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Lili
Netherlands
372 Posts |
 Posted - Apr 20 2006 : 11:13:34 AM
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Hi folks,
A lot of times here and also in articles/books elswhere I have been reading on the importance of being in the now but did not think this is possible for me. After a while however from about a week or so I realized that I am feeling a lot more in the now, meaning no protracted thought trips in the past/future. The acute negative feelings of pain and anger or positive like euforia that these trips have tended to produce are also gone to a large extent. However now I am being either neutral or sad about the current situation. I don't feel 'spiritual' in any way. Quite the countary: I feel very present in the mostly mundane daily life, as if I just landed or something. I am still sad quite often but not about past events like I used to but about some of the particulars of the current situation.
Has anyone experienced something like that? |
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Manipura
USA
870 Posts |
Posted - Apr 20 2006 : 12:05:17 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Lili
Hi folks,
A lot of times here and also in articles/books elswhere I have been reading on the importance of being in the now but did not think this is possible for me. After a while however from about a week or so I realized that I am feeling a lot more in the now, meaning no protracted thought trips in the past/future. The acute negative feelings of pain and anger or positive like euforia that these trips have tended to produce are also gone to a large extent. However now I am being either neutral or sad about the current situation. I don't feel 'spiritual' in any way. Quite the countary: I feel very present in the mostly mundane daily life, as if I just landed or something. I am still sad quite often but not about past events like I used to but about some of the particulars of the current situation.
Has anyone experienced something like that?
Sorta. I feel more and more drawn to the present moment, but that's because I've made some alterations in my life in order that I might be extremely interested in the present moment. In short, I am actively engaged in my daily routine, and thus feel very positive about it. A short time ago I was completely disinterested in my routine because it provided no challenge, and so my mind carried off on wistful fantasies and memories and projections, packaged with all of the regrets that anchor us anywhere but HERE.
Sadness occurs when our present circumstances lack the luster of those from the past. (This is a gross simplification, but I'll go with it anyway). And depression occurs when there seems to be no end to those circumstances. I've seen many, many people stay in bad situations, simply because they couldn't muster the energy to leave, and thus remained locked into mundane or negative situations, with the accompanying negative mindset. This may not be your situation, but could it be? Are there some adjustments you could make that would put you in a better position to engage in your life more fully?
If not, then the change must come from within, and it sounds like you're doing quite well with that. I wouldn't worry about not feeling 'spiritual'; the only people I know who do are not. |
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Lili
Netherlands
372 Posts |
Posted - Apr 20 2006 : 12:14:38 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by meg
Sorta. I feel more and more drawn to the present moment, but that's because I've made some alterations in my life in order that I might be extremely interested in the present moment.
quote:
Sounds good. Well done
Sadness occurs when our present circumstances lack the luster of those from the past. (This is a gross simplification, but I'll go with it anyway). And depression occurs when there seems to be no end to those circumstances. I've seen many, many people stay in bad situations, simply because they couldn't muster the energy to leave, and thus remained locked into mundane or negative situations, with the accompanying negative mindset. This may not be your situation, but could it be? Are there some adjustments you could make that would put you in a better position to engage in your life more fully?
Actually your description is very good. I could not have described it better. I am probably one of those people. The thing is that I am not really sure changing anything will improve my mundane etc situation because I may end up with a different but similarly mundane/negative situation. At least this is what happened when I changed the last time while feeling mundane/negative/nagative hehe .
quote:
If not, then the change must come from within, and it sounds like you're doing quite well with that. I wouldn't worry about not feeling 'spiritual'; the only people I know who do are not.
I don't think I am doing so well otherwise I would not be bothering the whole forum with my inner sadness  .
Thanks for the response 
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Manipura
USA
870 Posts |
Posted - Apr 20 2006 : 12:45:47 PM
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| Lilli - You're actually helping the forum with your inner sadness. If you've tried changing your external circumstances, and that didn't do the job, then it must be an internal shift that needs to happen, and that is out of my area of expertise, other than dispensing a few AYPisms, which you know already. But before abandoning the idea of making some external changes, please give it some thought and see if it's possible. Sometimes even small changes can make an extraordinary difference. Like, working a 4-day week instead of 5, or engaging in an activity that's always been of interest to you. It's a shame to live mundanely if you don't have to! :) |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Apr 20 2006 : 1:14:11 PM
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Hi Lili,
I can feel what you feel.. I have gone through most of my life with sadness in my heart.. and even today I go through phases of sadness.. not related to the past.. just there.. the heart cries.. I don't know why. Couple of things that helped me.. I will run them by you.. maybe they will help.. maybe not.
