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beckon
Canada
15 Posts |
 Posted - Feb 28 2012 : 1:13:24 PM
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I was entirely ignorant to kundalini when she swept me off my feet. I had only just begun meditating and was encouraged by the results. I noticed a small, tickling feeling of warmth in my mid-section and deliberately fostered that sensation. Brief periods of meditation would leave me feeling incredibly restored and invigorated.
One night, I was sitting happily on the center of my couch in my apartment, alone and high on marijuana, when I randomly thought of a friend and how easily we related to one another. Then I felt the world buckle, similar to how a droplet of water breaks the surface tension of the larger body, and I slipped into a trance-like state. Voices from my childhood confronted me, taunting me and asking if I thought I was a Buddha. I responded in my mind: am I? The voices rose to a chant and in that chant I heard the voices of my brothers and sisters. An intense feeling of compassion and sympathy tore me out of the trance state.
An indescribable light/electricity/energy lit my entire being, followed by silence. A pregnant pause as if to ask: are you ready? In retrospect, I most definitely was not. But the opportunity was presented, and I took it. It felt as though my brain itself were being immersed in cream soda. Every pore came alive.
The world was alive with so much wonder I could barely cope. The next day I confidently went into work and quit my job and spent the next week in bliss. It seemed as though the secrets of the world were unfolding at my slightest inclination. The sense of relief was enormous.
Then, in spectacular fashion, everything fell apart.
I was absolutely not prepared for this shift in understanding. An episode of egomania and thoughts of self harm ensued as frantic attempts to adopt ingrained belief systems to this radically new paradigm failed one after the other, eventually culminating in an episode of psychosis for which I was hospitalized. I cannot articulate the degree of confusion and distress that I needlessly endured. It is a wonder that I emerged with my sanity. A constant tingling throughout my skull, pressure at the forehead, intense dreams of white light awakening to a heart rate beyond normal limits, and what I would describe as a sense of intimacy with the divine seemed only to confirm what I was being told: that I was sick.
After being released from hospital, I began a desperate search for explanation. Though my confidence was shaken to its very core, that what I had experienced was pathological illness rang false in my heart. Seeing a chart that roughly outlined the locations of the chakras seemed to be a step in the right direction. Bizarre sensations that I had been experiencing throughout my body seemed to fall into a new matrix of understanding. I will do my best to describe them:
There is a sensation of a constantly cycling sprinkle of energy on the exterior of my skull. Very pleasant, but distracting.
The sensation at my forehead is quite active and likes to shift intensities. At times it is a focused and almost uncomfortable sensation; sometimes, it's like someone licked between my eyebrows and is blowing cool air, with tendrils of energy flowing out across the forehead.
In my solar plexus I can identify a "thrill" of energy. Imagine falling backwards in your chair, and turn the volume down on that sensation about halfway. When focusing on this area the sensation spreads upward and it almost feels like a panic attack.
In the pit of my abdomen there is what I would describe as a small bundle of warmth, love and joy. It seems to appreciate being focused on.
I cannot describe the sensation at the base of my spine.
All of this paints a pretty picture, but I find myself disabled by rushes of energy and pleasure, to the point where it is difficult to concentrate on basic tasks. In spite of the energy coursing through my body, I am frequently and inexplicably fatigued. Sleep is problematic and failing to get enough sleep increases the crown/third eye sensations to uncomfortable degrees. Difficult experiences/failures from my life seem to bubble up out of nowhere and force me to look at them.
So here's the million dollar question: am I in the throes of kundalini or am I simply a spiritual hypochondriac looking for answers? |
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faileforever
USA
190 Posts |
Posted - Feb 29 2012 : 11:04:44 AM
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Hi beckon
Thank you for sharing, wow what a ride so far huh? Def sounds like Kundalini..I have a few questions for you. Are you still practicing at all and if so what are you doing? Are you fairly active through out the day? You mention that you had this first experience while high on marijuana and i wanted to share something from my own experience with it and having an active kundalini. I dont know if you still use it or not but it seems to really mess with the energy in my crown and third eye in a not good way. I used it before my awakening and have used it after, and although sometimes i will feel ok on it, for the most part it almost instantly seems to affect the crown and head stuff, in a very uncomfy way. You are in the right place, keep your chin up |
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts |
Posted - Feb 29 2012 : 12:40:18 PM
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Yes indeed, you're in the right place, mate!
