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Light
USA
19 Posts |
 Posted - Feb 28 2014 : 8:05:18 PM
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Please let me preface this with the request that I am specifically asking for feedback from anyone who has been diagnosed with OCD or at least severe anxiety for which you take medication daily. Please don't reply if you think you have OCD because you're neat, like things organized, get a bit anal-retentive when pictures are crooked, etc. -- sorry, but it gets exhausting to hear others throw the verbiage around and offer advice when they don't have a clue as to how much suffering and consumption of time and energy the real diagnosis causes. Thanks for your understanding.
I've been meditating for years using various methods. Mantra meditation AYP style is the newest form I have tried, and I have been doing this faithfully for a few months now. I do self pace by either cutting back to one session or one or two shorter sessions when my anxiety is high. Some days go better than others. Some meditations go better than others. Often things start off okay, and by the end of the time I am just about (metaphorically) crawling out of my skin because I just cannot rest.
As background, my OCD has a more obsessive/ruminating quality than a compulsive one, although I do have compulsions. Anxiety has been lifelong and severe even as a young child. The OCD symptomatology was first evident when I was a preteen.
Some days I have to take something for anxiety just so I can sit (or recline, as is sometimes necessary due to a neck injury) and meditate. Other days, I'm much more even emotionally. Today is one of the severe struggling days.
For example, for the last several days I have been having painful memories cycling over and over again. They are agitating and tormenting. I wish I could find a way to let go of them. Rather than trying to block out the thoughts (which only serves to make them stronger), I'm using what CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) recommends, which is sitting with the anxiety and facing it head-on until it dissipates. However, it's not dissipating. If it's temporarily forgotten for a while, then the thoughts only resume later with as much vigor as before.
I'm not asking for advice for the anxiety/OCD, but a lifeline of hope from someone who has been diagnosed with severe anxiety/OCD and has found it improve with AYP meditation. If these memories are obstructions/blockages and AYP is said to dissolve obstructions, then I should expect that it will do so for me, correct? Or is there some other catch, like I could find out years later I've been doing things wrong, that this just doesn't work for me, or something else.
Sometimes I feel like I'm CREATING blockages at a faster pace than they can be dissolved. I feel like the practice of pranayama and meditation aren't working fast or well enough. I do try to have a balanced life. I generally get out and do things every day.
Thanks, Everyone. Really tired of struggling. The OCD and OCD-borne thoughts are exhausting. I'm going to go take something for anxiety and probably do a shorter than usual meditation session.
L |
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ak33
Canada
229 Posts |
Posted - Mar 01 2014 : 01:35:26 AM
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Hi Light, I suffered from chronic anxiety for 5 years before I found AYP. I know how you feel, being bombarded by negative thoughts constantly. I can safely say yoga, of course AYP included, has changed my life entirely. The main problem that people with anxiety have is that we think A LOT. Don't worry about your practice, the more you think about it the problems you will have with it. Trust the practice, it worked for me and I am positive it will work for you.
P.S. If you want to specifically target your blockages, I would recommend "The Presence Process" by Michael Brown. |
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maheswari
Lebanon
2516 Posts |
Posted - Mar 01 2014 : 02:10:19 AM
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Hello Light
quote:
Please don't reply if you think you have OCD because you're neat, like things organized, get a bit anal-retentive when pictures are crooked, etc
i am this...so not really OCD
yet i do pass by phases of anxiety.When i was 18 (in 1996) i had a major depression and took one medicine for some time.
Since i started yoga in 2002 , i do get feel anxiety from time to time but not serious enough to use medicine.What i have noticed is that the amxiety thoughts still appear but they last much less, i easily move on , sometimes i move on the spot and sometimes in 1 day or 2
yoga practice help in creating inner silence (the witness) , the anxiety will still appear but you will obeserve those thoughts without getting carried away by them..and surrender starts to take over
i say you are doing great and you are wise to use self pacing when needed
all the best  |
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Ecdyonurus
Switzerland
479 Posts |
Posted - Mar 01 2014 : 05:53:39 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Light
Please don't reply if you think you have OCD because you're neat, like things organized, get a bit anal-retentive when pictures are crooked, etc. -- sorry, but it gets exhausting to hear others throw the verbiage around and offer advice when they don't have a clue as to how much suffering and consumption of time and energy the real diagnosis causes. Thanks for your understanding.
I understand. But please allow me to reply even if I don't have severe OCD like you, since I had bad anxiety issues for decades and still have.
Well, I found that yoga was the most powerful thing I ever made to overcome anxiety, period.
I also think that meditation as a core practice in yoga is a very powerful technique for anxiety.
