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apatride
New Caledonia
94 Posts |
 Posted - Nov 13 2013 : 03:55:01 AM
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Hello everyone .
I do not know if this is the right place to talk about it, but as this inevitably affects my spiritual life (like any everyday situation now), I saw no better place to talk to a community that I respect and in which I trust.
2 weeks ago, my two and a half years old niece has been left in the car by my step-brother , who has returned nearly two hours later to find her in an unconscious state. A scan revealed that she had damages to the brain (cerebellum), and his liver was in very poor condition. She struggled for ten days and then her liver eventually resumed normal operation. Then she had a brain edema, which has not worsened since and probably even absorbed.
For two days she'e been awake but in a worrying state, she does not seem to be aware of her environment, in short, all indications are that it will have very serious consequences. This is hard for the whole family, especially her parents, notably her father who should bear the burden of guilt. As you can guess, my step-brother is in a state of distress that I can barely imagine.
Sorry for bringing that sad topic to myself, but I want to talk about how I handle the situation. According to my wife, my reaction is worrying. I must admit that in this difficult moment, I sometimes feel little concerned, I take refuge in work (the current period is particularly intense at work) and sometimes I feel little emotions regarding the situation, except when I see the whole family in tears or during my visit to my niece when I saw her in his hospital bed.
All my life I felt little emotional reactions to things , I'm often in an attitude of great detachment and I finally feel little. Sometimes I think it is a strength, but when I really think about it, I must confess that it's more like a strategy of escape or denial on my part. The problem is that when I try to put me back to myself and allow myself to feel, it is very rare that I feel something anyway.
I do not know how to unlock everything. I guess meditation and spiritual practice, step by step, will eventually "open the floodgates". But it bothers me to be so detached from everything and so little emotionally involved. I do not know how to do because I feel that I do not react in a healthy way.
At the same time, this is my way of being, and this is not a voluntary reaction. This is the way I do, I do not know any other. I can not blame me.
I am in a dilemma in this situation. What do you think? |
Edited by - apatride on Nov 13 2013 04:11:35 AM |
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kami
USA
921 Posts |
Posted - Nov 13 2013 : 06:08:47 AM
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Dear Apatride,
So very sorry to hear this about your little niece. A strange thing happens especially when one becomes a parent - every child becomes "my" child, and the wanting to take all the pain and suffering of "my" children extends to every other child as well - divine design. And thus, this is heart-breaking and gut-wrenching. My samyama and love for the little one..
Regarding your situation, it is not uncommon for people to become so numb in a situation like this that they cannot respond "appropriately". There is nothing you can "do" to make yourself feel what your wife or others want you to feel. Clearly this has been a difficult time for you; there is no rule book that says you must react in one specific way. There is also no need to explain it. I would recommend that you acknowledge this uniqueness (which isn't all that unique actually) and accept it. There is nothing wrong with you.
Whether spiritual practices will make you more capable of reactions considered "normal" is not the issue - hopefully they will make you see that this is not a flaw that needs correcting.
Love and peace to you.  |
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lalow33
USA
966 Posts |
Posted - Nov 16 2013 : 1:17:41 PM
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Hi apatride,
My heart goes out to your family. It's so difficult when bad things happen to the little ones.
I lost my nephew this week. I don't think you can make yourself feel or not feel a certain way. I tried; it didn't work. Just be real.
I'd recommend reading the Metta Sutta. I find it comforting.
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whippoorwill
USA
450 Posts |
Posted - Nov 16 2013 : 6:57:31 PM
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My heart goes out to both of you. Whatever you experience emotionally, it is valid.
I'll be keeping you both in my samyama.
Love |
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apatride
New Caledonia
94 Posts |
Posted - Nov 17 2013 : 6:48:03 PM
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Thank you all for your kind words. Really helping in those harsh times.
News are not very good, my niece woke up but she lost a lot in the struggle, maybe she could recover up to 50% of her brain capacity, but that's the best she could do according to the medical team, if properly monitored and retrained (ie not in our country that is poorly equipped.
Moreover, she is suffering and very anxious about her condition, and it's quite hard for everybody to see her in such a distress.
She can rely on a lot of presence and support from her family, which is the best that can be done.
Regarding my feelings about it, I don't bother that much and your answers helped me in being self-indulgent about all this. Nothing to make a such a big case about...
Again, thank you for your support, very much appreciate. |
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Denial & lack of emotion in a difficult situation
