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KellyN
75 Posts |
 Posted - Sep 11 2013 : 9:28:15 PM
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Hello everyone,
I am back to AYP after a long period of searching, experimenting, researching, and non practice. I began reading several books on spiritualism, as my appetitie and craving for such knowledge seemed unrelenting. I started practicing AYP in late 2011 and I was diligent for a year until I strayed...haha. Anyway, I was trying different styles of practice, such as some Zen techniques and chakra meditations. Then I just stopped altogether after reading a book called, butterflies are free to fly. I am still not sure why I let this book affect me the way it did but I think I lost faith. I am still trying to make sense of that whole experience. I felt lost and confused, and sensed a great sad, loss in my heart. So I quit all spiritual practices for several months. I just started meditating again and well, I am sooooo irritable. I know that in part, my days are filled with stress coming from two young children and a puppy....but my irritability is just ridiculous. I have to take a lot of time outs just to keep steady. Even today, the level of stimulation coming at me from my kids playing and the puppy running around just made want to cry. I felt like my nerves were exposed and it just felt overwhelming. I am not sure what this is all about but " this is not how I am." (Pink Floyd). So, any ideas?
Thank you....and by the way, I am usually fun!
Kelly :) |
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts |
Posted - Sep 11 2013 : 11:51:02 PM
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Check out this lesson:
Transforming Emotional Energy for Enlightenment
http://www.aypsite.org/340.html
You can direct your irritability and anger to your chosen ideal (ishta), and that divine presence can begin to transform that raw energy into something more refined and useful.
If you think about how crude oil is drilled from the ground, and then refined into gasoline, you could compare the process or irritability being transformed into divine love. What we're looking for is to draw from the source of stillness as our fuel, because it is far more productive, creative, and gentle than anger or irritability.
Using this method has worked quite well for me, and helped me stay diligent in the cultivation of inner serenity--not only through meditation, but also through the other 7 limbs of yoga.
Best wishes on your path.  |
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lalow33
USA
966 Posts |
Posted - Sep 12 2013 : 12:20:53 AM
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Hi KellyN,
Try extending your rest time after meditation. You probably already know this, but it's worth mentioning. Following Ayurvedic diet guidelines and outdoor exercise might help. And don't be afraid to self-pace |
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KellyN
75 Posts |
Posted - Sep 12 2013 : 12:39:51 AM
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Thank you Bodhi Tree!
So when the puppy chews up an object or tears around the house like a mad dog or when the kids fight over the silliest things (yelling and screeching at eachother) I should direct my irritation to my higher power? Like, I am frustrated and confused about how to become internally peaceful....I am scared of messing up my mind with spiritual practices that could yield effects that may become too much for me handle. Am getting the point? I may require a concrete example  I truly want to improve this issue. My 5 year old son asked me if I needed to nap more because I have gotten so cranky. Yeah, the child is wise!!! Didn't make it better that my 3 year old daughter concurred!
Many thanks,
Kelly |
Edited by - KellyN on Sep 12 2013 01:19:47 AM |
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts |
Posted - Sep 12 2013 : 02:15:52 AM
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Yes, direct it to the higher power.
Think about it. You can't the hurt the higher power. The higher power won't get angry or attack you back. This is the power of surrender. You're not only giving your cotton-candy emotions; you're giving the ishta ALL your emotions.
So, if something "triggers" your anger, you can say (internally or externally): "C'mon, higher power, I need to get closer to you. Stop messing around and show me how. Relieve me of these petty frustrations so I can operate from a place of ecstatic bliss!" Then release. Everything is predicated upon release, upon letting no. No need to hold onto anything. Just be centered and grounded in your body. Pick up and let go. In AYP, this is the samyama technique and principle.
You dig? |
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KellyN
75 Posts |
Posted - Sep 12 2013 : 09:44:36 AM
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Bodhi Tree
 you are the best!!! I do dig!!! That makes total sense! I am going to try that today.