First is what you are doing.. living in the now.. that helps a lot. But in order to be successful in that you have to have some inner silence.. and AYP has helped a lot.
The second is.. when you feel you heart starting to get heavy.. move your awareness to another part of your body.. your back maybe.. or your stomach.. actually shift this pain to another part.. every time my head starts getting heavy.. I move the thoughts to my heart.. literally.. start thinking from my heart.. bring my awareness down... I have seen that helps me a lot.
Two other things that helped me get over sadness (these may not be true in your case)..
One was these lines from the Gita "Since every situation, of its own nature, must keep on changing, it would be foolish to get ourselves upset at every change noticed. It is the attitude of the wise to go through life, both in joy and sorrow, in success and in failure, in pain and in joy, with constant awareness:"Even this will pass away"...(The Holy Geeta-Commentary by Swami Chinmayananda).".
I realized I was trying to hold on to parts of my life that no longer existed, and I was crying because I was not ready to accept that things were changing and all I held dear to me was slipping away.
The second was the question.. is this something under my control.. can I change it.. if not let me not worry about it. This worked in a lot of cases.. not always because the ego has a way of holding on to a few things I still haven't been able to shake off... but I think this too comes with meditation.
About being spiritual.. what is spiritual? Do you sit for meditation every day? Do you enjoy it? Then you are spiritual. Don't worry.. before you know it.. we will be telling you... slow down on that bhakti my dear.. too much of it is not good either.. Take it easy.. you are in the right place. I cannot tell you this sadness will be abolished from your life.. the day it is completely gone from mine.. I will let you know.. or maybe it will go from your life before mine.. make sure you let me know then.. But for now.. let me assure you.. this sadness will become less and less and then one day it will become an occasional guest in your heart.. something like the in-laws.. wish they were not there.. but have to put up with them once in a while.. and when they come.. put on a smile and just wait for the day they leave.. hurray.. that day your heart will be at its lightest, your smile will be the biggest and your joy will show in every thing you do.
-Shanti.
PS:"I don't think I am doing so well otherwise I would not be bothering the whole forum with my inner sadness"
Don't worry about bothering the forum.. go ahead and speak you mind whenever you need to.. I do it all the time.. hey that way I wont feel like I am the only one bothering people here..
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Edited by - Shanti on Apr 20 2006 1:37:18 PM |
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Lili
Netherlands
372 Posts |
Posted - Apr 20 2006 : 3:48:20 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by meg
Lilli - You're actually helping the forum with your inner sadness.
I'd love to one day help the forum with my inner happiness (and Yogani with some more cash)
quote:
If you've tried changing your external circumstances, and that didn't do the job, then it must be an internal shift that needs to happen, and that is out of my area of expertise, other than dispensing a few AYPisms, which you know already. But before abandoning the idea of making some external changes, please give it some thought and see if it's possible. Sometimes even small changes can make an extraordinary difference. Like, working a 4-day week instead of 5, or engaging in an activity that's always been of interest to you. It's a shame to live mundanely if you don't have to! :)
You are absolutely right. I think I might be just too scared to make changes.  Absolutely agree with what you are saying. I don't have the right to whine any more in the forum unless I make some changes. |
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Sparkle
Ireland
1457 Posts |
Posted - Apr 20 2006 : 4:08:44 PM
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Hi Lily
I think the answers you have gotten are great and maybe I'll add by 2 cents worth.
I am very familiar with actively living my daily routines in the now. I find that meditation and particularly AYP meditation deepens this and allows me to enter into it more fully and with less distraction.
Also, the practice of active awareness in the now also deepens the meditation, so they can go hand in hand.
It is difficult to comment further on your sadness without knowing more detail, and I'm not suggesting you elaborate unless you are so inclined.
