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Ananda
3115 Posts |
 Posted - Sep 18 2013 : 5:25:18 PM
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Hi all,
Could someone here give good advise on how to deal with anger and stressful situations. Share a video or a good book with practical advise.
Please don't suggest anything spiritual... Except Self Pacing
Would appreciate the feedback. I need it.
Love,
Ananda |
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Ananda
3115 Posts |
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jeff
USA
971 Posts |
Posted - Sep 19 2013 : 11:00:23 AM
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Hi Ananda,
Do you "see" yourself getting angry and cant stop or help yourself? Or, do you get angry and then later regret how you acted after the fact?
Thanks,
Jeff |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Sep 19 2013 : 11:07:44 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Ananda
Will read slowly...
http://www.aypsite.org/forum/topic....hTerms=anger
He he... I was going to suggest that technique to you... but wasn't sure if you would label that as a spiritual technique or not... and since you specifically said...
quote:
Please don't suggest anything spiritual...
...did not want to aggravate you anymore.
Love you!
Hope you feel better soon. |
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yogani
USA
5242 Posts |
Posted - Sep 19 2013 : 11:09:46 AM
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Hi Ananda:
Anger comes from unfulfilled personal desire -- the frustration of energy hitting obstructions within us. We can redirect the energy toward our ishta (chosen ideal), where it can be put to good use. All emotional energy can be redirected in this way. This is bhakti. Nothing wrong with being angry with God. It will lead us to purification, surrender and divine flow in union.
When a child throws a tantrum, insisting that the parent should come, then the parent will surely come. 
The guru is in you.
PS: Of course, bhakti works best in abiding inner silence cultivated in meditation. It always gets back to that. One leads to the other.
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whippoorwill
USA
450 Posts |
Posted - Sep 19 2013 : 11:34:13 AM
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Agree with everything Shanti and Yogani said. How could I not? 
But would add...
Start walking. When anger is flowing like poison in the veins, I would go someplace as unpopulated as is reasonable (cuz you're gonna look like a madman) and take a big, long hike. (Make sure you have plenty of water!) And let that anger flow. Don't block it! Let it fuel your steps. Talk to yourself if you need to! If you're mad at God, then GET mad at God and let God know just exactly what you think! When you can't walk anymore, sit down and start writing. Pour your venom out onto paper, and when you're too exhausted to write anymore, burn the paper. And when it's all through and you're all spent, and there's just that tiny bit left... Samyama. I like Shanti's sutra: "show me!"
Then hopefully there's someplace quiet you can go to just rest and recover.
Been there.
Love!!
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whippoorwill
USA
450 Posts |
Posted - Sep 19 2013 : 11:46:13 AM
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| P.S. Would recommend a circular path close to someplace restful, rather than going off for miles and miles into the middle of nowhere. |
Edited by - whippoorwill on Sep 19 2013 11:46:31 AM |
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Ananda
3115 Posts |
Posted - Sep 19 2013 : 11:57:35 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by jeff
Hi Ananda,
Do you "see" yourself getting angry and cant stop or help yourself? Or, do you get angry and then later regret how you acted after the fact?
Thanks,
Jeff
Both dear Jeff... |
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Ananda
3115 Posts |
Posted - Sep 19 2013 : 11:59:53 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by yogani
Hi Ananda:
Anger comes from unfulfilled personal desire -- the frustration of energy hitting obstructions within us. We can redirect the energy toward our ishta (chosen ideal), where it can be put to good use. All emotional energy can be redirected in this way. This is bhakti. Nothing wrong with being angry with God. It will lead us to purification, surrender and divine flow in union.
When a child throws a tantrum, insisting that the parent should come, then the parent will surely come.
The guru is in you.
Beautiful Yoganiji,
This kind of thing automatically happens but usually without a reply... Which leaves me really heart broken...