Kelly |
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KellyN
75 Posts |
Posted - Sep 12 2013 : 09:54:35 AM
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Lalow33,
Thank you for your response. I do need more rest altogether. Exercise is part of my daily routine because I love it and it is basically the only time I get to myself!! When in meditate, I feel like my head is floating and after I am done, I feel tired. But life calls!!!! In the form of kids  so, I have to answer. I set time aside when the children are asleep, at 6 am and at when I can, at around 3... Or 7:30, when they are in the bathtub. It is difficult to set aside two times to meditate bc sometimes my 3 yr old climbs into bed with us and she is an EARLY riser!! So I have to push meditation to another time. Anyway, it is definitely a juggle and I really want this for myself and my family. I appreciate your suggestions and support!!!
Kelly |
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Anthem
1608 Posts |
Posted - Sep 12 2013 : 11:03:45 PM
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Hi KellyN,
I think first and foremost I think it is worth saying that looking within for your own answers or following your own instincts about any concerns you have is the most important way to go. It has been my observation that life teaches what I need to know or learn through my experiences. Looking more closely at issues like these or unwanted reactions for me has always lead to greater self understanding and expanded my ability to live a smoother life.
From my own experience I would mention two things. One, meditation can certainly exacerbate irritability and reducing the time of each meditation session and extending rest time after meditating, as mentioned above, would be a first step worth exploring.
Secondly, I have noticed that avoiding a particular emotional reaction serves only to inadvertently fuel the intensity. Avoiding or not wanting can also give an unwanted emotion an intensity that is overblown, very uncomfortable and difficult to process. In other words, the more we avoid, the more it wants to be heard and the "louder" it gets. Life from what I have seen, also tends to repeat itself until it's message is "heard", the same situation or emotional reactions haunt us until we look closely and listen to what they have to teach us about ourselves. My first step in these moments is to listen to what the emotional reaction is communicating, acknowledging and accepting its presence and recognizing it is natural to feel irritable. It is a necessary emotional reaction in life. How else could I know a certain situation or another's action is not in line with my heart's desire or what is true for me in a given situation?
I find that when I really listen in the moment when irritability or any repeating experience comes along, what I need to know about the situation or more accurately know about myself in the situation has a chance to be seen. Sometimes nothing remarkable emerges, sometimes layer after layer reveal themselves over time and other times just acknowledging the emotional reaction is all that is needed. You will know as you explore the experience. I have found that once I stop fighting or resisting it, then another way to live through the moments I was wanting to avoid becomes apparent.
This isn't about developing a theory about the situation, it is simply about noticing your own tendencies in a situation. Seeing them is enough in my experience and the way forward will become more clear in time.
Best of luck to you! |
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Cate
USA
29 Posts |
Posted - Sep 13 2013 : 12:26:38 AM
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Hi Kelly,
I just want to chime in about the importance of resting after meditation. I did not know to do this and read about it for the first time here at AYP. I immediately incorporated it into my routine and the difference it makes for me is incredible.
Prior to incorporating a rest period I would often deal with some challenging emotions afterward which sometimes were rather taxing. After adding the rest period, there is very little in the way of any challenging emotions to contend with.
In my morning meditation before work I simply continue to sit quietly in my meditative pose for about 5 minutes and do some easy deep breathing. For evening when I have more time, I do Savasana for 10-15 minutes.
Adding that little bit of rest time after meditation has made a world of difference and it is now a permanent part of my meditation routine.
I know it can be difficult as a parent of young children to carve out the time, but perhaps you can get the kids engaged in some safe activity close by, while mom has a brief time-out to "nap" aka a meditation break. 
Namasté
Cate
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_shakti_
Canada
48 Posts |
Posted - Sep 13 2013 : 06:09:35 AM
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Hey KellyN, I love your honesty :)
quote:
Originally posted by KellyN
Thank you Bodhi Tree!
So when the puppy chews up an object or tears around the house like a mad dog or when the kids fight over the silliest things (yelling and screeching at eachother) I should direct my irritation to my higher power?
