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compassion
90 Posts |
 Posted - Dec 25 2013 : 05:24:10 AM
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Hello Everyone,
I want to share of my experiences of the last few weeks because they raise many questions for me, including the nature of my current path and even destination. I'm not even sure what all of my questions are, but I hope by sharing my experience that they are somehow on a path that has been travelled many times before me!
This year has been one of exceptional suffering for me during which time I had unknowingly been the cause of most of it. A turning point was reading "Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor Frankl. I believe anyone can find something of meaning from that book. For me, it was realising that regardless of our outside circumstances, it is us who choose our reaction to these: whether we choose to be human in the face of such adversity, or choose to define ourselves by what happens to us. I decided at that point to bring out my humanity again, to the point of being kind and grateful, even to those who would see me suffer. I noticed an immediate improvement in mood, and of feeling whole, despite the 'suffering' situation still ongoing.
By its very nature, this attitude requires the giving up of the outcome of actions of generosity. It was only in the last week or so that I discovered there was the path of Karma Yoga, which might be just what I was practising without knowing. It was part of my motivation to search for this forum today.
About a month ago, I had begun the practising of meditation daily. At first loving-kindness meditation, and then just quietening the mind and seeing what comes up. At first, there were colours.. mostly yellows. Then over some days these became purple and more and more intense. Some days later I trusted to surrender and there was intense bliss in my head during meditation. After a day or two of this, the bliss started even when I wasn't meditating.
Although I experienced the bliss as intensely pleasurable and like a divine connection, there was at the same time the feeling of infinite compassion... someone could be trying to kill me or make me suffer, and all that would be on my mind would be to see their own suffering and to wish for them to find peace. Anger was a distant memory. I paused for honest self-reflection regularly. At the same time, the simplest things would make me smile and content. My eyes were soft with compassion. And everything was slow. I walked slowly, I smiled slowly and frequently. But everything was deliberate and compassionate.
The experience got me through a very stressful time and then the feelings slowly started to fade. Was it Divine grace? I grasped frequently... whether in meditation, reading, talking... perhaps even with this message! I can say to myself, with the most honest intentions that I would like that infinite compassion back... how I could help people... and then I think "and maybe I'll get that bliss back too!" by which time, I already feel corrupted!
I have wondered if this was a taste of enlightenment. I have read many promises of this kind of bliss as a permanent state in enlightenment on various paths (e.g. Kundalini) but after googling people's experiences of actual enlightenment, it appears to be much more based upon a deep stillness and non-attachment... this intense bliss and compassion seems not to come into it.
So I am curious. What is my path? Is there such a goal as this bliss and compassion and non-attachment, or is it only a distraction on the path? I find it hard to believe that such infinite compassion could be merely a distraction... yet it seems to be inseparable from the bliss. I sense the only way to experience this compassion or bliss again is to give up trying. And like I hinted before, this attachment to bliss/compassion has been the motivation of my meditation and life for a week or two now, with only frustratingly small experiences... which come when I observe having given up looking!
Any help or advice is most welcome. Especially those words that answer the questions I cannot even think to ask :) |
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Anima
484 Posts |
Posted - Dec 26 2013 : 12:16:36 AM
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Hi compassion. Thank you for sharing this so openly. This sounds like a wonderful journey youre starting.
The tender bliss of a moment is as true as any goal. The world is full of mystery that we have insisted on denying. I dont know the destination. But I have had similar experiences. It tends to really throw people off. It offends some. Its okay. I dont know, but for faith and grace.
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compassion
90 Posts |
Posted - Dec 28 2013 : 05:49:32 AM
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Hi Anima. Thanks for sharing your response.
I like what you say about bliss of a moment being as true as any goal. It has inspired a lot of thought, including that letting go of any goals is a more genuine surrender to the moment. This seems to be much more a process of unlearning than learning for me. Thank you.
One thing I forgot to mention, that might be of interest, is that not long before the bliss started I had prayed, despite not being particularly religious, that I would be on God's side (not asking that God by on mine). In other words that I would enter a difficult situation with full consciousness and power of my personal integrity.
Whether someone chooses to believe in a God, or a powerful subconscious, or both, I think the outcome is the same: that there is a merciful and higher power than the conscious mind, that has healthy moral standards. |
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts |
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compassion
90 Posts |
Posted - Dec 29 2013 : 01:56:31 AM
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Hi Bodhi,
Thanks very much for sharing the link! I had somehow avoided learning of Bhakti Yoga, and now it seems more relevant than ever.
Best wishes. |
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts |
Posted - Dec 29 2013 : 09:05:51 AM
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I find it very important to reside in a balance of contentment and aspiration. For if I'm not content in the present moment, won't I always be chasing the future? But if I have no goal on the future's horizon, won't I just be aimlessly wandering? So, I think we can have our cake and eat it too, because we have the ability to reside in a perpetual state of tranquility, even as we seek to progress, and to experience deeper shades of the life-spectrum. AYP calls that balance "stillness in action". It's the paradox of surrendering to the flow of something mysterious and infinite.
For me, that manifests in more concrete terms when I'm doing things like playing music and collaborating with others--allowing the spontaneity and freshness of the Now to speak through vibration and sound. I realize (and directly feel) the fine filaments of perception which have been wired within my nervous system, and tapping into those nodes brings increasing pleasure. The more serene I am inside, the more ecstasy there is. The more I slow down, the more I can speed up. So, there is this dynamic range that can be explored with increasing depth, and it's highly addictive.
