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Yogaman
USA
295 Posts |
 Posted - Oct 23 2013 : 11:15:08 AM
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This seems to be the right place for an ongoing journal. I keep one on another forum and it has been very beneficial, so I thought I'd do so here as well. I plan on just replying to my own thread with updates.
For some background, I have been working with the AYP techniques since February of 2013. I had done about 3-4 months of some mindfulness meditation the year prior. That was started up to work with depression, which had been getting increasingly worse at the time. After some success, another depression episode caused me to abandon the meditation and exercise routine for some time. Not one to give up, I picked things back up a few months later.
Around this time, some ongoing conversations with a friend about the Big Questions led me to a renewed interest in meditation and yoga. Both being introverts, we wondered if all these seemingly happy people around us were just self-deluded, not asking the Big Questions, or in some sort of hypnotic trance by a belief system that allowed them to avoid the existential angst both of us were beset with for most of our lives.
Discussions, research and reading from many diverse sources kept leading us back to meditation, to yoga. We decided this was the route to start with, and soon I discovered AYP. I loved the open-source approach to the information. I own all of, and have read most of, the AYP books.
Fast-forwarding to today, I am currently working with a twice-daily session that includes 5 minutes of spinal breathing pranayama, 20 minutes of deep meditation, 5 minutes of rest. I precede each sit with the "abbreviated asana starter kit" mentioned in the AYP text. I have been including mula bandha and sambhavi mudra in my spinal breathing for the past month, both of which I am still looking to find the groove. This week I have started sitting in the siddhasana pose.
I've been able to reach some profound levels of stillness, in both body and mind, for the past two months on a fairly consistent basis. Automatic yoga has been pretty constant for the past few weeks or more as well. Mostly in the head and neck (head going far back, far forward, and spiraling/snaking).
I do have a scientific/skeptical nature to my personality, which is why I gravitated towards yoga and towards AYP with the promise of direct experience. That is important to me. I do struggle at times with the requirement of faith/belief that these systems are valid. Growing up in a casually religious family, I've come to suspect belief systems (I side with Robert Anton Wilson who likes to abbreviate them B.S.).
I'd like to chronicle my ongoing journey here in a public forum, for both the personal benefit and hopefully for the benefit of others like me. I've found wonderful support here on the forum in the past, so perhaps my ongoing quest and questions might be of some value to others. |
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chinmayo
Finland
67 Posts |
Posted - Oct 23 2013 : 2:28:26 PM
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Hello!
I have somewhat similar background with AYP, so I will be following this journal out of interest.
Also grew up in religious family, began suspecting it in my late teens, got kinda depressed in my 20s and being an introvert finally decided to take on meditation and now this year stumbled upon AYP. Besides AYP, I'm exploring tantra, kundalini yoga, chiqong and practising martial arts & shiatsu.
Good luck on your quest! |
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Yogaman
USA
295 Posts |
Posted - Oct 23 2013 : 2:56:28 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by chinmayo
Hello!
I have somewhat similar background with AYP, so I will be following this journal out of interest.
Also grew up in religious family, began suspecting it in my late teens, got kinda depressed in my 20s and being an introvert finally decided to take on meditation and now this year stumbled upon AYP. Besides AYP, I'm exploring tantra, kundalini yoga, chiqong and practising martial arts & shiatsu.
Good luck on your quest!
Indeed we do seem to have followed similar paths. I wish you the best on yours as well! |
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Yogaman
USA
295 Posts |
Posted - Oct 23 2013 : 3:03:49 PM
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One of the main reasons for wanting to start up this journal in public was to chronicle some of the experiences that I am unsure about, at least as far as their connection to meditation. One of these has been periods of intense sensory amplification, particularly the senses of smell and sight. Currently I am on another period (this time 3-4 days so far) where my sense of smell is very pronounced. It's as if the volume went from 3 to 7 (out of 10). I also have had some situations where I found myself fascinated by the level of detail and color I was seeing in everyday objects, like the food on my fork. I also have times where nature bathed in sunlight can be especially vibrant and I really have a sense of the depth and space.
