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BellaMente
USA
147 Posts |
 Posted - Feb 23 2012 : 7:38:55 PM
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Haven't posted in a long time...
It's been a wild ride... Interesting nonetheless...
Last time I posted I was struggling with addiction while I was trying to maintain a stable meditation practice... Well long story short, my whole life changed - school wasn't working out, my relationship wasn't working out, etc. etc. and I left my college in Chicago, left my fiance', and ended up in Florida teaching at the local college and in a new relationship - and although my practice waned, I continued to have spiritual experiences... Well, after a long struggle, I finally overcame the addictions as well as the other problems it was masking and started meditating again...
So now here I am back again...
I have recently been having new strange things occurring... Episodes of feeling high - sometimes it feels like I am on psychedelic drugs and other times it feels like I am on opiates... I am not complaining about this lol but the main one that is driving me insane is the intense longing I am feeling...
It started when I met a new guy... And intensified... My passion was unleashed like a dragon.. At first I thought it was a longing for him, but I realized it was connected to something else, another longing underlying this, a longing for something more, a longing for freedom... There has been some songs and two movies (The Way and Into the Wild)which I have been drawn to and they all have an underlying theme of being free and going on a journey or some kind of adventure... Spontaneously, this past Sunday I drove west out to the woods through the national forest and I literally felt intoxicated... I felt free... It was crazy but it felt so good... Then yesterday I was looking up kundalini and relationships and I accidently stumbled across somebody named Gabriel Morris who had a kundalini awakening after undertaking a similar journey to the guy Chris-who the movie Into the Wild is based on which I JUST SEEN- two years after him.. Shocked, I ordered his book right away... Now, at first, I thought all this meant I was supposed to leave everything and go hitchiking across the country lol... But now after doing some research online I'm starting to think it is really a longing for moksha - a longing for spiritual liberation - or bhakti - a longing for God - and my ego-based mind is trying to attach this yearning and longing to a person (kama) and to worldly pursuits (artha and dharma...?) I don't know...
Anyways, I have read the thread here titled Kundalini longing:
http://www.aypsite.org/forum/topic....OPIC_ID=2401
and the other thread referenced in the OP and thought it was interesting... So I don't know if there are any more insights anyone has but I just felt the need to share... Maybe somebody is going through similar things or has gone through similar things... I don't know but if there is any advice you have for me, please let me know!!! Thank you!
*Namaste*
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Intense Longing...
