| Author |
 Topic  |
|
Giacomo
78 Posts |
 Posted - Jul 13 2012 : 07:28:56 AM
|
I have always been a womanizer.. I love(d) women.. They are so gentle, innocent-looking, attractive and 'clean'.. by now you understand I love women? lol..
The trouble is.. Years passed by.. It's a never ending cycle of suffering.. Not love for pure love itself, but love with attachments.. Most girls want a stable family-life (which I don't judge).
Now with more and more bhakti for spiritual evolvement and finding 'truth' and my new found practice of brahmacharya I found the urge to just 'quit' romantic relationships.. BUT
this time being.. I have 2 girlfriends.. And a third which is romantically in love with me..
I want to break those relationships up.. but I don't know how.. I don't want to hurt them.. They will be..
Can somebody suggest me about my situation? I know the easiest thing to do would just to tell the truth in a subtle, slow and emphatic manner.. Still they will be hurt..
What are your suggestions, thoughts, assumptions about this?
Shoot!
|
Edited by - Giacomo on Jul 13 2012 07:31:09 AM |
|
|
Ananda
3115 Posts |
Posted - Jul 13 2012 : 09:38:19 AM
|
Just be honest fully with them and admit you've wronged them big time and that you're sorry for it... Apologize and move on with your life... Truth and honesty always bring peace of mind...
Love,
Ananda
|
 |
|
|
Giacomo
78 Posts |
Posted - Jul 13 2012 : 12:27:20 PM
|
| Thank You Ananda for your post! I'll keep you up to date about the progress :) |
|
|
|
Giacomo
78 Posts |
Posted - Jul 13 2012 : 5:13:56 PM
|
Ananda, I refer to you because you were so kind to give me some advice, I also adress all those who are reading this, and I thank you..
I am proud and glad to announce that I've quit one of my 2 romantic relationships.. She 'took' it very well.. It's as if an 'higher force' is helping me.. I feel blessed |
|
|
|
Ananda
3115 Posts |
Posted - Jul 14 2012 : 01:33:49 AM
|
| Good to hear my friend... Onwards... Best end all this mess as soon as u can.. If u want to be In a romantic relation just be with one person... It goes out without saying that it shoupdn't be anyone of the other 2 remaining girls also.. End this whole thing from distance but be fully honest and admit that you've acted like a .... By doing what u did but now you're working on setting yourself straight... Btw i used to be in ur place many years back... All i could say is that i wouldn't like it if my sister would've met someone like myself... The habbit of being a womaniser is like a drug i know the feeling but best just stop cold turkey for a while. All the best bro |
|
|
|
Namath
350 Posts |
Posted - Jul 14 2012 : 03:06:44 AM
|
quote:
Originally posted by Giacomo
I have always been a womanizer.. I love(d) women.. They are so gentle, innocent-looking, attractive and 'clean'.. by now you understand I love women? lol..
The trouble is.. Years passed by.. It's a never ending cycle of suffering.. Not love for pure love itself, but love with attachments.. Most girls want a stable family-life (which I don't judge).
Now with more and more bhakti for spiritual evolvement and finding 'truth' and my new found practice of brahmacharya I found the urge to just 'quit' romantic relationships.. BUT
this time being.. I have 2 girlfriends.. And a third which is romantically in love with me..
I want to break those relationships up.. but I don't know how.. I don't want to hurt them.. They will be..
Can somebody suggest me about my situation? I know the easiest thing to do would just to tell the truth in a subtle, slow and emphatic manner.. Still they will be hurt..
What are your suggestions, thoughts, assumptions about this?
Shoot!
Hello Dear Giacomo;
thank you for your sharing that openly.
Go ahead and be frank!Even if you are mistaken,women do appreciate honesty.but most of all,be frank with yourself first.What do you really want!
you brought to my memory,one colleague I flew with.Two of his girlfriends were on the same flight and met in the galley....Each one saying that he's her boyfriend and the other girl is stalking him.This is what he convinced each of them...It ended up very violently with hair pulling and punches,lol...It took Security to end this fight and both girls got sacked out from the company.
A week later,the same guy flew with me with his wife and kids.He looked an angel in front of his wife!He didn't look a girl in the eyes 
It seems all guys play these mind-games at a certain stage in their lives,so please don't be judgmental on yourself. You might want to consider if you really want to take the title of a "......" among girls.Girls know these guys very well and they are the fun of their jokes when they meet up .
