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KellyN
75 Posts |
 Posted - Feb 17 2014 : 12:09:27 PM
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Meditation has transformed my life and I can appreciate the difference in the ME as I was two years ago and as I am now. No, i am not an entirely different person with completely different desires, philosophies, or agendas...I am still the same but ...enhanced. I mean, I feel much more aware of myself. I simply just don't experience events or react to situations, I observe them and observe me in that particular moment. DM is pretty uneventful and it has been, aside from the physical tingling and vibrations that sometimes come on, and extra sensory snippets of info that float into me. I mean, typically, i have nothing but breath and mantra, with samyama at the end. The really noticeable difference is in my life. I notice the peace and the love that i have in my current relationships, the desire to connect with others on a fundamental soul level, and the respect and love I have for so many more people now. I love people...but I always have...it is just more now. I am fearlessly (but always cautiously) driven to delve deeper, go higher. I still have those moments where i question where all this leads...and simply the response is, God. Meditation brought me closer to God. I am filled with joy, even when life is terribly annoying! Yes, i know...sounds funny, and it is. I just don't get hooked into the annoyance like i did before, i just walk away from it. So DM has changed me and my life, but it is only noticeable in retrospect because I have the personal basis for comparison. I love life, love people, love my family, and love my silly Golden Retriever whose impressive scrounging powers never seize to amaze! Meditation has helped me see the beauty in almost everything, i say almost because i have not seen everything there is to see :) i even appreciate the importance of events, people, and things that don't necessarily encourage warm, fuzzy feelings. Yes, instead of avoiding "unpleasantness," i am now open to exploring it (to some degree). So, i am my own Guru, as is encouraged here, and that does resonate with me. After all, i have always been a go-getter, one to take the "road less traveled by," and one to follow my own intuition. So, i suppose i am sharing this because i feel connected to you all. There have been some discussions about DM and where it leads which is also prompting this self-disclosure. Personally, i see the difference it has made in my life and in my perspective of this life. As far as being in the mantra, that is all that happens for me. I do not feel energy moving up or down in my spine, erupting fits of bliss, nor do i have visions, or extra sensory perceptions (not really), or visitations from Jesus, Buddha, Gandhi or Archangel Michael. It is just DM, breath and mantra and nothing during it...nada...zippo! Sometimes it does not even feel like i accomplished anything at all, like i remained in the shallow end. Thoughts sometimes creep in and creep out, i try to stay deliberate to the practice but i get distracted too. My kids are awesome, but they ar kids and they need me (often, lol!!) and sometimes my DM takes a back seat to their pressing needs. Many times my DM is a sprint and rarely undisturbed. And yet, i see that my external experiences are altered for the better nonetheless. I am taking better care of my body, being mindful of what i put into it, i am gentler with myself, less judgmental with my mistakes and my accomplishments. I am no longer driven by the external desire to succeed but by the internal desire to transcend ("break through" like John Wilder states in the book, Secrets of Wilder). So yes, i am thankful to DM. I am thankful for the stress i experienced 2 years ago from my multiple roles as a mom, wife, daughter, and full-time professional, etc., that drove me to look for methods to RELAX...which led me to AYP. I am thankful for the patience that the universe continually bestows on me, even at my densest! I am thankful for the non-judgment with which life blesses me. I am thankful for my newfound courage I have in venturing into leadership positions on topics that are relatively new to me...which is not typical for me to do  . It is because of this grand gratitude that i want to be better, do more for others, and lead with my heart.
Thank you for "listening," beautiful people 
Kelly |
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Zlarp
Switzerland
46 Posts |
Posted - Feb 17 2014 : 12:17:49 PM
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As someone who does experience energy moving up and down his spine, erupting fits of bliss and who is manifesting some kinds of siddhis at times (on some days I suddenly attract people in unnatural ways), I can tell you that what you're getting is way more important. I'm still working towards that calm and the ability to really connect with the world around me and a general intensification of my life.
