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Anima
484 Posts |
 Posted - Dec 26 2013 : 3:34:01 PM
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Is there any hope for a semblance of balance or connection with my peers?
1. What are your symptoms and how long have you had them? Are your symptoms primarily physical, psychological, or both?
1a)
Symptom: Disoriented and forgetful at work. Frequency: Most of the time.
I got a new job in sales about 4-5 months ago. It is very stressful and fairly fast-paced. I am forgetful and often disoriented at work, with bad short-term memory (although we are required to be very scattered in considering so much trivial information all the time.) However, my short term memory is very effective if I am interested in something. Still, I noticed for many years that I have trouble recalling a previous day’s events, details, or even general activities.
Symptom: Shaking of hands, arms, weakness in legs. Frequency: often.
My right hand tends to tremble at night, especially after an exciting or stressful day. This was especially bad about 6 years ago, after I nearly killed myself. My legs have always been prone to feeling weak; my knees often feel as if they will buckle, but have not (except for once, after doing heavy squats). My left arm has taken to clenching its muscles and shaking at random points in the day, but usually toward night.
Symptom: Extreme bursts of emotion. Frequency: often.
I tend to get very excited. I tied my feelings back so severely and for so long. I am very grateful for the most part, and this has been pleasant, but I may start crying at almost any time. It tends to be exacerbated with contemplation of the Lord. I am also prone to be irritable and sometimes enraged, although that seems a thing of the past. I don’t know. I am also prone to self-contempt.
Symptom: Feeling light or feeling heavy. Frequency: often.
I often feel heavy or like my head is in cotton or like I’m swimming in syrup. I sometimes feel light as air (a couple times), which feel amazing, but tends to throw my coworkers off, since I become quiet and extremely aloof (although calmly engaged).
Symptom: Spontaneous movement of hands, feet, and head. Frequency: Most of the time.
Since I was a teen, my toes would wiggle as I lay in bed, awakening. I never though much of it. Now my toes are almost always moving, my fingers and hands move differently, sometimes like I’m spreading them through liquid, sometimes like they are floating in a melody. Sometimes they move abruptly, particularly when I’m excited or stressed. My head has started moving, too, more musically and responsively. My facial expressions have become more ingenuous.
Symptom: Sexual impulses. Frequency: Mornings and nights.
My impulses for sexual stimulation and release were nearly constant throughout most of my adult life. Since beginning spiritual inquiry a year ago, they have been tapering off a bit. I have less desire to behave in potentially destructive and sexually and legally risky ways. However, My impulses are still just as strong, and my thoughts are impure in the morning and often at night. Usually I am able to simply release it with ejaculation.
Symptom: Voiced dialogues in my head. Frequency: often.
Pretty self-explanatory. I can make anything of it except a spiritual solution. I often act as the alters, but there is a unified awareness. I also have a conscience.
Symptom: headaches. Frequency: sometimes.
These were very frequent when I left my mom’s house 5 months ago and lived in my car for three months. Now I am in a motel room, and they seem to have vanished for the last month and a half or so. They were concentrated in the forehead and temples.
Symptom: Panic attacks. Frequency: rare.
I have had about 4 in my lifetime. Two in the last year.
Symptom: Overactive thought. Frequency: Constant.
I trained in philosophy. It's difficult to leave the analysis behind. Poetry lets my mind work in a more gentle fashion.
1b) My symptoms extend into both psychological and physiological predication.
2. Are your symptoms ongoing, or intermittent? If intermittent, when are they most likely to occur -- during what kind of activity and/or time of the day? Is your sleep affected?
2a) They are mostly intermittent, as noted above. Most are very severe in the morning and night. Some symptoms are nearly constant.
2b) My sleep is affected. I rarely sleep 8 hours. I usually sleep 6-7 hours a night, albeit regularly. Most days, I have lots of energy. Some days, I have very little. My energy level is almost never stable throughout the day. I cycle between periods of exhaustion and mania, sometimes 6 or more times a day, depending on the stress levels. I am getting bags under my eyes.
3. Do you consider your situation with kundalini to be the result of spiritual practices, or do you regard it to be spontaneous?
3a) Spiritual.
4. What sort of spiritual practices have you been engaged in, if any? How long? How often? Are you aware that excessive spiritual practice can aggravate kundalini, often with a delayed reaction?
