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Kahlia
161 Posts |
 Posted - Sep 08 2012 : 07:55:52 AM
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Someone in another thread recently mentioned the idea of a forced kundalini awakening? Im fairly certain this is what I experienced a few years ago when I was working with someone who was not a good person and I was naive and seriously taken advantage of as he was much more experienced than me. Anyway we worked with some tantric techniques and exercises to help harness our Kundalini energy and when we stopped working together I ended up in a huge mess with major Kundalini overload. I am still feeling the side effects it. Sometimes I doubt myself and wonder it its all in my head? Can Kundalini awakenings really be forced and can someone force an awakening in another person? Can people use this energy on others for bad or selfish intentions? I wish I could go back... it changed my life and still to this day I often think about him and Id rather not given his character!
I never, ever believed having such an intense, energetic connection with someone was possible but sadly he abused it.I DO NOT wish to fixate on this person any longer and I want to move on..but because of what we experienced..or should I say what I experienced... Im stuck!
Having such a life changing spiritual experience and powerful awakening like that with someone who is not a good person and who turns out to disappoint you because of their moral decisions and character in life causes me much inner turmoil and confusion. It makes me seriously doubt my own inner compass and morality. Does it mean the experience was bad and has any less significant? Totally struggling with this. :/
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Edited by - Kahlia on Sep 08 2012 08:26:22 AM |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Sep 08 2012 : 08:20:56 AM
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I would not call it forced... There is always an energy exchange that happens when we work with others... if the other person is more open and we are in a place where we can perceive it, then an opening can happen. It can also happen with things like reiki initiations.
I was in the presence of many people who were open and could transmit energy, but never felt anything. But after my reiki initiations and later a few years of AYP, when I was in the presence of a spiritual master, I did feel the opening happen.
I also had a guru I believed controlled me, one day I saw the fear that kept me attached to him, it took a while but I could finally let him go when I realized he was not holding onto me, I was holding onto him with fear and thought attachments (maybe he will take me to a better place, maybe he will be angry and hold back my progress, maybe he really does have an hold on me, maybe I do need him).
The thing you need to look into is the attachment you have to what happened... mental stories, emotional, memory. It is the same thing as fear of anything else. The hold he and what happened has on you is only as powerful as you let it be. At first it is hard to see how we can be keeping this in place, but every time the thoughts take over, look into them, look for a pattern of thinking, look how much of it is really true and if you can let go some of it, see the attachment you have to the stories and question if it is true.
Although this is not someone who had a fear of another, he was in fear of an kundalini overload he had, and worked through it: http://www.aypsite.org/forum/topic....11685#100942
See if this can help.
Will keep you in my samyama if you'd like. |
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Kahlia
161 Posts |
Posted - Sep 08 2012 : 08:44:57 AM
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Thanks Shanti, I appreciate that!
This is not such a problem as it was a few years ago when I was going through a full blown overload but obviously I am still feeling repercussions from it.. especially mentally and emotionally. You're right about the stories, the patterns etc. These I have spent much time analyzing and theorizing about. The fear at the time was unbelievable and I guess there is still quite a dose of that lying about. I need to rethink all my inner "stories"..the stories within the stories and try and sit with "what is" and sort my inner reality out.... I agree, "forced" is not perhaps the right term, perhaps "manipulated" would be better? I dont know... |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Sep 08 2012 : 09:06:50 AM
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Manipulate is true... but for the longest time it was very hard for me to accept, I allowed it... and I really don't want to send you into a bad space by saying this (blaming oneself for things, it's not a blame thing, it is just a seeing that nothing is outside ourselves, any attachment, judgement, evaluation is only from within our selves), so please let it go, till it comes naturally to you... but unfortunately we get swept up by things that are a mystery, the mind is always in adoration of something beyond it... so we get lost in the mysteries and this builds attachments. We allow, that is why manipulation can happen, there has to be an enabler to allow it to happen and then keep it in place...
One suggestion, do you do samyama? If yes, instead of allowing your mind to go into overdrive, identify a story and let it go in stillness with an intent to see what is keeping it in place and an intent to let the attachment go. Be gentle and kind to yourself though. Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing"... we really don't know what we are doing, so forgiving ourselves by letting go the stories we are so attached to is the first step in healing... once we are at peace with something, no other exists to forgive.... |
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Kahlia
161 Posts |
Posted - Sep 14 2012 : 09:28:53 AM
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| I do samyama .. I am focusing on forgiveness. My practice needs work! How do you forgive & let go of the feeling of being violated given that there was no physicality to it? A spiritual violation of sorts? Can that happen? Things are improving... Slllloooowwlyy |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Sep 14 2012 : 09:40:12 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Kahlia
Things are improving... Slllloooowwlyy
.... that's the way to go.
Don't worry about "How do you forgive & let go of the feeling of being violated given that there was no physicality to it?" this right now... every time you feel the thoughts and emotions surrounding this starting to suffocate you, consciously try to relax and do something that will take your mind off it. Distract yourself. When not in this space, ask stillness to show you how to see through it and let it go. Answers will come to you in ways that will surprise you... a post, a book, a song, few words here and there.... stay open to what comes your way, better to not make an idea of how the answers come to us.
Things like this have so many layers and you have it right ... the only way we can let it go is ... Slllloooowwlyy
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Kahlia
161 Posts |
Posted - Sep 16 2012 : 07:21:07 AM
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| Thanks a bunch Shanti...... I appreciate your insight... |
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Forced Kundalini Awakening?
