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emc
2072 Posts |
 Posted - Apr 06 2010 : 4:21:09 PM
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Do you really get used to Love? The magnitude of it is so... unbelievably huge - I can't stand it. Do you get used to it bit by bit? Or is it always overwhelming? Is it always going to be this ruthless, as long as the shift has not happened?
I shut down. I can't take the love. I say "not yet". And then I cry for it to come in greater doses. Then when it comes, I tremble and refuse it. Again and again.
Do you ever get used to the magnitude of Love, before you actually validly ARE that Love? |
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miguel
Spain
1197 Posts |
Posted - Apr 06 2010 : 4:50:30 PM
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Difficult to manage (love) here also.
But a very interesting question emc.
Thanks for this |
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Apr 06 2010 : 5:38:47 PM
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Hi emc....
Echoing Miguel here, but, great question 
In my experience, the only practice that helped me with the "overwhelming love for everything" was to give it all away. To my desk, to the trees outside my office window, to my dogs, to the people in cars driving past me, to my wife, to my family, to all here at AYP, to everyone and everything I could. Trying to hold it in only made it more unbearable. Give that love away and it seems it is "the ultimate self-pacing". http://www.aypsite.org/forum/topic....OPIC_ID=6637
Love!
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Kirtanman
USA
1651 Posts |
Posted - Apr 06 2010 : 7:05:07 PM
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Wow - Beautiful thread, all!!
For some reason, I never found Love/Loving difficult to accept/contain (referring to genuine, spiritual love; I had all *sorts* of issues related to accepting ego-facsimile-love, back in the ego-dream, over the years ... ).
Although, on several occasions I was quite overwhelmed by the magnitude, universality and utter reality of Real (Genuine, Spiritual, Actual) Love!! Those experiences were all during openings, and experienced alone and in private; during day-to-day life, however, I was simply happy to experience Love's ongoing increase, and so grateful to experience the reality of it ... especially because, ultimately, if anything can be called the Natural State .... Loving is most certainly it!!
As I've said before, Love (or Loving ) isn't just the greatest power in the Universe; it's the ONLY power in the Universe; Loving IS Power .... it's the very movement of Being-Consciousness-Bliss - Loving IS Living, Unbound.
And no, it cannot, in any way, be contained ..... any more than the flowing of a river can be contained (the river can be contained, by damning .... er, I mean  ... *damming* it ... but then it's a lake, not a river .... and the flowing isn't stopped, it's just .... *not*).
Love/Loving can't be received or held in the ways the ego thinks; it can only be given ... including the gift of giving others the reception of the loving they're giving us.
(And, by the way, I'm writing Love/Loving .... because the power that is Loving is much more process than anything static; speaking of Love is much like speaking of "Give" ..... it's a word that makes sense, yes, but in actuality, there's only Giving ..... and while the word Love makes sense, in actuality, there's only Loving. )
Loving is like breathing; human beings are like lungs.
(If we try to "hold on" to the breathing, it gets uncomfortable fairly quickly, and likely feels "too big to contain", for sure! )
The beautiful perfection is: when we're giving and sharing the loving .... we always have *exactly* the perfect amount *by* the giving-sharing of it!! And, like breathing, it's consummately natural, and eventually (when the sad dream of limited-mind finally falls away) utterly spontaneous, utterly natural, and quite obviously - wonderfully, beautifully so - what we're all here to be (Loving).
Ultimately, Loving isn't even a "doing" ...... it's what IS when all the artificial barriers of partiality and separation are dropped.
And if limited-mind speaks up and says, "Well, *I* haven't dropped partiality and separation, yet!" ..... that's because limited-mind *can't* drop partiality and separation; limited-mind *is* the manifestation of not-dropping the mistaken concept of partiality and separation.
And so, if limited-mind speaks up, vis a vis Love/Loving (as evidenced by any discomfort, vis a vis Love/Loving) ..... just "back away" from limited-mind; limited-mind is the problem .... not the Loving; Loving *is* (quite literally) the most (beautifully, perfectly) natural thing (quality, essence, process, reality) in/of/as "the world"; Loving is the natural state .... and as good a term for the liberation resulting from practices as any other.
