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Gunny
USA
7 Posts |
 Posted - Aug 22 2012 : 11:18:13 AM
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Hello all,
This is a rather long post so I'll thank in advance anyone who take the time to read all of it.
I wrote a post a week or so ago about a spontaneous mantra shift I had experienced during meditation. http://www.aypsite.org/forum/topic....PIC_ID=11865 Well after several days I found I was able to return to the I AM mantra however almost immediately I began experiencing something else. Intense, spasmatic Kriyas.
A little personal background: I've been meditating for about a year and a half and doing pranayama for somewhat longer. In the early days of my pranyama practice I would experience full body spasms and convulsions. I read and learned that I was experiencing Kriyas and that they were caused energy working its way through blockages in my neurology. With that in mind I simply continued my breathing practices and eventually the Kriyas settled as I was told they would. This was about a year ago.
Now however, they are back but during deep meditation rather than pranayama. This brings me to a several questions. First is, why now? If the blockages had been worked out in pranayama, why should they crop up again in meditation? Am working on a different system? There's also an additional challenge here in that I'm finding it nearly impossible to gently favor the mantra in the midst of these convulsions. When this was happening during pranayama it was easy to simply favor the breath as it is a tangible physical process, which is easy to grasp. The mantra is something else though. It's a fairly intangible mental resonance and with these convulsions I find that it becomes hopelessly lost.
Here's how this usually happens. I begin my meditation in the normal way, sitting quietly and after a moment easily picking up the mantra. Just as I begin to descend into bliss consciousness though, I start to feel a slight twitching in by belly. If I make no effort to turn it off and instead just focus on the mantra, the twitching grows and extends all the way up to my shoulders and down to my legs. As I continue favoring the mantra the twitching crescendos into full convulsions. At this point the experience typically overwhelms the mantra. I can sometimes allow the focus to rest on the feeling itself but just as often I get lost in thoughts about what is happening. When I realize this I can try to pick up the mantra again but it has no traction and I lose it almost immediately.
Now, I do wish to say that I don't find this traumatic and can turn off the convulsions any time I want. But the question is, should I? Since I have the ability to still the body and favor the mantra, is that what I should be doing? Let me explain more about this.
When I was a child (either 10 or 11) I developed a mild case of tourettes syndrome - not the involuntary cursing you see in movies but a series of fairly subtle facial, vocal and body ticks. Of course this was very embarrassing for me so over time I learned how deal with the condition. I became aware that the tourettes was resulting from a source of energy in my body and felt as if I would be ripped apart if I didn't release it through these ticks. Outright suppression never worked and was excruciating to even attempt. I discovered though that I could direct the release of energy into inconspicuous parts of the body such as toes, pinky's or muscles in the mid back area. This way, the ticks could continue but would be unnoticeable to anyone but myself. This liberated me from the embarrassment and also allowed me to stop obsessing over the condition. As time progressed I found that I could even stop the ticks outright - though not through suppression. It's a subtle difference but it felt as though I had learned to cast a veil over the energy source that was causing the ticks. By my late teenage years the tourettes had essentially disappeared.
The reason I relay that story is because as an adult I now recognize that the energy source that caused my tourettes as a child is the same energy that causes Kriyas during my Yoga practices. The feeling is unmistakable. Kundalini? I suppose that's the word for it. So over many years I had unwittingly honed an ability to hide erratic Kundalini energy behind what feels like a dark veil (again, this is different than physically restraining it.) So then my question is, for the sake of my deep meditative practices, is it important to keep the energy under wraps so that I can focus on further establishing the witness or should I let the energy flow freely as it wishes?
Which brings me to my final question as the answer here will probably give me the guidance I need on the previous question. Are the Kriyas merely a symptom of blockages in the system or are they part of a process that is actively removing the blockages? If it's the latter I would feel comfortable in just letting the energy flow freely, with the knowledge that things will eventually settle down on their own accord. On the other hand if they are merely a byproduct and if by distracting me from the mantra they are preventing further purification then I might want to cast the veil again.
Thanks again for you thoughts. |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Aug 23 2012 : 09:11:03 AM
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Hi Gunny,
Welcome to the AYP forums!
quote:
Originally posted by Gunny
Now however, they are back but during deep meditation rather than pranayama. This brings me to a several questions. First is, why now? If the blockages had been worked out in pranayama, why should they crop up again in meditation? Am working on a different system? There's also an additional challenge here in that I'm finding it nearly impossible to gently favor the mantra in the midst of these convulsions.
Blocks are generally never at one level... removing blocks are like taking layers of an onion out... one layer is removed, another is revealed. So you may have let go a layer of blocks with the pranayama, but other layers are coming to the surface now.