My morning meditation had some pulsing, searching "energy" or sensation going around the inside of my head. Almost as if it were looking for a way out. Not strong, but obvious. Very similar to the "energy" I feel when automatic yoga takes place. The automatic yoga has been less prevalent the past few days, but I've also stopped extending my sits past the 20 minutes. I had been finding myself just settling in to some deep stillness and peace at the 15-20 minute mark, so I was just extending my sits to enjoy this peaceful state. As a minor depression has come over me in the past few weeks, I suspected perhaps I'd been overdoing it on my sits and decided to pull back to the suggested time limit. I do use a timer (an app). |
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mr_anderson
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - Oct 23 2013 : 9:15:12 PM
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Sounds like the practices are working 
With regards to depression, I have suffered with depression also, in fact suicidal levels of depression. After 6 months of AYP practices depression never really affected me in the same way again (apart from overloading being able to bring on low moods). Eventually, depression just stopped altogether, even as an overload symptom. Have been practicing since 2009, never a blue day anymore :-)
It's interesting what you say about lack of existential angst. We can only theorize about things like reincarnation, because ultimately, who knows? But there's such a vast range of people on earth, vastly different and wide ranging levels of fortune, development, intelligence and sensitivity present on spiritual and other levels.
Do people only get one shot? So we're all born completely innocent, and say somebody happens to be born into a family where they are abused horribly, and born with very little intelligence and ability to extricate their-self from the effect of this as they grow older, and consequently live a life of total misery and despair, that's their one shot?
Personally I don't believe it. In my experience, manifestation operates according to certain laws, and whilst sometimes seemingly incredibly cruel and harsh, I intuitively feel that universe dances to its own cosmic perspective which is ultimately beneficent and just. When my sense of self collapses, and I experience the truth of my being, it's my experience that everything is made of Pure Love, and Pure Love is the natural state of things - and present hiding in even the harshest of circumstances.
When I encounter people, I always experience an intuitive perception with an inner-sight of what sort of level of spiritual development/soul age they are on. I don't pay too much attention to it, but I always know it's there - it helps me a lot at understanding where people are coming from and how they experience the world. A great deal of the greatest sages/rishis/seers, including those who realize that everything ultimately is all a play made of but one substance - non-dual consciousness (incl the dance of a soul's evolution) - have indicated the truth of reincarnation. I agree with you about belief systems, they are more likely to obstruct the truth than reveal it, and we are better questioning them with skepticism than accepting with blind faith. I do however rely on my intuition, as it's my constant guide in life, and continually proves itself an accurate predictor of what is true - beyond the limited range of sensory experience and ignorant thought.
Not all souls are at a stage where looking very deeply within is part of their path. They are quite lucky to be able to simply enjoy and be contented with earth life as it is. Its my sense that as souls age, the importance of looking within increases - and hence existential angst grows.
That's all conjecture of course. Only a theory that there's intuitive resonance with here. Ultimately, who knows?
Thank you for writing your journal and sharing with us. It's a service to the community. |
Edited by - mr_anderson on Oct 23 2013 9:18:02 PM |
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Yogaman
USA
295 Posts |
Posted - Oct 23 2013 : 11:13:45 PM
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Very interesting to hear on the depression, mr_a. I have noticed my bouts with it are less often, and less severe. This current one is the worst I've had in a long while,mand it's not even close to being as bad as it's been in the past. I've been sick (or dealing with allergies,tough to tell sometimes), as well as injured and unable to exercise, so that could be playing a factor in my low moods.
I can't speak to your other points just yet, I don't have enough experience to really have an opinion but they are some worthwhile things to consider. I've been listening to some Alan Watts lectures (over and over and over), and he touches on similar ideas as you've mentioned. "Out Of Your Mind" is a superb series by Watts.