I don't feel it will be hard on the girls..After all,they are more interested in stable family-life as you said which you can't provide.Once you are totally frank about this,they will run away ...if not,then it's their decision and no need to feel guilt about it after that!
All the best in your inner and outer endeavors.
Salam |
|
|
|
Giacomo
78 Posts |
Posted - Jul 14 2012 : 05:01:12 AM
|
quote:
Originally posted by Ananda
Good to hear my friend... Onwards... Best end all this mess as soon as u can.. If u want to be In a romantic relation just be with one person... It goes out without saying that it shoupdn't be anyone of the other 2 remaining girls also.. End this whole thing from distance but be fully honest and admit that you've acted like a .... By doing what u did but now you're working on setting yourself straight... Btw i used to be in ur place many years back... All i could say is that i wouldn't like it if my sister would've met someone like myself... The habbit of being a womaniser is like a drug i know the feeling but best just stop cold turkey for a while. All the best bro
You are completely right. I should also say that I never 'consumed' with those girls, because it didn't feel right.. Still I -had- feelings for both of them, but not as deeply as they felt/feel for me. It's all illusion.. Worldly matters..
Now I value friendship with men/women so much more then I used to.. For me it's more important to have (female) friends then to be in a romantic relationship nowadays.. |
|
|
|
Giacomo
78 Posts |
Posted - Jul 14 2012 : 05:05:28 AM
|
quote:
Originally posted by Namath
quote:
Originally posted by Giacomo
I have always been a womanizer.. I love(d) women.. They are so gentle, innocent-looking, attractive and 'clean'.. by now you understand I love women? lol..
The trouble is.. Years passed by.. It's a never ending cycle of suffering.. Not love for pure love itself, but love with attachments.. Most girls want a stable family-life (which I don't judge).
Now with more and more bhakti for spiritual evolvement and finding 'truth' and my new found practice of brahmacharya I found the urge to just 'quit' romantic relationships.. BUT
this time being.. I have 2 girlfriends.. And a third which is romantically in love with me..
I want to break those relationships up.. but I don't know how.. I don't want to hurt them.. They will be..
Can somebody suggest me about my situation? I know the easiest thing to do would just to tell the truth in a subtle, slow and emphatic manner.. Still they will be hurt..
What are your suggestions, thoughts, assumptions about this?
Shoot!
Hello Dear Giacomo;
thank you for your sharing that openly.
Go ahead and be frank!Even if you are mistaken,women do appreciate honesty.but most of all,be frank with yourself first.What do you really want!
you brought to my memory,one colleague I flew with.Two of his girlfriends were on the same flight and met in the galley....Each one saying that he's her boyfriend and the other girl is stalking him.This is what he convinced each of them...It ended up very violently with hair pulling and punches,lol...It took Security to end this fight and both girls got sacked out from the company.
A week later,the same guy flew with me with his wife and kids.He looked an angel in front of his wife!He didn't look a girl in the eyes
It seems all guys play these mind-games at a certain stage in their lives,so please don't be judgmental on yourself. You might want to consider if you really want to take the title of a "......" among girls.Girls know these guys very well and they are the fun of their jokes when they meet up .
I don't feel it will be hard on the girls..After all,they are more interested in stable family-life as you said which you can't provide.Once you are totally frank about this,they will run away...if not,then it's their decision and no need to feel guilt about it after that!
All the best in your inner and outer endeavors.
Salam
loool, funny story... wouldn't want to be that guy..
What do I really want? Freedom without attachement...
I am glad for your reply, I don't think I would re-engage in a romantic relationship afterwards. Meditation, introspection and life itself is so much more important to me.
I try to never judge anything nowadays.. Just like a bird
Thank you for your post and salaam! Loveeee lifeeeee
I'll keep you both posted about the progress. Thank you!
|
|
|
|
Ananda
3115 Posts |
Posted - Jul 14 2012 : 05:09:03 AM
|
Dear, why re-engage in romantic relationships... If you find someone whom you really feel like she/he is the one... Go for out... A love like that is divine...
I wish you all the best on the path you choose...