As A Course In Miracles puts it so simply and elegantly:
"The course does not aim at teaching the meaning of love, for that is beyond what can be taught. It does aim, however, at removing the blocks to the awareness of love's presence, which is your natural inheritance. "
I hope this is helpful.
Wholeheartedly,
Kirtanman
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Edited by - Kirtanman on Apr 06 2010 10:40:02 PM |
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Katrine
Norway
1813 Posts |
Posted - Apr 06 2010 : 8:02:35 PM
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Hi emc
quote:
Do you really get used to Love? The magnitude of it is so... unbelievably huge - I can't stand it. Do you get used to it bit by bit? Or is it always overwhelming?
In short - no - It is not always overwhelming.
We slowly get used to every expansion of our ability to perceive ourself (an expanding self) as inner silence and the energy that comes from it. Along the way, as we become more transparent..... we also slowly understand more of how the contractions within us are not something we need to identify with. They come up in us, but they are not us. So the word "overwhelm" sort of checks out after a little while when there is noone to "pin it to". There might still be strong feelings, sensations etc.....but they are allowed to be as they are. Since they in fact have already happened. It is amazing what dissolves when it is welcomed like that.....
Usually...what we can't stand...what we say no to...has already happened.........so saying "no" ...even though we think it is done as a protective act...is really just...a naming of an inner contraction that just took place. That is all it is. Whether it comes as trembles or a running towards or away from.....it is still just a contraction that took place inside. That contraction needs the touch of love. That is the mercy of it.
So....slowly.....and gently.....everything is allowed to be as it is.
quote:
I shut down. I can't take the love.
Yes.....this is inner silence being wise. The "highs" and "lows" rise out of the same source......slowly we become less attached to the highs.....and so the same happens with the lows.....All this calms down when the inner willingness to surrender ripens. That usually implies being willing to let go of the "greater doses" (in whatever form they may come) Because they keep us in an outward motion ......they "uncalm" the heart.
I cannot say i understand love, emc.
All i can say is that my experience over the years changed greatly.
Love is not at all what I thought/think it to be. It is something...undefineable......like a perfume we have never smelled before. It is always new like that....it touches the soul in its deepest place...like a white feather.....and the inner sweetness happens like that.....in complete stillness. That is why calmness of heart is so crucial. It also completely changes the way we relate to each other.....nothing needs be said about it.....you just know you love......for no reason at all....
So like that...love blossoms inside us.....and between us.
quote:
Do you ever get used to the magnitude of Love, before you actually validly ARE that Love?
No.
That is why it is so crucial to let go of our attempts to become it. We are it already. To perceive that consciously....well....it will simply happen. In its own time. As it already is emc. It is in us already. Our bodymind cannot become it on the bodyminds terms....since love cannot be fitted into such limitations and still be perceived as true love....but the bodymind can eventually feel that it is already held by it......it cannot "get it"...but it can be cradled in it. And through the cradleing eventually melt into it.
So Deep Meditation is for that. It cultivates the cradle........until it is one big cradle embrace.....one cannot help but lie down.....
This "being held" is far more satisfying for the bodymind than any "high".....it is just that the bodymind doesn't know this. So it is good to be patient with it....and its contractions.
When the dynamics of this is finally taken to heart....then the motion outwards (saying loudly "no" or loudly "yes" to what has already happened) slows down.....less and less "out there" draw us away from ourself...and life becomes much simpler. Even while it may be exactly the same things going on on the "outside". Because all the energy spent on "getting love" is released....and in that greater and greater relaxation....in that opening.....something is slowly allowed to flow.....through you ......from you.
Much love to you 
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Katrine
Norway
1813 Posts |
Posted - Apr 06 2010 : 8:04:47 PM
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Hi Kirtanman
We cross posted |
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Arjuna
USA
69 Posts |
Posted - Apr 06 2010 : 8:24:43 PM
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I am reading this thread, but I cannot relate. I do not feel much love for anyone other than those few that are close to me. Kind of a selfish Love.
I truly feel the most Love for my canine children.