4a) I feel as if I am constantly spiritually engaged. I listen every moment. I often think of the subtle realms and the gods. I often see the light and the darkness blended in an iridescent panoply. I go to the temple a couple times a week, for many hours on end, if possible. I sit before the Ishtas. I was an atheist for thirty years. I’ve only begun my undertakings in this life. I was meditating every day for several months, but have stopped for a while.
4b) Yes, I’m aware. But I’m not aware of what is excess and what is due measure.
5. Do you consider yourself to be “sensitive” to spiritual practices? If so, with what practices, and what sort of measures have you taken to accommodate your sensitivity?
5a) Yes, I’m extremely sensitive to all things.
5b) I’m simply travelling along a river. I walk by many streams. They all pour from Ocean. Basically, I’m “going with it.”
6. Do you think drugs have contributed to your kundalini situation?
6a) I don’t know. I have questioned this. I believe drugs (of many sorts) tied it back for a long time. Now the flood waters rise. It’s a slight price to pay to sail in the infinite ocean of Love. But I suspect I may drown. I have been drug and alcohol free for almost a year.
7. Have you experienced traumatic events in your life that may have a bearing on your current symptoms?
7a) Yes, I have. I have detailed many of them in my biography (linked on my profile)
http://www.aypsite.org/forum/topic....=13581#13581
8. Is your sexual lifestyle affecting your symptoms? Are you aware that obsessively limiting sexual release can increase kundalini energy and symptoms?
8a) I don’t think so. I would like a sexual partner, though. I have thought of getting married. I don’t want to taint anyone.
9. What is your general diet? Are you aware that a lighter diet can stimulate kundalini?
9a) I overeat on nearly every occasion. I want to be vegetarian, but I often eat meat and fried foods in an attempt to ground. I eat three meals a day, a balanced diet. I eat a lot of sweets. I don't drink any caffeine and very little soda.
10. Do you engage in moderate exercise regularly, like walking, yard work, etc? Are you aware that regular exercise can help stabilize ("ground") kundalini symptoms?
10a) Not really. I do dance in my motel room sometimes. I tried in the spring and summer, riding my bike in the morning and picking wildflowers for my shrine.
11. Are you a highly devotional person? Are you aware that excessive devotional activity, satsang or spiritual study can aggravate an active kundalini?
11a) Yes, I am. I have undertaken more study and devotion than most are able to.
11b) I’m not sure what is excessive. “Nothing in excess,” as the Hellenes put it.
12. Are you engaged in ordinary daily activities like a job, school, family, parenting, social activity, service to others? Are you aware that such activities, undertaken without spiritual intention or expectations, can help ground excessive kundalini energies?
12a) Yes, I work five days a week. I’m usually exhausted after work. I sometimes pray during my bathroom breaks. On my days off, I try to spend time with the few friends I have or go to the library at the college, where I know a lot of people.
12b) Yes, I’m aware. But it seems like all things are reflections of the divine. I cannot close the shutters.
13. Have you been examined and treated by a medical doctor or mental health professional for your symptoms in the past? If so, what was the result?
13a) Yes. I underwent therapy for about 17 years, since 4th grade. Formal diagnoses ranged from emotional impairment; severe depression; bipolar disorder; obsessive compulsive disorder; impulse control disorder; psychosis; paraphillia. In the last year, I’ve discovered that I would also be categorized as having: Dissociative identity disorder; borderline personality disorder; somatoform disorder; malingering/hypochondria; panic/anxiety disorder; and maybe a couple to ice the cake. I saw a therapist about this, but he was unwilling to diagnose me with any axis II disorders (not constructive).
I recently had a cat scan done. No problems. Perfectly healthy, they say.
14. Are there other factors and/or measures you are taking in relation to your situation that are not covered above?
14a) I try to trust in the Lord’s will. I’m surrendering. Only His will burns forever.
15. Optional: What is your approximate age (teen, 20s, 30s, 40s, etc.)? What is your gender? We ask because the manifestation of kundalini symptoms can be affected by these factors.
I’m a 31-year-old man.
I've read about managing overloads, but feel it is futile. Is there any way I can help myself? |
Edited by - Anima on Dec 26 2013 3:47:55 PM |
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parvati9
USA
587 Posts |
Posted - Dec 27 2013 : 12:18:23 PM
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Hi Anima
Some more questions for clarification..
1. Do you feel that all of your described symptoms are kundalini-related or only some of them?
2. What spiritual practices were/are you doing that led you to believe your k awakening was due to them? (as opposed to being spontaneous)
3. Are you familiar with Ayurveda? It seems to help me achieve greater balance in several areas of my life, and may also help you. Can you determine what your Ayurvedic constitution is?
