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Ananda
3115 Posts |
 Posted - Aug 05 2011 : 11:28:20 AM
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“A good way to discover your shortcomings,”
said the Master, “is to observe what irritates
you in others.”
He once told how his wife had placed a
candy box on the kitchen shelf only to find,
an hour later, that the box felt light. The
whole bottom layer was gone, each piece
neatly dropped into a paper bag that sat atop
the new cook’s belongings. Not willing to
cause embarrassment, the kind-hearted
woman merely replaced the candy and kept
it in a cupboard out of temptation’s way.
After dinner the cook announced she was
leaving the job that very night.
“Why? What’s the matter?” asked the Master.
“I won’t work for people who steal back,” was
her defiant reply.
Anthony De Mello, SJ
www.demello.org
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Ananda
3115 Posts |
Posted - Jan 13 2012 : 05:49:04 AM
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Blindness
“May I become your disciple?”
“You are only a disciple because your
eyes are closed. The day you open them
you will see there is nothing you can
learn from me or anyone.”
“What then is a Master for?”
“To make you see the uselessness of
having one.” |
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Ananda
3115 Posts |
Posted - Jan 13 2012 : 05:50:38 AM
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“You are destroyed by life’s tranquillity,” said
the Master to an easy-going disciple. “Only
disaster can save you.”
And this is how he explained it:
“Throw a frog into a pan of boiling water and it
will jump out in a second. Place it in a pan of
water that is heated very gradually and it will
lose the tension to spring when the moment to
leap arrives.” |
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts |
Posted - Jan 13 2012 : 11:32:54 PM
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Solid.  |
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Ananda
3115 Posts |
Posted - Jan 14 2012 : 04:13:39 AM
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| Much love to you ya bro |
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Ananda
3115 Posts |
Posted - Jan 18 2012 : 11:11:55 AM
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“I seek the meaning of existence,” said the
stranger.
“You are, of course, assuming,” said the Master
“that existence has a meaning.”
“Doesn’t it?”
“When you experience existence as it is—not
as you think it is—you will discover that your
question has no meaning,” said the Master.
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nearoanoke
USA
525 Posts |
Posted - Jan 18 2012 : 1:06:18 PM
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quote:
“A good way to discover your shortcomings,”
said the Master, “is to observe what irritates
you in others.”
This is very true.
Whenever we see something that hurts or irritates us, we often think the problem is with the other person or situation. Instead it would be wiser to take those as valuable learning opportunities (ways the universe is trying to show us what needs to be seen to awaken) and see what we are resisting at that point that is causing us the suffering. The painful emotion that arises within us can just be that, a physical sensation which is allowed to arise without thinking that it needs to stop or it shouldnt happen.
- Near |
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Ananda
3115 Posts |
Posted - Jan 18 2012 : 1:19:36 PM
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Dear Near,
I totally agree with what you shared. But i've been wondering about a certain situation i have with someone who has made my life and those of many other friends of mine a living hell. That person was my colleague at my old job. I thought i've forgiven her and let go after leaving that job but my friends who are still on the inside still report a lot of bad stuff about her. Anyways, when i saw her last monday at a dinner with friends. I found out i really dislike her. It's not just smthg in me. She's really very selfish, competitive, a big liar and one hell of a pain... Away from her there's peace but when i see her all the old paterns come back.
U r an old aypyer and a wise friend. Would appreciate your advise on how to deal with this issue.
Love,
Ananda
P.s: byron katies the work, works from distance. In person with someone like her whom even if u do good to It's no use. The work doesn't work. |
Edited by - Ananda on Jan 18 2012 3:54:28 PM |
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maheswari
Lebanon
2520 Posts |
Posted - Jan 18 2012 : 1:52:28 PM
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quote:
When you experience existence as it is—not
as you think it is—you will discover that your
question has no meaning,” said the Master.
nice |
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nearoanoke
USA
525 Posts |
Posted - Jan 18 2012 : 1:58:30 PM
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I'm no expert man! I have a girl like that too at work. lol
But however we are defining them to be (dominating, jealous, unfair etc...) there is something in us that triggers the emotion. Every aggressive person does that successfully to me. lol.
