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elderberry
USA
49 Posts |
 Posted - Jun 13 2024 : 7:16:37 PM
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Hey guys,
I am a late 20s male with a high sex drive.
I feel that I have most vices fairly under control. I have been sober for about 7 years. My diet, exercise and caffeine consumption all feel like they're in a healthy balance. I feel that I have a healthy relationship with work and money. The one thing I struggle to find balance with is my sexual nature.
Speaking from my own experience, there is a very intense relationship between spiritual world and my sensual world. Anyone who has practiced AYP for more than a few years can probably relate to the ebb and flow of bhakti over the long term. Some weeks your bhakti will be over the moon, some weeks you will be going through the motions. This seems like a natural part of the process.
Looking back at my periods of extremely high bhakti, it is often the world of dating, relationships and chasing girls which tends to most often "bring me back to reality". It's these things more than anything that tend to draw my attention away from my spiritual practice, and back into the world of external objects.
My tendency is to swing from extreme to extreme in the world of sex and dating. I will go through periods of indulgence and casual dating, and then I will go through periods of full celibacy and brahmacharya. Of course, I have tried many times to integrate the AYP advice on tantra into my sex life. However I find this only tends to work well over the long term when I am in a committed, long term relationship with a partner I love. This is a circumstance which, unfortunately, is outside of our control. I struggle to "casually date" in a manner that feels tantric and supportive of my spiritual development. However, my intuition is that its entirely possible to do so, if we are mindful of our actions.
I am currently in a period of celibacy, and the positive effects it's had on my practice have been beyond profound. Significant increases in ecstatic conductivity. A deep desire for spiritual knowledge and addition of new practices. In this sense, I would like to keep things the way they are. I would like to keep cultivating this sexual energy.
The only time I feel like I've had real success in tantric cultivation of sexual energy is during period of extended celibacy. Much moreso than trying to integrate it into my usual dating life. The problem is, celibacy feels unsustainable over the long term. I can only seem to maintain it for a months at a time. Not the best setup for long term progress.
When I cut out alcohol for example, after a few months I no longer craved it or thought about it whatsoever. Same with any other vice. My sexuality though is a different beast. A period of celibacy of a few months does not leave me "no longer thinking about it". In some ways, I feel as if I crave sexual gratification just as much as on day 1.
My inner voice tells me that the best balance is to only have sexual relationships with partners that I am genuinely in love with or care for very deeply. This all makes sense on paper, however its very hard to implement in practice. Falling in love feels rare, and if I follow this prescription, it would lead to massive periods of celibacy anyways. Which, as we established, is a difficult bull to ride over the long term.
My question is this. Apart from staying pre-orgasmic whenever possible, do you guys have any tips or useful frameworks for approaching dating in a mindful and balanced manner that supports our spiritual development?
Some food for thought might be:
- Only becoming sexual with partners you love/partners you are in a committed relationship with
- Avoiding dating apps
- Long term celibacy
- Anything else that may come to mind
Or perhaps the answer is in the other direction. Perhaps the answer is to just continue dating in whatever way feels fun and natural, not placing too many restrictions on oneself. As one continues to meditate and inner silence rises, our actions will naturally change to be more mindful, without us having to place continued guardrails or intentions around ourselves. |
Edited by - elderberry on Jun 13 2024 7:18:56 PM |
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Dogboy
USA
2293 Posts |
Posted - Jun 14 2024 : 02:21:51 AM
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quote:
Perhaps the answer is to just continue dating in whatever way feels fun and natural, not placing too many restrictions on oneself. As one continues to meditate and inner silence rises, our actions will naturally change to be more mindful, without us having to place continued guardrails or intentions around ourselves.
I fall into this camp. I'm married and in my sixties. My wife is very supportive, but is not into yoga, and any tantra practices are off the table, so in this way, we are in the same boat  . When I was your age, I was not a yogi (sadly) and often got into relationships without the intention of long term, until that no longer suited me. I refrained from dating others until she appeared, the woman I was very excited to know more of., and later married. She is my female best friend 
I now believe action (or intentional inaction) can exist like a sutra passed in samyama: you put "it" out there and let your practices open you in unexpected ways.
Above all, inquire into silence when you are unsure whether to "get involved" with someone. Try to know them enough so you can empathize with their expectations and desire to be with you. Your intention matters. Your attention follows your Bhakti. Have loving intentions and be loving of yourself. It is okay to spill seed at your level of conductivity, just do so in a ritualistic and loving manner.
Take your practices out into the everyday; sometimes it radiates in your face and chest. Listen to the white noise. Have fun and be open. |
Edited by - Dogboy on Jun 14 2024 03:23:51 AM |
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