It sounds like a process of self enquiry might be needed. You might sit in stillness and have a discussion with the sadness, asking it what it is about, ask it why it is controlling your life like this, ask it what is necessary to dissolve it, in other words become intimate with it in your silence. Allow your stillness to give the answers, allow your stillness to suggest your next move, just allow the answers to come without analysing too much.
You might discover something about yourself in the sadness or you might discover you are dwelling on it too much and need to appreciate the tremendous joy that is in the moment right now, and water the seeds of this joy instead.
Anyway just some ideas you might try
Hope it helps
Louis |
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Lili
Netherlands
372 Posts |
Posted - Apr 20 2006 : 4:15:24 PM
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Hi Shanti,
I feel very good just by reading your and Meg's replies. There are 2 things here. One is that I thought to be more present in the now is a big positive thing (at least as Tolle describes it) and when I was finally able to make some headway in this direction it turned out that my 'now' in which I am increasingly present is not nice. It's not bad either but I am focusing a lot on the negative aspects of it for whatever reason  . I have to face whatever is here and remain inside (because now there is no more dreamy past-and/or-fantasy trips to obfuscate it). Before I was actually living from the past-and/or fantasy trips perspective with brief moments in the present. To sum up, my now didn't turn out to be what Tolle is raving about. I guess his must be different.
Thanks for the hints on diverting heavy moods - I am all ears for possible hints and will try out yours too. I like the in-laws analogy also - very funny.
On spirituality - I don't even know what is spiritual. Really. I like very much yoga, reading the Gita and stuff and of course Yogani's books but I am not very clear on the theory and cannot have a 'firm belief' that I know something for sure like 'the truth'. So no harm can be done in that department - there isn't much to begin with.
On bothering the forum - I have been reading the topics you started also as well as following all other threads on depression and stuff so looking forward to the ones to come also |
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Lili
Netherlands
372 Posts |
Posted - Apr 20 2006 : 4:25:14 PM
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Hi Louis,
Thank you for your response. I will check out the process you suggest - who knows maybe something will turn out I did not notice before.
The thing with my sadness is that it is something like a 'moving sadness' if there is such a thing. If you asked me what it is about 1 year ago I would whine at length about a former relationship. 6 months ago it would be about my professional development. Now it is my current relationship. And while before the previous things were a big cause of sadness at the time now I don't even think about them any more so why did I make all this fuss then. So I start to think it is something about me rather than the actual things but I can be wrong. |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Apr 20 2006 : 5:15:32 PM
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Lili,
That sounds a lot like my sadness before AYP. I was always sad about something or the other.. it sort of became a habit with me. One thing I know now, that I did not know then is this was the first sign that your soul feels the pull towards spirituality. In my heart, I was tired of being sad all the time, whining all the time, there had to be more... I see that in you right now.
Materialistic things gave me no joy. Nothing actually gave me any joy. That is when I decided to get out of this sadness.. I went on medication.. but the side effects were more than what I wanted to deal with.. so I prayed.. and looked.. and prayed some more.. my father was always into meditation and I had read up some on it.. so I started meditating.. but that got me even more sad.. Then I found AYP.. jumped full force into it.. that definitely did not help.. emailed Yogani.. lost the first reply.. so I did not believe he was going to reply to me.. I was desperate.. emailed Yogani one more time.. this time I got my answers.. self pace.. that was it.. asanas, spinal breathing, meditation later Shamyama.
So I am once again going to tell you just one thing.. believe it in your heart.. do your practices.. don't overdo.. it does not work like that..In an email Yogani had told me.. "remember this is a marathon, not a sprint". Overdoing will just pull you back.. just the basic 10 min asana, 10 min spinal breathing, 20 min meditation.. twice a day.. no matter how lousy you feel that day.. pull yourself to the mediation room and go through the whole thing.. your meditation will be awful.. you will feel like nothing is happening.. but if you are there.. sitting for meditation something is happening.. even if it was the negative thoughts all the way through 20 mins.. still something is happening.. if 20 mins is too much just do 10mins.. but make sure you sit for the session... give it a few months.. that is the only thing that will work..
