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SeySorciere
Seychelles
1571 Posts |
 Posted - Nov 11 2010 : 05:19:47 AM
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Where should we draw the line between interfering in someone's private life and genuinely wanting to caution?
I have found myself in a bit of a dilemma these past couple of days. Here's the story:
A much loved cousin - man of 50 years, a man of honour and integrity in a world that sees these as out-dated values, and somewhat naive and believing the best of people - has fallen crazily in love with a woman of 35 yrs with 3 kids. His marriage has not been working for many years now and he has made the move for a divorce. His friends and colleagues, including myself find him, understandably, very distracted at present in that his mind is on his new love. He appears to be going into this new relationship too blindly and investing much financially. From my perspective "He is heading for a fall" like the song goes.
How do you talk to someone on something as delicate as this? Should I even attempt to? or is this his karma and life lessons and should be left to roll out as meant to be? After all what do I know?
SeySorciere |
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Clear White Light
USA
229 Posts |
Posted - Nov 11 2010 : 08:24:21 AM
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| I guess it depends on whether potentially damaging the relationship by voicing your opinion is worth it to you in order to "prevent" what you see as a possibly unfortunate outcome. However, I don't think there is any way to dress this up as anything other than "interfering." When we caution someone, aren't we trying to influence their behavior in some way? Even if we think it is for the best, we're still interfering with their life/mind. I don't think there is a line to be drawn. |
Edited by - Clear White Light on Nov 11 2010 08:27:56 AM |
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Etherfish
USA
3615 Posts |
Posted - Nov 11 2010 : 08:33:18 AM
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I agree. All you can do it tell him. Let him know you don't wish to interfere, and you will only say this once,
but it extremely important, and you see him heading for destruction.
He won't listen of course.
And this is the reason you should only say it once:
When you step in between lovers, you will become the enemy of both of them.
He may say you were right later, but that means nothing.
Then again, it is possible he could be happy with his new love.
But you might want to redefine honor and integrity for a man who allowed himself to fall in love while he is married, and is divorcing his wife for a younger woman.
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Edited by - Etherfish on Nov 11 2010 08:34:03 AM |
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karl
United Kingdom
1812 Posts |
Posted - Nov 11 2010 : 11:53:46 AM
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No, don't touch, leave well alone and support when you can.
If it all works out then you will be cast to to sidelines, if it doesn't work out then saying 'I told you so' is little comfort. |
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SeySorciere
Seychelles
1571 Posts |
Posted - Nov 12 2010 : 12:45:32 AM
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Thank you all. In writing this down, it had already helped me clarify what my actions should be... stay out of it and support if ever my support is required. Anything else would indeed be interference.
"But you might want to redefine honor and integrity for a man who allowed himself to fall in love while he is married, and is divorcing his wife for a younger woman."
I still classify him as a man of honour and integrity because he is the only man I know who, although long years unhappy with his marriage, stuck with, always providing a united front with his wife to see the children grow in a steady environment. Now they are self-sufficent adults and he told his wife that it is now time he moved on. Then.. he looked for someone else.
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Nov 12 2010 : 07:45:32 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by SeySorciere
I still classify him as a man of honour and integrity because he is the only man I know who, although long years unhappy with his marriage, stuck with, always providing a united front with his wife to see the children grow in a steady environment. Now they are self-sufficent adults and he told his wife that it is now time he moved on. Then.. he looked for someone else.
So beautiful, SeySorciere.
Thank you.
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Etherfish
USA
3615 Posts |
Posted - Nov 15 2010 : 11:13:32 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by SeySorciere
Thank you all. In writing this down, it had already helped me clarify what my actions should be... stay out of it and support if ever my support is required. Anything else would indeed be interference.
"But you might want to redefine honor and integrity for a man who allowed himself to fall in love while he is married, and is divorcing his wife for a younger woman."
I still classify him as a man of honour and integrity because he is the only man I know who, although long years unhappy with his marriage, stuck with, always providing a united front with his wife to see the children grow in a steady environment. Now they are self-sufficent adults and he told his wife that it is now time he moved on. Then.. he looked for someone else.
Well, that's completely different then!
And just telling his wife first makes it OK in my mind. |
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Lili
Netherlands
372 Posts |
Posted - Nov 16 2010 : 09:58:07 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Etherfish
[quoteI still classify him as a man of honour and integrity because he is the only man I know who, although long years unhappy with his marriage, stuck with, always providing a united front with his wife to see the children grow in a steady environment. Now they are self-sufficent adults and he told his wife that it is now time he moved on. Then.. he looked for someone else.
Isn't this unfair to his wife--maybe she spent her life thinking she will remain with that person and maybe for her it's too late to "look for someone else" now. He could have told her earlier on that he's unhappy and plans to move on when the children grow up.
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Etherfish
USA
3615 Posts |
Posted - Nov 18 2010 : 8:37:42 PM
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How could she not know he was unhappy for years? I'm sure she knew. And it's never too late to find someone new.
Who would want to be with someone who is unhappy with you? |
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Where should we draw the line?