Sometimes, after meditation anxiety is completely gone, even in case of high level anxiety (that happened once again just this morning, and that's why your post immediately resonated with me).
Sometimes anxiety is not completely gone after meditation but I still feel kind of "centered" and relaxed, so I can always handle anxiety much better during daily activity after meditation.
Other times, anxiety is very present during meditation, even making meditation virtually impossible. When this happens, I try not to fight against anxiety but to face it in a relaxed state, and often I can even find some good practical solutions. So even in those situations I can have some positive results.
Wish you all the best. |
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jonesboy
USA
594 Posts |
Posted - Mar 01 2014 : 12:43:05 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Jeanine
Mental illness runs in my family. My mother suffered from severe anxiety all of her life and required hospitalization for it. She suffered so much, it breaks my heart to think of it. My father was a severe hoarder. I have inherited an anxiety condition similar to my mother's.
I have read every book for years and years. Been through every kind of therapy, medications, spiritual practices, you name it. Some things sort of/ kind of worked for awhile, almost, but all were short lived. On top of the suffering of the anxiety, which affected every area of my life, I felt guilty that I musn't have tried hard enough in the therapies, with the self-help books, etc..
When I began Deep Meditation back in March, there was an enormous initial response. For the first time in my life, something was different, good different. Then, after a few weeks, I started having breathing problems. Oh no. Not another failure. But my initial experience was so positive, I had to persist.
So I applied the self-pacing practices. I slowed down, eased up, and relaxed the effort. And then I added Pranayama. Within a short time, a few days actually, the breathing problems disappeared.
I have been meditating since March. It is now July. I can say, with all certainty, that the mental illness which has run in my family for generations, will end with me. Deep Meditation is not just curing the anxiety, it is reaching into the very root of the problem and eliminating it, bit by bit. It's happening before my very eyes. For the first time in my life, I know what to do with it.
So many people are suffering with anxiety disorders and it is hell. On top of it, they are being made to feel guilty because they haven't managed to conquer their conditions. Some, like me, receive bits and pieces of help along the way, but nothing lasting, no cure. I was lucky, because I happened to stumble upon Yogani while browsing at amazon. And I found out that, my anxiety disorder was not the impossible, incurable, monster I thought it was.
For people with anxiety disorders, AYP should be mandatory reading. I will recommend it to everyone I can for the rest of my life.
God Bless You, Yogani. Thank you for my life.
From THIS thread: |
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tonightsthenight
846 Posts |
Posted - Mar 01 2014 : 1:04:48 PM
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Hi Light,
In my life I have experienced extreme anxiety and OCD. Like you, I never really had many compulsions, although I did have them in early adolescence.
To give you and idea, from the ages of 12-21, I was nearly completely dysfunctional and had multiple, massive panic attacks daily.
For me, it was not AYP, per se, that helped, although it has played a starring role. I saw gradual improvement with the rise of k. Its a purifying and healing process. AYP has definitely helped to stabilize the energy and focus the work on digging one well, daily.
So yes, in my case and in my opinion, yoga is a great path to take in order to heal OCD and anxiety disorders. These are disorders of the mind, and as such, can be healed with the skillful use of practice and ritual, especially vipasyana meditation.
Edit: I should add that, as with anything, this is not an overnight process. Going on over a decade here  |
Edited by - tonightsthenight on Mar 01 2014 1:08:28 PM |
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Yonatan
Israel
849 Posts |
Posted - Mar 01 2014 : 6:54:41 PM
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Hi Light,
I had a bad case of anxiety and OCD, and have taken medications for it for about 11 years, and still do (though now not sure whether I really do need them).
I have done AYP for about 5 years now, plus had a diksha-like transmission (energy transmission from a guru) that awakened my kundalini. I am not sure what helped more but I am sure that doing AYP did help a LOT, and anyway if you do AYP for some time then the kundalini energy awakens by itself. Anyway I had bad OCD, mainly unwanted thoughts (and a few cleanness compulsions), social anxiety, and a lot of anxiety and fear resulting from both, and about 3 years ago the fearful unwanted thoughts became less and less, until they disappeared completely. Also the social anxiety disappeared, and now I don't feel anxious almost at all, most of the time.
So I can say that Yoga and AYP does help a lot. I suggest you give it more time and don't give up because you don't see results. As tonightsthenight said, it takes time. It seems you are determined though, and if you remain determined I'm sure you'll find your way.