Love,
Ananda |
|
|
|
Giacomo
78 Posts |
Posted - Jul 14 2012 : 05:26:51 AM
|
quote:
Originally posted by Ananda
Dear, why re-engage in romantic relationships... If you find someone whom you really feel like she/he is the one... Go for out... A love like that is divine...
I wish you all the best on the path you choose...
Love,
Ananda
Thank you Ananda for your reply.. I already know who the One is.. I'll keep on trying untill we are together.. |
|
|
|
Ananda
3115 Posts |
Posted - Jul 14 2012 : 05:53:09 AM
|
Allah I wish you all the best sincerely... |
|
|
|
Giacomo
78 Posts |
Posted - Jul 14 2012 : 06:32:31 AM
|
quote:
Originally posted by Ananda
Allah I wish you all the best sincerely...
Thank you so much! |
|
|
|
karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - Jul 14 2012 : 10:05:34 AM
|
It would end soon enough regardless of your agreement to end it.
The power of Bakhti is already at play, there is no control. You only aligned yourself with yourself. No changes were made, because none can be made.
It's a funny thing, but in time you realise that there is a 'way'. The way is leading, it's like a strong river that you are not aware of. You can fight against the river but it just exhausting and painful. If you cling to a rock the river will pull you away.
One day you will see that you are the flowing river and the swimmer then you will cease to fight unless it's a fully conscious decision to play in your own current. |
|
|
|
Giacomo
78 Posts |
Posted - Jul 14 2012 : 11:59:11 AM
|
quote:
Originally posted by karl
It would end soon enough regardless of your agreement to end it.
The power of Bakhti is already at play, there is no control. You only aligned yourself with yourself. No changes were made, because none can be made.
It's a funny thing, but in time you realise that there is a 'way'. The way is leading, it's like a strong river that you are not aware of. You can fight against the river but it just exhausting and painful. If you cling to a rock the river will pull you away.
One day you will see that you are the flowing river and the swimmer then you will cease to fight unless it's a fully conscious decision to play in your own current.
Your post made me smile Thank you |
|
|
|
Yaming
Switzerland
112 Posts |
Posted - Jul 14 2012 : 5:05:37 PM
|
I'm glad that you are on the right path for yourself.
However I disagree with Ananada ("If u want to be In a romantic relation just be with one person...") that is up for discussion. I know people who happily live in a 3 ppl relationship for years now. The whole monogamy thing is in my opinion totally overrated. Just find the life that you want and that you are happy with! That is my advice :)
|
|
|
|
CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Jul 14 2012 : 10:57:53 PM
|
Monogamy is a lifestyle choice not an absolute rule for mutually fullfilling romantic connections. I'm sure there are pro's and con's to both sides. We each have to walk our own paths.
Love!
Carson 
Edited by - CarsonZi on Jul 15 2012 03:59:54 AM |
|
|
|
yogishankar
USA
83 Posts |
Posted - Jul 14 2012 : 11:12:30 PM
|
quote:
What do I really want? Freedom without attachement...
I am glad for your reply, I don't think I would re-engage in a romantic relationship afterwards. Meditation, introspection and life itself is so much more important to me.
I try to never judge anything nowadays.. Just like a bird
Your messages are interesting to read. I can write few stories based on the outline provided by you.
So you are looking for romantic relationships without commitment? Just like a bird? You are asking the question in a wrong forum  .
As a Yogi, I can advise you few things out of my own experience. If you do Yoga regularly two times day for next 3 years, you will lose all interest in women. You will shave your head and would not bother to attract any woman. And one thing I can assure you. You will sense happiness in your heart, which is far better than romantic love happiness.
|
Edited by - yogishankar on Jul 14 2012 11:49:54 PM |
|
|
|
machart
USA
342 Posts |
Posted - Jul 14 2012 : 11:24:53 PM
|
quote:
Originally posted by Yaming
The whole monogamy thing is in my opinion totally overrated. Just find the life that you want and that you are happy with! That is my advice :)
Well...if you are in a relationship...it is more than finding the life that just you want...once you have kids and a family, life gets a lot more complicated...but good luck with the polygamy thing...sounds way too complicated to me...I like to keep it simple...and my wife would kill me if I thought otherwise...my advice...keep the people around you happy..and you will be happy. |
|
|
|
Yaming
Switzerland
112 Posts |
Posted - Jul 15 2012 : 02:01:27 AM
|
quote:
Monogamy is a lifestyle choice not an absolute rule for positive romantic human connection. I'm sure there are pro's and con's to both sides. We each have to walk our own paths.