Many at the forums have had problems with auto kriyas, but our suggestion has always been to favor the mantra, and if it gets too hard, just stop meditation and rest. I personally know of one person who was helped a lot with these automatic kriyas by working with Tai chi. And you can use others ways to control the energies, but do this outside of practice... during practice we don't recommend control (Maybe Yogani can chime in if I am wrong)
quote:
Originally posted by Gunny
Now, I do wish to say that I don't find this traumatic and can turn off the convulsions any time I want. But the question is, should I? Since I have the ability to still the body and favor the mantra, is that what I should be doing? Let me explain more about this.
When I was a child (either 10 or 11) I developed a mild case of tourettes syndrome - not the involuntary cursing you see in movies but a series of fairly subtle facial, vocal and body ticks. Of course this was very embarrassing for me so over time I learned how deal with the condition. I became aware that the tourettes was resulting from a source of energy in my body and felt as if I would be ripped apart if I didn't release it through these ticks. Outright suppression never worked and was excruciating to even attempt. I discovered though that I could direct the release of energy into inconspicuous parts of the body such as toes, pinky's or muscles in the mid back area. This way, the ticks could continue but would be unnoticeable to anyone but myself. This liberated me from the embarrassment and also allowed me to stop obsessing over the condition. As time progressed I found that I could even stop the ticks outright - though not through suppression. It's a subtle difference but it felt as though I had learned to cast a veil over the energy source that was causing the ticks. By my late teenage years the tourettes had essentially disappeared.
Very very interesting! Thanks for sharing this.
quote:
Originally posted by Gunny
So over many years I had unwittingly honed an ability to hide erratic Kundalini energy behind what feels like a dark veil (again, this is different than physically restraining it.) So then my question is, for the sake of my deep meditative practices, is it important to keep the energy under wraps so that I can focus on further establishing the witness or should I let the energy flow freely as it wishes?
Personally, I would say during practices, let go the control... if you keep trying to control and keep it behind the dark veil, we may never get over it (maybe that's what happened with the pranayama to begin with?). But it is a fine line. We don't want you to be uncomfortable, so meditate freely for as long as you can and then stop and rest. So if it's just 5 min of meditation ... I would go with that over 20 min of meditation where you are trying to control something.
quote:
Originally posted by Gunny
Which brings me to my final question as the answer here will probably give me the guidance I need on the previous question. Are the Kriyas merely a symptom of blockages in the system or are they part of a process that is actively removing the blockages? If it's the latter I would feel comfortable in just letting the energy flow freely, with the knowledge that things will eventually settle down on their own accord. On the other hand if they are merely a byproduct and if by distracting me from the mantra they are preventing further purification then I might want to cast the veil again.
The kriyas are cause by energy bumping against the blocks... so the latter is true... the energy is trying to flow through and remove the blocks. That's why I suggested above, even 5 min of meditation without control is better than 20 min of meditation with control.
Please do keep us informed on how things go.
Wish you all the best!
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Gunny
USA
7 Posts |
Posted - Aug 23 2012 : 11:24:57 AM
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Thanks for your comments Shanti. I want to clarify that there's nothing uncomfortable about letting go and allowing the Kriyas do their thing. On the contrary, it's quite a feeling of liberation after more than two decades - most of my life - spent keeping this energy under wraps. My concern is more over whether such an aggressive distraction from the mantra is problematic. On that question I feel there's still some ambiguity. Seems perhaps that the mantra remains the primary practice however rigid adherence to the mantra (which in this case comes at the expense of truly letting go) is counterproductive? I suppose the answer may boil down to Yogani's instruction to "easily" favor the mantra. Right now, if I do it easily, it's immediately overwhelmed by the Kriyas.
This probably warrants further explanation. In my original post I referenced another thread I wrote two weeks ago about how an odd spontaneous mantra shift. I mentioned in this thread that after that episode, I almost immediately began experiences Kriyas. There was something else that happened in the "almost" period, though, that I failed to mention. After my strange mantra shift I was able to reestablish the I AM mantra with no problem however I began to feel as if my mind was preventing me from going deeper into the meditation. Previously I had settled into a certain depth and was more-or-less content to rest there during the meditation as if there were a solid floor underneath me. Now however, it felt as if a trap door had opened and as soon as my mind would perceive the emptiness below I would be roused from stillness. It was like that feeling of falling out of bed people sometimes get as we settle into sleep. This made several days of meditation meditation a rather jerky experience - not jerky as in the Kriyas I've described but mentally jerky, as I would descend into stillness only to be yanked back again. This, over and over. I'm an impatient person so this was quite frustrating and discouraging even though it had only been a few days. The thought that began to take hold was: there is no way I'll ever be able to turn my mind off. Of course I know from study that, far from being a negative event, this realization is actually an important step in one's progress. I had learned it on an intellectual level long ago but this was the first time I had experienced it as a concrete reality. It represented a new level of letting go. In my next meditation session I found, for the first time, that I was simply repeating the mantra without paying any attention to my state of being. Not that I was unaware of it, I just wasn't giving it any conscious attention. I found that I quickly and easily moved past the depth from which my mind had previously yanked me back to regular consciousness and that depth is precisely where the Kryias began.
