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bewell
1275 Posts |
 Posted - Mar 16 2006 : 3:11:32 PM
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Hi Yogani and All,
I found your web page about a week ago. Yesterday I finished reading my e-book edition of Secrets of Wilder, an entertaining and informative inner-energy romance novel. I’ve also read a number of the lessons and conversations on this forum and, being impressed by the quality of the conversation, I’d like to share a bit.
About me. I’m a 44-year-old man, married since ’85. In '95 I had a spontaneous experience of "ascent of the soul to oblivion" followed by amazing regenerative bliss. Since then I've been working toward a stable practice that grows out of recollection of that ascent. I’ve practiced hatha yoga for two years culminating in leading some classes in ’99 (yogic sciences research foundation of Lansing, Michigan). In the summer of '99, I moved to Baltimore. Since than my main intentional practice was devotional meditation, “centering prayer,” until about a year ago when, to my amazement, I experienced the onset spontaneous bodily movements and breath work that I later learned resembled yogi Bajan’s intentional kundalini yoga. Part of that spontaneous process was coming to separate the arousal of “energy orgasm” from the process of ejaculation. I definitively have an appreciation of pre-ejaculatory sex. Such non-ejaculatory energy orgasms generate inner energy (by contrast to ejaculation which drains energy).
Today I'm having a wonderful time of meditation that includes both inner silence and intense conductivity. While I breathe, I'm enjoying a spontaneous pulsing in both the muscles at the base of my sexual organs and the area of my nasal cavity. Waves of pleasurable energy are flowing back and forth between the two areas.
Am I in love with the embrace of “i am" ?
I also notice a stable energy pressure from my eyebrow center down through my nasal cavity. I have heard of releasing the tongue for exploration of that inner cavity. But now, after reading Wilder, for the first time I’ve moved from disgust about the very idea too attraction. Just as putting my heal in the area of my reproductive muscles increases the pleasure in that area, so I imagine putting my tongue in my inner nasal cavity would increase pleasure in that area. Not ready to start clipping yet. No rush.
I guess I don’t have any questions per se. But I’m open to responses. I’d enjoy the conversation.
With much gratitude,
Bewell |
Edited by - AYPforum on Feb 07 2007 09:54:46 AM |
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NagoyaSea
424 Posts |
Posted - Mar 16 2006 : 3:45:52 PM
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Welcome Bewell. We're glad you found this forum. It's good to have you here.
blessings,
Kathy |
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david_obsidian
USA
2602 Posts |
Posted - Mar 16 2006 : 4:07:37 PM
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Welcome to the forum, Bewell.
Bewell said:
Am I in love with the embrace of “i am" ?
It's too early to tell. But don't worry, we promise not to tell your wife....
Sounds like you are going through great stuff, and have come to the right place.
-D |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Mar 16 2006 : 7:00:42 PM
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Welcome Bewell.
Secrets of Wilder is one of my favorite books. I have read it and now re-read pieces of it every now and then.. I find it very inspiring...
I hope the forum and lessons will help you in your chosen path...
Thank you for joining us.
-Shanti
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alan
USA
235 Posts |
Posted - Mar 16 2006 : 8:20:48 PM
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hi bewell  i'm new here too. seems to be a nice place. welcome!
there seems to be a few of us 44's- mine's in february. have fun! |
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Manipura
USA
870 Posts |
Posted - Mar 16 2006 : 9:51:23 PM
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| That number does seem to be popping up a lot. I think we could start a 44 club. Hi Bewell. |
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Victor
USA
910 Posts |
Posted - Mar 16 2006 : 10:04:03 PM
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| Welcome! I am 44 myself but soon to change my status in a week |
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Jim and His Karma
2111 Posts |
Posted - Mar 16 2006 : 10:41:57 PM
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| I'm just very slightly behind you guys. |
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Richard
United Kingdom
857 Posts |
Posted - Mar 17 2006 : 09:25:53 AM
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And I'm well in front of you.
Welcome Bewell
RICHARD |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Mar 17 2006 : 09:35:19 AM
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Please don't change it to the 44 club.. Melissa and I will have to drop out then  ...
Happy Birthday Victor(for next week). |
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bewell
1275 Posts |
Posted - Mar 17 2006 : 7:47:43 PM
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Wow!