All the best!! And if you have any questions for me I'll be glad to answer.  |
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adishivayogi
USA
197 Posts |
Posted - Mar 02 2014 : 12:48:10 PM
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| in a broader way it can help . there may be instances you get kundalini related anxiety and thats something that can vary from slight to nightmarish |
Edited by - adishivayogi on Mar 02 2014 12:49:47 PM |
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Light
USA
19 Posts |
Posted - Mar 03 2014 : 2:34:20 PM
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Thank you to all who replied to my post. When I went back and read my post, I thought it sounded a bit snarky in the beginning -- something I hadn't intended -- so I thank you for not taking offense. The cool-headed posts on this forum are perhaps the BEST testimony as to how much AYP has done for you. I don't know of any other site online where people are consistently so "enlightened" in the way they reply to posts.
I ended up taking the last couple of days off of meditation altogether, which was hard to do, but I think it may have helped a bit. Rather than feeling indifferent toward meditation, I was very much not wanting to meditate, so maybe following that inner guidance (?) was a good thing.
Occasionally, I see posts on these forums by people who have meditated via AYP methods for years and then say they can't really find that it's helped them at all, and that messes with my mind. After years of meditation, one has spent days or weeks of his/her life in meditation. The "what ifs" of OCD come out when I read those things. What if I spend this significant portion of my life in meditation, hoping that it will help clear me of blockages, help transcend various issues, help function at a higher level -- bliss! creativity! ecstasy! -- and I find it has done nothing at all, and all along I could have been growing through some other means? Those kinds of thoughts pile up on me and can overwhelm very easily. I don't know what the answer to those questions are as those threads by experienced meditators do exist here. I welcome your thoughts.
Thank you for sharing your personal experiences; those DO help counteract these questions and shift the balance from those other posts I had read. I also appreciate the book recommendation as well.
Thank you again. I look forward to reading your responses.
L |
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NoDogma
USA
123 Posts |
Posted - Mar 03 2014 : 6:52:45 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Light
Occasionally, I see posts on these forums by people who have meditated via AYP methods for years and then say they can't really find that it's helped them at all, and that messes with my mind. After years of meditation, one has spent days or weeks of his/her life in meditation. The "what ifs" of OCD come out when I read those things. What if I spend this significant portion of my life in meditation, hoping that it will help clear me of blockages, help transcend various issues, help function at a higher level -- bliss! creativity! ecstasy! -- and I find it has done nothing at all, and all along I could have been growing through some other means? Those kinds of thoughts pile up on me and can overwhelm very easily. I don't know what the answer to those questions are as those threads by experienced meditators do exist here. I welcome your thoughts.
L
hey, are you through with the surgery ? hope it was smooth.
My teacher had told me that along this path a lot of other fringe benefits (e.g. depression going away, improved concentration, help in stopping alky, improved relationship with people etc.) will happen but you should not look at those things as the goal. They happen as the cluttered mind finds peace and thoughts become streamlined and your actions start happening with a purpose. Also since the final goal has no specific timeline, you should do the practice with no timeline expectations. Practice this with faith and for the sake of practice. (is that called 'true karma' ? )
For me, I had continuously borderline depressive mentality for about 20 years (and may be earlier) and had 4 severe episodes (each lasting several months requiring therapy/drugs). It's all gone. Yes, the initial period of partial K and emotional imbalance was so bad that my therapist was worried (not to mention family, some few friends I had then). Looking back it all seems worth it. But I hadn't expected it to change so much, and at the same time, not expecting it is not the reason it happened either. But by expecting certain results, one adds clutter. This seems to apply to my work also.. e.g. the moment I add money part (I mean high expectations) to the work, a lot of joy of work gets eaten up..
it is just how I look at things now... do the practice without expecting milestones. Be happy with whatever you get on the way.
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Light
USA
19 Posts |
Posted - Mar 03 2014 : 7:44:58 PM
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@NoDogma -- thanks. I am definitely drawn in by the descriptions (in Yogani's books) of all of the wonderful milestones on the way, and I really want them. I want those esoteric experiences. I want ecstasy, bliss, wonderful experiences at a higher vibrational level. I want to hear Source talk to me (I think Yogani mentioned Source asking to take you on a chariot ride :)), and I'm not sure I'd have the strength to not want to go along for the ride. So yes, all of these wants may be getting in the way. But then a continual desire to be closer to Source is a form of bhakti, no? I'm a bit confused on this.
L |
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tonightsthenight
846 Posts |
Posted - Mar 04 2014 : 01:34:52 AM
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Hi Light,
Yes bhakti is bhakti. The self doesn't have bhakti, so its an ego thing. That's fine because we use the phenomenal world to access the formless. That's tantra yoga.
Its ok to want those experiences. Everything starts with desire. But as we move along the path, the wanting becomes a hindrance, so in a sense the things that got us started have to be set aside. That is, the ego.