By the way mr_a, your journal in this section inspired me to do the same. It's something I've been considering for months, glad I got it off the ground. |
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Yogaman
USA
295 Posts |
Posted - Oct 24 2013 : 2:10:55 PM
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One thing I wanted to include about my progress in this journey is my concern about isolation. I tend to be one of those people who really gets into a thing when I get into it. This can also result in dropping it once the novelty wears off, a sure sign of a dabbler.
But I am pretty focused on meditation right now. It's been an interest of mine for much longer than the past year, I just never saw myself seriously putting in the time, and more importantly, didn't know if I saw myself as "that guy".
Over the years, and especially with a switch to working for myself from home, I've found myself shunning my old social outlets. These were centered on drinking and other partying situations. I've lost the interest in these things more and more, and therefore in the those people. The cognitive dissonance is just too much to be at a bar on on a back porch while everyone drinks and does other drugs to intoxication and beyond. I'm not even against it all, it's just lost interest for me.
However, this has severely limited my socializing as it was all based on these types of get-togethers. I'm slowly realizing I never really cultivated a lot of interests or social outlets beyond going to the bar or a party.
With the addition of these yoga practices, my interests align with a very narrow band of topics — or better said, a different band of topics — than your average person would be up for discussing in casual conversation.
I'm not much of a sports guy, a pop culture guy, a current events guy, a news guy or a politics guy. I'm much more on the action side, especially personal exploration and self-improvement. Philosophy, nature, hiking/biking, etc.
Since picking up the meditation and especially since starting AYP, I've noticed a change in myself that is best described as the old, false persona I used to believe I had to maintain is slowly evaporating. I find myself worrying less about what I think I should be doing, and doing what I feel I want (something I've ignored for years, trying to fit in).
I still struggle with this at times, feeling as if I am "missing out" or letting the world pass me by. Being single and childless, I am also a bit on the outside of the experience of many of my friends, and most people near my age in general.
One big downside to this is that you discover very quickly how abrupt the end of a friendship can happen. If not maintained constantly, many casual (and even those you thought were deep) friendships can dissipate within weeks. Many friendships are based on proximity, regular repetition, and convenience.
I've changed a lot of other habits in the months since picking up AYP: healthier eating (whole foods approach), exercise, less alcohol, quit the electronic cigarette that helped me quit smoking, quit using pornography and have dramatically lessened masturbation (I've not been in a relationship in many years).
These changes, along with the meditation focus, definitely make me feel a bit on the fringe. Those feelings of being an outsider make me less interested in socializing in the old haunts as they just make the contrast more dramatic and remind me how much I don't fit in. And with my lack of cultivation of other social outlets (as well as any ideas of how to forge new outlets), I'm finding myself more and more isolated. My relationships are deeper with friends I connect more closely with, and I spend more time with these people than in the past.
Still, I sometimes worry I am isolating myself from lighter and more "fun" outlets, in addition to limiting my chance of meeting someone with whom I could start a relationship.
I worry sometimes this quest for truth through meditation and yoga might just be swapping one set of problems for another.
Some may say the answer is "balance", but I went through a period of meditation and exercise last year while still trying to keep those old social outlets going, and it just felt so forced I eventually sunk back into a depression, gave up all those beneficial activities, and isolated myself once again. Not one to give up, I got back on track at the start of 2013 again.
Interestingly, when in a good mood (and this summer I was in some of the best moods I can recall in a long time), I didn't find myself feeling as if I were "missing out", even though my situation is no different than it is today. I find myself more concerned about the isolation when in a low mood, but also had some concerns when I was in a good mood that perhaps it wasn't healthy to not be concerned about the social connections.
A bit confusing perhaps, but it plays a big factor in my meditation practices and my persistence and dedication to it. |
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chinmayo
Finland
67 Posts |
Posted - Oct 24 2013 : 9:03:08 PM
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Damn, it really sounds like me telling my life story - i can definitely relate!
