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kami
USA
920 Posts |
 Posted - Jul 22 2012 : 5:39:01 PM
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Hi all,
Was hoping to get some insight into a strange phenomenon.. I'm just returning from a a work-related conference. It is an annual national meeting that I have been attending for a few years now. It began middle of last week - but many strange things happened through the course of it. I walked into a session that was in progress - I slipped in through the open back door and stood inconspicuously among many others. As soon as I walked in, the speaker stopped, looked at me, acted disoriented, and then continued - it all happened in a split second. Simultaneously, half a dozen people looked back. I thought it was because of the disturbance, and didn't think much of it. Later, I was sitting in the audience between two men - one a friend whom I meet at such national meetings and the other, a total stranger. At one point, I was drawn inward and yet intently listening to the speaker, and then out of the blue, felt totally connected with both men, simultaneously feeling their heartbeats in my chest - each a distinct rhythm.. It was freaky.. I watched it for sometime, and then asked the question, "where is this experience happening?" And bam, it was gone.. A bliss remained, and I felt very connected on a very human level with both of them..
The next day, I was sitting in the front row, awaiting my turn to speak, and suddenly, I felt a bubble-like feeling extending out into the whole room, connected with everyone, feeling a multitude of emotions that everyone might have been experiencing.. Again, freaky, and again, disappeared as I went deeper with enquiry..
Throughout the meeting, I had people come up to me, seemingly drawn, just to say hello.. At any encounter, anyone I was talking with was literally hanging on to whatever I said.. At an investigators' meeting (that has internationally acclaimed folks that have always intimidated me), everyone suddenly stopped talking when I walked in, with a strange awe and respect that I've never experienced before. I was shaking hands with a young, dynamic, world-famous expert in the field whom I've known peripherally for a few years. He held on to my hand for many minutes, gazing at me, and I felt a subtle exchange between us. He opened his mouth to speak several times, and stopped, and continued to stare into my eyes until I smiled and pulled away.
A colleague from my workplace told me there was something magnetic about me - she said I was "luminous". When I asked her what that meant, she couldn't pinpoint it, saying she sensed everyone being drawn to me. The weirdest part about this whole thing is that I wasn't feeling particularly luminous the whole time, going through intense emotional turmoil and pain from a recent incident..
I took a detour to see my family on my way home. My mother looked stunned to see me when I walked in, telling me later that the whole house had changed. She began to sob when it was time for me to leave, clinging to me, saying she wanted to spend more time with me. She called me as soon as I landed home, crying and telling me how much she missed me. This kind of exchange has never happened between us 
So, what's up with this? Is it really possible that some people maybe picking up on something? If so, what is that? And what is the mechanism for such things? What should one do?
Appreciate any insights or advice..
Many thanks,
kami
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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - Jul 22 2012 : 6:05:39 PM
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| All is not as it seems, this is your first time of noticing, to everyone it's different. Eventually you can play with the universe, not control, but play. |
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kami
USA
920 Posts |
Posted - Jul 22 2012 : 6:46:16 PM
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Hi Karl,
Thank you for your response
Are you saying it is all an illusion, so don't pay attention?
Love,
kami |
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Chaz
USA
129 Posts |
Posted - Jul 22 2012 : 11:05:28 PM
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Sounds to me like people are attracted to the Divine expressing itself through you in higher and higher degrees, and you are experiencing more refined sensory perception as a result of that. I have experienced similar things; connecting with people on deep levels, even just walking past someone on the street I can almost feel into their reality and whole being it would seem. As time goes by you will definitely observe people being more drawn towards your higher vibrations as a result of your practices and purification, this has been my experience as well.
You are doing a good thing for the people God entrusted you to care for, you're creating an equilibrium and helping to raise collective consciousness just by working on your own with practices and sharing what you gain with those around you.
The best thing to do is just to take it as it comes and don't feel special about it. Don't get attached to the experiences or build up an identity out of it, that's a big trap! Just keep loving the Love and going after that, that's really the best thing to do, for All involved. |
Edited by - Chaz on Jul 22 2012 11:09:52 PM |
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cosmic
USA
821 Posts |
Posted - Jul 22 2012 : 11:48:31 PM
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Hi kami 
Very cool experience. I can understand why people are drawn to you. You have a genuine, pure presence about you.
