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Chaz
USA
129 Posts |
 Posted - Feb 24 2012 : 9:38:46 PM
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Recently I've noticed a mental calm and emotional stability I haven't felt in recent memory. I was on a good track for a while, in many areas I've improved, but today I slipped into a very negative state. I had a REALLY BAD outburst, and I lashed out in rage at a level I haven't felt in a long time. I got into an argument with my sister, whom of all people seems to know how to pull my strings the most and takes advantage of that fact very well! I usually don't feed into these types of things but there's been tension between us recently... I don't know if it's all coming from me or if it's mutual, but today I exploded.
The argument is really stupid, like most. She's 23 and I'm 17, you'd think we'd be more mature and civil in our interaction. But nonetheless I exchanged derogatory and hurtful words with her, I was shouting back at her, and I noticed how much rage and hostility was behind my words. It scared me a little bit, because I haven't let an argument get me to this point of fury in a long time, and now I feel completely ashamed and guilty. Not to mention I have quite a headache now and I just feel... weird, not myself. I haven't really been easily agitated lately but after my practices today that all changed. Is this possibly caused from an overload or a release?
I don't want this type of relationship with my sister. We aren't getting along too well as of right now, and we surely don't think too highly of each other. Even so, I would like to be more loving towards her, and I would like to enjoy a better, more positive relationship with my sister. After the argument and thinking about all the hurtful things I said, I can't get out of this loop of guilt and shame. She said plenty of things to me as well that were meant to be just as hurtful, if not more, but oddly my mind has disregarded all of that. Only the things I said and the rage I felt are what's bothering me right now. I'm not even close to hurt over what she said, but rather the fact that I let this rage carry me so far away from the loving place I've been these past couple weeks. Even though she was the provoker, I still feel like I should of been on guard and at my best in this situation. I feel like it's such a setback.
Is it normal to experience such extreme emotions like this? And if so, how would I better control and discipline myself to not lash out when I experience them. I feel like expressing emotions is healthy, but not to extremes. I want to be more loving and stable in my own inner peace, I want to be able to radiate that peace during times of conflict like this. Can anyone give me some insight into what happened? I feel so upset for slipping into such negativity like this, and I don't even know where to begin making up for it and apologizing. I really want to improve my relationship with my sister. She can be so negative at times that it's hard to not let it affect me and bring me down. |
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SeySorciere
Seychelles
1553 Posts |
Posted - Feb 27 2012 : 02:41:23 AM
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Extreme emotions are experienced when there is overload and extreme purification happening, so self-pacing is recommended.
Accept that what has happened has happened and forgive yourself. Be prepared that it can happen again and be ok with that (we are not perfect beings). Do not judge yourself too harshly and the guilt trip is of no use to anyone, certainly not to yourself - let it go. Be gentle with yourself. Of course, genuine apologies go a long way in mending fences, so do that when you feel centred enough, but do it with no expectations.
Peace and Love
Sey |
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showup
USA
47 Posts |
Posted - Mar 05 2012 : 1:54:31 PM
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Hey Chaz:
It is common to be in this situation for yogies/yoginis at least during the initial learning period of yoga. Yoga is an exercise which energies the practitioner. Higher the energy we accumulate, more cautious we should be. If we don't, the accumulated energy will burst out like this which can do harm to the opponent as well as the practitioner. This is for the same reason 'Yama' and 'Niyama' are considered to be the first two limbs of yoga in the 8 limbs of yoga. Without following 'Yama' and 'Niyama' it is hard to progress in yoga. This outburst will stay for days in mind and come-up when you to try to concentrate in yoga practice which will slow down the rate of progress.
Take this as a learning curve. When you get in to conflict next time, just avoid talk to that concern person. That is the best remedy of all the remedies. Immediately leave that place even before a conflict arises. It may mean that you have lost your point at that time...but it is ok...Your ego would have hurt...but it is ok...after all we are not not ego... we are Atmans.
Try to learn the components of 'Yama' and 'Niyama' and try following it as much as possible. It will really help your progress in yoga. Good luck! |
Edited by - showup on Mar 05 2012 5:38:31 PM |
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Etherfish
USA
3615 Posts |
Posted - Mar 05 2012 : 7:12:36 PM
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I think we need to be especially careful of hurting people when we are on the path of enlightenment. Part of this is because we might release stored emotion as mentioned above.
But there is something else i have noticed with myself. I have gotten to such a quiet place myself, where other people treating me like crap doesn't bother me at all. In fact, half the time I don't even recognize that they are treating me badly, then later I will think "Oh, I guess that person was trying to treat me badly!"
The dangerous thing is, I expect other people to be like that too. So occasionally I say something insensitive or rude just as a joke, and then realize people get hurt by that stuff. So now, I have to be extra careful of other people's feelings, because people get hurt by my words, even though their words may mean nothing to me.
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Extreme Outburst