It has been difficult finding the best way to socialize after skipping bar/nightclub scene, but on the other hand I haven't really felt the need for socializing the same way I used to. Actually, the socializing I am doing now seems more fulfilling as I don't have any expectations of them. Very very liberating after being rather anxious guy in the past - anxious if I stayed home because I felt like I should be somewhere socializing, and also anxious if I went out socializing as I felt like it wasn't what I had expected. And the next days hangover didn't help that much either
I have found that I have the most fun outside of myself with people with spiritual interests. I go to the yoga classes and martial arts classes to socialize and to have social outlet. And the tantra groups are also good for meeting like minded people and having some physical / spiritual connection, as I am also a single man living alone. To me it feels like a brand new, exciting life with new possibilites to explore - without the cloak of depression on! The balance is good - there should be some socializing, physicality and fun in addition to solitary spiritual practises I would say.. But it's good to choose carefully with whom you want to be socializing with etc.
Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy a good ol' pint or two every now and then, but I don't enjoy getting drunk, or that scene anymore. Oh gosh, should be sleepin' already. |
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Yogaman
USA
295 Posts |
Posted - Oct 25 2013 : 12:51:50 AM
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I hear you on the anxiety of feeling as if you must go out, and then once out, the anxiety of feeling you must have a good time, or meet someone, etc.
I just finished re-reading an odd little meditation book called The Short Path. It discusses specific techniques for reaching states of consciousness in meditation. I had read it years ago before starting a regular meditation practice and thought I would read it again. Some of it made a slight bit more sense, with an expanded knowledge and vocabulary from my AYP reading.
The short version of the technique is that you focus on an area in your (closed eye) sight line, about the distance where you'd read a book. Where the focus of the eyes converges. This area or "spot" is the area to focus on. There is no light or color to it, it is just an artifact of the optic nerve on each eye. Once found, maintaining this focus on the area and then focusing on the center is the next goal. This he claims is the source of the term "bindu", and it will appear as a small point of light. Your aim is to expand that point. It will eventually appear as a five-pointed star. If one can maintain this star, the mind will settle into samadhi.
He goes into slight more detail, as well as his own personal history and experiences. But the technique is very simple. Personally, I do not see this "spot" he claims exists. It is said it's not something you imagine or visualize, it is there all the time, but subtle. |
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Yonatan
Israel
849 Posts |
Posted - Oct 29 2013 : 7:32:37 PM
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Hi Yogaman 
Thank you for sharing and chronicling your path. I agree with Mr Anderson that it looks like AYP is really benefiting you. Regarding socializing, I am also an introvert and I don't have many friends, there are people I meet regularly and talk with but I have few very close friends. I think that having friends even if they are few, that are very close and are friends for life, is what is important, these friendships can get very deep and meaningful and ultimately those are the "real" friends. I believe you'll find your way in this area, because by keeping on doing spiritual practices you open yourself to reveal the authentic and positive you, and the people that match the "real you" and who can be good friends will be attracted to you. It's an evolution and it keeps on just getting better and better.
Please keep on writing about your journey, it is very interesting, and sure will help others who are/will be in the same place as you are/will be.
Oh yeah and just to echo your experience, my ideas of how I should be/act or even write gradually dissolved over time of practicing AYP, and blocks keep on dissolving to reveal the true being.
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Edited by - Yonatan on Oct 29 2013 7:35:49 PM |
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Radharani
USA
843 Posts |
Posted - Oct 30 2013 : 02:11:39 AM
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Dear Yogaman,
Thank you so much for sharing your journal with us!
I am a big fan of Alan Watts, btw - his books really got me started on all this stuff back in my teens.
Re: friends and socializing. I live out in the boondocks and work night shift, and also have chronic illness with immune dysfunction, so I don't get to socialize much. Most of my friends live an hour away, on the beach, and I used to enjoy going to sing at karaoke but my health won't really allow it right now. So I do most of my "socializing" on Facebook and AYP forum. I have met some of the nicest people here!! AYP is really a wonderful sangha. Thank you for being part of it.  |
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Yogaman
USA
295 Posts |
Posted - Oct 30 2013 : 12:19:09 PM
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Thanks for the kind words Yonatan and Radharani. It's good to know the journal entries are of interest to others.