Through my AYP practice, I realize that I am very cold to human beings. |
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Kirtanman
USA
1651 Posts |
Posted - Apr 06 2010 : 10:46:56 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Katrine
Hi Kirtanman
We cross posted
Hi Katrine!
Yes, I guess we did (cross-post) .... and the perfection of the harmonious yet unique content of each-both post(s) is wonderfully evident, yes?
Loving Loving Loving (<- Subject, Object & Verb ) ... and we (all) have the (shared) joyous honor and living joy of being the instrument through which the song of Loving Loving Loving .... is ever-more joyously and ever-more consciously played!
Wholeheartedly,
Kirtanman |
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Kirtanman
USA
1651 Posts |
Posted - Apr 06 2010 : 10:56:36 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Arjuna
I am reading this thread, but I cannot relate. I do not feel much love for anyone other than those few that are close to me. Kind of a selfish Love.
I truly feel the most Love for my canine children.
Through my AYP practice, I realize that I am very cold to human beings.
Hi Arjuna,
Thanks for this comment; it's good to get multiple perspectives.
For me, the direct degree of Loving I experience is directly proportionate to the absence of ego and thinking mind .... which is why, in my experience, many people who do have difficulty sharing love with other people, do not find it difficult to do with their canine or feline friends.
Everything that is real about loving - presence, acceptance, unconditionality, connection, etc. - is naturally shared with our animal friends - in ways that the constrictions of mind and conditioning often make it difficult to do, between people.
I can speak only for myself, of course, by I can't say that I ever figured love out ... in any way. Even after I knew a fair amount about principles of love which made sense to me, and seemed highly conscious (for instance in Greg Baer's awesome book, Real Love, which I highly recommend) ... I found it very difficult to practice these principles, due to the constrictions of my own conditioning. I just kept practicing (AYP), and finally opened past the blocks -- not by doing anything, per se -- the dissolution of the blocks to the awareness of the reality of loving are simply the natural results of practices, for me.
I hope that's helpful.
Wholeheartedly,
Kirtanman
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emc
2072 Posts |
Posted - Apr 07 2010 : 01:38:23 AM
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| My God, you are patronizing, fellows, K & K! I regret I ever wrote a post, and thanks for reminding me why I'm trying to escape this forum. |
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Katrine
Norway
1813 Posts |
Posted - Apr 07 2010 : 06:33:32 AM
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Hi emc
quote:
My God, you are patronizing, fellows, K & K! I regret I ever wrote a post, and thanks for reminding me why I'm trying to escape this forum.
Thank you for your honesty, emc.
And I sincerely apologize that on reading my post you want to leave the forum. It should never be like that, so there is much to learn for me when things like this happens. Thank you again for speaking up about it.
Looking through my post to you, I can see...at least some of it  where the patronizing happens .....so..... will try again to respond in a way that leaves that tone out. Here it is :
quote:
Do you really get used to Love? The magnitude of it is so... unbelievably huge - I can't stand it. Do you get used to it bit by bit? Or is it always overwhelming?
No - it is not always overwhelming.
It is a slow getting used to every expansion (which never ends...so it is never a feeling of having "arrived" somewhere) of our ability to perceive ourself as inner silence and the energy that comes from it. Along the way, as inner silence rises.....it is felt here that the inner contractions (the "no" or the "yes") inside us are gradually allowed to stay. As they are. Since that is when love/inner silence can touch them.
quote:
Do you ever get used to the magnitude of Love, before you actually validly ARE that Love?
No. The magnitude of it is unfathomable the way it is experience here.
But.....I can also say that it is felt to be like a hologram. So......when touched by the love.....which are the instances of consciously being it.......even though it might be like the tiniest holographic touch............all of the love is there somehow.....in that gentleness.
That touch is always silencing here.
Thank you again for being so honest emc, and for bringing me deeper.
I cincerely hope you will continue to post. There are so many people here that like yourself share of themselves openly for the benefit of all.
All the best.
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Arjuna
USA
69 Posts |
Posted - Apr 07 2010 : 09:05:32 AM
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Thanks Kirtanman! I appreciate your response to my message. If I am correct in my self-assessment, the practices of AYP are affecting me in subtle way.