Nicely expressed. That's what I wanted to say. :) Thanks Carson. |
|
|
|
Giacomo
78 Posts |
Posted - Jul 15 2012 : 07:29:37 AM
|
Silence... There is nothing.. And everything, like a dream passing by.. Meaningless... what does it all matter? It matters nothing
Keep you all posted, thank you!
|
|
|
|
Ananda
3115 Posts |
Posted - Jul 15 2012 : 11:30:23 AM
|
| @ carson and yaming. Yes it's a life choice I agree i am not forcing my opinions. But i just don't see it as the right thing to do... Bcz no one could be fair to more than one lover... And i am not speaking about sex... I am speaking about the whole package here. This is my life choice and it's based on personal experiences... Peace |
|
|
|
CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Jul 15 2012 : 4:16:23 PM
|
Hi Ananda,
"No one could be fair to more than one lover."
I'm not sure that you can know that, which is the whole point in saying that it is a lifestyle choice. You can of course choose monogamy for yourself. But by telling another that if they choose polygamy or something other than monogamy they will "not be able to be fair to more than one lover" *IS* (at least in my opinion) forcing your opinion on another.
I realize that having more than one romantic partner is going to have it's own set of challenges, but that again is the "lifestyle choice." Hell, there are entire sects of religions (like fundamentalist Mormons for example) that have polygamy as part of their defining characteristics (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polygamy)... and many of those families live happy, well adjusted lives not just as lovers but as parents.
So, I respect your choice to practice monogamy but I think you should also respect other people's choices to practice whatever kind of relationship they resonate with without telling them that there is zero chance for a happy successful relationship unless their relationship has the same format yours does.
Love,
Carson |
|
|
|
maheswari
Lebanon
2516 Posts |
Posted - Jul 15 2012 : 4:29:38 PM
|
| i do respect ur opinion yogishankar and this lifestyle might work for you but keep in mind that lots of yogis are in a relation (sometimes many relations)with a partner and/ or are married with kids....yoga and sex are definitely NOT mutually exclusive..at least not in ayp and in modern advaita tradition...having those opinions about do and do not...should and should not..are all opinions created by the dividing mind....in unity there is nothing pre set, all is perfectly valid |
Edited by - maheswari on Jul 15 2012 4:30:48 PM |
|
|
|
karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - Jul 15 2012 : 4:34:33 PM
|
quote:
Originally posted by Giacomo
Silence... There is nothing.. And everything, like a dream passing by.. Meaningless... what does it all matter? It matters nothing
Keep you all posted, thank you!
how quickly you feel the current. |
|
|
|
Ananda
3115 Posts |
Posted - Jul 16 2012 : 12:43:22 AM
|
quote:
Originally posted by CarsonZi
Hi Ananda,
"No one could be fair to more than one lover."
I'm not sure that you can know that, which is the whole point in saying that it is a lifestyle choice. You can of course choose monogamy for yourself. But by telling another that if they choose polygamy or something other than monogamy they will "not be able to be fair to more than one lover" *IS* (at least in my opinion) forcing your opinion on another.
I realize that having more than one romantic partner is going to have it's own set of challenges, but that again is the "lifestyle choice." Hell, there are entire sects of religions (like fundamentalist Mormons for example) that have polygamy as part of their defining characteristics (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polygamy)... and many of those families live happy, well adjusted lives not just as lovers but as parents.
So, I respect your choice to practice monogamy but I think you should also respect other people's choices to practice whatever kind of relationship they resonate with without telling them that there is zero chance for a happy successful relationship unless their relationship has the same format yours does.
Love,
Carson
I am wrong since you put it this way... I can't argue with what you shared... You are right. I respect each person's choice.. Mine is being with only one person whom I can be fully devoted to..
Love,
Ananda |
|
|
|
CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Jul 16 2012 : 01:18:37 AM
|
quote:
Originally posted by Ananda
I respect each person's choice.. Mine is being with only one person whom I can be fully devoted to..
Mine too. 
Love,
Carson |
|
|
|
Topic |
|
Me and my girlfriendS