Thank you all for your warm welcome. I had a particularly blissful rest, basking in a stable glow, last night. Maybe it was connected with your welcome.
I thought it might be fun to have a little chat reflecting on situations in Wilder. The scene on my mind tonight is where Wilder flings his hand and, at a distance, a sock falls off its precarious perch on a chair. Ok, interesting synchronicity. But then he goes on as, in my opinion, only a character in a novel can, and tosses all his clothes around the room merely by willing it and, at a distance, directing with his arms.
It reminds me of the night during my college days when I was visiting my girlfriend at her house. That was before we had shared orgasms (somewhat like Wilder and his friend Devi in the stage when Wilder tipped the sock). I was leaving the next day and we would be separated again for a semester. In the middle of the night, as we were making out on her living room floor, there was a bang from upstairs. We went up to investigate. Her suitcase had fallen off the shelf in her closet as if to say, “I want to go with you.”
There is no proving it, but I still think our energy tipped that suitcase off. I have never tried to move things at a distance, except I suppose in healing prayer.
You guys? Any analogous stories? Thoughts?
Bewell
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bewell
1275 Posts |
Posted - Mar 27 2006 : 9:37:02 PM
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Hi All,
For about two weeks now, AYP has informed my practices of cultivating inner silence and inner sexual energy. I'm experienced in similar versions of both, but now, I'm seeing more integration of the two. That is thanks to Yogani's balanced approach.
Before, the silence and conductivity were somewhat separate tracks. On one hand, for over five years, I've cultivated inner silence with "Centering Prayer" as taught by the Roman Catholic monk, Thomas Keating. Unfortunately, or perhaps prudently, he is almost mute on the topic of pleasure experienced from inner sexual energy. I say almost, because he did write a supportive intro to Phil St. Romain's book, Kundalini and Christian Spirituality.
Nevertheless, when my energies started to rise inward and upward (I had experienced orgasm without ejaculation) I looked to other sources for perspective, among them Jack Johnston and his Key Sound method of cultivating the ability to have "orgasm" without ejaculation. In contrast to Keating, Johnston is nearly mute about cultivating inner silence.
I like Keating’s rootedness in Christian tradition as he teaches cultivation of inner silence. On the other hand, I like Johnston's Key Sound and redefinition of "orgasm" as a reflex that is not automatically associated with ejaculation. But neither has Yogani's ability to bring together the themes of silence and conductivity.
I'm deeply grateful to Yogani and others on this forum for help in cultivating the marriage of silence and conductivity! It has been a great two-week honeymoon.
With Love,
Bewell
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Edited by - bewell on Mar 27 2006 10:08:21 PM |
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yogani
USA
5201 Posts |
Posted - Mar 28 2006 : 10:00:23 AM
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Hi Bewell:
It is great to hear of your integration of these vital principles on the path. And with you coming from your own unique background too. It is a lesson for us all.
As it has been said, "A word to the wise is sufficient."
The credit goes to you. May the honeymoon blossom into long term fulfillment. Carry on!
The guru is in you. |
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bewell
1275 Posts |
Posted - Apr 03 2006 : 10:08:58 AM
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Yogani,
The latest AYP Lesson, #281, references as prerequisites, Yoni Mudra Kumbhaka (lesson #91) and Dynamic Jalandhara – Chin Pump (lesson #139). What a wonderful gift!
I tried both last night. Wow, the effects were with me all through the night. You weren't overstating the benefits. That is a boost! I’m glad I have today off from work – free time to enjoy this intense new conductivity and bliss consciousness. Thanks.
Bewell
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bewell
1275 Posts |
Posted - Apr 06 2006 : 08:24:42 AM
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Hi Katrine, Anthem,
I too have been thinking about the meaning of "witness." Last week, I did a search on the word in Yogani's writings. He generally identifies witness with silence. "Silence," a term he uses more often, is part of a dialectic: Silence and conductivity; Father and Holy Spirit; Shiva and Shakti. "Silence" is the gap between thoughts that also runs alongside thoughts.
The notion of "witness" came up in Yogani's reviews of the methods of Tolle and Katie where he said that the witness is prerequisite to their work. To the extent that one has that prerequisite down, then detaching oneself from errors of thinking, going through pain without suffering, and living in the now become easier.