As a result of 8 months of practice, I am beginning to witness my relationship to the world around me, in a very different way. Such a way that I have never witnessed in 48 years of living. So, as my perceptions change, so do I.
I have no doubt that I too, can experience the magnitude of Love that many of you folks experience...it will happen at some moment along the pathway of my Spirtual evolution.
I am surprised that I do not feel any type of shame or remorse to admit to you folks how I am. I am even more surprised that I am not feeling jealous that you all have someting that I do not.
For the first time in my life, I am actually becoming able to accept me as I am!!!
I take comfort in knowing that my AYP practices are purifying my Soul, and as many of you write. "Good things are happeneing." This whole experience continues to be very liberating!
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Ananda
3115 Posts |
Posted - Apr 07 2010 : 09:57:54 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Arjuna
Thanks Kirtanman! I appreciate your response to my message. If I am correct in my self-assessment, the practices of AYP are affecting me in subtle way.
As a result of 8 months of practice, I am beginning to witness my relationship to the world around me, in a very different way. Such a way that I have never witnessed in 48 years of living. So, as my perceptions change, so do I.
I have no doubt that I too, can experience the magnitude of Love that many of you folks experience...it will happen at some moment along the pathway of my Spirtual evolution.
I am surprised that I do not feel any type of shame or remorse to admit to you folks how I am. I am even more surprised that I am not feeling jealous that you all have someting that I do not.
For the first time in my life, I am actually becoming able to accept me as I am!!!
I take comfort in knowing that my AYP practices are purifying my Soul, and as many of you write. "Good things are happeneing." This whole experience continues to be very liberating!
that's very beautiful Arjuna, thank you... |
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rce
USA
50 Posts |
Posted - Apr 07 2010 : 12:00:13 PM
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quote:
thanks for reminding me why I'm trying to escape this forum.
emc, I hope you stay because I always find your posts interesting and informative. But obviously, you have to do what is best for you.
Since this is my first post, let me introduce myself. My name is Bob, and I've been lurking here for a couple of years. I occasionally practiced DM and enjoyed it.
About four months ago I decided to get serious and have been practicing DM for 20 mins twice daily. I am just starting to add SBP for 5 mins before DM and will increase this to 10 mins in a week or so, assuming all goes well.
Anyway, thanks to Yogani for all he has done, and to all of you for sharing your experiences and for making this a great site. |
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Apr 07 2010 : 12:22:16 PM
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Hi emc
quote:
Originally posted by emc
My God, you are patronizing, fellows, K & K! I regret I ever wrote a post, and thanks for reminding me why I'm trying to escape this forum.
Oh dear .... "escape this forum" eh? In my experience there is no escaping anything. If something comes to the surface as "bothersome", it doesn't matter which way we turn, where we run to, or how we try to avoid it.... it will always return in one form or another, no matter where we are and what we are doing. In my experience, if something bothers us, it will continue to bother us until we address it. If you find certain posts on the AYP forum patronizing (like perhaps you may find this post here) it is very likely that even if you did stop coming to the forum, you would continue to find yourself surrounded by "patronizing people". Until the underlying issue that causes you to feel patronized is addressed, there will be no escape. Just my experience.
Hope you stick around emc. It would be a shame to see you leave.
Love!
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insideout
USA
44 Posts |
Posted - Apr 07 2010 : 9:22:45 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by emc
thanks for reminding me why I'm trying to escape this forum.
Please don't go! Your posts are some of the most inspiring. You stir a lot of Bhakti in me and many others, for that reason alone please reconsider. |
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insideout
USA
44 Posts |
Posted - Apr 07 2010 : 9:31:20 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by rce
Since this is my first post, let me introduce myself. My name is Bob, and I've been lurking here for a couple of years. I occasionally practiced DM and enjoyed it.
Bob, welcome to the forum. We would love to hear more from you.
quote:
About four months ago I decided to get serious and have been practicing DM for 20 mins twice daily. I am just starting to add SBP for 5 mins before DM and will increase this to 10 mins in a week or so, assuming all goes well.