And just to follow faileforever's comments, I too have experienced the friction and nasty concoction that a mixture of psychedelics and kundalini creates. Not too nice. It's like the kundalini is saying: "Why are you trying to get yourself high? I'm going to get you higher than you can imagine--and without the use of any chemicals."
I think the AYP party line on these matters (and my experience as well) is to implement grounding activities. A classic one that works well is taking long, non-strenous walks. Kind of realizing that the purpose of kundalini is to arrive here on Earth, and feeling that in the body. The miracle is here.
When I had a kundalini blast about 1.5 years ago (sober), I remember thinking: Aha! Everything in life is now going to go perfectly, and I'll never have to worry about my job, relationships, family shadows, etc... Of course, I found out shortly after that that was not the case. Life continues, and the work lies in how we incorporate our spiritual energy with the normal, non-glamorous aspects of living. Then, the line between ordinary and extraordinary begins to get blurred. So, whether we're perceiving a higher being on an astral plane, or helping our grandmother, the miracle of existence resonates in all realms of experience. This seems to be the trend of unfoldment.
Also, spinal breathing pranayama is an excellent way of balancing the wild kundalini. And of course, deep meditation provides the cool water of stillness to calm the flames of ecstatic energy. But if either DM or SBP stir up the volatility further, then apply self-pacing and the above-mentioned grounding principles in your daily life.
Welcome, and Godspeed on your journey.  |
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Etherfish
USA
3615 Posts |
Posted - Feb 29 2012 : 7:34:04 PM
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Yes, any exercise is grounding, and walking keeps you close to the earth. Even better is touching the earth; gardening or walking barefoot in the dirt.
I talked to a tech at a sleep disorder center, and he said they could actually determine when someone wasn't grounded electrically. Something about us normally having a slight negative charge, but if it is positive you aren't grounded. He said standing barefoot in the dirt corrects it quickly. Or touching something that is grounded. His buddy developed grounded bed sheets.
PS the words "negative" and "positive" above have nothing to do with the traditional emotional or social connotations. In the electrical world they are arbitrary, and sometimes reversed. Negative just means more electrons, and they are usually assigned a negative, but for no reason other than distinguishing them from positive.
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beckon
Canada
15 Posts |
Posted - Feb 29 2012 : 11:16:50 PM
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Thank you all for the kind words and insight. Speaking as a freshly shucked clam, it's good to hear that there is life and love outside the shell.
I'm finding the spinal breathing very helpful, but one problem I'm having with deep meditation (and I had the same issue with vipassana meditation) is that the object of meditation invariably becomes my third eye or crown, as the activity there is so pronounced. The third eye in particular seems to narrow to a sensation approximate to pressing the corner of an ice cube between my brow. Should I try to course correct or just roll with it? I don't intend to pass myself off as a seasoned meditator by any stretch; perhaps practice is all that's required.
I haven't smoked weed since I was admitted to hospital -- the high I don't miss so much (as Bodhi Tree mentioned, kundalini is high enough!) but it did put me to sleep nicely. As I've traded a plant for a tiny blue pill that makes my mouth taste foul, I can't help but wonder at the quality of the upgrade. Oh well, there are those that have it much worse! Thanks as well for the info regarding grounding... I'm at the mercy of a Canadian winter, so toes in soil is unfortunately not an option. My feet are thirsty at the thought!
Paradoxically (it would be a paradox, wouldn't it?) the thing that troubles me most during the day is a deep and abiding sense of peace. How strange and disarming it is to set aside worry! The absence itself seems to form a vacuum. Huge slabs of my character were built upon those sands. |
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts |
Posted - Feb 29 2012 : 11:50:43 PM
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Ah, bare feet in the dirt...now that's a good call, Etherfish! I did that the other day. Hope when it warms up, Beckon, you are able to indulge in that amazingly simple but often overlooked pleasure. So many little things we take for granted.
There may be an option for reducing the pressure in your head:
The Solar Centering Enhancement
http://www.aypsite.org/368.html
I applied it after a few months of stable DM, and it definitely helps. There seems to be more purification and radiance flowing within, especially because of the nearness to the heart.
What a nice burden to bear: the weightless weight of abiding inner silence.
