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maheswari
Lebanon
2516 Posts |
 Posted - May 21 2011 : 02:00:03 AM
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this morning i got up and felt like a stone of sadness on my chest,so to speak....i sat for SB and DM...then i started to cry...it was a loud cry ...i felt sadness was coming out from my chest...it went for few minutes then i continued my practice which was good
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this week i had several moments of spontaneous tears coming to my eyes..when i remember my Guru,when i remember someone i care for (friend, family member or ex boyfriendS..)
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this week was far from perfect...on the professional level had problems ..on the personal level too...
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but i was NOT crying for all theses issues...NOT because things are not going the way i want them to go...currently i am accepting the IS and making the most of it...i truly love my life...
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i was crying because my ego was crying...my ego is dissatisfied and receiving one blow after the other...ego thoughts make me suffer because i believe them to be true...so i create my own unhappiness...all these thoughts are only in the mind...and i identify with them..
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the good thing is that i am sad only for few minutes...then my attention automatically turns to some kirtan...or to some activity i am doing or to person i bump into and talk to...then i am all smiles and light...
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so many layers are there and we hid the dirt under the carpet
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davidg
United Kingdom
36 Posts |
Posted - May 22 2011 : 07:38:56 AM
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I have never forgot this saying....
'One tear drop represents an ocean of suffering...... released'
so said a person i was reading about years ago, i cant remember the book or name of the person sorry, he continued to say that enough blood and tears has been spilt to fill our oceans many times over,
it may be a metaphor he was talking about but tear drops releases you from the bondage of the past blockages that stop you rising above all the things that would have you bound and restricted by old and tired ways that once served you so well but no longer do.
it is also curiosity that fills my heart and mind to know if i am still suffering the countless past lives i have lived in whatever form that may have been, then it would make sence to cry some for those to be released too
the sorrow in the heart is for the fear of letting go, a holding back just before the plunge into the unkown,
we cry many tears in one go, and for many reasons, but it is when we cry with purpose and meaning instead of anything that enters life with conditions, restrictions, boudrys, or walls, it becomes a cleansing, a purging of the soul, ignore the egos tricks and plays and it takes a back seat leaving you a silence louder than noise
it is in that silence and tranquility you find the balance of simply.... being |
Edited by - davidg on May 22 2011 07:52:38 AM |
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maheswari
Lebanon
2516 Posts |
Posted - May 22 2011 : 09:15:26 AM
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dear David..txs for replying...actutally i wanted some replies but did not get any 
'the sorrow in the heart is for the fear of letting go,"...so true..it is tremendous ego fear...the scary question that the ego asks : what am i left with? nothingness?emptiness?...how gona define myself,according to what?.....this leads to anger,agressivness and all the remaing package
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"it is also curiosity that fills my heart and mind to know if i am still suffering the countless past lives "...that is for sure...but it is uncessary to dwell upon it...or to analyze it too much..
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much Love
the scared ego of maheswari |
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Yaming
Switzerland
112 Posts |
Posted - May 22 2011 : 1:48:49 PM
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amazing how you can shift from tears and sadness to happiness and light in just a few minutes.
"ego thoughts make me suffer because i believe them to be true" isn't it amazing how much power the mind can have over us? You can walk on a fairly small edge just a few inches above the ground...walk the same sized edged 100 meter up in the air and you can't do it. Well, I'm sure some can do it but I'm not one of them lol
Yaming |
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davidg
United Kingdom
36 Posts |
Posted - May 22 2011 : 3:36:42 PM
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indeed, how does one define oneself when ego is subdued when the mind no longer follows an ego entity, when all has been scrutinised and found to be hollow.... empty.... nothing-ness, what fears does the ego fabricate to keep you and i in a never ending circle of fears and doubts...
the fear of fear itself, this is tremendious adveristy to spiritual awakening, it takes practice and patience to overcome along with courage and the inate ability to let things go
from experience, the ego is not the enemy,
it is a great teacher it shows you what is needed to be addressed within, sometimes it touches on things we tend to bury our head in the sand for but at some point it is nesesary to stand our ground and face the things that we fear the most, some fears are great and so is the reactions to them but all fears are bound to be released at some point and as i keep seeing like your good self are subjected to a deliberate and deep seated need to part with your fears,
ego is a tool for spiritual growth, it is a stepping stone to something greater, it is the finger pointing to the moon, like all tools it is often left in the tool box untill its needed again for a particular job... it is soooo easy to get caught up in this world, ego will be there to remind us of our humaness, that is... to error
the moment im needy, wanting, desiring... ego will show my faults, ego does what it does best, identify with our inner most fears and doubts then asks us to take a look,
we can be a student of its teachings or be bound to an identity that is as real as the words i write in this post, even then they are labels/sign posts pointing to SOMETHING OUT THERE.
love and light
David |
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Delara
Lebanon
305 Posts |
Posted - May 22 2011 : 4:50:02 PM
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Dear Maheswari;
I can feel what you are feeling but words are not coming easy over here...
All I can say this shall pass & Bliss will take over...it's a matter of patience.
I'm sure you are aware of that...but since you want a reply
Love;
Delara |
Edited by - Delara on May 22 2011 5:28:22 PM |
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WoodDragon
USA
56 Posts |
Posted - May 22 2011 : 8:34:58 PM
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Dear Maheswari,
I would have replied earlier, but things did not flow that way this weekend, I was moved by what you expressed and wished to share some thoughts that came to me when reading the words you created.
We are that which is.
We also choose what we feel, our emotions are like colored paints on a palette, which ones are we choosing to place on the canvas of our life?
Ego has no place there, there is no ego in the choices we make deep within us, only the light of Truth. We Are That Is.
I have also cried over the broken ideas of my ego, and finding joy when realizing my ego is mot me, there is no ego, only ourselves. How can we know this? Ego implies ownership, and as we own nothing we have no ego. |
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maheswari
Lebanon
2516 Posts |
Posted - May 23 2011 : 02:37:07 AM
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yaming...it is true in few minutes i shift from crying to laughing loud...lol...kind of mad
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david ...everything is full of signs for us to learn from..but we preffer to turn our head to the other side
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Delara...thank u dear...it is not always easy to express things in words
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woodDragon...a friend of mine said the following:things are happening in you, not to you. |
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Rajeev Sethi
India
50 Posts |
Posted - May 23 2011 : 09:44:02 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by maheswari
this week i had several moments of spontaneous tears coming to my eyes..when i remember my Guru ...
Maheshwari you must be a great disciple as tears come to your eyes when you remember your guru.
Who is your guru? |
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maheswari
Lebanon
2516 Posts |
Posted - May 24 2011 : 02:01:35 AM
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me a great disciple? ....i dont know...my mind is so fickle ...
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Only He Knows....
the Self is manifested in ALL genuine Gurus...without exception
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in my case The Self manifested in the physical form of Swami Chidananda / Divine Life Society-Rishikesh...in reality the physical Guru is just to guide us and remind us of our own inner guru
Namaste |
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this morning i cried