I've also been reflecting on the notions of witness and silence through the lens of my own prior experience and study. "Witness" is a word that fits for that state of mind I have during automatic yoga. I witness with only minimal control. My body moves as other. I witness in a state of ecstatic absorption, without/between thoughts.
The idea of witness also reminds me of when I was having an ascent of the soul experience. A part of me was watching, entirely non-anxious, while a sort of whirlwind and fire was entirely changing my body awareness. But a time came when there was no longer a witness in the ordinary sense, no longer a subject object division, a pure gap. That gap, I see as the forth state (with the first three being deep sleep, dream sleep, and waking). That gap is what the NeoPlatonists called the One. In Christian mysticism the One is the source, the Father to whom we address the Lord's Prayer. The Father is the imperceptible source of beatitude.
There are gaps and there are gaps. After the ascent of the soul, where the gap was the climax, "I" was in a state of desireless bliss. In reflection, I came to see the gap as the portal to the source of that bliss, the source of transcending/satisfying all my heart's desires. Now, in ordinary meditation, recollecting that gap helps me cultivate inner silence. By the way, last weekend after I did Yoni Mudra Kumbhaka (lesson #91) and Dynamic Jalandhara – Chin Pump (lesson #139) I came as close as I have ever come to repeating that desireless bliss state.
I'm thinking now as I write that I see the "witness" consciousness as a continuum. On one end, the witness is identified with the flux of my ordinary ego functioning. On the other end, the extreme end of the continuum, the witness is identified with the One. When I am cultivating inner silence, I am moving the witness toward the One.
Bewell
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AYPforum
351 Posts |
Posted - Feb 07 2007 : 09:54:46 AM
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| Moderator note: Topic moved for better placement |
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Chard
250 Posts |
Posted - Mar 11 2007 : 4:56:46 PM
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Hi everyone,
I just started reading Secrets of Wilder and I'm about on page 44 (big number in this thread!!) and I LOVE IT!! It's already such a fabulous book and I can relate to John's character so much. Especially the fact that he accepted Jesus as his savior as a child and then left the church. The same thing happened to me. I accepted Jesus at the age of 12 or 13 and I was very "religious" and involved in my Christian church until age 18. I remember how I had such a longing for God and would listen to Steven Curtis Chapman's song "More to this Life" at the age of 14 and start crying in my car just feeling God's presence and yearning to be close to Him. I'm realizing that all along that yearning has always been with me even as child. My mom tells me that she always remembers that when I was about 6 years old I once said to her, "Mommy, at the end of this life I want to thank God for the wonderful life I've had." For so long I have felt like I could never access God because the path I had chosen wasn't a fit for me. In reading this book and connecting with the characters I really know on every level deep down that I have found my path finally. It fits like a glove for me. I'm so grateful. Thank you |
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Maximus
India
187 Posts |
Posted - Mar 12 2007 : 06:10:03 AM
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Not to hurt anyone's feelings but I didn't like John's character of being separated from the rest of the folks, not going to college and doing sitting practices most of the time. It doesn't fit well with Yogani's lessons to do your practices and then go out and live your normal life. I expected the book to teach that kind of thing - to be a perfectly normal person and doing spiritual practices, and perhaps dealing with real life difficulties with a spiritual attitude. That I believe would have been a much better book than this book that tells how one person reinvents the wheel that is Yoga by intuition and spiritual desire by trial and error.
Also I particularly hated to see him burst into light in the end. |
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yogani
USA
5201 Posts |
Posted - Mar 12 2007 : 11:31:02 AM
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Hi Maximus:
The Secrets of Wilder is a modern allegory (symbolic representation) of the Christian Gospels -- a relentless quest for ultimate truth and the sharing of that truth, which involves several people (not only John Wilder) sacrificing for the many. That is the central theme of a classic hero's journey, and it is happening around us in real life all the time. None of us would be sitting here today if someone had not sacrificed something for us.
The Secrets of Wilder is more specific about spiritual practices than previous books of this kind, which is the aspect of the story that traces causes and effects in practices and how they can play out in the individual, in relationships, and, ultimately, in the flowering of a broader spiritual awareness in our society.