Onward. |
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beckon
Canada
15 Posts |
Posted - Mar 03 2012 : 7:00:10 PM
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I'm having trouble with the down phases of what seems to be a cycle of emotional upheaval. Lately they have been very, very intense. Bursting into tears both for "no" reason; deep, existential sorrow that culminates in a desire to simply not be alive; fatigue that seems to run to my very marrow.
Has anyone else faced a similar experience? |
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brother neil
USA
752 Posts |
Posted - Mar 03 2012 : 11:27:02 PM
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do you live near a beach, some of my most joyous moments have been after burying myself in the sand
also, you can watch some spiritual masters online, youtube, and it may help calm you down. personally i listen to mooji the most, many times just watching or listening to him has calmed me down and helped me feel better |
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tonightsthenight
846 Posts |
Posted - Mar 04 2012 : 11:56:30 AM
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Hey Beckon,
It's good that you've found a place like AYP.
I've experienced a similar path to yours... there's no magic pill to recommend that can make you feel normal and balanced, but you can focus on grounding as others have said.
Most yoga, including AYP, is built for normal-sensitivity people. It doesn't sound like that's you. Any level of practice probably induces intense purification. Stay away from practice until things start to calm down.
Also, don't focus on the sensations and emotions. Focusing on them only strengthens them. Let those things go along with everything else.
Take care
quote:
Originally posted by beckon
I'm having trouble with the down phases of what seems to be a cycle of emotional upheaval. Lately they have been very, very intense. Bursting into tears both for "no" reason; deep, existential sorrow that culminates in a desire to simply not be alive; fatigue that seems to run to my very marrow.
Has anyone else faced a similar experience?
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faileforever
USA
190 Posts |
Posted - Mar 04 2012 : 12:53:10 PM
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| I am going through similiar things beckon..a wise person on these forums reminded me to step out of my head and remember that i am only the witness of what is going on. This too shall pass |
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts |
Posted - Mar 05 2012 : 4:08:42 PM
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When the shadows are dark, and looming, and overwhelming...we can remember that shadows only exist because of the light that projects them. So, the shadows of emotional suffering have their source as love trying to break through. Breaking through, breaking through, breaking through.
As Yogani says, all emotion is the power of love.
Also, don't forget to observe the miracles already obvious in your immediate surroundings. Literally, if you can just look at the hair on your right or left arm, you can say...wow, there are many little individual hairs growing on one arm, and within those individual follicles are indeed many thousands of molecules within one strand of hair, and within those individual molecules are a plethora of atoms, and this is all occurring on a body that I can witness and use a tool of expressing the infinite mystery of these simple truths...and you can feel that too.
You are the universe...its suffering and especially, its liberation. |
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maheswari
Lebanon
2516 Posts |
Posted - Mar 05 2012 : 4:12:52 PM
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| thank u dear Bodhi Tree for your post...you are a wise man indeed! |
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beckon
Canada
15 Posts |
Posted - Mar 06 2012 : 9:28:17 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Bodhi Tree
You are the universe...its suffering and especially, its liberation.
Thank you for the inspirational thought, it truly does help. I saw this earlier today and was reminded of your post:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?featur...=9D05ej8u-gU
quote:
Originally posted by tonightsthenight
I've experienced a similar path to yours... there's no magic pill to recommend that can make you feel normal and balanced, but you can focus on grounding as others have said.
The Magic Pill has really been a problem. I've emerged from the mental health system with the grim spectres of Psychosis and Depression looming over each shoulder, armed with Magic Pills to combat both. I can't decide whether I'm being brave or stupid, steadfast or reckless by not using them. It's difficult to explain that I am not psychotic (even to myself) when I have quite recently been psychotic, or to explain that I am not depressed when I'm flattened on the couch and can barely move.
brother neil: thanks for the tip on mooji, I enjoy his talks very much. Though, I did stumble across one video where he advises to leave the sleeping snake alone! Good advice...
faileforever: thank you for the words of encouragement. My heart goes out to you. Good luck on your path! |
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brother neil
USA
752 Posts |
Posted - Mar 08 2012 : 3:13:36 PM
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your welcome. you said
"Though, I did stumble across one video where he advises to leave the sleeping snake alone! Good advice..."
care to expand on that and which video? |
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beckon
Canada
15 Posts |
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Mar 08 2012 : 6:31:32 PM
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Hi Beckon and welcome to the AYP forums! 