I can also relate, as I get similar feedback, yet feel very ordinary. I don't feel magnetic or luminous, but am told that it feels peaceful and calming to be around me. I don't get it, but this is what I'm told.
What is it? I don't know. Inner silence/outpouring divine love, maybe? What else could it be?
The only thing to do with it, in my view, is to not let it get to your head. Let it be what it is. Just realize that it's their view of you, their projection, and that's something you have no control of.
Namaste, sister [img]icon_heart.gif[/img] |
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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - Jul 23 2012 : 03:42:10 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by kami
Hi Karl,
Thank you for your response
Are you saying it is all an illusion, so don't pay attention?
Love,
kami
regard it as any other scenery otherwise it will draw you in.
However it is a sign of progress, just don't get too hung up on it or you will become like a minor God. Stick to the middle ground of neither rejection or acceptance, interested but not transfixed. You are progressing nicely, there is lots more of the minor God like stuff and then more major God like stuff. I think of it like those stories of sirens that lure sailors to their deaths, I know that these things are strong attractors and can bind.
I don't know where it ends, only that the path has to be walked with the lightest of footsteps without falling to one side. |
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kami
USA
920 Posts |
Posted - Jul 23 2012 : 07:30:02 AM
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Chaz, Cosmic, Karl,
Thank you all so much!
Cosmic, (((HUGS))) I miss seeing you; you definitely have an effect on people
Agree with your very sound advice to not get attached/hung up on such things.. Any God-like reference scares me
My additional question is - how can the Divine be expressed through a muddy lens? To elaborate, I don't "feel" particularly clear or anything.. For the last year, I've had a steady stream of patients coming in to see me just to talk (not health issues) because they feel "better after talking to me". While I don't reject them, I have to admit that I groan inwardly - I've never thought of myself as very good at hand-holding, or at dealing with others' psychosocial issues (occasionally, I can't even deal with my own!!).. Until recently, I attributed that to a better listening ability from being more present.. But many have told me over the last few months that it is spending time in the same room..
So, how can that be?
Doesn't such Divine outwardly expression need clarity? I have blown off all such things in the past, but recent experiences have piqued my curiosity
Thanks for any additional insights/comments.
kami |
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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - Jul 23 2012 : 08:52:29 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by kami
Chaz, Cosmic, Karl,
Thank you all so much!
Cosmic, (((HUGS))) I miss seeing you; you definitely have an effect on people
Agree with your very sound advice to not get attached/hung up on such things.. Any God-like reference scares me
My additional question is - how can the Divine be expressed through a muddy lens? To elaborate, I don't "feel" particularly clear or anything.. For the last year, I've had a steady stream of patients coming in to see me just to talk (not health issues) because they feel "better after talking to me". While I don't reject them, I have to admit that I groan inwardly - I've never thought of myself as very good at hand-holding, or at dealing with others' psychosocial issues (occasionally, I can't even deal with my own!!).. Until recently, I attributed that to a better listening ability from being more present.. But many have told me over the last few months that it is spending time in the same room..
So, how can that be?
Doesn't such Divine outwardly expression need clarity? I have blown off all such things in the past, but recent experiences have piqued my curiosity
Thanks for any additional insights/comments.
kami
Depends what you recognise. Your nature is bound up with the nature of the world you perceive, you are one and the same. It's because your perceive the world as separate from you that you see these as separate situations and experiences. That you notice them is a sign that the lens is becoming clear and so you associate more.
Before you started looking maybe you didn't notice anything, you were entirely separated apart from odd coincidences. Then as you progress and begin to awaken you see that these things are somehow connected, although you cannot perceive in what way they are connected. Then you will see how it is not just connected, it is inseparable.
Your nature creates the world on which your life is played out, just like a dream. I am careful of that word because it overlays. The illusion isn't the dream, the illusion is how you perceive the dream.