If none of this sits well with you, well, it raises the question of whether anything is more important than the survival of our individual material selves. Surely there must be more to life than that, even if it is just caring about someone else enough to value their wellbeing. I suggest you consider who you might be willing to sacrifice something for -- a loved one, a neighbor, or all of society. As soon as we can care about someone or something beyond our physical self, even for a minute, we are becoming more. That is the whole point you know -- to aim for something higher, and, in doing so, become something more than we were before. It takes a surrender to accept that the "something more" is beyond the reach of our current ideas and prejudices.
We also must be willing to act within the context of our surrender, engaging in our unfoldment. This is "active surrender."
Could a caterpillar become a butterfly without surrender and engagement in its process of transformation? (a metaphor in the Wilder story) It is just the same with us. To become more, we must be willing to surrender to becoming more, and act. It can happen in many baby steps, and sometimes in big leaps. In the case of human beings, there is conscious choice involved.
The themes in the Secrets of Wilder story are universal, with many of the specifics of spiritual methodology and experience added for good measure.
The Secrets of Wilder isn't Ayn Rand, who was the queen of seeking only personal self interest. On the other hand, the ultimate pursuit of personal self-interest will inevitably lead us to the interest of all others, for we are One. All seekers come to that sooner or later. This is represented dramatically to an extreme in the Kurt Wilder (John's brother) subplot in the story.
All roads lead home...
The guru is in you.
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Hunter
USA
252 Posts |
Posted - Mar 12 2007 : 1:42:02 PM
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My understanding of story-telling and mythology has been expanded by the work of Joseph Campbell.
I have come to understand John Wilder as a re-creation (recreation ) of the solar hero or the solar myth which exists in every thriving culture.
I think of mythology as a very effective educational tool. ( Training is believing what you are told, education is remembering what you already know. -Charles L. Moore)
"The theme of solar myth is escape from the bondage of mortality and ascent to the light. It carries the Promethean longing for knowledge, for power, for freedom, the longing to go beyond all constraints and limitations, to reach higher, go further."1
1Baring, Ann. The Lunar and Solar Hero: A Philosophical and Psychological Approach. June 2005. < http://www.annebaring.com/anbar12_l...unarhero.htm > 12 March 2007. |
Edited by - Hunter on Mar 12 2007 1:44:47 PM |
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Maximus
India
187 Posts |
Posted - Apr 15 2007 : 04:26:37 AM
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In the novel 'Secrets of Wilder', John Wilder refuses to go to college because he believes he got to follow his heart which calls him to move on spiritual path. He apparantly took a big deal in life because he didn't even have a guidance and was on his own. Well somebody will say following your heart is no big deal at all. Whatever.
My question is how will you handle the situation if your son gets a seat in M.I.T. or Harvard, and he says he is not interested in that and he has always wanted to be a truck driver? |
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Maximus
India
187 Posts |
Posted - Apr 15 2007 : 04:28:27 AM
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| And suppose that weird son quotes Vivekananda's saying "A man should not be judged by the nature of his duties but by the manner in which he does them". |
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weaver
832 Posts |
Posted - Apr 15 2007 : 09:31:02 AM
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Hi Maximus,
I would start by telling him that he will have his choice if he agrees to reason with you until you are both satisfied. I would then go over with him what the consequences will (likely) be in his life depending on which one of the choices he makes, so that he will see that clearly. I would also go over with him what reason he has for making his (preferred) choice, so he will see that he makes it for the right (to him) reasons. You will also see the situation more clearly then and you will both have a better understanding and hopefully an agreement of what is the right choice. |
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Maximus
India
187 Posts |
Posted - Apr 16 2007 : 05:44:58 AM
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| Weaver, have you seen the movie "Ice Princess"? Did you like the movie? |
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weaver
832 Posts |
Posted - Apr 16 2007 : 09:02:31 AM
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| I don't think I have. Is it a good movie? |
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Maximus
India
187 Posts |
Posted - Apr 16 2007 : 12:27:24 PM
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| In the movie a girl after finishing high school says No to Harvard and goes to pursue her dream of skating. I think there is lot of spirituality underlying bold decisions such as this. I have come to believe that free will is an illusion and a true yogi has no choice at all. |
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Secrets of Wilder