Consistency is the key, it was only when I became consistent with practices, thanks to being exposed to AYP, that openings started happening. You are on the right track, thanks for sharing. |
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Kirtanman
USA
1651 Posts |
Posted - Apr 07 2010 : 10:07:42 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by emc
My God, you are patronizing, fellows, K & K! I regret I ever wrote a post, and thanks for reminding me why I'm trying to escape this forum.
Hi emc,
I'm always a little mystified when I inadvertently upset you. I'm always a little mystified when others inadvertently upset you, too.
I feel a sense of wanting to help this not happen .... though at the same time, I have no clue as to what I might do, in this regard. If you care to shed any light on the matter, I'm truly happy to try to help, if I can.
I've seen this general dynamic before, in communication between people, over the course of my life .... I think of it as the "minefield dynamic".
Those of us posting in this thread are just posting away, not knowing the thread is "mined" .... and then: *BOOM*!!
("Who Knew?")
Just as my words seemed patronizing to you, your reaction was very surprising to me (it's like "What in the world about those words produced that reaction?").
Just FYI: there is actually nothing patronizing in my post. I understand that my words seemed patronizing to you, but that is another matter entirely.
In order for my words to be patronizing, they would have had to be written from an attitude (i.e. condescension, superiority) that is simply not in me to have.
emc --- people's communication styles vary a lot.
If I truly had a patronizing attitude toward you, I wouldn't respond to your expression of upset with a post like this (speaking to you directly, as a respected friend and equal; at least that's how it feels here; how it seems there, is of course entirely up to you).
In fact, if I had a patronizing attitude, I wouldn't respond at all.
Please notice I didn't do that.
Wholeheartedly,
Kirtanman
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Ananda
3115 Posts |
Posted - Apr 07 2010 : 11:50:51 PM
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dear emc you can't stand da love and we can't stand having you away so please remove the idea of staying away. you are like family to us over here. plus your posts your words mean a lot, it's good for a change to see people at this forum who are not speaking from fairy tales land every now and then... where you're at on the path is an interesting step along the way which needs to be recorded for the sake of others. i am one of those who have been really helped out by your posts and would like your star to remain shining here at AYP between your brothers and sisters.
namaste dear one(f) |
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Kirtanman
USA
1651 Posts |
Posted - Apr 08 2010 : 9:29:59 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Arjuna
Thanks Kirtanman! I appreciate your response to my message. If I am correct in my self-assessment, the practices of AYP are affecting me in subtle way.
As a result of 8 months of practice, I am beginning to witness my relationship to the world around me, in a very different way. Such a way that I have never witnessed in 48 years of living. So, as my perceptions change, so do I.
I have no doubt that I too, can experience the magnitude of Love that many of you folks experience...it will happen at some moment along the pathway of my Spirtual evolution.
I am surprised that I do not feel any type of shame or remorse to admit to you folks how I am. I am even more surprised that I am not feeling jealous that you all have someting that I do not.
For the first time in my life, I am actually becoming able to accept me as I am!!!
I take comfort in knowing that my AYP practices are purifying my Soul, and as many of you write. "Good things are happeneing." This whole experience continues to be very liberating!
Hi Arjuna,
Beauitful! Thanks for sharing this!
Regarding shame and remorse: we all experience things on all levels of consciousness ..... whether we're conscious *of* this, or not. In plain English: AYP as a whole is a safe place (community) to be, and part of you knows this; wonderful!
Regarding jealousy: being jealous would be a bit like being jealous of someone at the gym, who had been working out longer than you have, and who therefore had bigger/stronger muscles: there's no reason to do that, because the person with bigger muscles isn't fundamentally any different than you are, and when you've worked out as long, and/or using the same methods ... you'll have the same results.
And the best news of all is: AYP is 100% as "replicable" as physical workout programs; you "can't not" experience the Love and Liberation if you do the same things, consistently, and keep going.
Love & Liberation are both utterly natural (and simply different facets of the same being-manifesting, ultimately) and infinitely powerful .... which is not true of the things which seem to be barriers to the experiencing of Loving & Liberation.