My recent episode of depression slowly feels as if it's finally lifting. I'm still not feeling well though. I've maintained my meditation sits as they give me some peace and structure to these otherwise chaotic days. Being self-employed, it's easy to take advantage of not having a boss when one isn't in the mood to work or not feeling well. But one also needs to let the body rest and heal.
The meditations have not been as still as they were before my health took a dip. I had a thought during yesterday's sit that I have an expectation on the meditation process in which the experience should be as distinct and obvious as a depression or a psychedelic experience — I don't want to suspect that things may be progressing, I want an experience that is obvious. One of my earliest thoughts after I first started meditating regularly was that the first goal was to eliminate all my earlier expectations and preconceptions. I realized I've collected a lot of inaccurate views of the process from film, television, cartoons, and uninformed conversation. It made me realize too how much of every aspect of life has been influenced this way, but that's another topic!
I think I may still be placing expectations on meditation based on these pop culture references mixed with my imagination. The more I meditate, the more the process itself is allowed to unfold on its own.
I had dinner with a long-time friend last night who lives local. He was involved with a kriya yoga group years ago for many years, even going to some national retreats. When asked, he said he stopped due to not being able to calm the mind after 5 years. I vas surprised to hear that. He felt as if it was not suited to him, and that other activities brought him to a calm state. I didn't feel comfortable jumping in with all the information I've read over the past hear (I'm know to do just that!), but it seemed as if he wasn't clear as to the real goals of practices. I'm unaware of the structure of the lessons and the pace of the release of information and techniques. He was however aware of keychari mudra, but who knows where he heard of it. |
Edited by - Yogaman on Oct 30 2013 12:43:56 PM |
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Yogaman
USA
295 Posts |
Posted - Oct 30 2013 : 12:24:47 PM
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I wanted to share this website I discovered the other day. The author's experience of certain stages of meditation practices without any knowledge of what was "supposed" to happen were very encouraging to me as to the validity of some of the descriptions I've read elsewhere.
http://formlessart.wordpress.com/ |
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Yonatan
Israel
849 Posts |
Posted - Oct 30 2013 : 6:21:13 PM
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Dear Yogaman,
I think you are very right about wanting to see obvious effects and change from practicing AYP. I mean, who doesn't? I also think that although that is what we may want to see, it doesn't always happen like we want it to. These changes can take time, things need to be processed, released, and life may need to go through many subtle and not so subtle changes. Like you, I am now also learning to be patient with it, trusting and intending to move forward with Bhakti, but patient and accepting things how they are, this is a powerful lesson to learn, I am seeing.
Good luck and keep it up
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Yogaman
USA
295 Posts |
Posted - Oct 31 2013 : 1:11:07 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Yonatan
Dear Yogaman,
I think you are very right about wanting to see obvious effects and change from practicing AYP. I mean, who doesn't? I also think that although that is what we may want to see, it doesn't always happen like we want it to. These changes can take time, things need to be processed, released, and life may need to go through many subtle and not so subtle changes. Like you, I am now also learning to be patient with it, trusting and intending to move forward with Bhakti, but patient and accepting things how they are, this is a powerful lesson to learn, I am seeing.
Good luck and keep it up
Indeed, one reads often that what you are seeking is right here, now. The patience and accepting may be beneficial to this.
I was listening to a Manly P. Hall lecture on YouTube last night, the topic was "Concentration". He discussed how the story of the Buddha saying he was going to sit under the Bo tree and not leave until he reached enlightenment was an allegory for him staying on the path he was on, with no more "guru hopping".
In a sense I reached the beginnings of that point this year. I knew I needed to put time and dedication to these pursuits; for too long I had wondered about them but told myself I didn't have the focus or persistence. But nothing else I was doing was "right", any I knew I needed to focus in and make some real effort.
