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nearoanoke
USA
525 Posts |
 Posted - Jun 15 2006 : 11:19:59 AM
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I feel it is always better to look inside and correct ourselves than the world outside. There are certain things that might not seem hurtful to our logical mind, but will seem hurtful to our emotions. It appears that we can take it coolly but our energy system or nervous system reacts in a different way, complaining pain/hurt. As long as we think its not hurtful, but only feel hurtful isnt it a good idea not to express to the other person and deal within ourselves? and express only when we think it is hurtful or way beyond what we can take.
I would like to know others opinions on this. How do you deal when you think it doesnt hurt but feel the hurt? Whats a good approach.
-Near |
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david_obsidian
USA
2602 Posts |
Posted - Jun 15 2006 : 12:10:08 PM
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Near said:
As long as we think its not hurtful, but only feel hurtful isnt it a good idea not to express to the other person and deal within ourselves? and express only when we think it is hurtful or way beyond what we can take.
I'd say not necessarily, it all depends. It can be a good idea; it can also be a bad one, depending on the situation, and the type of relationship being engaged in.
People are mischievous little monkeys in their faults. I've seen little subcultures in which the idea prevails that, if you are annoyed, you need to change your perspective; its all about you. The trouble with that is that people start to abuse it. People are already very good at turning a complaint situation back on the complainer; if you add that cultural element, they have even more tools to do this, and the environment can be very oppressive, because, even if you have good reason to complain, your complaints are washed away and turned back to you.
Who wants that kind of environment?
It's all about balance. The golden mean. Never say never; never say always. When on the complaining side, we're better off not being overly-negative, critical, complaining-about-everything types; we're also better off though not having a policy never to complain. Likewise, when at the receiving end of complaints, we should find the golden mean between yielding, validating, apologizing and agreeing with all complaints, and the other extreme where complaints against us are never validated by us or apologized for.
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Edited by - david_obsidian on Jun 15 2006 12:19:42 PM |
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Wolfgang
Germany
470 Posts |
Posted - Jun 15 2006 : 2:39:50 PM
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If you feel the hurt but you are able to detach from the feeling,
then you are able to analyse the situation and make a decision
of how to act.
I don't know however, how you can be thinking that it does not hurt,
I mean you would be trying to convince yourself that it didn't hurt,
but the feeling of being hurt is a fact (otherwise you wouldn't feel so).
I am not sure if I understand you correctly.
By the way, this topic is going a bit in the direction of a thread
I started some time ago:
http://www.aypsite.org/forum/topic....OPIC_ID=1130
regards
Wolfgang |
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Anthem
1608 Posts |
Posted - Jun 15 2006 : 10:50:24 PM
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Hi Near,
I think that if you notice the inner hurt happening and have time to think about how you would like to react to it, it is because of the rise of inner silence in you. People without enough inner silence would have reacted and had the aftermath of their reaction to deal with.
I agree with David, sometimes expressing your hurt is the answer and other times it could be more destructive if you did. I think the rise and increase in inner silence in us from our practices, helps us determine which course of action to take in each differing situation. Sometimes I might feel compelled to make it clear to another I don't want to be treated that way and other times I say nothing, understanding why they are acting the way they do.
I also have come to observe in myself that much less in life comes to hurt our feelings as we continue to "clear the mud off the windows to our souls". We start to understand where people's actions stem from and to realize that it is nothing personal towards us, that it is their own issues that drive them to behave the way they do.
Ommmm empathy?
A
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nearoanoke
USA
525 Posts |
Posted - Jun 15 2006 : 11:30:35 PM
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Thanks for the responses guys.
It depends on the kind of relation. With strangers may be we take less compared to ppl who mean a lot to us. Personally I like to observe this hurt feeling and deal with it successfully. Its challenging and inspiring to reach a stage where very few things hurt us.
But with the world, you never get unless you ask for anything. People like to take advantage if you look weak and a pushover. So as we patiently deal with hurt feelings and take things, we need to make it clear its not a weakness but a selfless attitude that made us take things. It is also helpful to let ppl know we are not really ok with it but are trying to be ok with it.
-Near |
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looking inside VS changing the world
