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KellyN
75 Posts |
 Posted - Jan 03 2012 : 2:26:24 PM
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Hello all, I have been meditating for the past three months, twice daily for 20 minutes, as instructed by Yogani in his AYP series. I noticed subtle changes in me soon after beginning my meditation practices. For instance, my desire to continue learning and delving into spiritual practices increased, I became observably more patient, and I have felt increasingly connected to others. These are all my natural characteristics, I speak of noticing a subtle increase in all these characteristics and additional positive energy. With that said, my meditation sittings were going relatively well until recently. I began pranayama about 1 month ago and that too was going somewhat smoothly. Lately, I have had mocking thoughts come up about meditation. I also seem to be repeating the mantra much shallower than in previopus sittings. I mean, the mantra seems like a thought that is superimposed on other thoughts that rise up...like background music, so to speak. I have not really felt like I am going deep at all in several days and I am wondering why. Can anyone help me make sense of this? My desire is still very strong.
Oh, I should also mention that there have been times lately when I simply do not place meditation in the forground of my attention. I allow for other things to get in the way and I skip a sitting, which is also very different for me.
Thank you,
Kelly |
Edited by - KellyN on Jan 03 2012 2:32:23 PM |
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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - Jan 03 2012 : 4:32:56 PM
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Welcome KellyN,
It's quite normal to go through periods of clunkiness and also periods in the doldrums after the initial bloom of progress.
During meditation, the same advice as always. Anytime you notice your off the mantra, then gently place your awareness back on it. Doesn't matter if things come up, just let that happen, including the doubts. It often happens that you begin to pay attention to those thoughts, that's no problem, as soon as you become aware that you are off the mantra, just go back to it. Don't force anything, gentle is the way forward.
If you are experiencing a lack of desire to meditate, or are feeling jittery or feelings of frustration then you need to self pace to get things back on track. Cut right back to 5 minutes twice per day, make sure you get at least 5 minutes of rest and then take a walk.
I went through a period where I stopped completely but eventually started up again after 6 months or so. I often miss sessions and still experience that figgity, frustrated feeling that indicates self pacing is necessary, even after almost three years.
It's not a race so think of the long haul and you will realise that there is no need to push too hard. in fact pushing on is actually self defeating and can slow progress. Remember to enjoy your life, don't make meditation take priority over other things if they are important otherwise you will find this will make meditation a chore.
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whippoorwill
USA
450 Posts |
Posted - Jan 03 2012 : 9:45:39 PM
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Hi KellyN:
I think Karl's advice is really good.
The same thing happens to me also. I'm chugging along with my attention on the mantra, and thoughts and memories begin to bubble up. At times I realize that the mantra has moved to the background and the thoughts are occupying my attention. When I realize this, I just gently move my attention back to the mantra.
Sometimes the meditation feels like it's close to the surface and sometimes it feels like I've almost gone to sleep or like I'm deep under water. It's all just part of the process.
If your day becomes busy and you miss a sitting, don't worry about it. You have a life to live, and tomorrow's another day. 
All the best to you,
--Liz |
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts |
Posted - Jan 03 2012 : 10:34:40 PM
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For me, deep meditation has been like slowly burrowing into the depths of a giant mountain. I started on the outside by walking into a shallow cave and chipping away at its darkest spots. At times, there are brilliant glimmers from the core of the mountain, drawing me closer to its center. Other times, the substratum seems so thick and foreign that I feel lost...and I think...I will never get to the center of this mountain!
Yet, the mountain draws me deeper still, and I look back and see how much has been chipped away, and I think...yes, there is real progress here! My slow and steady chipping has yielded a path, and what's more, the tunnel has manifested fellow burrowers and plenty of refreshments within little oases to replenish my spirit. Hence, the small rough spots pale in comparison to the grander journey, overall trajectory, and affirmations that have arisen along the way.
So, we are little dwarfs digging mine shifts into a golden mountain! Many people don't even bother to tread into the mountain, believing all the gold is to be found sprinkled on the outside. But those who have gleaned splices of the mountain's infinite treasure cannot stop this inward plow, and so propelled, find ever-renewing strength from the benevolent mountain itself.
"Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall, but those who hope in the Lord [pure bliss consciousness] will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." --Isaiah 40:30-31
Sorry for the drawn-out dwarf metaphor--I've always been a big fan of Tolkien and fairytales.  |
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KellyN
75 Posts |
Posted - Jan 05 2012 : 10:57:38 PM
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Thank you fellow mountain burrowers, I was moved by the poetic metaphor. I have a full career as a clinical psychologist and 2 young children (1.5 and 4). I think you all picked up on my sense of guilt for not being able to adhere to the twice daily sittings 100% of the time. Though, I have, miraculously managed it for some time and I was able to meditate twice daily. the flexibility of this AYP approach was the key to my commitment to finally yielding to this long standing yearning I have felt all my life. Dig deeper. Thank you for your support, clumsiness or smooth, I know that this is right for me. Regards, Kelly
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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - Jan 06 2012 : 04:26:28 AM
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I'm laughing reading that reply about your guilt. I use a timer for my meditation which records my stats. How long, how often, average etc.
Sometimes it doesn't record a session and I used to get annoyed because I had done the session but it hadn't 'awarded' me the time. It proved a great tool for smashing the Egos need to achieve a result and a reward. Because it is a machine it can't be argued or bargained with...............it just shook its head when I got infuriated with it for not recording the correct session data and refused to believe, or agree with me it's been one of my best external Gurus |
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts |
Posted - Jan 06 2012 : 6:43:30 PM
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Kelly,
Your post is equally inspiring and reassuring. Much respect and admiration for someone raising 'lil ones and still devoting time to daily practice. 
Karl, do you use the Insight Timer app? I use that, and yes, it does give you little badges for the number of days you've meditated! LOL. Nothing wrong with some benchmarks, is there?  I've also seen some other AYP meditators through the "Insight Community/Facebook" ticker in that app.
Strength in numbers. |
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KellyN
75 Posts |
Posted - Jan 07 2012 : 11:47:20 AM
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| I am feeling a surge of inspiration, which is also reassuring Bodhi Tree, you have lazer-like intuition! I am also practicing self pacing like Karl suggested. I had been thinking about tge difference in my sittings and self-pacing was wphat I automatically and instinctively verbalized in my car on the way home from work the day I reached out to this forum for support. I suppose the answer was in me and your responses validated my experieces. I just read about the stirring of kundalini and the multitude of symptoms that can result. I have ben experiencing lower rught bck, sciatic nerve-like pain....which I have never had. I'm not too concerned because it is more bothersome than painful. I ash very physically active and it's not intersting interfering but definitely noticeable. The other day I also felt a minor dizzy spell while talking wirh a colleague. Again, strange experience that does notY t concern me but it is noticed by me. Nervous system blocks? Self-pacing right prescribed right? Lately, I have been sitting for 20 mins once daily....all I have managed due to my schedule. I am doing 5 mins of pranayama and then 15 min mantra. is this acceptable or should I modify my sittings differently? I think the poison is some sort of block. The dizzy spell the other day was probably energy movement??? Interestingly, my dreams have had a different tone as well. The veil of ignorance is certainly lifting and the process is not sugar-coated, meaning it it's very direct. Any words of wisdom? Thank you! Kelly |
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KellyN
75 Posts |
Posted - Jan 07 2012 : 11:52:25 AM
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| Ha, I should edit my replies when I send tgem from my phone!This auto correct turned the word am into "ash" and the word pain into "poison."the other typos are equally amusing! |
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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - Jan 07 2012 : 1:08:31 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Bodhi Tree
Kelly,
Your post is equally inspiring and reassuring. Much respect and admiration for someone raising 'lil ones and still devoting time to daily practice.
Karl, do you use the Insight Timer app? I use that, and yes, it does give you little badges for the number of days you've meditated! LOL. Nothing wrong with some benchmarks, is there? I've also seen some other AYP meditators through the "Insight Community/Facebook" ticker in that app.
Strength in numbers.
Yes I do. Have you used the friend link? I suspect there is another guy on here from the UK who also uses it because he had AYAM in his best quotation line.
I had thought of suggesting those on AYP might like to link up? |
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts |
Posted - Jan 07 2012 : 9:36:49 PM
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Yes, I've used the friend link and Facebook link too. Under the "My Account" tab, then "Manage Friends", then "Add Friend", you can enter my e-mail address (cody@codyrickett.com) and it will send me a request. Then we can compete for the most sessions. Kidding.
Kelly, in terms of the 5-minute SBP/15-minute DM routine, it's acceptable if it's working for you. You determine the acceptability based on the flow of energy and symptoms within your body. In general, less is more. Slow and steady wins the race. The right formula arises and refines with time. Stability creates progress.
For instance, after a year of daily practice, I have come to devote more time to samyama while whittling off time with asanas. But it could change based on the inner need, the inner calling. As Yogani says, your body begins to tell you what it needs (same with diet, exercise, behavior, etc.).
Meditation remains the core of practice, just as stillness remains the core of life itself.
Cheers.  |
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From smooth to "clunky" sittings.