I can virtually hear the frustration through your typed words.. but perhaps that is because I have spent the great majority of my life being a single parent? My question is.. how often do you get a break? I suspect it isn't all that often.. and if that's the case, don't judge yourself for feeling frustrated- it's normal! Try to get some precious 'me time', and I don't mean just stolen moments in your room that is ultimately only interrupted anyway :/
quote:
Like, I am frustrated and confused about how to become internally peaceful....I am scared of messing up my mind with spiritual practices that could yield effects that may become too much for me handle.
With so much on your plate right now (and I don't know how much help you have), that is a very wise thought process. Take your time, there's no rush. What others have mentioned about rest after meditation and self pacing is very good advice. Let your own sense of well being guide you forward, not some arbitrary idea of where you should be :)
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KellyN
75 Posts |
Posted - Sep 13 2013 : 12:06:18 PM
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Thank you everyone. I agree, I think I need more rest time after meditation and I had not even thought about savasana!! Great idea Cate!!
Anthem, yes you are correct about listening to what my emotions are attempting to convey. The message is that I do feel as if the chaos that energetic children and a young puppy can create makes me feel like my central nervous system will explode....seriously. The funny thing is that my kids are as energetic as I am and as my husband is. They are a combination of two very high energy people!! But I have them home all day, ha!! I need more time for my own energy release!
Shakti, your words made me tear up. There is so much truths in what you wrote. Yes, stolen moments in my room or bath do get interrupted by two loving children who want their mommy every minute of the day. Although I love that they love me so much, I also feel so stretched. I do have help from their loving daddy who is also stretched with work and house. I am sure he feels similar to me. It is what it is....we are going through it together and hopefully it will not drive us mad, lol!!! Meditation and exercise have been my two saviors ..but there is no guarantee that I will be left in solitude to engage my soul. I am often gently ushering my toddler out of my space when meditating or exercising. The 5 year old is more respectful of my time. In time, I know that I will have two kids who will respect the little time I ask for myself. I suppose my irritability is valid and I should respect the message it has been trying to give me. I am glad to be back to AYP
Kelly |
Edited by - KellyN on Sep 13 2013 12:17:50 PM |
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_shakti_
Canada
48 Posts |
Posted - Sep 14 2013 : 03:39:57 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by KellyN
Shakti, your words made me tear up. There is so much truths in what you wrote. Yes, stolen moments in my room or bath do get interrupted by two loving children who want their mommy every minute of the day. Although I love that they love me so much, I also feel so stretched.
I understand that notion completely, as well as the associated guilt.. you feel bad for needing more for you. It's easy as a parent, to put your own needs aside so much, that it almost feels as though *you* cease to exist. And it builds up into a certain resentment that is never actually acknowledged, because to do so would make you feel horrible.. and somehow less of a 'good mom'. Which is of course, a complete fallacy.
Constantly giving and not being able to fill back up, takes a toll after a while. I'm glad that you do get some time for you, but maybe you could use a bit more?
quote:
I do have help from their loving daddy who is also stretched with work and house. I am sure he feels similar to me. It is what it is....we are going through it together and hopefully it will not drive us mad, lol!!!
I'm glad to hear you have help, but I'm sure at certain points it will drive you mad, just wait till their teens!! lol.. *shudder*
quote:
Meditation and exercise have been my two saviors ..but there is no guarantee that I will be left in solitude to engage my soul.
I hear ya! I've raised two daughters to adulthood and they are on their own, but I still have one teen at home. She is quite respectful of my meditation time, but sometimes I have to drop everything to be there for my kids. I'm also a grandmother of 3 now, so I often help out when needed with them too.
quote:
I suppose my irritability is valid and I should respect the message it has been trying to give me. I am glad to be back to AYP
Kelly
I think that venting as you have is part of what frees you. I don't know about you, but just knowing that someone understands.. someone has actually HEARD me, helps tremendously. And hey, glad you are back too :)
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KellyN
75 Posts |
Posted - Sep 16 2013 : 01:12:53 AM
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| Thank you Shakti! I appreciate your kindness and understanding. You sound like a true inspiration :) |
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My Irritability is pissing me off.