4. Can you state or do you know why you are overeating?
Oftentimes it helps to simplify a seemingly complex condition in order to achieve resolution. Ayurveda may provide a useful framework within which to view your situation more clearly, sort it, and prioritize where and how to approach the healing process. Thus enabling an appropriate and comprehensive healing strategy/ remedy. As well as reinforcing or establishing a strong foundation of wellbeing.
love
parvati |
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Anima
484 Posts |
Posted - Dec 27 2013 : 2:01:59 PM
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Thank you, parvati.
1 I dont have much of an opinion on distinguishing divine vs mundane. The experiences are so strong, I believe they are gifts from God.
2 I was thinking after I posted that these symptoms may be spontaneous. They started about a year ago as being more intense. I feel it is a miracle. I was a staunch atheist. Everything feels so different. I love being alive and I love living things. All I wanted before was death.
3 I heard of it, and asked my satsang teacher about it, which led me here to ayp. I am very inclined toward vata, secondly to pita. Kapha is like a foreign language to me, but it fascinates me.
4 Ive always had a big appetite, but eat more now. I am not gaining weight. I lost about 30 lbs last year. I eat a lot because I use so very much energy with my mind and perceptions.
Ps... I do some grounding activities: video games pacify my mind. I try to play bansuri, but often settle for a bamboo recorder. I draw and pain t, but am out of practice. I take every project passionately but tend to lose focus. Still, I accomplish a lot in small periods.
To simplify my feelings:
I feel lost and rejected. I feel too far away for people to find. I feel fearless and loving. I feel strong. When I speak or think, strange things happen around me, closely and frequently, not as coincidences, so I feel like my thoughts and words are pointless, inspiring, and destructive. I feel like I can see deeply into people and things, and I know it unnerves them. I feel lonely and small. I feel grateful.
Love
Tom
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Edited by - Anima on Dec 27 2013 8:39:27 PM |
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parvati9
USA
587 Posts |
Posted - Dec 27 2013 : 6:42:32 PM
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Tom,
Vatas can pick things up very quickly and then drop them just as fast. So at one point you were interested in Ayurveda, what happened with that?
The thing about Kapha, if you want to spend some time studying up on it, is that whatever comes naturally to a Kapha will generally (not always) serve to beautifully balance a Vata. For example, Kaphas get stuck in ruts whereas Vatas rarely do. Routines of any sort, as well as ruts, tend to greatly benefit Vatas. As a Vata, Ayurveda has taught me to value (and reinforce) my routines b/c they usually balance out, calm down and neutralize high Vata. Stubborness is generally considered to be a Kapha trait. I've also learned to value my stubborness because it helps to maintain consistency, which is a trait Vatas often lack (and desperately need).
Your opening post sounds very Vata. However, if you always have a huge appetite i.e. it is constant, then that would be a more Pitta-like quality (Pittas can get irritable when their meals are delayed). If your appetite varies, that would be more Vata-like. Generally it is best for Vatas to eat regular nutritious meals at the same time every day according to a consistent routine. Vatas need more consistency. Consistency stabilizes their energy and makes it flow more harmoniously. I think you may need more structure and support in your life.
I also think you may benefit from some calming routines, in addition to slowing way down. For example, as a Vata, it is very easy for me to "get ahead of myself".. When that happens, it means I'm scattered or doing too much too fast.. and need to slow waaaay down. I will sometimes do Tai Chi in an exaggerated extremely slow way, so as to help regulate my life into a more comfortable and relaxed rhythm.
Vatas are often speed freaks, always in motion. Kaphas love to go slow and can be couch potatoes; they may need to be motivated in order to get OFF the couch. Couch potato is very very good for Vatas as it calms them down, and gets them to stop. However it is usually hard to keep a Vata on the couch for very long b/c they have so much restless energy. When Vata dosha is too high, it often means we aren't incorporating enough structure into our lives. The stucture tends to counterbalance doing too much too fast ie calms, contains, limits, supports and evens out the energy.
love
parvati |
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Anima
484 Posts |
Posted - Dec 28 2013 : 10:18:35 AM
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Thank you so much 
I just sort of forgot about ayurveda and focused on meditation, bhakti, and writing. I do have some reservations about stabilizing, since Im so good with "chaos" and less talented with "order". Attempts to tie myself down have been miserable in the past, although the attempts were only intellectual strategies. Besides, I do so well with airs. The Nietzscheian critique of balance still resonates with me. Fortunately, I stay away from philosophy for the most part.