By the way.. forget Tolle.. if it is not working just drop it for now.. I went through a phase when I was getting even more upset trying to follow Tolle..you can pick it up once you have some more inner silence.. Just make sure you move your awareness away from the point that is heavy and hurting.. Let me know if it helps. Wish you all the best
-Shanti |
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Jim and His Karma
2111 Posts |
Posted - Apr 20 2006 : 5:15:36 PM
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Sounds mostly good to me. It sounds like you lack juice, though. The "be here now" injunction isn't about turning into a bloodless drone swiping one's hand with disinterest at all other alternatives. And that's one reason it's better not to AIM to "be here now"....it's something that comes as a result of practice, so shoot for practice, not the result of practice.
There's a big disctinction between the spiritual "be here now" thing and the warning I made (in another thread) to depressives about not letting your mind take off on flights of fantasy. There's a big diff between being deeply absorbed int he present moment (be here now) and letting your mind fixate endlessly on the past and future, completely neglecting the present.. In the latter case, what's needed isn't spiritual practice, just some awareness and discipline. Keep one's mind on a leash until it drops the habit of ranging endlessly in time and space. Have an in-body experience!
How to get the juice back again? PHysical exercise, yoga asana, tai chi. Anything that moves energy. Arts, if you're so inclined. Take this to heart, 'cuz it's something I know for sure: there's nothing bland and bloodless about....any of this. Ever. If you don't feel it, there's just more work to be done (and more enjoyment to be derived from that work).
YOu may want to reread Yogani's lessons. They're pretty stirring. I reread them from time to time. Just the right flavor, and very contagious. |
Edited by - Jim and His Karma on Apr 20 2006 5:41:22 PM |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Apr 20 2006 : 5:33:46 PM
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I will agree with Jim on that.. read Yogani's lessons they are very inspiring.. I read and re-read a couple of his lessons every day.. I find them very motivating I have a copy of his book in my car too.. and read it while I am waitng at the bus stop for the kids, or at some of the kids practices or just waiting anywhere really.. That is another great way to be in the Now.. read something that actually gets your attention completely... |
Edited by - Shanti on Apr 20 2006 5:35:59 PM |
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ranger
USA
45 Posts |
Posted - Apr 20 2006 : 7:05:00 PM
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I've had an attraction to zazen for some time. Last October I did attended a sesshin with a small group, and continued to do zazen for 3-4 weeks (for various reasons I needed a break from AYP). I had an experience at Thanksgiving that gave me a real insight into where such awareness practice can lead.
Thanksgiving night I was feeling very blue; knife-in-the-heart blue, and all for very "real" reasons. A parent with a degenerative illness in a nursing home. A dear old dog I knew would not be around for another Thanksgiving. An inrush of various regrets. I went into the meditation room just hoping for a little relief. As I was in the act of sitting down, the thought came (I did not think the thought, it simply happened) "Who is sad?" At that moment it was all gone, because at that instant, there was no one there to feel sad!
Unfortunately I am not able to call that experience up at will, but it has changed things in terms of bringing awareness to mental contents a lot faster. |
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ranger
USA
45 Posts |
Posted - Apr 20 2006 : 7:29:17 PM
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Over the last 6-8 months I've experienced a tremendous increase in spiritual growth as well as creative energy, a lot of it fueled by the AYP practices. There's resistance to that as well, manifesting in such ways as an upsurge in regrets over things from the past, even over incidents long forgotten. Not too surprising, or too hard to deal with most of the time, especially with bringing present moment awareness to bear, and simply trying to compassionately watch what's happening.
One thing has been pretty thorny however. Twenty years ago, after some unfortunate incidents, my wife and I made a major life choice, and in the last six months, profound regret over the "road not taken" seems to be increasing rather than diminishing in intensity. Yesterday I was in a staff meeting at work (sitting in the back row, fortunately) and I got caught up in an elaborate fantasy of how "life could have been" that was so intense and poignant that I had to do some serious deep breathing when I came out of it, to avoid starting to cry. It's generally considered bad form to burst into tears at business meetings (though I might have gotten a little slack, this one was really boring).
When this whole complex of regrets arises, triggered by something or by nothing, it's hard to know how to handle it. I don't want to repress it, I don't want to analyze it, I don't want to indulge it, I certainly don't trust it. The only thing that makes sense is to simply try to watch it, but it's pretty sticky.