The divine outpouring happens as you realise that you are becoming less and less separate and then at unity it is complete and infinite. The muddy lens isn't blindness, only partial seeing and so divine love is already flowing. |
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kami
USA
920 Posts |
Posted - Jul 23 2012 : 12:08:49 PM
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Hi Karl,
Thanks again!
quote:
Your nature creates the world on which your life is played out, just like a dream. I am careful of that word because it overlays. The illusion isn't the dream, the illusion is how you perceive the dream.
Would you mind explaining this a bit more? What is the difference between the dream and the illusion? My understanding is that this is "all" an illusion or unreal Isn't the dream also a mind projection, and therefore an illusion?
Thanks
kami |
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tonightsthenight
846 Posts |
Posted - Jul 23 2012 : 1:10:46 PM
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The dream is the life we are living.
The illusion is our perception of this life.
Everything is real, so the dream is real. Just not real in the way we think it is  |
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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - Jul 23 2012 : 3:32:49 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by tonightsthenight
The dream is the life we are living.
The illusion is our perception of this life.
Everything is real, so the dream is real. Just not real in the way we think it is
Wot he said.
You are creating your own reality. |
Edited by - karl on Jul 23 2012 3:34:26 PM |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Jul 24 2012 : 10:46:06 AM
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Hi Kami,
You have always had a magnetic personality... your presence is felt in a room whether you are aware of it or not... the confidence, the determination and poise you show is something people are attracted to and pause and look at, always. You can make an impression even without trying.
The difference is, you have not noticed it before. You were not aware of how people perceive you, nor were you as open to picking on other people's energy.
I read somewhere yesterday.. when you are hungry - and you walk down the street, you only notice the shops that are selling food. When you are choosing a color scheme and your eye is drawn to a certain
shade of paint, you start to spot that shade on other peoples walls and fabrics. Similarly, as we open and become more aware of connections, energy, and also from within become aware of our blocks, patterns, we begin to notice how others react in our presence or listen (really listen) to what others are telling us... and not dismiss it based on the perception we have of ourselves. All of it is taken in.
Will this be forever? It will if you want it to be... the longer we focus on any of these things, the longer they stay with us... if we enjoy it while it is "new" and then get bored and just accept it as a part of our growth and change it will go away... but the inner recognition of your "worth" and your "confidence" and the impact you have on people will stay with you... the block that holds you back from experiencing it will be gone.
Hope this helps. It is just another way of looking at what others have said above. The divine flows though all of us, and others may or may not notice it, but till we become aware of it, it does not exist. |
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kami
USA
920 Posts |
Posted - Jul 24 2012 : 11:18:19 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Shanti
Hi Kami,
You have always had a magnetic personality... your presence is felt in a room whether you are aware of it or not... the confidence, the determination and poise you show is something people are attracted to and pause and look at always. You can make an impression even without trying.
The difference is, you have not noticed it before. You were not aware of how people perceive you, nor were you as open to picking on other people's energy.
I read somewhere yesterday.. when you are hungry - and you walk down the street, you only notice the shops that are selling food. When you are choosing a color scheme and your eye is drawn to a certain
shade of paint, you start to spot that shade on other peoples walls and fabrics. Similarly, as we open and become more aware of connections, energy, and also from within become aware of our blocks patterns, we begin to notice how others react in our presence or listen (really listen) to what others are telling us... and not dismiss it based on the perception we have of ourselves. All of it is taken in.
Will this be forever? It will if you want it to be... the longer we focus on any of these things, the longer they stay with us... if we enjoy it while it is "new" and then get bored and just accept it as a part of our growth and change it will go away... but the inner recognition of your "worth" and your "confidence" and the impact you have on people will stay with you... the block that holds you back from experiencing it will be gone.
Hope this helps. It is just another way of looking at what others have said above. The divine flows though all of us, and others may or may not notice it, but till we become aware of it, it does not exist.
My dear Shanti
Thank you for the beautiful and kind words. You have said this to me for the last two years and I didn't see it (go ahead, say "I told you so" )
I could not agree more with your statement that until we become aware of it, it does not exist. And even that awareness here seems to ebb and flow, depending on what I choose to focus on - it or drama
Love you. Thank you.
kami |
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kami
USA
920 Posts |
Posted - Jul 24 2012 : 11:22:52 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by karl
quote:
Originally posted by tonightsthenight
The dream is the life we are living.