Thank you |
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Ananda
3115 Posts |
Posted - Sep 19 2013 : 12:02:10 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Shanti
quote:
Originally posted by Ananda
Will read slowly...
http://www.aypsite.org/forum/topic....hTerms=anger
He he... I was going to suggest that technique to you... but wasn't sure if you would label that as a spiritual technique or not... and since you specifically said...
quote:
Please don't suggest anything spiritual...
...did not want to aggravate you anymore.
Love you!
Hope you feel better soon.
Dear Shantiji,
I posted this to remind myself about reading it after I came back home... Like at the present time... Plus there were no replies... So I did a search and this topic seemed like the best thing in the forums.
Love,
Ananda |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Sep 19 2013 : 12:04:05 PM
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| There were no replies because you said you did not want anything spiritual, and I guess no one knew of any other technique. |
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Ananda
3115 Posts |
Posted - Sep 19 2013 : 12:10:48 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by whippoorwill
Agree with everything Shanti and Yogani said. How could I not?
But would add...
Start walking. When anger is flowing like poison in the veins, I would go someplace as unpopulated as is reasonable (cuz you're gonna look like a madman) and take a big, long hike. (Make sure you have plenty of water!) And let that anger flow. Don't block it! Let it fuel your steps. Talk to yourself if you need to! If you're mad at God, then GET mad at God and let God know just exactly what you think! When you can't walk anymore, sit down and start writing. Pour your venom out onto paper, and when you're too exhausted to write anymore, burn the paper. And when it's all through and you're all spent, and there's just that tiny bit left... Samyama. I like Shanti's sutra: "show me!"
Then hopefully there's someplace quiet you can go to just rest and recover.
Been there.
Love!!
Dear whippoorwill,
Unfortunately this is happening during work on the scene... Unexpectedly... I've gotten better at dealing with such situations and keeping my mouth shut usually... But yesterday I simply exploded then and there... I didn't let out entirely... Maybe the reason why I remained very upset... For some reason, it seems like a burst of anger like this happens with me once or twice every 2 or 3 months... I was really under pressure during this last month and many things have been building up with me shutting my mouth... Reminding myself of Sri Ramana's best mantra "be quiet" whatever is meant to happen will happen...
As for sports, I do a lot of walking and lifting heavy loads in my work already while serving the clients... Working at a book store during school season is not a very easy task...
Thank you for your advise
Love,
Ananda |
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Ananda
3115 Posts |
Posted - Sep 19 2013 : 12:12:52 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Shanti
There were no replies because you said you did not want anything spiritual, and I guess no one knew of any other technique.
Ok, now I see my foolishness I think Yogani's advise is the best... I used to have this habit but somehow I've let go of it... It's like God should only get the positive from me... |
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emc
2072 Posts |
Posted - Sep 19 2013 : 3:45:15 PM
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The old trick "count to ten" is also good. During that time you have possibility to remove yourself to a more lonely place and there you can scream or hit a pillow or just make a lot of movements. Emotion is energy in motion. Moving your body helps dissipating or redirecting anger.
A cool thing to play with is redirecting someone else's anger! (Yes, not ethical perhaps, but anyway). A therapist showed me once how it works. If someone is angry at you, you can take the anger but turn to something that is safe and hit it, mirror the angry behavior, act the same but towards a thing. Preferably, it should make a lot of noice. A steel bucket or something. The angry person will directly loose the energy. =) It works. I've tried it! 
This is ver non-spiritual and very psychological. Please apply as you find suitable.
And I love your answer, Yogani. Thanks a lot!  |
Edited by - emc on Sep 19 2013 4:21:44 PM |
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cosmic
USA
821 Posts |
Posted - Sep 19 2013 : 4:31:55 PM
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Hello my friend
I'm no expert on anger or how to deal with it, but I've been grappling with anger myself for almost a year now. My insights may or may not apply to you, but by offering them, I hope you can save yourself some suffering.
These are just some things that have helped me with anger.
One is acknowledging your anger and not seeing it as "bad" or "wrong". Allow yourself to feel it. Take a few deep, mindful breaths, but with the intention of feeling the anger, not pushing it away. Pushing your anger away will make it grow and fester beneath the surface. It can then come out in harmful ways.
