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tonightsthenight
846 Posts |
 Posted - Feb 23 2014 : 12:57:32 AM
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Friends,
I've learned a very interesting thing about 'myself' .. I'm obsessed with perfection.
Under a superficial mask of tolerance and acceptance lies a deep writhing angst dedicated to resisting imperfection in forms.
I am obsessed with perfection in myself and in other people. In our larger bodies of companies, organizations and governments. I am disappointed in the imperfections of the world.
I've learned to say the right things. An equanimous personality hiding a dark reservoir of aversion. Eyes shiny bright, the melody of freedom on my tongue, dispensing advice from the heart of the devine. But still, this fear of imperfection lurks and has a say in everything.
Like seams of ore, the patterns of rejection and aversion run throughout the bodymind, extending from one end to the other.
My job is dedicated to creating an illusion of perfection. My entire conception of the spiritual journey has been tantamount to blasphemy, a linear ascent to the heights of heaven through an ever more refined path of perfection. Perfect body. Perfect soul.
My girlfriends are shouldered with the unenviable load of perfection. My family, my friends, my coworkers are not immune from my judging eyes. Even nature, the cities, I wonder, how can I make this perfect?
How could i make everything ok. If i had super human powers, or the ear of every leader in the world, why not perfection?, I wonder. A perfect house, perfect job, perfect partner, perfect life. Not perfect in the clicheed way of course. But perfection as my mind sees it.
Well, I'm here to say I am scared of imperfection. And life is not perfect. So something will give. |
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Sparkle
Ireland
1457 Posts |
Posted - Feb 23 2014 : 07:14:03 AM
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Amazing honesty tonightsthenight, thank you
Many things resonate for me as I read your post. This incessant desire to be perfect and it can be a very deep trap in the "spiritual" journey. For me, although I was aware of the necessity of being kind to myself, of "not beating myself up" etc. When looked at in another light, as you describe, I have realised that I was very hard on others and also by default on myself.
This came about in me because the very nature of the spiritual journey is one of inquiry and often involves an Ishta (which can be an idealic picture of perfection), such as Jesus, Buddha, Krishna etc.
Being hard on myself in inquiry seemed justified, it seemed to be ok because I was going somewhere, even if that somewhere was to be more in the present moment, it was still a journey of rigor and toughness, the journey of perfection.
Your word "disappointment" strikes a chord too, we can end up being disappointed a lot. In fact disappointment in everything becomes the order of the day until it is replaced with something else.....
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Edited by - Sparkle on Feb 23 2014 07:15:53 AM |
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Mykal K
Germany
267 Posts |
Posted - Feb 23 2014 : 07:37:50 AM
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quote:
Well, I'm here to say I am scared of imperfection. And life is not perfect. So something will give.
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Ecdyonurus
Switzerland
479 Posts |
Posted - Feb 23 2014 : 07:53:10 AM
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Same problem for me...  . Actually, the opening post describes my situation very well, it could be a post of mine in terms of content...
Many important events in my life are huge pointers showing me that I still have to solve that problem. My family members, my job make me think about that perfection desire every single day (I literally was thinking about it as I found this topic!).
And I fully agree that the desire to be perfect is a trap, it has a huge impact on happiness, equanimity and also on spiritual development, because I can't just "let go" as long as this perfection trap is active. 
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maheswari
Lebanon
2516 Posts |
Posted - Feb 24 2014 : 02:21:12 AM
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same problem over here TNT
quote:
Well, I'm here to say I am scared of imperfection. And life is not perfect. So something will give.
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SeySorciere
Seychelles
1553 Posts |
Posted - Feb 24 2014 : 03:28:52 AM
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But that is why we here - we are intensely seeking perfection and that can only be found in THAT. Our definition of perfection may need to adapt and become The Perfect Balance (Equanimity)or better still a realization that all is already perfect...something like that? 
Sey
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kami
USA
920 Posts |
Posted - Feb 24 2014 : 07:15:08 AM
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TTN,
Thank you for sharing so honestly.
This might actually be a universal "problem" and in some ways, the thing that drives us. What is desire for wealth, achievements, fame, ideal relationships, societal status, etc etc if not a "correction" of perceived imperfections? If we were to perceive everything to be already perfect, wonder what there would be to do.. Even the drive to help others comes from a subtle perception of moving toward a better (perfect) world, IMHO. Spirituality itself can become that way.. And, at least in my own experience as a nit picky perfectionist, in retrospect, it always had to do with how I perceived myself - lacking and imperfect, and absolutely no outer experience/accomplishment could "fill" that vast hole. I projected all of the stuff I felt inside to everything and everyone outside (albeit unknowingly). Everything and everyone was constantly being "fixed", if not overtly, then in my own inner dialogue of "how much better it would be (or would have been) if it were different".. That is, perfect according to "my" worldview.