But I am working hard on stability, financial and emotional. It will take time. I am safe for the winter, and will continue to make small adjustments in day to day living.
Love
Tom |
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parvati9
USA
587 Posts |
Posted - Dec 28 2013 : 11:54:21 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Anima Deorum
Ps... I do some grounding activities: video games pacify my mind. I try to play bansuri, but often settle for a bamboo recorder. I draw and pain t, but am out of practice. I take every project passionately but tend to lose focus. Still, I accomplish a lot in small periods.
To simplify my feelings:
I feel lost and rejected. I feel too far away for people to find. I feel fearless and loving. I feel strong. When I speak or think, strange things happen around me, closely and frequently, not as coincidences, so I feel like my thoughts and words are pointless, inspiring, and destructive. I feel like I can see deeply into people and things, and I know it unnerves them. I feel lonely and small. I feel grateful.
Regarding your post edit:
Feeling lost and rejected, too far away for people to find, lonely and small.. Ayurveda teaches us how to get found and supported. Begin with giving to yourself what you need. Ayurveda will show you what you need and how to take better care of yourself. We have to learn how to properly love and care for ourselves - in order to be happy and healthy. Vata is the energy of creative genius ... but ... that precious energy has to be properly cared for, nurtured and conserved, or it can turn against us and make us ill.
Vata dosha in excess can result in depletion
Pitta dosha in excess can result in toxic dissatisfaction
Kapha dosha in excess can result in stagnation
Imho gratitude is the one thing you can't have too much of. A small amount will yield a vast return and the more gratitude one feels, the richer and more satisfying life becomes
Creative endeavors like writing, drawing, painting, dancing, playing music - these are all wonderful expressions of who we are and they are very necessary to our wellbeing. But what Vatas often need most is to cultivate calm, warmth, comfort, rest, relaxation, routine and regular nutritious meals <- those must become your top priorities, or close to the top of the list, if you want to balance Vata energy.
Ayurveda postulates that disease and discomfort is the result of ama. Ama is the accumulation of undigested food as well as undigested life experience. In order to be healthy and happy, one has to learn how to properly assimilate feelings, perceptions and experiences - as well as the food one eats. Digesting one's food properly is absolutely essential to being healthy and whole.
Agni is the digestive fire that must be nurtured and cultivated in order to digest anything. And Agni is disrupted by irregular meals or habitually taking in more than we can easily assimilate at one time (both food and experience). So we have to learn to self-pace in all things and to understand our constitution and its requirements. It's a concept basic to loving ourselves and when we ignore or deny it, we cause ourselves unnecessary misery. Hoping you will spend some quality time with Ayurveda and wishing you all the best,
love
parvati
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Anima
484 Posts |
Posted - Dec 28 2013 : 6:25:22 PM
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Namaste.
This makes complete sense. Thank you for taking time to help explain this to me. Gentleness...
Peace and Love
Tom |
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Anima
484 Posts |
Posted - Jan 05 2014 : 7:04:20 PM
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Im going to try formal samyama. Im obsessed with mind, speech and thought, a type of revelry in maya. There are a million sutras to let go. I discover many more every day. So spiritual life is like trying to unravel a web Im spinning but meant to spin and meant to unravel.
If I ponder a sutra, I am stricken with vision. And it leads me to more sutras, and sutras in sutras, and corrolaries to entailing sutras. Its like being bitten by an enchanting yet monstrous spider. Maybe I am the spider, or maybe it is warning me. Either way, I know we were meant to find each other (not sure how, in terms of karma).
My crown chakra began opening about a year ago, spontaneously, as I can tell. It is, as can be seen, still very active. I cant restrict it. It will have to settle on its own. Im trying to balance out my "spinal nerve." It feels more like a live wire than a fertile soil. Ill try my hand at agrarian cultivation.
Still lots of overload here. Ill post an update in a week or so.
And I am taking regular vegetarian meals, heavier foods. Im a bit more level most of the time.
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Chaz
USA
129 Posts |
Posted - Feb 22 2014 : 8:50:34 PM
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Hi Parvati9,
Went to find this thread after speaking with Anima and he mentioned his vata inclination. By the sound of it, I think I may fall under the same category. The whole concept of understanding ones constitution and balancing it is fascinating, and seems like a necessary step for me at this point on my path. Can you recommend or point me to any good resources on this Ayurvedic science? I would greatly appreciate it.
