also started filming scenes with my camera to go along with the music and drawings, not focusing on only one but interchanging between all of the creative outlets very rapidly. The feeling was great, i felt very lively, but also the negative feeling never completely left. I guess I could call it a very extreme bitter-sweetness.
All of a sudden, it feels as if my brain is going to explode. I feel as if electricity is going through my body into my head. By that time I was panicking and my heart started having an extreme arrhythmia. I stopped with all the artistic work, and try to get my brain together, but it didn't work. Abstract figures of demons then appeared on my wall, and my eyesight started perceiving extraordinary beams of beautiful colored lights, blue, red, yellow, green. It was beautiful. It was very very scary but I also felt an immense feeling of peace inside telling me it's okay, this is it, and the feeling of peacefulness went hand in hand with the distraught I was feeling. I knew I was about to die, my brain and heart couldn't handle it but I felt them fighting as hard as they could to try to keep me alive. I very badly wanted to lay down and sleep, but something told me if I did I would not be getting up. I did not allow my self to lay down and sleep because at that time, I had only 1 goal in mind, and that was saying goodbye to my mother and father (I live at their property in a converted garage). So I walk outside towards their residence while feeling as if I could drop at any moment, but my goal is what kept my going. During all this time, I felt a very, very strong sense of being "holy" or "divine" even though I'm agnostic, and a strong feeling of transcendence. I was also walking with my hands out and palms facing the sky, because it felt it was doing something good to me and keeping me alive longer if only for one second. I walk inside, my dad is in the kitchen, and I gave him the biggest kiss I could, said I'm sorry, don't hate me, I love you, all of my goodbyes. I try to find my mom so I could give her a kiss, but I couldn't because she wasn't home. So he took me to the car, and I told him what I took. I asked him if he had any paper and a writing utensil, fortunately he did, and I started drawing. The only reason I was drawing was because it made me feel better and seem to kind of calm my heart and mind, but not all the way. I noticed a lot of little things would have a very big impact on how I felt, like drawing, holding up my hands towards to sky, my dad saying beautiful things, sips of water. I was very sensitive to negative and positive energies. I had a very strong sense of everything falling right into place. We get to the E.R. and the nurse sees something is wrong. He asked me on a 1-10, how bad is the pain. I said I had no physical bodily pain, but that my brain was on a pain level of 10. He looked at the heart monitors he placed on me and then rushed me to the back, even though I had just gotten there and there was a room full of people before me. He started using a defibrillator on me and that's when I started feeling like I had a chance of surviving. The defibrillator stopped the arrhythmia. That's basically it. I had lived. I remember telling the doctors that art helped me prolong my life enough to get to the E.R. in time, and they looked at me in the most perplexing way ever. I know they couldn't and probably wouldn't ever understand what I was saying, but I didn't care. I felt like I was on a different level than them so I was okay with them not believing anything I said, I probably wouldn't believe myself either at one point in my life. So I stay there overnight, and my parents did too. It was a great feeling having them by my side, that's all I wanted, them by my side. I remember telling my dad how everything fell into place and he told me, he was about to go to the gas up his car in a couple of seconds before I came barging into the house. That even gave me a greater sense of things falling right into place at the most perfect times, for if I would have gone in a couple seconds later, no one would have been there and I would have dropped right there and then. I'm sure there's more details I left out of my near death experience.
After that, I stopped doing all drugs, illegal and prescribed, except marijuana. I also became more "spiritual" even though I've never been spiritual in my life. I start getting a little into buddhism and that has help me a lot. I then started buying buddhism books and they have help me a lot. I stopped smoking marijuana about a week ago because I felt it was interfering with me trying to find enlightenment and end universal suffering. So I finished my last book earlier today and then went to the book store to get some more. I wanted to start practicing yoga so I figured I get a yoga book also. The one I bought is called "Tantric Yoga - The Royal Path to Raising Kundalini Power". When I got home, I googled the word Kundalini and found out Kundalini Syndrome. When I read the symptoms, it scares me, for all the symptoms they described is what I experienced in my near death experience. I now don't know if I should read the book because I do not want to experience how I felt that night again. It brang up old emotions and caused me to cry a little bit when I read the symptoms.
Is this book not for me?
Please help me for if this book is too "powerful" for me, I want to return it and get a simpler yoga instructional book.
Thank you for your help friends
PS
While at the E.R., they also did several drug tests, and told me that only marijuana was detected and nothing else, not even ecstasy. I don't know if they were lying or telling the truth, but if it's the truth, then the whole situation is even that much more strange to me. |
Edited by - cbrecalive on Mar 25 2014 04:10:22 AM |
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SeySorciere
Seychelles
1553 Posts |
Posted - Mar 25 2014 : 07:25:29 AM
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Dear cbrecalive,
Why don't you start here: http://www.aypsite.org/10.html
AYP offers an integrated system for Human Spiritual Transformation where kundalini is raised - as part of the overall system - in a gentle, safe and efficient manner. Read the first couple of lessons, start practicing Deep Meditation and move from there. Plus there are many great people here on this forum that can help you.
Good luck!
Sey
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Dogboy
USA
2242 Posts |
Posted - Mar 25 2014 : 12:06:51 PM
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Welcome cbrecalive,
Yes, start simple, keep it simple. As Sey says, start with the lessons here, and perhaps take a beginners yoga class for asana practice. You are young, have come a long way to get to this place, with a lifetime ahead of you to explore and enhance a practice. In time meditation will offer you a better understanding of what you've experienced and where you want to go from here. Good luck! |
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