The illusion is our perception of this life.
Everything is real, so the dream is real. Just not real in the way we think it is
Wot he said.
You are creating your own reality.
Thanks so much tonightsthenight and karl
So, "dream" is the outward projection and "illusion" is interpretation of the dream.. It is real depending on the plane we're focused on..
Doubt still lingering...
My understanding is that anything occuring on the field of consciousness (Brahman) is all maya. Illusion/dream, doesn't matter.. still unreal.. The "field" or Brahman alone is real.. No?
Love,
kami |
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kevincann
USA
335 Posts |
Posted - Jul 24 2012 : 1:52:50 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by kami
quote:
Originally posted by karl
quote:
Originally posted by tonightsthenight
The dream is the life we are living.
The illusion is our perception of this life.
Everything is real, so the dream is real. Just not real in the way we think it is
Wot he said.
You are creating your own reality.
Thanks so much tonightsthenight and karl
So, "dream" is the outward projection and "illusion" is interpretation of the dream.. It is real depending on the plane we're focused on..
Doubt still lingering...
My understanding is that anything occuring on the field of consciousness (Brahman) is all maya. Illusion/dream, doesn't matter.. still unreal.. The "field" or Brahman alone is real.. No?
Love,
kami
If Awareness is eternally in the company of Maya, then perhaps
we don't understand Maya? Or perhaps we don't understand Awareness?
One cannot stand without the other; even between the Kalpas,
before the next Spanda (to get all Sanskrit on you), the seed of
Maya is always within Awareness; and the seed of Awareness is
always within Maya. (look at the symbol of Ying/Yang). Look at
how Kundalini is implemented in the body. Look at the Caduceus;
Look at our egos and the Self.
To berate the Dream is to berate the Dreamer.
Don't.
If we become caught up in 'becoming free of the dream', we are
in fact dreaming.
If we become caught up in 'becoming one with the dream', we are
in fact dreaming.
Despise neither the Bride nor the Groom, and you will find yourself
welcome at the wedding.
Let yourself get drunk with love for either the Dreamer or the Dream
and you'll get thrown out of the wedding, by the big beefy bouncer
named Karma!
;-)
Kev
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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - Jul 24 2012 : 3:16:14 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by kami
quote:
Originally posted by karl
quote:
Originally posted by tonightsthenight
The dream is the life we are living.
The illusion is our perception of this life.
Everything is real, so the dream is real. Just not real in the way we think it is
Wot he said.
You are creating your own reality.
Thanks so much tonightsthenight and karl
So, "dream" is the outward projection and "illusion" is interpretation of the dream.. It is real depending on the plane we're focused on..
Doubt still lingering...
My understanding is that anything occuring on the field of consciousness (Brahman) is all maya. Illusion/dream, doesn't matter.. still unreal.. The "field" or Brahman alone is real.. No?
Love,
kami
That's why i don't like calling things dreams and illusions. It's useful to do this to a point but the words and perceptions they represent become a barrier to communicating.
You create your own world (or should I say you experience this creation), that world is not controllable but it is flexible. The flexibility in this self created world is really the flexibility of the self. So things happen according to whatever the nature of the illusory self is.
Before you begin to see this reality ( another word that is incorrect because there is no reality, but it's the only way of trying to explain), there seems to be very little empathy between the world outside of your mind except for odd things that appear as coincidences. After practice ( also illusory ) you can begin to see how there are no coincidences, you are witnessing you self as the world around you.
It might as well be considered as reality because it arises when you arise and disappears when you sleep. Beyond that is indescribable, Brahman if you want, doesn't really matter because it's then all one and Brahman isn't external. It's all connected, there is no separation.
I have probably confused the hell out of you now really the best thing is not to analyse the scenery and enjoy the world as you see it. |
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tonightsthenight
846 Posts |
Posted - Jul 24 2012 : 6:51:37 PM
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Shanti, how beautiful! Thanks :D
Though not to downplay the thoughts of Karl or Kevin or Kami...
Kami,
The field of reality, as Brahman, is absolute. But it includes all probabilities, and so it is up to us to choose and live out just one out of millions of potentialities!