I am seeing some change, if slight and subtle. I'm here for the long haul. |
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Yonatan
Israel
849 Posts |
Posted - Oct 31 2013 : 2:49:46 PM
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| That's good Yogaman |
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Yogaman
USA
295 Posts |
Posted - Nov 01 2013 : 7:43:00 PM
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Been struggling with some depression over the past few weeks. It goes up and down in terms of intensity. The one practice I've maintained is my meditation sits. I do realize I am putting somewhat of an expectation for outcome on this, hoping for some cessation of the depression. But I do it more to maintain the practice as well as not fall into a slump of inactivity — that can spiral into a deeper negative mindset.
I've also found myself experimenting with kechari mudra over the past couple weeks. Mostly outside of my sits. I'm not sure why but I got the urge to research in depth a week or so ago. I seem to be able to reach stage 2 with ease now, and I've little besides help things along with the index finger. Now I can just do so with the tongue alone. I don't really experience anything when I do it besides a slight stinging in the throat/nasal passage. I can't really breath through the nostrils while I do this so I am not sure how I would be able to maintain this during pranayama or meditation. |
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Yogaman
USA
295 Posts |
Posted - Nov 03 2013 : 11:00:21 PM
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Had a thought during tonight's sit that I keep hoping for a "save point", like in a video game, when I really reach a deep calm state :)
Was also reflecting during the post-sit rest about a bit of self-righteousness I've had since starting out on this process. A lecture by Manly P. Hall brought the thought to mind. I was listening to it today on a bike ride. He was specifically talking about the feeling of isolation, and I have definitely been guilty of steering clear of certain situations and people because they are not "ready for change" and looking to improve themselves, etc. It's a fine line between staying away from negative influences, and completely staying away from entire situations. Something I still need to work on. |
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Yogaman
USA
295 Posts |
Posted - Nov 06 2013 : 12:09:46 PM
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I've been having early-morning wake ups for the past week or so. They seem to coincide with this recent depression I've been dealing with for the last few weeks. Last night/morning, I woke with some very intense energy sensations throughout the body. At the time I felt as if it had something to do with meditation/kundalini but the experience wasn't very specific as far as the location of the sensations. There was a pulsation that coincided with my pulse, but could have been related to the elevated heart rate. There was some unease and slight anxiety related to it. It was a very odd feeling,tough to describe exactly.
Meditations have been going well otherwise. I seem to have finally found a comfortable position for siddhasana. My pranayama has been going more fluidly too, I've been a bit less intense on the sambhavi mudra and mula bandha. I think I was too focused on doing them tightly. I'm also allowing the spinal breathing to be a bit more relaxed too. I used to be very specific with imagining the sensation traveling the spine. |
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Yonatan
Israel
849 Posts |
Posted - Nov 10 2013 : 3:13:11 PM
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That's good to hear Yogaman (that you're more easy with the practices), as you can imagine if you're easy with the practices this being easy with it is probably projecting onto the rest of your life too, or will be.
Love!!
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Yogaman
USA
295 Posts |
Posted - Nov 11 2013 : 01:57:55 AM
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The depression seems to have lifted a couple days ago. Been in a very positive mood despite a lingering cold or something that reared back up. I'm totally fine with that, much rather have the depression gone! I met with some friends last night. It was the first time I've had beer in a month, with only 2 pints the earlier time (and a 2-month hiatus prior to that). I really felt awful today. I woke early with an elevated heart rate and headache, and a general hangover. I'd only had 4 beers in 5 hours with plenty of water. I now recall why I took leave of beer in the first place. I didn't really miss it all that much to be honest. It has made me aware of how many of my relationships and many social gatherings focus on alcohol though. It has changed which people I spend time with lately for sure.
On the meditation front, I've upped my spinal breathing to 10 minutes from 5. I did 9 months of 5 minutes. I feel like it was a good choice, it gives me more time to get into the groove and I am starting to get a better flow and rhythm with it along with sambhavi and mula. Had some wonderful sits both times today. I felt like I had "found" the way to focus, and it was more "right here all along" than I had imagined before. Will see how things go though. Regardless, today's sits were quite good.
