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Katrine
Norway
1813 Posts |
 Posted - Mar 14 2006 : 12:41:50 PM
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Shanti wrote:
quote:
Tell me one thing, since people are used to you being strong, don't you think they get speechless and lost if they see you crying and helpless?
Definitely. The only difference is that now I can stand their speechless and lost feeling. I am not here to support their unconscious patterns. I am here to support Life. (Or rather - I'm here to understand that Life is the only support there is). By being true, that truth automatically supports Life in them. They too are here to support Life. They just don't know it yet.
Also - the inner silence is my support today. To me that is real strength. I very seldom feel helpless anymore. It only happens right before I let go of yet another rigid pattern inside. If the helplessness is deep enough, then - and only then - I let go.
I don't fall because the ones around me do. I of course feel sad, in pain etc - but I don't supress it. (I might not always burst out crying but I stay present to the sadness inside no matter what my outer actions) Also, I cry for different reasons today. Most of the time I cry when I feel touched by the silence in one way or another. I think the crying will be there until the whole contact with the silence is restored..
May all your Nows be Here |
Edited by - Katrine on Mar 14 2006 12:48:09 PM |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Mar 14 2006 : 12:51:31 PM
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David,
quote:
But be sure you don't turn this into self-denial or excessive self-reliance. That's something you may need to specifically move away from.
Please explain. Are you saying I am getting myself into another illusion? |
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david_obsidian
USA
2602 Posts |
Posted - Mar 14 2006 : 1:00:44 PM
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Shanti said:
Please explain. Are you saying I am getting myself into another illusion?
I'm not saying anything definite.
Do you intuit clearly the difference between, on the one hand, feeling that you have a great resource inside yourself, and on the other, feeling that you must rely on yourself alone, or be persistently and consistently strong and self-reliant?
The first is good for you, the second is bad for you. I'm just saying make sure you very clearly feel and know the difference between the two. Some of your language does not make it obvious that you have differentiated them, and brought some concerns to my mind, but that could just be the narrow bandwidth of the forum. So you could have nothing, a little, or a lot to gain from what I said.
Do you see what I mean?
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Edited by - david_obsidian on Mar 14 2006 1:03:28 PM |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Mar 14 2006 : 1:14:57 PM
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| This is very confusing.. I am sorry.. as I said my brain hurts. Till 4 days back I was sure I knew what I was doing... now I am totally confused. I think I need to take a step back... Sorry David.. I am not trying to be rude.. for a change I am trying to be what I am.. not pretending to understand... when I don't. So, I have to be with my inner silence, be my true self, not pretend to be strong? Can I just get some chocolates from Melissa or Jim and forget I started this whole thing... |
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david_obsidian
USA
2602 Posts |
Posted - Mar 14 2006 : 1:25:56 PM
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Shanti said:
So, I have to be with my inner silence, be my true self, not pretend to be strong?
You don't sound either confused or rude to me.  I think that sums it up perfectly. Be with your inner silence, find the friend inside you, be your true self, don't pretend to be strong. If you are feeling weakness or vulnerability, let it be there.
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Edited by - david_obsidian on Mar 14 2006 1:27:13 PM |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Mar 14 2006 : 1:29:55 PM
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| OK now that makes sense.. Thanks. |
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Katrine
Norway
1813 Posts |
Posted - Mar 14 2006 : 1:39:22 PM
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Hi Shanti
quote:
Till 4 days back I was sure I knew what I was doing
I don't know how many times I write (in despair) in my diary: I don't know what to do....I don't know what to do! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO !!
It took me a long time to figure out that this state is not cured by "knowing what to do". On the contrary: If I can accept - every day - that I (my mind) know nothing, I am much better off. I can surrender then. Not surrendering in the way that I stop brushing my teeth (or meditate) - but surrendering to not knowing. Being (Silence) knows. I don't. I - my mind - can not possibly fathom Being.
Shanti. I agree with David. You don't sound rude, nor confused. You are fine right where you are.
May all your Nows be Here |
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Yoda
USA
284 Posts |
Posted - Mar 15 2006 : 3:09:04 PM
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| Even Milarepa and Marpa and so forth had bad days too! It's impossible to be on this planet without some degree of emotional turbulence. |
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Breakdown of inner silence...