Adyashanti says it is not the situations or people but it is our beliefs, thoughts and opinions that hurt us. We believe things should happen in a certain way and when reality (which can be anyway) turns out differently we get hurt. In this case it might be the belief that colleagues or bosses need to be fair or need to treat others with respect.
We often want the painful emotion to go away. So it is important to accept it and let it be there and not push it away. It often occurs as a physical sensation, so observe where it happens in the body and let it be there.
Contrary to the popular belief, not all of these painful emotions will go away even upon awakening. Some will still arise due to the conditioning that we are born with. There will be no resistance to them though.
The best suggestion I got is to "Accept everything as is". Here is more on that http://www.aypsite.org/forum/topic....=10407#88920
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maheswari
Lebanon
2520 Posts |
Posted - Jan 18 2012 : 2:01:08 PM
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quote:
I'm no expert man! I have a girl like that too at work. lol
hehehe i have one too ...a woman also...but i taught her a good lesson...can not mess with me baby 
quote:
Contrary to the popular belief, not all of these painful emotions will go away even upon awakening
yes that is true |
Edited by - maheswari on Jan 18 2012 2:15:23 PM |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Jan 18 2012 : 2:17:25 PM
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Ha ha... you guys...
Well the topic is "One Minute Nonsense"
BTW I am one of those women (to some people I am sure) 
Seriously though, there is always a reason why someone behaves the way they do... and judging them for what they do without really knowing where they come from is not fair. One of my daughter's college essay was on that topic, on how she has a piano teacher from "hell" but after learning about her background, she realized why she was the way she was and it is hard to judge and label a person when you know where they come from.
However, I agree with what Near says... if ever there is something/someone who causes us discomfort, there is something there to look into. We wont always see it, but making a slight intention that we do see it and let it go.
Are we achieving anything by getting angry with the situation... other than getting angry? Why not use the opportunity to make s few blocks go away.  |
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maheswari
Lebanon
2520 Posts |
Posted - Jan 18 2012 : 2:33:30 PM
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quote:
BTW I am one of those women (to some people I am sure)
unbelievable ...you are so sweet..
it is ok to be bossy i dont mind it but the women we are talking about are manipulative |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Jan 18 2012 : 2:37:55 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by maheswari
quote:
BTW I am one of those women (to some people I am sure)
unbelievable ...you are so sweet..
was just kidding Maheswari...
quote:
Originally posted by maheswari
but the women we are talking about are manipulative
Who isn't Maheswari? Who isn't?
I guess the degree may vary... but to be human is to be manipulative... |
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Ananda
3115 Posts |
Posted - Jan 18 2012 : 4:03:18 PM
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Background doesn't give an excuse dear Shweta. A lot of the people I know have had very rough backgrounds yet they are sweet. The woman I spoke of takes credit for others' work and is despized by everyone in the office. She is satan incarnate loll
Dear near much thanks for your words and guidance. Reminded me about body sensing. The contractions in this case seem to be hidden in the memory of the physical body and not in thoughts.
Love,
Ananda |
Edited by - Ananda on Jan 18 2012 5:12:47 PM |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Jan 18 2012 : 5:34:41 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Ananda
Background doesn't give an excuse dear Shweta. A lot of the people I know have had very rough backgrounds yet they are sweet. The woman I spoke of takes credit for others' work and is despized by everyone in the office. She is satan incarnate loll
Yes... they are sweet... they bring out their hurt on themselves and not on others. But that makes them nicer to us because they are not bothering us. People in pain either bring it out on others or themselves... neither is right... But we want to help people who are hurting themselves and not the ones who are hurting others... how does that make sense?
"Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing."
Don't get me wrong, I don't love everyone either, but I try not to judge them, I send Ma's healing/a prayer that they see... I try to put as much distance as I can between us , but using harsh words to define them and writing them off, just adds to the already negative.
http://www.aypsite.org/forum/topic....OPIC_ID=9043
Loving...
I send love to you and you and you...
Wonder if I can send love to one who is not ready...