And of course, when the focus shifts from "outward" to "inward", there is clarity in seeing that the issues are not out there, but all in here.. and eventually, that nothing, including the in here, is imperfect. With this, everything is simply as is - and nothing needs fixing; not me, not others, not the world.
Not sure if this makes any sense.
Love. |
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Ayiram
88 Posts |
Posted - Feb 24 2014 : 08:10:35 AM
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quote:
... everything is simply as is
thanks Kami. yes, that´s exactly how i feel now... got tired of trying to be perfect...realized it leads nowhere but into frustration...
"fear of imperfection" is just a FEAR. like any other. just look inside when you´re feeling it, see the tension behind the thought? it´s just another blocked energy. once it gets dissolved, perfection and imperfection don´t matter at all...then you can simply be. again. |
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NoDogma
USA
123 Posts |
Posted - Feb 24 2014 : 2:39:42 PM
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Is there a "World Day Of Imperfection" being celebrated yet ?
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts |
Posted - Feb 24 2014 : 3:55:34 PM
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I think if we want true perfection, we just have to give up on manifestation of any kind. I mean, not only the most chaotic, volcanic circumstances, but also the most refined and elegant ones too. Because, implicit in the element of change, is imperfection. Perfection only exists in that which does not change. If something can change, it is imperfect, by design.
In the Buddhist version of liberation, there is a cycle of suffering, and that cycle includes the heavenly realms. Beings that have accumulated positive karma dwell in the sublime paradises for eons, but that is not true nirvana, since they are still bound to some level of existence, even though it is super-advanced. They say to be free you have to exit the wheel, and go beyond the imperfection of existence. That's why the human level is considered best for enlightenment, because it's right in the middle of heaven and hell. The best condition to shake attachments.
"There is a difference between enlightenment (in the light) and perfection (always right). The first is real. The second is an illusion." --Yogani, from http://www.aypsite.org/260.html |
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tonightsthenight
846 Posts |
Posted - Feb 24 2014 : 4:45:24 PM
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Thanks for all the responses
This really comes down to a deeper level of acceptance. Its the ego thinking that it, too, can be perfect. Its the ego silently lurking at the altar, thinking it can get inside the holy of holies.
I've always been uncomfortable in the world of forms. Probably because i never fully faced the experience of immanence. Perhaps I was an ascetic in the past
The healthy drive is a desire to experience. We experience both pleasure and pain. Both are necessary. But the ego wants only pleasure. Improvement, the creation of things without the inevitable destruction.
So here I am. I'm imperfect. 'My' life is imperfect. I spend my energy resisting imperfection and hiding my flaws. I shoulder my need for perfection in others by imagining that they are ideal themselves. I act as if this life will one day turn out perfectly, as if that's right around the corner.
I mistake one thing for another, and become troubled when I am stuck in the web of Maya.
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts |
Posted - Feb 25 2014 : 08:29:42 AM
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I suppose the perfection is found in the acceptance of the imperfect.  |
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Anima
484 Posts |
Posted - Feb 25 2014 : 10:05:16 AM
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Hi TTN.
This is a good post, thank you. And thanks to everyone who has added to it. I can relate to the experience of being a critic, totally! Often, my cynicism turns on me, too, and I become my harshest critic. I've always had a knack for taking things apart. I'm a bit of an organization freak. The way I look at it in my better moments is just as engagement of my personality. Sometimes things are improved, and sometimes they are worsened. But I keep trying to improve myself, and I try not to worry about the results. Whatever is really "ultimate" will take care of the rest.
Cultivating acceptance is a challenge for me every day. But we have to accept our limitations in order to make some genuine strides. Or maybe not strides so much as inching baby steps. I don't really know much other than that.
Thanks!
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tonightsthenight
846 Posts |
Posted - Feb 25 2014 : 5:10:45 PM
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Thanks AD
I think that true progress and correction of defects can only come with acceptance of imperfection.
Nonacceptance of imperfection blinds us to our faults because the ego is not willing to admit its not the best.
So for me, the process of real improvement lies in the acceptance of imperfection in myself and others. |
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Anima
484 Posts |
Posted - Feb 26 2014 : 1:37:57 PM
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Yeah, definitely
And we can accept the miracle all around us: the gift of work to be done. All we have to do is engage honestly and wholly (as well we can). This opportunity is given freely.
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Imperfection