Of course, now I'm finding the mantra difficult again. I suppose what I hope is that the Kriyas themselves are refining the system at this point and removing blockages. If that's the case I would be perfectly content in continuing to let them run their course during my practices even if the mantra is somewhat lost at the moment. Also I'm feeling no need to abbreviate my sessions as I'm neither uncomfortable or irritable due to this. There are none of the symptoms of excess purification, which I have experienced in the past. I'm actually finding that I spend the next several hours after practice with energy pleasantly coursing through my body.
I guess my concern is that I don't want to allow this event to bog down my progress. Back when I experienced kriyas a year ago during pranayama, I wasn't nearly as well studied as I am now. I think at the time I made the mistake of regarding them as a destination of sorts rather than just a sight along the journey. After several weeks I found that, rather than just allowing them to happen, I was actually willing them to happen. I know better than that now and so I want to make sure that they're being treated as passing scenery and not a huge distraction. |
Edited by - Gunny on Aug 23 2012 11:29:04 AM |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Aug 23 2012 : 11:38:11 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Gunny
Of course, now I'm finding the mantra difficult again. I suppose what I hope is that the Kriyas themselves are refining the system at this point and removing blockages. If that's the case I would be perfectly content in continuing to let them run their course during my practices even if the mantra is somewhat lost at the moment. Also I'm feeling no need to abbreviate my sessions as I'm neither uncomfortable or irritable due to this. There are none of the symptoms of excess purification, which I have experienced in the past. I'm actually finding that I spend the next several hours after practice with energy pleasantly coursing through my body.
I guess my concern is that I don't want to allow this event to bog down my progress. Back when I experienced kriyas a year ago during pranayama, I wasn't nearly as well studied as I am now. I think at the time I made the mistake of regarding them as a destination of sorts rather than just a sight along the journey. After several weeks I found that, rather than just allowing them to happen, I was actually willing them to happen. I know better than that now and so I want to make sure that they're being treated as passing scenery and not a huge distraction.
You got it! All you say in your post is perfect!
You are doing really well, don't worry about slowing down your progress by not being with the mantra... the technique really is to pick the mantra, lose it (in thoughts, in some external noise, in some form of distraction) and come back to it...
In your case, pick the mantra, get lost in the kriyas/energy (since they are not causing you discomfort), when you realize you are lost in the kriyas and off the mantra, just pick it (the mantra) up again at whatever level it comes up... you may just say it once and be lost in the kriyas again... but every time you realize you are off the mantra come back to it...
Does this help?
PS: Here is what the lesson says:
quote:
After about a minute, gently introduce the thought …I AM… and begin to repeat it easily and effortlessly in your mind. If your mind wanders off into other thoughts, you will eventually realize this has happened. Don't be concerned about it. It is natural. When you realize you are not repeating the mantra, gently go back to it. This is all you have to do. Easily repeat the mantra silently inside. When you realize you are not thinking it, then easily come back to it. The goal is not to stay on it. The goal is to follow the simple procedure of thinking the mantra, losing it, and coming back to it when you find you have lost it. Do not resist if the mantra tends to become less distinct. Thinking the mantra does not have to be with clear pronunciation. I AM can be experienced at many levels in your mind and nervous system. When you come back to it, come back to a level that is comfortable, not straining for either a clear or fuzzy pronunciation.
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thezuck
USA
24 Posts |
Posted - Aug 23 2012 : 9:23:54 PM
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Hello all.....
This has been an issue that I deal with myself and Shanti's response really resonates with how I have dealt with them. As long as you dont go into meditation intending to experience kriyas....or longing for kriyas. My "kriyas" or auto yoga were pleasurable so I had to work on clearing my intentions. I felt the desire for seeing my body contorted by the energy or experiencing my breath suspending and almost breathing off the energy was getting in the way....if that makes sense.
I felt if I didnt have them I wasnt in a good place.....which just isnt the case.
These things come and go...but ultimately I would think the goal is to eventually enter the divine stillness.
Enjoy!
Shane
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Kriyas during meditation