Wonder if I can heal with this loving...
Wonder...
...
..
.
I don't own this loving...
This love is not mine to give away...
I am but a mere conduit though which it flows.
This loving does not discriminate...
This loving is divine...
This loving just loves.
This loving just is.
_/\_ |
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts |
Posted - Jan 18 2012 : 6:41:48 PM
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There's a little motto I like (nothing original or profound), but simple and true: You can dislike someone and still love them.
Liking is a matter of preference, a matter of personal inclination. For instance, I "like" a certain ice cream better than another. Or I "like" to hang out with musicians rather than businessmen. Or I "like" AYP methods and dislike the non-duality teachings of Adyashanti.
But love isn't a matter of preference, or a qualitative choice, is it? Isn't that the fire that burns off the refuse surrounding the pure gold? The fire of love will burn through dislike, distaste, disapproval, and even disgust.
But loving does not mean an endless tolerance of abusive behavior or a forced effort to "like" someone. By all means, I try to stay away from people I currently dislike (one of those happens to be my brother at the moment). But the love within my heart and mind uses the laser beam of truth to cut through my current disagreement. Love of the heart knows this is just temporary friction and interference, not some reflection of the other person's "evil" or inferior nature. Pride, and the desire to be right (i.e. "Ha! I told you so!" or "They got what they deserved") is what gets in the way of love.
Also, love has no place for resentment. That's why there's a great part in the Gospel:
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?”
Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. |
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Ananda
3115 Posts |
Posted - Jan 18 2012 : 7:10:44 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Shanti
Yes... they are sweet... they bring out their hurt on themselves and not on others. But that makes them nicer to us because they are not bothering us. People in pain either bring it out on others or themselves... neither is right... But we want to help people who are hurting themselves and not the ones who are hurting others... how does that make sense?
"Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing."
Don't get me wrong, I don't love everyone either, but I try not to judge them, I send Ma's healing/a prayer that they see... I try to put as much distance as I can between us , but using harsh words to define them and writing them off, just adds to the already negative.
I disagree on the first part, not all of these people are hurting themselves.. Some are nice because they learned to live the right way and overcome their hard past. Some through prayer and other forms of spirituality and others through reasoning and strong will and some in between. I don't wanna show up like a victim here but I've had quite a rough time in the past. Yet you don't find me picking up on people, in fact I am doing the exact opposite and I am not hurting myself.
I agree on the second part about adding to the negativity. That's not constructive I agree. It is how my body and senses react toward this person. I was trying to express it out in the open so that I could benefit from Near's opinion. And I did.
I have made peace with that person on the level of thoughts and when I was away from her. Yet when I saw her something within me arose immediately and I realize now that there are a lot of contractions within the memory of my body which are related to this person because I suppressed a lot of negative emotions toward her and tried to live up for my ideals by treating everyone as I would like to be treated myself.
Salam |
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Ananda
3115 Posts |
Posted - Jan 18 2012 : 7:17:45 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Bodhi Tree
There's a little motto I like (nothing original or profound), but simple and true: You can dislike someone and still love them.
Liking is a matter of preference, a matter of personal inclination. For instance, I "like" a certain ice cream better than another. Or I "like" to hang out with musicians rather than businessmen. Or I "like" AYP methods and dislike the non-duality teachings of Adyashanti.
But love isn't a matter of preference, or a qualitative choice, is it? Isn't that the fire that burns off the refuse surrounding the pure gold? The fire of love will burn through dislike, distaste, disapproval, and even disgust.
But loving does not mean an endless tolerance of abusive behavior or a forced effort to "like" someone. By all means, I try to stay away from people I currently dislike (one of those happens to be my brother at the moment). But the love within my heart and mind uses the laser beam of truth to cut through my current disagreement. Love of the heart knows this is just temporary friction and interference, not some reflection of the other person's "evil" or inferior nature. Pride, and the desire to be right (i.e. "Ha! I told you so!" or "They got what they deserved") is what gets in the way of love.
Also, love has no place for resentment. That's why there's a great part in the Gospel:
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?”
Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
That's a beautiful and very wise post dear Bodhi, it has really touched my heart and shed light on some of my own shortcomings.
namaste |
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Etherfish
USA
3615 Posts |
Posted - Jan 18 2012 : 8:02:58 PM
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If you really hate someone, the best thing to do is try to make friends with them for a little while. Decide to talk to them without becoming angry, just to find out where they are coming from. Ask them about one of those things that makes you angry, but completely non-judgmental, just be curious and make small talk.
If you can do it without letting those old emotion patterns take over, usually it will be a very uplifting experience, and leave you feeling refreshed. You usually will find that those people are not what you thought they were, but are just somewhat twisted and are doing the best they can. |
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Swan
India
256 Posts |
Posted - Jan 18 2012 : 11:52:48 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Ananda
quote:
Originally posted by Shanti
Yes... they are sweet... they bring out their hurt on themselves and not on others. But that makes them nicer to us because they are not bothering us. People in pain either bring it out on others or themselves... neither is right... But we want to help people who are hurting themselves and not the ones who are hurting others... how does that make sense?
"Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing."
Don't get me wrong, I don't love everyone either, but I try not to judge them, I send Ma's healing/a prayer that they see... I try to put as much distance as I can between us , but using harsh words to define them and writing them off, just adds to the already negative.
I disagree on the first part, not all of these people are hurting themselves.. Some are nice because they learned to live the right way and overcome their hard past.
Salam
Dear Ananda,
I think this is the point. Some people just could not learn to live the right way, or could not yet. I also see such people and feel anger or despice at times. What I try and what works for me is to replace the anger with pity for the person, for they just 'could not learn'.
I have 'practiced' this for a while, and this made things much better and few of such people are now ... LoL ... good friend of mine, and not that I forced it but really started to see nice things in them, and (hopefully) I helped them somewhat to be a little nicer by getting more in tune with their nicer side.
I belive if you try to replace anger with pity for them, whenever you are aware of the presence of the anger, it will pave way for a communication and 'talk to them' as etherfish says ... and you may be happily surpriesed with the result.
Love ... |
Edited by - Swan on Jan 18 2012 11:56:39 PM |
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maheswari
Lebanon
2520 Posts |
Posted - Jan 19 2012 : 02:26:52 AM
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quote:
But we want to help people who are hurting themselves and not the ones who are hurting others... how does that make sense?
"Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing."
i did not understand what you mean...those people were hurting Lord Jesus and not themselves |
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whippoorwill
USA
450 Posts |
Posted - Jan 19 2012 : 03:06:04 AM
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Hi Ananda:
I picked up on the word "manipulative" in your description of this person. It's tough to deal with someone who is trying to get something out of you that you're not willing to give, which is essentially what manipulation is. It's one form of power play that attempts to make the target give or do something that is unwanted. And if you're an empathetic person, you don't necessarily have to be the manipulator's target to be affected by it.
I had a run-in at work a few years ago, where my superior groped my chest on the sly. I complained about it and, well, a lot of things happened afterwards that I don't want to write about. But his action was all about power -- taking something that he wasn't offered and wouldn't have been welcome to. (He took a more direct approach than manipulation to get what he wanted.)
Anyway, I also get that visceral gut-wrenching feeling whenever I'm around him. And I completely understand why you would get a gut-twisting feeling when around a manipulator.
I've found two things that help me deal with this: One is meditation. My gut-twisting reaction to him is less strong now.
The other thing that really helps is these words: "You have no power over me!" It's the recognition/realization that all their attempts to coerce do not need to affect you.
Have you seen the movie, Labyrinth, with David Bowie and Jennifer Connelly? The scene at the end of the movie is where the words come from.
All the best to you!
--Liz
P.S. Just a passing thought... It seems that often manipulation is the power play adopted by the power-less. Perhaps life has taught her that manipulation is the only way she can get her needs met. I'm not making excuses... Just a thought...
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Edited by - whippoorwill on Jan 19 2012 03:27:34 AM |
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Ananda
3115 Posts |
Posted - Jan 19 2012 : 03:12:22 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Etherfish
If you really hate someone, the best thing to do is try to make friends with them for a little while. Decide to talk to them without becoming angry, just to find out where they are coming from. Ask them about one of those things that makes you angry, but completely non-judgmental, just be curious and make small talk.