Is it really less perfect just because it can't be perfect?! We just do what we can, in a limited world. There is no perfect (in our world). This problem, no doubt, is due to limited language rather than a limited god.
The field of Brahaman isn't any more (or less) real than our lives. Try to think of it as one color of the rainbow, more or less. A rainbow where one color is all colors, and all colors are simply one color.
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kami
USA
920 Posts |
Posted - Jul 24 2012 : 8:01:56 PM
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Kev, Karl, TTN,
Thanks again!
Karl: No longer trying to analyze the scenery, but just trying to "get" some stuff here
Kev: I get it, that Awareness and Maya are entwined. However, if one is not to "free themselves of the dream" or "become one with the dream", what exactly are we doing? What is all this hankering for?
Karl: Actually, not confused at all; it makes a lot of sense Also, your words about Brahman being everything is similar to Kev's analogies.. But what do you mean by flexibility of the self? Do you mean in terms of karma? Just trying to understand here, sorry
TTN: Ooh I love the rainbow analogy! But then again, what is the end game in all this? Isn't it to see the "perfectness" or "imperfectness" in it all, the "is-ness"?
Love,
kami |
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kevincann
USA
335 Posts |
Posted - Jul 24 2012 : 11:54:37 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by tonightsthenight
Shanti, how beautiful! Thanks :D
Though not to downplay the thoughts of Karl or Kevin or Kami...
Kami,
The field of reality, as Brahman, is absolute. But it includes all probabilities, and so it is up to us to choose and live out just one out of millions of potentialities!
Is it really less perfect just because it can't be perfect?! We just do what we can, in a limited world. There is no perfect (in our world). This problem, no doubt, is due to limited language rather than a limited god.
The field of Brahaman isn't any more (or less) real than our lives. Try to think of it as one color of the rainbow, more or less. A rainbow where one color is all colors, and all colors are simply one color.
We all are here to make contributions and all are very valuable.
The ego and our little lives are not to be despised; they are all
part of the grand tapestry. It is not for ANYONE to say that one
person's contribution is more or less valuable than anothers.
I also used to say the phrase "field of all probabilities" quite
a bit; it is a good phrase :-)
Thank you for being here with us.
Kev |
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kevincann
USA
335 Posts |
Posted - Jul 25 2012 : 12:38:53 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by kami
Kev: I get it, that Awareness and Maya are entwined. However, if one is not to "free themselves of the dream" or "become one with the dream", what exactly are we doing? What is all this hankering for?
This is 100% absolute "heresy" in most modern systems; but once
its understood, something like 50% of all suffering in yoga and
other systems suddenly stops. And if it's a great system, like AYP
is, you will in fact find a form of this truth, if you look for it.
It just doesn't get it's proper due.
As is known and written about in most mystical systems, the One,
the Divine, manifests in periodic cycles of manifesting matter
and little temporary beings.
Within the One, also called "awareness", "pure awareness" or
"undifferentiated consciousness", there is a tiny desire, a tiny
seed of form. This is absolute Yogic heresy in Advaita, even though
Advaita (non-dualistic system that it is) also discusses a spanda
existing at the beginning of time and space. A spanda is noting
more than a subtle motion; a subtle desire.
Everything which exists springs from this one desire to expand
that one bit of form, into all the forms which we see and do not
see.
People in the post-modern Yogic period, tend to speak carelessly
about Maya and Illusion, as if they were bad things.
From the perspective of the One, and it is His game, there is no
Maya; there is no Illusion.
What we call Maya and Illusion, He calls his Beloved Children.
There is a massive outpouring of Divine love towards all these
little, temporary beings, including us. We all feel the call to
come home, the call to become as one with each other.
The One does not despise egos and little personalities; He adores
them.
When we despise and attempt to minimize what the One loves, we suffer
needlessly.
However it is true, that our own inefficient thinking and feeling
build up little energy imbalances all across our temporary bodies
and beings.
Yoga, if it is a complete system, helps us remove these blocks,
helps us remember our place in things. Also, because certain
traits become embedded into space and time, these bad habits
we form due to our reactions to pain and limitation 'follow us
around'.
Yes, on the surface, it looks like God hates us, has abandoned us;
that we are supposed to struggle to find our way home, and the deck
is stacked against us.