Eventually you may recognize your self as the source. There's no one to talk to or to talk to you. We are what we seek.
Its a paradox, living in a body with its vasanas and needs and desires and yet realizing you are the only one here. Well, its a mystery and that's what living and loving are for.
Follow your heart that's where you'll find your destiny. |
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maheswari
Lebanon
2516 Posts |
Posted - Mar 04 2014 : 02:08:31 AM
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Hello Light
quote:
What if I spend this significant portion of my life in meditation, hoping that it will help clear me of blockages, help transcend various issues, help function at a higher level -- bliss! creativity! ecstasy! -- and I find it has done nothing at all, and all along I could have been growing through some other means? Those kinds of thoughts pile up on me and can overwhelm very easily. I don't know what the answer to those questions are as those threads by experienced meditators do exist here. I welcome your thoughts.
the main question to ask yourself is: do you enjoy the practices? do you feel a longing to do them?
if so , then continue them without thinking much about what you will get in return or whether they are the only source of your evolution or not
hope that helps |
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Light
USA
19 Posts |
Posted - Mar 06 2014 : 3:16:58 PM
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@maheswari -- Do I enjoy the practices? When they feel like a moment of rest, I do. Otherwise, no. Nor do I enjoy brushing my teeth, flossing, cleaning the house, or many other things. I do those things because I expect to get something out of them -- fewer dental issues, less chaos, etc. So the tasks of daily life aren't always enjoyed, yet they are done with an end goal in mind. Therefore, it seems unnatural to me that we wouldn't meditate to achieve something. Why else would we do it?
I want to clear blockages, have esoteric experiences along the way (ignored, of course, so I can experience the ultimate bliss of enlightenment someday), have more creativity, etc. Yogani mentions all of these things in the books I've read so far, and that would seem because they're "selling points" to actually sitting down in the practice of meditation on a regular basis. I believe I'm being intellectually dishonest if I don't admit that yeah, I'm doing this because I want to get something out of it. I don't love sitting there every day. I wouldn't do it if I didn't think it was leading someplace more positive. If it's not, why do it?
L |
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GregM
USA
51 Posts |
Posted - Mar 06 2014 : 11:18:11 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Light
I don't love sitting there every day. I wouldn't do it if I didn't think it was leading someplace more positive. If it's not, why do it?
Why, indeed? If you were to attempt to answer this question yourself, how would you go about it?
Greg |
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tamasaburo
USA
136 Posts |
Posted - Mar 09 2014 : 4:21:09 PM
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AYP definitely helped a lot with my anxiety, depression, panic attacks, and OCD. When I began, I was taking three medications; now I take none.
Besides the daily practice of pranayama and mantra meditation, two things I've found make a big difference:
abstinence from orgasm (brahmacharya): I found that this helps almost immediately. Conversely, if I go back to frequent ejaculations, I start to get anxious and depressed again rather quickly.
water-only fasting: I've only gotten into this one more seriously recently (now on my second five-day fast), and I've found it can have a BIG impact on anxiety, insomnia, OCD, and the like. At first it may seem to exacerbate these things (as can sexual abstinence, in fact) with the phase I call "food withdrawal pains."
This phase lasted about three days on my first fast and only about one day on my second (it does get much easier with practice), and is similar in nature to withdrawal from an addictive drug (this is something fasting can teach you about the "hunger" one usually experiences). I think really drinking only water helps. My first go-round, I spent the first couple of days drinking herbal teas as a way to get more flavor, but I think my body might have interpreted that as "food," and therefore delayed going into "fasting mode."
But once you get past the "food withdrawal phase" (irritable, anxious, unable to sleep, headachey, strong food craving, etc.), you seem to go into the "conserve energy" mode, which basically feels kind of like being very lazy, albeit with a surprisingly clear mind. You just feel like taking everything slow (and, in fact, should take it slow, because your blood pressure will be much lower than usual, which can cause a head rush if you get up too quickly). Interestingly, I found that a lot of this "mellow" quality carried over even after ending the fast. Anxiety, panic, etc. are ultimately a big waste of energy, and fasting seems to down-regulate them as a result.
(Abstaining from frequent ejaculation seems analogous to fasting in that, at first, doing so made me grumpy and made it hard to fall asleep, but after a while, it was quite the opposite--abstinence made me feel clear-headed and relaxed, while frequent ejaculation left me feeling drained, foggy, irritable, etc.) |
Edited by - tamasaburo on Mar 09 2014 4:51:45 PM |
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Severe anxiety & OCD helped by AYP?