If you can do it without letting those old emotion patterns take over, usually it will be a very uplifting experience, and leave you feeling refreshed. You usually will find that those people are not what you thought they were, but are just somewhat twisted and are doing the best they can.
Dear Ether,
I tried it out with this person and made peace with her for a while but then she came back to her old habits a couple of days afterwards... I used to pray for her as well and wish her nothing but good... Now I just wish her away but I've never really known how much suppressed resentment I have for her until I saw her last monday. It astonished how much caught up in the whole thing I was...
Love,
Ananda |
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Ananda
3115 Posts |
Posted - Jan 19 2012 : 03:25:21 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Swan
quote:
Originally posted by Ananda
quote:
Originally posted by Shanti
Yes... they are sweet... they bring out their hurt on themselves and not on others. But that makes them nicer to us because they are not bothering us. People in pain either bring it out on others or themselves... neither is right... But we want to help people who are hurting themselves and not the ones who are hurting others... how does that make sense?
"Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing."
Don't get me wrong, I don't love everyone either, but I try not to judge them, I send Ma's healing/a prayer that they see... I try to put as much distance as I can between us , but using harsh words to define them and writing them off, just adds to the already negative.
I disagree on the first part, not all of these people are hurting themselves.. Some are nice because they learned to live the right way and overcome their hard past.
Salam
Dear Ananda,
I think this is the point. Some people just could not learn to live the right way, or could not yet. I also see such people and feel anger or despice at times. What I try and what works for me is to replace the anger with pity for the person, for they just 'could not learn'.
I have 'practiced' this for a while, and this made things much better and few of such people are now ... LoL ... good friend of mine, and not that I forced it but really started to see nice things in them, and (hopefully) I helped them somewhat to be a little nicer by getting more in tune with their nicer side.
I belive if you try to replace anger with pity for them, whenever you are aware of the presence of the anger, it will pave way for a communication and 'talk to them' as etherfish says ... and you may be happily surpriesed with the result.
Love ...
Hi Swan,
Trust me when I say I've tried this approach more then once with this person. It's my nature to do so with people. But it simply didn't work with this person. She's But non the less I know of my shortcomings here and love should and will prevail in the end.
Much love to you [img]icon_heart.gif[/img] |
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Ananda
3115 Posts |
Posted - Jan 19 2012 : 03:32:19 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by whippoorwill
Hi Ananda:
I picked up on the word "manipulative" in your description of this person. It's tough to deal with someone who is trying to get something out of you that you're not willing to give, which is essentially what manipulation is. It's one form of power play that attempts to make the target give or do something that is unwanted. And if you're an empathetic person, you don't necessarily have to be the manipulator's target to be affected by it.
I had a run-in at work a few years ago, where my superior groped my chest on the sly. I complained about it and, well, a lot of things happened afterwards that I don't want to write about. But his action was all about power -- taking something that he wasn't offered and wouldn't have been welcome to. (He took a more direct approach than manipulation to get what he wanted.)
Anyway, I also get that visceral gut-wrenching feeling whenever I'm around him. And I completely understand why you would get a gut-twisting feeling when around a manipulator.
I've found two things that help me deal with this: One is meditation. My gut-twisting reaction to him is less strong now.
The other thing that really helps is these words: "You have no power over me!" It's the recognition/realization that all their attempts to coerce do not need to affect you.
Have you seen the movie, Labyrinth, with David Bowie and Jennifer Connelly? The scene at the end of the movie is where the words come from.
All the best to you!
--Liz
P.S. Just a passing thought... It seems that often manipulation is the power play adopted by the power-less. Perhaps life has taught her that manipulation is the only way she can get her needs met. I'm not making excuses... Just a thought...
Beautiful insights dear Liz,
I am happy that this topic have been opened. It has turned into a gem of valuable insights.
Now I am definitely going to see that movie as well. I love Bowie
Love,
Ananda |
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One Minute Nonsense