But it isn't.
Yes there is suffering. But what we view as 'our suffering' is
in fact the One's suffering. When we look out at the world we
do not at first know it, but later on we learn this; it is in
fact the One, the NEARLY undifferentiated looking out upon
the world; this realization is the moment of liberation from
suffering, although it takes time to work the kinks out of the
body and the 'extended body'.
The work of clearing the debris out of our body and extended
body is the work of Yoga.
We learn to love the One. We learn to love the One's children
without confusing ourselves about form and formless; maya and
illusion.
We become citizens of two worlds; the world of the everyday,
which sparkles like diamonds in the sun; and the place from
which all this sprung; what AYP calls "the silence".
It sounds complicated. But it is not. It is very simple.
Do the exercises and find the yearning within your heart to
come home. Both the silence and the 'noise' --- between them,
will make the way open for you.
I'm sorry for the long explanation. It seemed necessary.
I hope you find value in these words, and the words written
by our brothers and sisters who also know these things.
Love,
Kevin
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emc
2072 Posts |
Posted - Jul 25 2012 : 01:40:51 AM
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The world is an illusion
Only Brahman is real.
Brahman is the world.
The realizations has to come in that order. That's why we first has to free ourselves from the illusion. THEN we can see Brahman is the world and everything profane becomes sacred again, as Rumi says. |
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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - Jul 25 2012 : 03:43:03 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by kami
Kev, Karl, TTN,
Thanks again!
Karl: No longer trying to analyze the scenery, but just trying to "get" some stuff here
Kev: I get it, that Awareness and Maya are entwined. However, if one is not to "free themselves of the dream" or "become one with the dream", what exactly are we doing? What is all this hankering for?
Karl: Actually, not confused at all; it makes a lot of sense Also, your words about Brahman being everything is similar to Kev's analogies.. But what do you mean by flexibility of the self? Do you mean in terms of karma? Just trying to understand here, sorry
TTN: Ooh I love the rainbow analogy! But then again, what is the end game in all this? Isn't it to see the "perfectness" or "imperfectness" in it all, the "is-ness"?
Love,
kami
Before I answer that one lets make sure that we totally understand that we cannot control circumstances by force of will. However, if you have flexibility, if you see your world as it really is then its possible to make changes. Those changes are some what like a building site, they are not always immediate, some take an age to change and are a work in progress.
It's as if the inner Guru is now happily working on the created world view because it is no longer separate to self. I don't really understand it. Only that the changes are a direct response like you might get if someone blew cold air over the skin. They are automatic, thinking about them doesn't work. It's like a tiny something inside, but it has no solidity to it and can't be controlled by the mind, all though it can be sensed by the mind like the tiniest hint of perfume on a wind which vanishes the moment you try and determine what it is.
This means it's impossible to define if it's the world that is changing self, or self that's changing the world, but as there is no separation I have stopped trying to define it and just accept that its an autonomous natural response. I do know however that it appears to be growing and yet here I am sitting writing this while everything is just like it always was.
I wake to this world every morning, I am a fixed point, unmoving, the world is spinning around me yet I am also the spinning world, the spider and the web, the fly that is eaten, the wind that moves the web and the dew that decorates its strands. I do not spin the web, the web is just spun, each atom is placed carefully as the world within me awakens.
The flexibility is that narrow understanding, not with the mind at all, but somewhere beyond, beyond thought completely, beyond beyond. It is an implicit acceptance of all as it is. It is flat acceptance and allows for the appreciation of the perfection of the creation.
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Edited by - karl on Jul 25 2012 03:46:22 AM |
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tonightsthenight
846 Posts |
Posted - Jul 25 2012 : 08:32:39 AM
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Nice Karl! And emc! Well, everyone's got some gems on this thread :D
Kami,
There is no end game, precisely because there is no end.
We're just on a trip. It's a journey and we grow and learn. And then we arrive at the destination, and realize that it's the same place we started at. And more than that, we realize that all the evolving and changing and growing we did was just an illusion, because we already were that.
And it might get a bit boring, and you will become weary of journeying for so long. But then it hits you, this is what makes us happy, as pointless as it may be.