If you want nice sensations, have someone wash your back with a loofa or something. Sudden outbursts of laughter and bliss in public are also not the greatest thing ever, though since I'm at least happy and high when it happens I don't get so embarrassed and I can control it most of the time :) |
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kami
USA
921 Posts |
Posted - Feb 17 2014 : 12:37:57 PM
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Thank you for sharing dear Kelly. Very beautiful.
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KellyN
75 Posts |
Posted - Feb 17 2014 : 8:02:01 PM
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quote:
I can tell you that what you're getting is way more important. I'm still working towards that calm and the ability to really connect with the world around me and a general intensification of my life.
quote:
Thank you for sharing dear Kelly. Very beautiful.
Thank you
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jonesboy
USA
594 Posts |
Posted - Feb 17 2014 : 10:03:45 PM
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That was very beautiful and inspiring
Thank you KellyN |
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yogani
USA
5242 Posts |
Posted - Feb 17 2014 : 11:19:38 PM
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SeySorciere
Seychelles
1571 Posts |
Posted - Feb 17 2014 : 11:55:05 PM
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Just the thing to lift my spirits this morning. Thank you.
Sey |
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Ecdyonurus
Switzerland
479 Posts |
Posted - Feb 18 2014 : 12:34:02 AM
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Beautiful and inspiring - thank you!  |
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Dogboy
USA
2294 Posts |
Posted - Feb 18 2014 : 09:16:22 AM
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| Your gratitude, perception, surrender, and service to your family all sound like enlightenment to me! Bless you for sharing and showing others that 'striving' can blind one to the wonders around them! |
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KellyN
75 Posts |
Posted - Feb 19 2014 : 9:42:35 PM
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you are all awesome  much love to you
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Anima
484 Posts |
Posted - Feb 20 2014 : 2:13:35 PM
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BillinL.A.
USA
375 Posts |
Posted - Feb 20 2014 : 2:45:42 PM
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I want what she's having!  |
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mr_anderson
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - Feb 20 2014 : 6:42:42 PM
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| Thanks Kelly. The improvement is never ending I find, with regular spiritual practices. Looking back, pretty much every year of my life has been better than the previous year, since I started. Not because external circumstances improved, but because the inner world improved. Happiness, joy increased. Became easier and easier to love others, and not fall into emotional reactivity. The journey never ends. |
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KellyN
75 Posts |
Posted - Feb 21 2014 : 10:16:04 AM
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I suppose i wanted to share this with the group because i had read some posts dripping with frustration and confusion with the process. i can say that i have been there too. i also stopped meditation practices for a few months because i just simply lost faith it was going anywhere despite the changes that were already going on around me! sometimes even the obvious gifts can be overlooked and ignored if we convince ourselves. Guess i was looking for bells and whistles during DM, perhaps they would serve as proof that something WAS happening and that I WAS in control of the bells and whistles manifesting somehow. Who knows and i simply don't care anymore. I had a hypnogogic experience one night as i fell asleep with a question lingering on the periphery of my consciousness. "should I meditate or not?" I heard a loving, soft voice say, "you need meditation and meditation needs you, beautiful." It woke me up right away and i started to cry. That was it. it turned the entire thing around for me. i had to disbelieve and doubt to get to a place of surrender. i had been convincing myself that as frightening and empty as disbelief and doubt were, it was better than to fool myself into believing in something that was not true. yep, i did do that but it was necessary because it illustrated how irrational my ego is. it rather exist in the barren land of doubt than in the loving lap of faith.
quote:
Looking back, pretty much every year of my life has been better than the previous year, since I started. Not because external circumstances improved, but because the inner world improved. Happiness, joy increased. Became easier and easier to love others, and not fall into emotional reactivity. The journey never ends.