I was doing some reading over at http://www.swamij.com this weekend. I'd bookmarked his site to read later but had never gotten around to it. He has some nice articles on there and I feel they are a nice companion to the AYP lessons and books. Swami J has a very "scientific" approach to his writing, but in a good way. Very clear and aiming for being descriptive. Some of his stuff helped me grasp some concepts I was a bit cloudy on from other reading. IN particular I was curious about the distinctions between concentration, meditation and samadhi, which I feel I understand now (on an abstract, intellectual level at present).
Daniel Ingram's "Mastering The Core Teachings of the BUddha" led me to the differences between concentration and insight, and I liked his stages/levels approach. It just helps me get a mental "flow chart" of things. Swami J seems to like to present the information this way as well, which is most likely why it resonated with me.
I am looking forward to my sits this week, with the longer spinal breathing, the comfortable siddhasana pose established, and best of all the depression gone. |
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Yogaman
USA
295 Posts |
Posted - Nov 11 2013 : 01:58:50 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Yonatan
That's good to hear Yogaman (that you're more easy with the practices), as you can imagine if you're easy with the practices this being easy with it is probably projecting onto the rest of your life too, or will be.
Love!!
That would be a wonderful side-effect! :) |
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chinmayo
Finland
67 Posts |
Posted - Nov 11 2013 : 12:48:47 PM
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| I know the feeling you have on beer. I also avoid drinking nowadays for that very same reason. Even two beers a night can be too much, so it's better to stick with one or no alcohol at all. And I don't even like the drunkennes anymore actually. The downside of course is, that I do like the tast of some beers quite a lot. Maybe then drink only half-pint of the favorite one and drink tea for the rest of the night or something? |
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Yogaman
USA
295 Posts |
Posted - Nov 13 2013 : 12:58:54 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by chinmayo
I know the feeling you have on beer. I also avoid drinking nowadays for that very same reason. Even two beers a night can be too much, so it's better to stick with one or no alcohol at all. And I don't even like the drunkennes anymore actually. The downside of course is, that I do like the tast of some beers quite a lot. Maybe then drink only half-pint of the favorite one and drink tea for the rest of the night or something?
Fortunately for me I never really cared much for the taste anyways. I'm not sure yet if it was the alcohol alone or perhaps a food sensitivity to an ingredient (I've discovered via elimination diet that I am sensitive to something related to grains/wheat/starch). My experiment without drinking for a while has taught me that I can definitely not drink and in fact I feel so much better without it. I also am seeing how I was using it for a social anxiety crutch. |
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Yogaman
USA
295 Posts |
Posted - Nov 13 2013 : 1:04:04 PM
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I woke early this morning with a very strange energy throughout my body. It was subtly sexual at first, but still was throughout the body. It was also a bit uncomfortable, in an anxiety/nausea way. Not overpowering but enough to just feel weird. Some pressure/energy in the head/forehead. A few spasms.
I've not been feeling well so it could be related to that. But it wasn't a typical achy flu experience. It was quite unique and weird. Not sure if related to the meditation or not. I still have some leftover feelings of it now, but not as encompassing as when it jolted me awake in the early morning hours. I keep thinking of my extended spinal breathing time, and reports of initial kundalini experiences. I can say that it was in no way blissful or pleasant. |
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Yogaman
USA
295 Posts |
Posted - Nov 17 2013 : 6:53:34 PM
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I was experimenting with mula bandha while driving this afternoon and I feel as if I finally found the right spot. I'm sure practice and conditioning the muscles in the area takes some time. The odd thing is that I feel as if I found this spot before, but lost it. Once employed, it can remain active with little effort or thought. This leads me to believe I've conditioned myself properly.
I've also been able to reach some quite profound levels of body stillness this past week or so during my meditations. Really good sits lately. |
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Yogaman's journal