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Katrine
Norway
1813 Posts |
Posted - Jul 25 2012 : 09:42:38 AM
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Dear Kami
I don't know if this rings true for you Kami but this is what your post brought out here:
quote:
The weirdest part about this whole thing is that I wasn't feeling particularly luminous the whole time, going through intense emotional turmoil and pain from a recent incident..
This pain, the intensity of it, made it very difficult for you not to be fully present. Usually we have the habit of escaping pain in whatever way that is our habit. But sometimes the pain is too great. Sometimes we simply realize that we know something to be true. And the pain of it actually brings more presence. Because there is nowhere to run....not into a story, not into comfort. Nowhere. And so we witness. While we are fully human. Both. When that happens, we are fully authentic, we are single inside (like many lenses that are perfectly aligned and as such are one single opening) and the spirit "shines through" for other people to "notice". It happens much more often than we are aware of too...this dynamic.
When I was diagnosed with cancer 16 years ago....the world I thought I knew fell apart in a few hours. I was walking outdoors and everything I looked at was luminous. There was also tremendous pain. I heard a voice say inside: "I have to be true now". I had no idea what that ment....I could never have guessed the immensity of that message.....but I do know that I was heartbroken because I was dying from my children (who were 5 and 7 at the time), terrified because I had no future, ..... and then... this strange out of nowhere fact that I knew that I had to be true. Not 80 %...or 99%....but 100 % true. To my innerness....to myself...to what my heart (not my wantings) knew to be true. Whatever that ment. Whatever it took.
quote:
My additional question is - how can the Divine be expressed through a muddy lens?
The divine is expressing itself all the time. The lens is never muddy. We simply close it when we say ´no´to whatever is going on. We do not want to see. That contraction is what we usually call "closing" the heart (lens or eye) and so the luminosity is veiled. It is not muddy - we are still divinity expressing itself, it is simply not perceived when we say no (contract).
quote:
Again, freaky, and again, disappeared as I went deeper with enquiry..
When the mind wants to know "how" or "what" regarding the presence itself....this itself is a movement that usually takes it "out of presence". Of course nothing can be "removed" from presence - but it can be perceived that way. So that is why I never anymore "look for" a prolonged perception of what I used to call "the shine" (the luminosity/love). The luminosity does not need me to look at it. It functions very well on its own. And my trust is....... I do not need to constantly see it to know it is always here.
Instead - it is very helpful to continue to stay present with the pain and the turmoil. Look at that. Observe that. Not wanting it to "be better". Not wanting it to drop. It is already perfectly created in order for us to see better. Life is pain as well as joy. Life is fear as well as peace. Wanting to exchange one for the other creates so much added misery. Every single situation we find ourselves in has its own message, its own wisdom, its own way of saying: "This is what is true for you". When you do not act on what is true for you - you know it. And you suffer the consequences."
So if the consequences are not in tune/in resonance with what we feel is ourselves, we can inquire into where our blindness is and when we find it we can act differently next time. That is our choice. But first we have to be willing to see what is actually going on. That is so much more constructive. "Wanting to see the luminosity" does not help. Wanting to be the luminosity does not help either. It already is and does not need our help. It is we that need help. Being willing to see and acknowledge what we do not want to see (usually painful) opens the heart and allows the compassion, beauty, strength, luminosity, love (the help) to shine through. It was there also when we did not see it.
It brought the pain....in order to help us see. It was like a revelation to the ones you met that day Kami. It is a revelation to read your post too. That is what they needed...it was for them. They recognized their own heart. The greatest gift you can then give them is to continue to let them remember themselves. To not feed the misconception that truth only resides in the revelation. It is always present within all of us.
You continue to remember yourself....the truth in you.
Much love
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kami
USA
920 Posts |
Posted - Jul 25 2012 : 11:01:24 AM
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Wow! Such beauty and wisdom in these posts! Thank you all so very much _/\_
Kevin, thank you for your perspective. I have not heard of the "nearly undifferentiated consciousness" from a Vedantic viewpoint. Is this your innate "knowing"? Also, my concept of God has changed drastically - it (sorry, can't say Him/Her) is the impartial consciousness upon and through which the dream, the dreamer, the illusion is all possible.. in Vedantic terms, "one without a second". This is not something I've read, but something I just know. I have no reason to berate this God for anything.. It is all good!