Thank you Mr. anderson I completely agree with the transformation being internal. here i am still in progress knowing that i am complete and perfect and yet not entirely believing it...which is the struggle, i guess. i still have moments in which i feel annoyed, angry, unmotivated and react to it...it is just so much less now. because there usually is a simple question before action (where is this coming from?) and it diffuses my explosion . i still have moments in which i feel like the "seeker" and curiosity and frustration start to creep in, that is when i try and remind myself that i have all the answers already and that in time, there will be understanding. i don't have the luxury of impatience and of falling apart due to forced spiritual practices until internal combustion ...having to think of the example THAT will send my kids, who are very curious about meditation already, keeps me in line, so to speak.
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your gratitude, perception, surrender, and service to your family all sound like enlightenment to me!
thank you Dogboy...i really just feel blessed, not so much enlightened, but blessed
again, i am grateful to this forum, to AYP, and to the universal forces that are still playing a role in stretching and growing this consciousness. i am still attached to the Me-ness, but at least there is awareness of it now as well as awareness of so much more.
SIDE note: funny things are happening...every time i write or say something about a topic, an experience comes into my life. yesterday i raised my voice at my daughter who refused to fall asleep and was keeping my son awake (and he has school the next day). After almost an hour of attempting to help her through her cranky state, I just yelled it, "Go to sleep already, you are keeping us all awake now." Well, i had posted earlier on fb how we should raise our words not our voices (Rumi)...ha, and here i was doing just that. this is just an example of what i mean. i processed it with myself and with my daughter. apologized for frightening her and told her i felt frustrated because she would not go to sleep. She hugged me and fell asleep in my arms. hope this is not TMI 
ok, i am done...thanks again for being here
k |
Edited by - KellyN on Feb 21 2014 10:17:59 AM |
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pkj
USA
158 Posts |
Posted - Feb 21 2014 : 12:56:17 PM
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kelly,
It is reality for so many of us. Thanks for sharing. Liked when you said "thanks to the stress of doing so many things which brought you to this." It is true for me as well. It is the challenges and stresses of life when we change the direction to look something else and it very well resonates with me as well. Whenever there a challenge we can use to it to make it an opportunity for going higher. I also sometimes feel the same about 10 years when i have so many challenges why me why me. Now i can say God has a bigger purpose for us to go beyond our limited thinking. We are blessed to have bliss on this path.
PKJ |
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Dogboy
USA
2294 Posts |
Posted - Feb 21 2014 : 2:24:35 PM
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Kelly
As an at-home parent of two pre-teens, one autistic, AYP meditation has given me tools to navigate the controlled chaos this disorder has made our home life. Our youngest is a ten year old, non verbal, willful child prone to fits and OCD, on the verge of puberty, oh boy! She also at times funny, spirited and sweet, an open book capable of daily victories. Thanks to the meditation process, I feel I am capable of witnessing and participating fully in the beauty and ugliness of it all with detachment and love, no small feat! I live the script as it is being written by the guru within. Being a yogi has saved my life in this way; I am a better parent and partner because of it.
I may never have posted this had you not done it first, Kelly! Your gratitude is contagious!  |
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devrim
Thailand
33 Posts |
Posted - Feb 23 2014 : 10:07:15 AM
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Thank you kelly for sharing here what so many of us are feeling, your words are wonderful and inspiring.
.....and the experiment continues |
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KellyN
75 Posts |
Posted - Feb 24 2014 : 10:49:34 PM
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Divine BEE
India
5 Posts |
Posted - Mar 05 2014 : 12:32:32 AM
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| Kelly! That is real achievement, Person Who wins himself is a true winner. I am still struggling to take the life as it comes. I often forgot the wisdom gathered from DM to apply in daily life. Maya is so tricky, easily catch me in tough situations. I often loose my control over my inner state. I can understand that life is an illusion and mind game and when we land in inner stillness, it disappears. But how to get firmly land on that. Some times I missed to do twice daily meditation and feeling guilty afterwards. Oh God! I know there is a ladder to get out of this illusion, but not able to ascend thru it like I wish. Often this game sucks me. A war is happening inside between me. I hope Guru in me shows the light to inner stillness. |
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DM and my everyday life
