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sadhak
India
604 Posts |
 Posted - Sep 06 2012 : 09:30:13 AM
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It is an old debate ... what o gamous.
I agree with someone who said it is about being open. Probably depth comes with that. Clinging can ruin a relationship, but it is more likely that there are various stages that the minds go through and it requires the patience, energy and connect of the other to sail through each level of perception.
Whether there is the same/similar/comparable depth with multiple partners concurrently is a question that only the experienced can tell.
But relating to can be only done in this moment. Now is all there is... the one in this now is who there is |
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Kahlia
161 Posts |
Posted - Sep 06 2012 : 09:55:05 AM
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I've always wondered if polyamory was really just a protective mechanism for various reasons including vulnerability. Hmm I get an image of a fruit bowl & deciding to chose to eat a big, ripe juicy peach or choosing to just to take a bite out of everything?  I prefer the word commitment over the term clinging,
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HathaTeacher
Sweden
382 Posts |
Posted - Sep 07 2012 : 3:08:53 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by emc
For me, what's written is True Tantra and the way OUT of co-dependency and romance. It's the total opposite of romance... It's bhakti, passion, total devotion, radical honesty and True Intimacy - not with the other as a person, but the Essence of Being - Life. I see the whole poem urging to Love What Is. No matter what it is. (...) If we can learn to love at least ONE person unconditionally, we can start pondering to continue to love everybody, like Jesus and the other saints. 
Emc, the poem reads quite good despite an impression of two (or more) long poems in one, each trying to get out: loving a woman, unconditional love, universal love, plus cultivating a polarity of male and female in the relationship. The latter is realistic in the long run only as long as it's mutual (if this were a song, maybe a male voice should sing a mirror image of it, in a duett, reminding the woman to stay equally open to his love). |
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Victor
USA
910 Posts |
Posted - Sep 07 2012 : 6:55:32 PM
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Sure, Karl.I got new handlebars on the Harley that help give me better riding posture so happy to go for a spin and watch you ride circles around me with your Ducati :)
Yes, its the "woman on a pedestal" thing that bugged me to be honest. I grew up in the generation where men were always confused with how to relate to women.That women seemed like the ultimate judge of what was appropriate or inappropriate behavior. I was generally successful with women in my life. knowing tantric principles and practicing yoga certainly has helped as does a sense of humor but I never managed to sustain a relationship over 8 or 9 years. After a number of long term relationships and many short ones I just feel at this point in my middle age that its time to relax, be myself and seek what I want in relating to women and let them practice a little bit of devotion as well if they are so inclined. If not then that's fine and I am ok with keeping it light and if no one shows interest then there is more time for yoga and motorcycles ;) |
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts |
Posted - Sep 08 2012 : 7:18:24 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by emc
If we can learn to love at least ONE person unconditionally, we can start pondering to continue to love everybody, like Jesus and the other saints.
Powerful. I guess that also means learning to love your little self (body/mind/personality) as well. Ripple effect. Before we can transcend it, we have to love it. (Note: Love does not mean to covet or excessively admire. It means to regard life as sacred and to assume the responsibility of the gifts we've been given. Nothing is taken for granted. Each moment a miracle.) |
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emc
2072 Posts |
Posted - Sep 09 2012 : 03:39:12 AM
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Hatha, yes, a duett would be beautiful! 
Yes, Bodhi Tree, that's how I see it. The way to learn to love that one person, your partner, is to love yourself, coming to terms with all projections. Self-compassion is the most noble art of all!
quote:
It's about unconditional friendliness and infinite kindness with yourself. It's about making it safe, finally safe for all of those unloved, un-met, unseen waves of the ocean of yourself to crawl out of the depths, out of the darkness, out
of the corners and holes and crevices of experience and come into the light, blinking and full of wonder...
It's about giving birth to yourself, so that all thoughts are finally allowed to flood in, all sensations, all feelings, all sounds, all those waves that we used to label ‘dark’, or ‘evil’, or ‘negative’, or ‘dangerous’, or ‘sinful’ – fear, anger, boredom, doubt, confusion, frustration, helplessness – are finally allowed to come to rest, to breathe, to be fully themselves in the space that you are. They are not separate entities or enemies, they are intimate appearances of you, and so they cannot hurt you, even if they hurt, and this is what we forget sometimes in our rush to 'fix' or at least 'normalise' ourselves...