In the moment of anger, step away from the situation if you can. Take a walk, breathe, be silent until the anger passes. Don't suppress the anger, but resolve not to confront the person who angered you until you have clarity of mind.
Communicate or express your anger. Write, draw, or talk to a neutral person about it. Preferably someone not involved in the situation, someone who can hear you out and allow you to be with your anger.
Don't drink (alcohol) when you're angry. I've done this a few times and have become a demon. I've said and done things I've regretted, confronted people, yelled at people. For me, anger is a reaction to being pushed into a corner or feeling bullied, so my anger feels justified and I blame my perceived oppressor. Alcohol fuels that justification and makes it easy to become aggressive instead of understanding and compassionate.
The Presence Process helped me with anger tremendously. However, it can bring suppressed anger to the surface, so I found it helpful to gain some comfort with my anger for a few months before I did the process.
Know that you're loved and supported. I have some regrets in how I dealt with my anger and treated my loved ones, but ultimately getting in touch with my anger has been a blessing. It was integral in getting in touch with my voice and authentic humanity. Being in touch with my anger has opened me up to self-expression and greater honesty. Now that I don't fear my anger, I don't fear speaking up and being heard when I feel I'm being wronged. Or confronting people when I need to.
Much love to you, brother Ananda. If you want to talk privately, you know where to reach me.
Namaste
cosmic |
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jeff
USA
971 Posts |
Posted - Sep 19 2013 : 4:34:33 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Ananda
quote:
Originally posted by jeff
Hi Ananda,
Do you "see" yourself getting angry and cant stop or help yourself? Or, do you get angry and then later regret how you acted after the fact?
Thanks,
Jeff
Both dear Jeff...
Hi Ananda,
In those cases that you can see it happening, but can't stop yourself... Try to stay with the watching, go as deep as possible into watching yourself. With some practice at it, you will find that you almost start laughing (as it can be very funny).
In those cases that it is after the fact... Try to look back and do some inquiry on what really caused the anger ego response. It is usually some deep memory where as Yogani said, the energy needs to be released (or let go).
Peace Brother |
Edited by - jeff on Sep 19 2013 4:35:42 PM |
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kami
USA
921 Posts |
Posted - Sep 19 2013 : 9:00:04 PM
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Dear Ananda,
I too refrained from responding lest anything be considered "spiritual". 
So many great tips here! Thank you for bringing it up.
This is a topic that hits home for me - until the last few years, I was a very angry person. In fact, it was noticing the trajectory of my life as that person in a flash of clairvoyance that brought me to the spiritual path. It was in desperation to change that I took up spiritual practices. And I tried pretty much everything when it arose, sometimes with success and other times not. Most "techniques" seemed like tiresome Band-Aids after a while..
The only thing that has been effective here is to dig deep to uncover the root cause. As Yogani pointed out in his infinite wisdom, the root cause is always an unfulfilled desire. In fact, this process is well-described in the Gita (Attachment develops by dwelling upon objects. Desire is born of attachment and from desire anger is born. Anger results in delusion, loss of wisdom and the destruction of peace, 2-62) Unfulfilled desires are usually common to most of us - feeling unloved, misunderstood, out of place.. All leading to a deep sense of inadequacy. Digging deep is painful, to go back to those initial impressions that have led to a lifetime of anger. And the process that helped in this was samyama. Not just to release anger, but also to uncover the root cause.. Somewhere along the way, remaining focused on that deeper issues that needed release, I've found that the anger is gone. Temporary irritation or annoyance may still arise, but the burning rage that would destroy my peace for days on end has not occurred in a while..
Not sure if any of this is helpful.
Love to you.
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Ananda
3115 Posts |
Posted - Sep 19 2013 : 11:36:47 PM
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Dear all, thank you for your words of advise. All is taken into consideration. Unfortunately I think I am in overload mode big time even though my spiritual practice is really so very little.
In your gratitude for your time
love,
Ananda |
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Anger