You've gotten plenty of great advice from other's here, I just wanted to mention to you that zopiclone, the "little blue pill" you are taking to help you sleep, can *really* screw with the energies and likely compound things in the long run. If you can figure out a way to go to sleep without it, I highly recommend that. I would suggest a vigorous workout directly after dinner.
Just wanted to mention that and say a quick welcome to a fellow Canadian.
Best of luck to you!
Love!
Carson  |
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brother neil
USA
752 Posts |
Posted - Mar 08 2012 : 7:20:35 PM
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I know I may sound like a broken record, yet meditating with my feet on the ground in the evening helps me to feel tired, but not in a bad way, earlier and gives my body a cool relaxing energy.
interesting video, funny. from what I have seen of mooji, he is not against practices, he does have some guided meditations on his site and satsang is a so called practice as well. in this video, in a sense he is saying something similar to what yogani says, focus on the destination not the scenery. Mooji talks in one of his talks about having certain experiences arise during a cleaning out process for himself, a burning away.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q5vF...ture=related |
Edited by - brother neil on Mar 08 2012 7:30:00 PM |
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beckon
Canada
15 Posts |
Posted - Mar 08 2012 : 10:14:28 PM
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Carson: thank you so much for that information and the warm welcome. Very helpful indeed.
Brother Neil: great video, it certainly bolstered my spirit. Thank you for sharing. |
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brother neil
USA
752 Posts |
Posted - Mar 08 2012 : 11:41:09 PM
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| your welcome |
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts |
Posted - Mar 09 2012 : 12:53:33 AM
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I was raised in a family of con men, drug dealers, ponzi scheme swindlers, and intellectual elites...all of them highly skilled in the art of persuasion and verbal gymnastics. Consequently, my ability to discern between truth and falsehood has been honed since an early age. Inner silence also gives rise to this ability for discernment.
Mooji is much like Adyashanti. They speak very cleverly, constantly weaving in and out of non-duality linguistics. They will always come back to one thing: that there really is no path, nothing but here and now. "You're already enlightened." They scoff at the usage of techniques like refining a mantra in the mind, and instead promote "do nothing" or guided meditations (using their own reassuring voices  ). In my opinion, if you observe their body language and tone of voice, you can hear the ever-so-slight pretension: the air of someone who believes they have arrived--it is very subtle indeed, but unmistakably present (again, just my subjective perspective). Yet they would be the first to say there is nowhere to go, so their bases are covered.
Don't get me wrong, I enjoy some of their talks, and this is not guru bashing. I'm just sharing some heartfelt words of warning: caveat emptor (let the buyer beware). Yogani covers all of this in the field of non-relational self-inquiry, where we can build castles in the air based on intellectual efforts to "snap out of it" and "awaken" instantaneously.
"You shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free." John 8:32 |
Edited by - Bodhi Tree on Mar 09 2012 11:40:14 AM |
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gatito
United Kingdom
179 Posts |
Posted - Mar 09 2012 : 1:12:24 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Bodhi Tree
I was raised in a family of con men, drug dealers, ponzi scheme swindlers, and intellectual elites...all of them highly skilled in the art of persuasion and verbal gymnastics. Consequently, my ability to discern between truth and falsehood has been honed since an early age. Inner silence also gives rise to this ability for discernment.
Mooji is much like Adyashanti. They speak very cleverly, constantly weaving in and out of non-duality linguistics. They will always come back to one thing: that there really is no path, nothing but here and now. "You're already enlightened." They scoff at the usage of techniques like refining a mantra in the mind, and instead promote "do nothing" or guided meditations (using their own reassuring voices ). In my opinion, if you observe their body language and tone of voice, you can hear the ever-so-slight pretension: the air of someone who believes they have arrived--it is very subtle indeed, but unmistakably present (again, just my subjective perspective). Yet they would be the first to say there is nowhere to go, so their bases are covered.
Don't get me wrong, I enjoy some of their talks, and this is not guru bashing. I'm just sharing some heartfelt words of warning: caveat emptor (let the buyer beware). Yogani covers all of this in the field of non-relational self-inquiry, where we can build castles in the air based on intellectual efforts to "snap out of it" and "awaken" instantaneously.