Yesterday I got really pissed. Coming in the guise of some very "tender" images, aimed right at the heart, I had the awareness that there is something - call it ego, or a subpersonality, or whatever, that really hates me, and is really invested in dragging me into suffering. It's actually probably good to imagine it as a "thing," in that way, which helps foster the realization that it's definately "not me." |
Edited by - ranger on Apr 20 2006 8:20:26 PM |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Apr 20 2006 : 8:54:25 PM
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| How much meditation and other practices are you doing Ranger? You may need to cut down. Not sure. Maybe too much is getting dislodged at once.. Too much spiritual growth.. too much creative flow.. too many regrets.. too much emotions.. sounds like too much practice to me. Self pace. |
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Jim and His Karma
2111 Posts |
Posted - Apr 20 2006 : 9:41:21 PM
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quote:
When this whole complex of regrets arises, triggered by something or by nothing, it's hard to know how to handle it.
transform it into bhakti and move it up to your spine. quite seriously, any strong feelign (or weak ones!) can be transformed. Well...no. That's totally backwards. It was bhakti in the first place that got diverted. All energy is bhakti to begin with, but we put labels on it that seem to give it life of its own (and power over us!).
Yesterday another driver did something incredibly aggressive that nearly pushed me off the road. I was a combination of scared, pissed, and geared up. Rather than try to make the snakes go back in the can, I just opened to it all as an expression of ardor for god/whatever. felt great, like I was taking gels off of stage lights. I felt like I had brought the energy/emotion home to what it truly was anyway. it felt exactly right.
I'm more and more able to do this with sexual excitement, as well. I'm so in the habit of transforming that energy by drawing it upward that it now springs directly from my heart or third eye, with very little reaction "down there" (unless I choose otherwise).
It's not hard to do. it's just hard to REMEMBER to do! ;) |
Edited by - Jim and His Karma on Apr 20 2006 9:45:39 PM |
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Anthem
1608 Posts |
Posted - Apr 20 2006 : 9:57:13 PM
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Hi ranger,
quote:
It's generally considered bad form to burst into tears at business meetings (though I might have gotten a little slack, this one was really boring).
This made me laugh out loud, great sense of humor!
quote:
When this whole complex of regrets arises, triggered by something or by nothing, it's hard to know how to handle it. I don't want to repress it, I don't want to analyze it, I don't want to indulge it, I certainly don't trust it. The only thing that makes sense is to simply try to watch it, but it's pretty sticky.
This reminds me of a period I went through last year, probably for quite a while, where I made a tremendous shift to consciously not repressing anything any more. If it hurt, I tried to face it, be with it, no matter how unpleasant. I still catch myself every once in a while trying to turn away internally from something disturbing, but I figured what's the point, I am going to have to face whatever it is sooner or later, may as well be now!
I remember this being quite an adjustment but the benefit is that I return to a "happy"/ "peaceful" state much more quickly than in the past. Where something profoundly hurtful in the past might have taken me on a 2 or 3 week emotional roller-coaster of thoughts, I find I rebound from these difficult situations in a fraction of the time these days.
Hey Lili,
Don't give up and the now yet. It may just be a transitional period for you. Reduce your practice time a little for a little bit while you adapt. Being in the now can be meditative and release these latent feelings a little. See how it goes and best of luck. Btw- by you sharing your feelings here it gives others a chance to grow, everyone benefits!
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ranger
USA
45 Posts |
Posted - Apr 20 2006 : 10:37:42 PM
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These are really good responses, thanks.
quote:
transform it into bhakti and move it up to your spine. quite seriously, any strong feelign (or weak ones!) can be transformed. Well...no. That's totally backwards. It was bhakti in the first place that got diverted. All energy is bhakti to begin with, but we put labels on it that seem to give it life of its own (and power over us!).
You know, I do this, but not rigorously or regularily enough. And I guess not at the first stirrings, but only after it gets more extreme. Like not calling in sick to work until 3/4 dead. Dumb!
quote:
Too much spiritual growth.. too much creative flow.. too many regrets.. too much emotions.. sounds like too much practice to me. Self pace.
The meditation practice is pretty much down to the minimum daily requirements, and falling back to zazen if that feels like too much.
I think a lot of it may be this: last summer, with an extended period of time off from work I got started on a project that's been on the back burner for decades. In 34 weeks (I count stuff like this) I've written a 375 page novel, and am 1/3 of the way through the second draft. The genre is young adult fantasy, so I guess it's not that surprising that the memories of certain adolescent pecadillos are rising up to slap my face!