Karl, love your style of writing! And I agree with you on all of it. It is difficult for me to put in words, the changes or lack thereof, or progress or any such thing. Because nothing has changed externally, other than a subtle sense, a shift.. The best I can do to describe it is a "willingness" to go with it and increasing trust in it. Not sure it makes any sense, but I get what you mean by flexibility. I am more flexible, just don't ask how
Emc, your words are exactly congruent with what Yogani and Christi have said. For me, at the moment, it feels like everything is superimposed on silence - occasionally intermingled, but mostly separate.. All thoughts, emotions, drama, etc, even when I am "in" it, is seen to be overlaid on a vast "bed" of silence. Takes just a subtle shift from this to that, lost in the silence, often with sensations of ecstasy or a "rush". Often, there is that silence underneath dreams as well, knowing on some level that it is a dream that will end when I wake up.. There are times when there is a connectedness and love for everyone and everything, but those times are brief.. Mostly, it is this "split", if you will.. I often wonder if I'm losing my "sanity".. No good way to describe it..
TTN, thank you. Yes, getting a bit weary already..
Katrine (((HUGS)))! You said something to me two years ago that has become my gospel - to always be true to myself. It has served me well. Thank you for that reminder. Very true that pain is a very good guru. And now it makes sense - I was intensely present through it, not pushing it away, but letting it just "sit there" as I watched it, and also all the judgments of it. And now, a few days later, I can't summon it if I wanted to. For a change, there is no residual self-judgment or critique, which has been my deeply ingrained pattern. When the memory of it comes up, it doesn not seem to have a "hold".. But, I will have to wait and see if it is truly gone
This is one of those times when I feel deeply connected with all of you.. gushing love and oneness.. 
Thank you all! |
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kevincann
USA
335 Posts |
Posted - Jul 25 2012 : 12:08:34 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by kami
Kevin, thank you for your perspective. I have not heard of the "nearly undifferentiated consciousness" from a Vedantic viewpoint.
Like I said, it's "heresy". But then again if you look deep enough
even in Advaita, you find it isn't; at least by the time Tantra
enters the picture.
Jnana is in a continuous cycle of outpouring; I mean originally the
Rig Veda was about sacrificing to the gods; yet nobody will say
the Vedas are not 'scriptures of importance'. Are we still sacrificing
to the gods? Well no, and well, in a manner of speaking yes.
But now the gods we sacrifice to are inside of us, and the sacrifice
is painful parts of ourselves to our Selves; like it always was.
So what would have been heresy in those times, is now more properly
understood; and is in fact not heresy.
My point, to distill it down, is that to "chase after the stillness"
and to loathe the ego which supposedly "stands in the way" is a
tragic mistake.
To chase after 'enlightenment' is s tragic mistake.
To chase after Kundalini is a tragic mistake.
To chase after the world is a tragic mistake.
It is this very thinking that we must chase after something;
that some part of the Whole is to be avoided or transcended;
this is the tunnel vision we fall prey to.
Yet; there are obstacles to Wholeness and this is the business
of Yoga.
It is our tendency to ape the words of those we respect, whether
from a living person or from a 'holy book'. But aping these words
won't bring us clarity.
Finding the silence is a critical first step; as they say in Zen:
"your glass is already full; yet you keep pouring into it! First
empty the glass, then you become capable of learning".
But the silence is not to be worshiped. The silence is not an easy
express ticket to 'escape'. The silence is in fact an express
ticket BACK TO THE EARTH; back to one's true senses.
Sometimes we find ourselves in a flow which obviously has emanated
from the Core. Sometimes we hug someone as a "limited human".
We can do both with clarity; that is in fact our mandate from Ourselves to ourselves.
If we wig out in either direction; either so-called Formlessness
(It's not); or so-called Form (It's not) we lose our way.
To be fully alive and free is to find the middle ground; this is
not a compromise; this is not an approximation.
The middle ground is the only ground; the only ground which has
ever existed. There is no upper. There is no lower. There is
just Home.
Love,
Kev |
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