And so .... keep on practicing .... with the happy confidence that (literally) more Loving and more Liberation than you can (literally) imagine awaits; all you have to do is keep practicing, and be willing to let go of all psychological conditioning, and simply open to a higher, freer, easier and more relaxed truth.
Wholeheartedly,
Kirtanman
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NSB
Australia
32 Posts |
Posted - Apr 09 2010 : 02:44:16 AM
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... as a person who often reads and never or rarely posts, i have emc and k&k on a kind of pedestal of sorts. I did not see anything particularly patronizing (if you ask a question, the answer is phrased as an answer which maybe can be construed as know-it-all). I would be sorry for anything which silenced emc (by leaving) or k & k. emc you are a brilliant questioner and sharer of your experience. who knows how many of us out here are your students. you can always be relied upon to be "real". K & k, likewise, there is much to be learnt from you too. Thanks to everyone who puts themselves out there. it must not be easy to do or I would have done it. xoxo
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Smileyogi
Australia
50 Posts |
Posted - Apr 09 2010 : 03:34:24 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by emc
Do you really get used to Love? The magnitude of it is so... unbelievably huge - I can't stand it.
hehehe..emc..either you are very advanced,or you hit the major problem all the meditators in the world face,which is,,I can't stand it,,
You see..this is the main reason most people never advance in spirituality.
The name of the problem is FEAR.
Fear of what?..fear of being annihilated,as ego.
This is a troublesome issue which must be resolved,one way or the other.(one way is to stop meditating,and refuse the absolute love,because you fear annihilation..the other is to keep meditating and reading the other's experiences)
Because nothing of you will remain,I'm telling you.
But the REAL you will integrate the annihilated ego,and be eternal.
At this point,you must trust the death..die completely,drenched in love..die like a dog with no hope,and when you resurrect you'll laugh at your previous fear.
Trust the saints and others whom testified about the process..this is their forever message..you will not loose your individuality,but laugh of it.(when you become it..you can look back smiling)
quote:
Do you get used to it bit by bit? Or is it always overwhelming? Is it always going to be this ruthless, as long as the shift has not happened?
I shut down. I can't take the love. I say "not yet". And then I cry for it to come in greater doses. Then when it comes, I tremble and refuse it. Again and again.
Do you ever get used to the magnitude of Love, before you actually validly ARE that Love?
When the absolute calls your name..stay with it...have faith,my good man.The path is gradual..unless you have great wisdom from previous lives.But be aware,...the fear factor will always be there,even though you'll feel love...unless you become it,that's it.Have trust in the process,because this is the normal response of the ego.
Much love to you,
Danny
ps..about the ,,patronizing,, factor..be aware most people project their own explaining to themselves when they write.
By writing a reply,they actually write to themselves(and usually they don't know it)
This means you should be aware that even I,right now,I am projecting my own explaining to myself,when I write this.Therefore..don't take it personally..because nobody learns nothing from other people's words,all they do is validate/not validate they own experiences...you can't explain someone the taste of sugar.If people could learn from words..eghh..what a marvelous world this could be..indeed.You only learn from experience..but you MUST trust the process the others went..have a little faith,my good man..it's all good..kisses:) |
Edited by - Smileyogi on Apr 09 2010 07:38:13 AM |
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Arjuna
USA
69 Posts |
Posted - Apr 09 2010 : 09:31:45 AM
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Smileyogi,
Your post has generated a spark of excitement within me. I have been practicing AYP for less than a year, but already I have been intermittently perceiving a strange fear, and sense of impending doom. After several bouts with this fearful state, a little antagonistic thought from deep within me told me that if I continue following this path, that I will lose myself completely, and that maybe I should quit meditation to preserve my "self".
Then I thought...if I lose my "self"...what the heck will be left of Arjuna???
So, I am directly experiencing what you have written about, and it is exciting to know that I am on a path that will no doubt be life changing in a postive way!
At this point, I do not know if I will have the courage to allow the annihilation of my ego...but I am determined to press on and be brave. I will remember your post when the going gets rough!!!
I already have begun to feel a strange sense of mourning for the impending loss of myself (as I know me)... and yes, it is kind of scary.