Thank you for sharing your scenery on the path, and it sounds like you have a rising clarity about your long-term devotion and desire to be compassionate. For me, it continues to grow, and I get the choice where to direct the bubbling up of desire, which is nice. Nice to have choices.  |
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Radharani
USA
843 Posts |
Posted - Dec 31 2013 : 8:07:51 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by compassion
I have wondered if this was a taste of enlightenment. I have read many promises of this kind of bliss as a permanent state in enlightenment on various paths (e.g. Kundalini) but after googling people's experiences of actual enlightenment, it appears to be much more based upon a deep stillness and non-attachment... this intense bliss and compassion seems not to come into it.
So I am curious. What is my path? Is there such a goal as this bliss and compassion and non-attachment, or is it only a distraction on the path? I find it hard to believe that such infinite compassion could be merely a distraction... yet it seems to be inseparable from the bliss. I sense the only way to experience this compassion or bliss again is to give up trying. And like I hinted before, this attachment to bliss/compassion has been the motivation of my meditation and life for a week or two now, with only frustratingly small experiences... which come when I observe having given up looking!
Any help or advice is most welcome. Especially those words that answer the questions I cannot even think to ask :)
Sounds like the Real Thing. At first we get glimpses, a taste of Bliss in the deep silence of meditation, which eventually spills over into our everyday life, transiently, then more and more until it becomes our reality. When that Bliss becomes our center, when we feel that we are expressions of Divine Love, an outpouring of compassion naturally follows. And non-attachment is also a natural result because there is nothing in this world more wonderful than that Love in the center of our being, and eventually we realize it's not going anywhere so there is no need to grasp.
Don't worry about the transience of experiences, just keep doing the practice and everything will continue to unfold. It certainly sounds like you're on the right path.   |
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compassion
90 Posts |
Posted - Jan 03 2014 : 04:11:20 AM
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Thank you, Bodhi Tree and Radharani, for your perspectives. I have delayed replying since I was riding the crest of some new experiences.
When studying and focusing a bit on the Bhakti path the experience of bliss in everyday life quickly returned and just as quickly escalated into such intense longing... as if I were anticipating my whole body to explode into bliss. I of course tried to surrender.. but didn't really get there until I instead put my focus to emailing a friend. And then I spent about an hour just in love and bliss.
I have had other strong experiences from my heart recently.. of love, excitement, perfection, and just general pleasant burning and cooling. Also had a few chest pains yesterday. On the whole, yesterday and today, I have felt very 'normal'.. which seemed to come quickly and took me by surprise. Of course I am thinking if I am doing something wrong or if there is something I should be doing differently...
Bodhi: I'm really interested in what you say about music. I play piano, though I play mostly alone. Only recently I noticed how I let my mind wander while I play... it is very difficult for me to stay here and now, even if I can do this at other times during meditation. Do you have any suggestions?
Radharani: I think part of my doubt as to whether I am doing things right is because I do not have such a 'practice'. I have spent 2013 in emotional turmoil, read a few books, and decided to make changes in my life. I have closed my eyes for meditation most days for the past month or so, with the exception of when I feel too 'high' or unbalanced. Now that I'm feeling 'normal' again, I'm starting to wonder if I need be doing something a bit more i.e. take some yoga classes, adopt the practises on this website, or just continue what I'm doing (once I work out what that is!). |
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Radharani
USA
843 Posts |
Posted - Jan 19 2014 : 6:35:59 PM
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Well Compassion,
sorry for the delay in responding, I've been busy with work...
It sounds to me like you do have a "practice" of sorts. It's an individual thing for each of us. Whatever it is that you are doing is getting results, but maybe you are hungry for more? You might find the AYP practices enjoyable. It is a great system. I would give it a try and see if it appeals to you. all the best! |
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compassion
90 Posts |
Posted - Jan 26 2014 : 01:22:24 AM
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Thank you Radharani,
Indeed I have been working through many of the AYP lessons and books the last few weeks. I think without being sure of what my practise was before, it was easily corruptible in the face of such beautiful scenary :)
As a side note, does anyone know how to set up to receive an email when a reply is posted to a topic I have posted in? It seems very easy to miss replies otherwise:) |
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Zlarp
Switzerland
46 Posts |
Posted - Jan 26 2014 : 06:31:53 AM
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I had a similar experience spontaneously after initiating my divorce. It lasted for months and then it went away. For many months after that I was doing my Kriya Yoga practice while feeling next to no benefit and feeling more and more depressed. Yet I kept practicing and now I'm again slowly coming out of that dark hole and feeling this blissful, loving silence again. It is as you say, time is slowing down.
This time it's much quieter, not all at once and absurdly strong like it was the first time. I feel like I'm earning it, in a way, yet in another way, I feel like I couldn't possibly deserve it. |
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BillinL.A.
USA
375 Posts |
Posted - Jan 26 2014 : 12:27:50 PM
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Compassion no email notification is available last I heard.
But if you click on "Active Topics" at the top of the forum page under the "AYP Support Forums" title all threads with new posts will be listed. |
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compassion
90 Posts |
Posted - Jan 28 2014 : 07:11:33 AM
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Hi Zlarp, interesting that you had such a similar experience. Now I find myself oscillating between feelings of no bliss, light bliss, and being on the edge of something much stronger. But I take it much more in my stride and find it easier to remain unattached. I sometimes wonder if the intensity of previous experiences will return one day, but I am much less obsessive than previously :)
Thanks for the tip, BillinL.A. :) |
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