Yes, all of those swirling, pulsating energies of that which we call 'life' are welcome in the unlimited room that you are, the vast Living Room in which all of creation sings and dances and paints itself into the ever-changing picture of this sacred and ordinary moment... /Jeff Foster
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Edited by - emc on Sep 09 2012 06:50:56 AM |
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sivasambho
USA
136 Posts |
Posted - Sep 10 2012 : 12:39:21 PM
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Here is why I think an open relationship living with your polygamous partner etc would be a good idea. It will teach your ego some serious lessons, not get used to all the attention, love, sex anything you do share with the person. Basically real freedom I suppose in understanding that there is no bound person next to you. All binding is unnatural and thus ensue conflicts and suffering. I think perhaps knowing such is the underlying nature of relationships, and also perhaps not having much of a need for himself, shiva doesnt go after shakti, it is shakti that needs his embrace. Shiva needs shakti too otherwise he will not be able to function (to make avail of the limitless potential - you think he cares?).
Disclaimer: I am not in an open relationship - just some virtual/non physical ones where the love is freely given to the one that needs but not in a sexual way maybe in an affectionate, caring, devotional way. There is probably a term for this you think? |
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts |
Posted - Sep 10 2012 : 6:47:32 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by sivasambho
... where the love is freely given to the one that needs but not in a sexual way maybe in an affectionate, caring, devotional way. There is probably a term for this you think?
Sounds like one of the many shades of divine love. |
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sivasambho
USA
136 Posts |
Posted - Sep 10 2012 : 9:29:06 PM
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Hi Bodhi,
I think the question might not be as hypothetical as it seems - the battle of sexes is real. Thus a man does think there are quiet a lot of them available for him and he is constantly baffled which one to choose from. :) Now go ahead and beat me up for saying it. Living with a partner does take away some of the natural hunting time off of a person for potential mates and probably could focus that on self actualization etc. So yes that would squarely be known as depth.
"However, to move beyond lustful pleasures, one must experience such a level of transcendence that would dwarf and make seem silly and trivial the more carnal desires."
Yes, but it would be very cool if both of them are willing to do it. :)
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sivasambho
USA
136 Posts |
Posted - Sep 13 2012 : 4:03:20 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Etherfish
Of course vulnerability wouldn't be something you choose. That would be more like tantric self injury.
Hi Etherfish,
How are you doing? We spoke a long time ago. What do you mean by tantric self injury?
Thanks |
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Radharani
USA
843 Posts |
Posted - Nov 22 2012 : 01:08:41 AM
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| Not sure how I feel about the romantic poem; found myself kind of yawning partway through and didn't finish it. With regard to the original question re: monogamy, I do think there is a parallel between sticking with one's spiritual practice and going deeper with it, as opposed to experimenting all over the place (a phenomenon we have discussed with some folks here in the forum). But, to each their own. I do know some happy polyamorists and many miserable monogamists. Personally I have been with my partner for over 7 years (a LONG time for both of us!) and it just keeps getting better and better. It's not necessarily about passionate romance or even "being in love" except in so far as we are "in Love" together; I was already madly in Love (with the Divine) when we met and I told him so and he replied, "I wish I could be in that Love." We are basically like Best Friends with a wonderful spiritual and sexual connection that continues to get deeper and intense beyond words. There's definitely something to be said for knowing each other really well and being totally comfortable, to be able to let go of the ego and experience the Divine in each other. But I don't know if monogamy per se can accomplish that; it would have to be with the right person, or at least somebody who is open enough to go there with you. As for polyamory, I am bi and he loves that about me and sometimes encourages me to bring a woman home (e.g., Alyssa Milano), says he would be content to merely watch. While I very much appreciate his acceptance and encouragement, the fact is I barely have time and energy for HIM, much less getting involved with another person! Thus for simply practical reasons I have never taken him up on the offer and probably won't. Relationships with even one person can be quite demanding, never mind being sexually involved with more than one person. Having said that, I suppose if Pamela Anderson showed up on our doorstep, I would not turn her away... But seriously, this monogamous tantric relationship has turned out to be way, WAY more intense and fulfilling sexually and spiritually than I ever would have imagined possible after 7 years. We often wonder if we are just especially blessed, or if this is the natural result of persistent loving practice. |
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts |
Posted - Nov 24 2012 : 01:45:05 AM
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Thanks for sharing your experience, Radharani. Very encouraging.  |
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Tantric Self-Inquiry