"You shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free." John 8:32
You may find this thread interesting, as I have the impression that yogani doesn't actually disagree with Adya's approach and certainly wouldn't characterise him as someone who is building castles in the air (I hope not anyway ).
http://www.aypsite.org/forum/topic....OPIC_ID=1502 |
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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - Mar 09 2012 : 1:32:13 PM
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It's all choice, there are multiple paths and what suits one does not appeal to another.
Sometimes the words used hint at there being only "one way". They often lack the humility which many find to be more appealing, because there is a clear path of unlimited choice.
Read anything by Sri Ramana Marahashi and the teaching is reflective, it is matter of fact and very inclusive of multiple paths, without any preaching. That is not to say that Adys descriptions are anything but genuine, but the style doesn't appeal to those who have a need for a less guided approach.
You can see this in action during holiday trips. Some like a guided tour, others like to pick up a guide book and wander at their leisure. Both see the sights, just in different ways. The one who prefers the guided approach is not as happy trying to find his way, that isn't fun, it's just wasteful. For the unguided adventurer, freedom and adventure is the key. |
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts |
Posted - Mar 09 2012 : 5:12:22 PM
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I'm primarily just venting, which I don't like to do, but it happens. Sorry.  I'm only voicing a personal opinion, not a stance against their teaching. If their teachings are working for their students, that is good. Hurray, really. As I said, I like some of their talks too.
I was actually thinking after I posted that: Ah, why did I post that? If Adyashanti or Mooji are misleading aspirants with their words, what good does it do to try and de-fraud them in this forum? Not much. I waste my energy sometimes on getting involved in fights that don't lead to any victories.
Anyway, re: the thread Gatito referenced above, here is a Yogani quote from that string:
"Non-dualists have plenty of finesse of their own. They talk about the experience of non-dualism a lot, going to great lengths to convince incarnated consciousness of its true nature. Non-dual teachers are valued not only for their perceived condition, but also for their ability to convey to others how to unfold it. That is finesse, yes?"
Adyashanti and Mooji in a nutshell.
To each his own! Thanks for your replies, gentlemen! |
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beckon
Canada
15 Posts |
Posted - Mar 09 2012 : 10:07:08 PM
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| I tried skipping the zoplicone last night and ended up taking melatonin instead at around 2 am. The effect was something like rubber-banding between vivid dream state and consciousness. Most unpleasant. Quite distressing, actually. |
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brother neil
USA
752 Posts |
Posted - Mar 09 2012 : 10:36:52 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Bodhi Tree
Mooji is much like Adyashanti. They speak very cleverly, constantly weaving in and out of non-duality linguistics. They will always come back to one thing: that there really is no path, nothing but here and now. "You're already enlightened." They scoff at the usage of techniques like refining a mantra in the mind, and instead promote "do nothing" or guided meditations (using their own reassuring voices ). John 8:32
I dont believe this is accurate of mooji. One pitfal could be that if you watch one or two videos of mooji, or maybe even ten you may not get the whole picture of what he does. Now, with no need for arrogance I say that I have watched at least a hundred hours and listened a hundred more, or more to recordings of his. He has two guided meditations that you can download on his site. He also has an I AM practice that he describes in a video, he does not like to call it meditation or a practice, however he gives directions.
He also talks about how if sometimes someone is not ready for direct realization, in this moment, that they may need a practice to calm the mind. He also speaks fondly of one sage/guru in particular who chants hare krishna hare krishna krishna krishna hare hare
personally I myself have been arrogant and not humble on others practices, even on this site, some as recent as a few days ago, yet in this moment and future ones my intention is to respond humbly and with respect to others paths and if in certain sh*tuations i feel i can possibly assist, may I offer my input humbly so as to not make myself and or another stumble. |
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gatito
United Kingdom
179 Posts |
Posted - Mar 10 2012 : 08:45:39 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by beckon
I tried skipping the zoplicone last night and ended up taking melatonin instead at around 2 am. The effect was something like rubber-banding between vivid dream state and consciousness. Most unpleasant. Quite distressing, actually.
Hi beckon
Have you considered that of you've been taking zimovane regularly for a while, you could be addicted? If so, you might need to get some help to get off it.
http://www.non-benzodiazepines.org....piclone.html
This might help - but you should really discuss it with a sympathetic and knowledgable doctor in order to be properly supported.
Best Wishes. |
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