Much Love,
Chaz |
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parvati9
USA
587 Posts |
Posted - Feb 23 2014 : 11:22:28 AM
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Hi Chaz
The book I've found most helpful:
Robert E. Svoboda, Prakriti: Your Ayurvedic Constitution
You might also take a look at:
David Frawley, Ayurvedic Healing: A Comprehensive Guide
The Svoboda book, in my estimation, is incomparable. It enables an intuitive approach to the general priciples of Ayurveda (which are ancient). Once the underlying principles are completely understood and assimilated, all the other details fall into place more easily. Without a thorough comprehension of the fundamentals, Ayurveda can be viewed as too complex or overwhelming. The Frawley book is a nice overview/ healing manual and useful for recognizing how the same health issue, or disease, can be caused by different dosha imbalances. And therefore necessitate different strategies in terms of treatment/ resolution of a given issue.
You may consider taking many different dosha quizes. There are some excellent ones online. The online Ayurveda info in general is reliable and accurate.. A good place to become acquainted with the material.
love
parvati
edited for clarity and simplicity
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Edited by - parvati9 on Feb 24 2014 07:53:15 AM |
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parvati9
USA
587 Posts |
Posted - Feb 23 2014 : 5:49:45 PM
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One's constitution doesn't change i.e., it remains constant throughout the lifespan. It's helpful to ascertain which dosha is highest, because that's usually the dosha that needs pacifying in order to achieve balance and good health. However, in our quest to make an accurate assessment, it is advisable to consider the influence of various factors - especially the seasonal weather and our immediate environment. As well as other relevant factors, such as k awakening. Or big changes in our daily routine.
Essentially Ayurveda is a way of life. Most people who begin the study of Ayurveda want to arrive at a speedy determination of their constitution - in order to manage their health issues naturally and effectively. The dosha quizes are designed to do just that. But there generally aren't any quick fixes, rather it's an ongoing process of refinement. In my case, trial and error plus cumulative experience eventually yielded the necessary results. There was also a professional Ayurvedic assessment which seemed to require my personal validation.
It took several years to verify that the professional assessment was basically correct. The assessment - that I have vata constitution - was originally challenged due to a lifelong prevalence of pitta issues. Which, in my ignorance, was assumed to be indicative of pitta constitution. The driving force behind all, or nearly all, of my health issues - is an overactive mind. It is an overactive mind (vata dosha) at the root of various and sundry pitta disorders. In managing my health regimen, I've found it necessary to remain cognizant of a tendency to let this overactive mind ruin my peace and immune response. When vata gets severely out of balance, it begins to destroy the other doshas. (Nevertheless, it's still quite possible that my actual constitution is dual dosha, vata-pitta)
The ostensible goal is intuitive improvisation with Ayurvedic tools and concepts to support our uniquely personal state of wellbeing. We incrementally become oriented in the right direction of wisely caring for ourselves and our loved ones. Usually a superficial understanding of Ayurveda isn't enough to generate lasting results. But still it's good to arrive at an accurate appraisal of our consitution.. and IF we are fortunate in arriving at the correct evaluation, that alone may be sufficient to provide a foundation for relief.
Ideally we want our mind-heart-spirit actively engaged in the engineering of our optimal state of wellbeing. It may take several years of consistent application for the gradual achievement of this optimal state of health. In order to effectively employ those Ayurvedic strategies, tools and regimens which practically guarantee health and happiness, we need indepth knowledge of the subject. There is a learning curve. We are cultivating dexterity with a very precise and useful skill, and gradually increasing our capacity for enjoyment.. along with the wisdom and intuition that will refine wellbeing into every facet of our lives.
love
parvati
edited for clarity |
Edited by - parvati9 on Feb 24 2014 09:23:26 AM |
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Anima
484 Posts |
Posted - Feb 24 2014 : 8:50:56 PM
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Very inspiring, parvati! I find it comforting to ha e this intuitive refinement as a long-term goal.
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Chaz
USA
129 Posts |
Posted - Feb 27 2014 : 01:56:07 AM
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Agreed Anima, and thanks a lot for sharing Parvati. Very glad you explained it in-depth, the information is all helpful and useful to me right now.
I took a few quizzes, not surprised to be predominant vata, secondary pitta, and kalpha falls just a little bit behind pitta. I really like the idea behind this science, definitely going to take advantage of its usefulness. I will give that book a read ASAP.
Thanks again for sharing,
Chaz |
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