Seriously, I've been aware that the AYP energies and the energy from this creative project are of the same sort, and amplify each other. My wife, friends, and even co-workers at my day job generally have noticed and generally like the change, but clearly "integration" of energy is an ongoing balancing act. |
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Jim and His Karma
2111 Posts |
Posted - Apr 21 2006 : 12:28:46 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by ranger
These are really good responses, thanks.
quote:
transform it into bhakti and move it up to your spine. quite seriously, any strong feelign (or weak ones!) can be transformed. Well...no. That's totally backwards. It was bhakti in the first place that got diverted. All energy is bhakti to begin with, but we put labels on it that seem to give it life of its own (and power over us!).
You know, I do this, but not rigorously or regularily enough. And I guess not at the first stirrings, but only after it gets more extreme. Like not calling in sick to work until 3/4 dead. Dumb!
Nope, not dumb. It's normal human nature.
You have at your disposal toothpicks, napkins, screwdrivers, and a priceless cosmic tool. It's hard to value it properly when it just sort of dropped in on you, I know. In fact, you could easily go your whole life without realizing the significance. Or you might realize it, yet fail to use it.
We have the solution right at hand as we plaintively wail for God to send us solutions. Get used to the irony of how that sounds...it's pretty much the whole shebang. :) |
Edited by - Jim and His Karma on Apr 21 2006 12:32:17 AM |
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Lili
Netherlands
372 Posts |
Posted - Apr 21 2006 : 05:12:23 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Shanti
So I am once again going to tell you just one thing.. believe it in your heart.. do your practices.. don't overdo.. it does not work like that.... you will feel like nothing is happening.. but if you are there.. sitting for meditation something is happening.. even if it was the negative thoughts all the way through 20 mins.. still something is happening.. if 20 mins is too much just do 10mins.. but make sure you sit for the session... give it a few months.. that is the only thing that will work..
By the way.. forget Tolle.. if it is not working just drop it for now.. I went through a phase when I was getting even more upset trying to follow Tolle..-Shanti
Dear Shanti,
Thanks for the advice and all. In fact this is what I have been doing for the last year and a half. I have very rarely skipped a practice and never a full day. I think they have multiple benefits and all but maybe much longer time is needed to do away with this thing if it is possible at all.
I also forgot about Tolle shortly after I read his book, just using his name now because he gave a description partly matching what is going on with me.
Thanks for the nice wishes. I wish the same to you! |
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Lili
Netherlands
372 Posts |
Posted - Apr 21 2006 : 05:18:48 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Jim and His Karma
Sounds mostly good to me. It sounds like you lack juice, though. The "be here now" injunction isn't about turning into a bloodless drone swiping one's hand with disinterest at all other alternatives. And that's one reason it's better not to AIM to "be here now"....it's something that comes as a result of practice, so shoot for practice, not the result of practice.
There's a big disctinction between the spiritual "be here now" thing and the warning I made (in another thread) to depressives about not letting your mind take off on flights of fantasy. There's a big diff between being deeply absorbed int he present moment (be here now) and letting your mind fixate endlessly on the past and future, completely neglecting the present.. In the latter case, what's needed isn't spiritual practice, just some awareness and discipline. Keep one's mind on a leash until it drops the habit of ranging endlessly in time and space. Have an in-body experience!
How to get the juice back again? PHysical exercise, yoga asana, tai chi. Anything that moves energy. Arts, if you're so inclined. Take this to heart, 'cuz it's something I know for sure: there's nothing bland and bloodless about....any of this. Ever. If you don't feel it, there's just more work to be done (and more enjoyment to be derived from that work).
YOu may want to reread Yogani's lessons. They're pretty stirring. I reread them from time to time. Just the right flavor, and very contagious.
Thanks for the response. I never aimed at here now . I don't think I aimed for anything actually. I was hoping for some other stuff but I winded up with something like here now.I will take your physical exercise advice. Also I could not agree more on rereading Yogani's lessons. This is the only thing on earth that gets me out of sad moods temporarily. |
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Manipura
USA
870 Posts |
Posted - Apr 21 2006 : 1:04:30 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by ranger
One thing has been pretty thorny however. Twenty years ago, after some unfortunate incidents, my wife and I made a major life choice, and in the last six months, profound regret over the "road not taken" seems to be increasing rather than diminishing in intensity.