It is a special gift to read your words, and the words of all AYP forum members. |
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Christi
United Kingdom
4514 Posts |
Posted - Apr 09 2010 : 09:34:39 AM
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Hi emc,
quote:
Do you really get used to Love? The magnitude of it is so... unbelievably huge - I can't stand it. Do you get used to it bit by bit? Or is it always overwhelming? Is it always going to be this ruthless, as long as the shift has not happened?
I shut down. I can't take the love. I say "not yet". And then I cry for it to come in greater doses. Then when it comes, I tremble and refuse it. Again and again.
Do you ever get used to the magnitude of Love, before you actually validly ARE that Love?
I had a mantra which I used to recite almost continuously for about a year. It was: "Please God not me". The opening to love was too intense, and too much to bear. At that time I wanted it to stop.
Do you ever get to a point where it does not overwhelm you? I don't know. I'm not sure how anyone could know.
Christi |
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Jivaakabhasana_Yogi
USA
49 Posts |
Posted - Apr 09 2010 : 12:17:21 PM
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quote:
Do you really get used to Love? The magnitude of it is so... unbelievably huge - I can't stand it. Do you get used to it bit by bit? Or is it always overwhelming? Is it always going to be this ruthless, as long as the shift has not happened?
I shut down. I can't take the love. I say "not yet".
Aauummm...
Wow, I can so relate friend...
So much has changed in my life in recent times, and I decided to do, what I considered (for me) a "ballsy" experiment. I chose to "take 3 days 'off'" and not meditate. As much as I wanted to practice, I wouldn't allow myself. Well...
Two and a half days into this, and wherever I was, if I was still, tears would begin to well up in me, joyful, longing tears...crying for the Beloved...and while I am commited to my formal practice, I can tell you that my Beloved calls to me, and I cannot resist him...I have to just close these eyes, and the bliss, the ecstacy, was more than I can handle, and "I" would just melt in his arms in deep meditation.
Post chemo now, my life has been "normalizing", and I find much who I thought I was does not exist any more, and whatever is left is so radically different, in many ways, that it is unrecognizable. I even volitionally attempted to pic up old patterns, and it was like trying to pic up something that simply just wasn't "there" any more...my heart crying out.
While this one is still a selfish human being (in his own eyes), it causes me great discomfort when I cause anyone pain, physical, emotional, mental, or otherwise...that is so not who this one used to be~! :-)
When it is my turn to "play client" at school (I am at California Healing Arts College, studying massage) and someone works on this body, I often "bliss out"...in an hour massage, within a few minutes I closed my eyes, and the Silence took me, and rocked me in his arms until I "faded away."
I had questions, for a long time, whilst practicing A.Y.P., regarding bhakti, and how it fit in...as I am primarily a bhakti yogi in my heart of hearts...having read all of Yogani's writings on it, I still couldn't "get it", and it left me feeling empty...Now....I have no more questions.
I, for one, hope I never get "used to it." The Beloved can undo me over and over and over again, as he wishes...just let me rest in his arms. And then I cry for him to come in greater measure. Then when he does, I tremble and become unglued...who could ask for anything more?
I feel so much love for us A.Y.P.'ers...it is as if, when in the Silence, we are all there together, yet there is only the One.
Take me,
Use me,
Vein & Artery,
Flesh & Bone,
Though Ye kill me.
Love,
Jivaakabhasana_Yogi (Joseph) |
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Smileyogi
Australia
50 Posts |
Posted - Apr 09 2010 : 1:38:54 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Arjuna
Smileyogi,
Your post has generated a spark of excitement within me. I have been practicing AYP for less than a year,
Arjuna..this is Danny the mahayogi speaking.
I am telling you the truth..first find out the source.
Then become the source.
Then become the becoming.
There is no annihilation,only the integration.
Remember,Arjuna...now go fight the good fight,within yourself.
Like Krishna did it..you can do it too,my good man.
It's all good,never forget that.
My middle name is excitement..so never for one second think the loss of ego is annihilation..it's a different realm,that's it.
Much love to you..
Danny
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I can't stand da love