When this whole complex of regrets arises, triggered by something or by nothing, it's hard to know how to handle it. I don't want to repress it, I don't want to analyze it, I don't want to indulge it, I certainly don't trust it. The only thing that makes sense is to simply try to watch it, but it's pretty sticky.
Yesterday I got really pissed. Coming in the guise of some very "tender" images, aimed right at the heart, I had the awareness that there is something - call it ego, or a subpersonality, or whatever, that really hates me, and is really invested in dragging me into suffering. It's actually probably good to imagine it as a "thing," in that way, which helps foster the realization that it's definately "not me."
Hi Ranger. Since you're talking about regrets, I'll chime in, as this is familiar turf. It's inevitable when one makes a decision (A or B) that she'll later wonder what would've happened if she'd chosen B instead of A, especially if A isn't turning out so well. And so regrets surface, and perhaps resentments. Dwelling on this isn't recommended, as you begin to dread the past, as it installs itself in the present moment.
Your situation is unique, and I don't pretend to have answers for anyone but myself. When I've found myself 'what iffing', I recognize that I have a choice between following the downward spiral into what mighta been, and staying with the given situation, with all the accompanying disappointments. There is no right or wrong here. The former is a legitimate choice, but one that will bring me pain. Guaranteed. The latter is also painful, but the pain is real rather than imaginary, and therefore easier to work with.
One thing about pain (suffering, sadness, regret, depression, and so on): It's easy to forget how malleable it is. It's not solid and unmovable, but constantly morphing into something else, and it can improve to the point where it's no longer recognizable as pain. It's a story, in a way - whatever story you want to tell yourself. As the pain shifts, I notice that my story changes, bearing little resemblance to the original. I've learned, therefore, to transcend the story, as it gets in the way of seeing what's really going on. (Curiously, the story always made me look GOOD. A dead giveaway that the ego was the author).
What's really going on is always some form of clinging to a preferred outcome. I chose A way back when b'c I wanted my situation to turn out a certain way, but it didn't. So now I'm wondering if it might have been better to choose B. Either way, there would have been disappointments, so the whole line of questioning is flawed. It's all a STORY, written by the ego. Really, really painful stuff. My ego is like Danielle Steele, pumping out novels straight out of a fantasy realm. It's all empty, and not worth further consideration. The only way I've found to extricate myself from the sadness is to recognize the emptiness, transcend it, and, with time, liberate myself from what might have been.
Sadness/regrets are disempowering. They take you out of the moment and yourself. It's good to recognize their emptiness. Nothing changes immediately, but with time, I've been able to get over my bad self and my stories and work with what is. |
Edited by - Manipura on Apr 21 2006 1:07:58 PM |
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gosay
9 Posts |
Posted - Apr 25 2006 : 8:35:29 PM
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hello every one, this is my first post in this forum, im feel blessed and happy to be here.
well i shall share my veiw on thought trips to past and future....i feel that the problems lies in memory, the momory that remember all the past, its higly dangerous to remember the good as well as the bad. so practice the art of forgetting. u may ask me why? its very simple, how do we define good? ans: that which is not bad, and then how do we define bad? that whihc is not good. so both cant exsist independently. so remebering any one is pron to hazard. but one can will that, the memory shall regain its memory only for the heighest good, where the nessasity is more of the other and least for the self. or for our own heighest good only.
Life Under Construction---www.gosay.tk---
Live life in light, and make it D-light. -- Gosay™ |
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Manipura
USA
870 Posts |
Posted - Apr 26 2006 : 12:52:16 AM
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| Welcome, Gosay! Thanks for your 'good' insights. I'm glad that you found AYP. :) |
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gosay
9 Posts |
Posted - Apr 26 2006 : 05:52:59 AM
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thanks meg for the warm welcome..... :)
Life Under Construction---www.gosay.tk---
Live life in light, and make it D-light. -- Gosay™ |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Apr 26 2006 : 07:51:29 AM
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Welcome Gosay.
Thank you for your post. That was really good, without the bad..
-Shanti. |
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