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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
 Posted - Jan 15 2009 : 10:45:07 AM
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Namaste Friends,
During the night yesterday while sleeping I awoke to terrible pains in my stomach and had to get up several times to puke etc. I ended up having to take the day off work because I couldn't get out of bed or out of the bathroom long enough to get there. I was on day 4 or 5 without weed and this may have contributed to this. By late afternoon I couldn't take it anymore and ripped open a roach I had lying around and had a hoot. It made me feel much better and allowed me to get up and go to my first Buddhist studies (12 week mindfulness meditation and loving kindness/metta) class. During the class I had my only meditation of the day because I couldn't sit up for most of the day and felt too terrible to concentrate on meditation or anything else for that matter. When I went to bed later that evening after doing nothing special, just watching some TV, I started to get the sweats like I often get during SBP and started to get the feeling of wind blowing through a vertical "eye" shaped hole in my forehead. I could even feel the wind deep inside my skull and the sensation was very strong and undeniable. As this happened, both my dogs (who sleep close to my bed) started to yelp in dreams and my wife started to "moan" (in her sleep as well) while dreaming. THEN, I had a crazy out of body experience like I have never had before. I kinda focussed on the wind blowing through my forehead for a second or two and then I felt my awareness shift and I lost all sense of "me". Very much reminded me of a Ketamine trip except I wasn't expecting it so I had no idea what to do with my awareness next. This sort of startled me and I ended up back in my body fairly quickly I think, with my dogs and wife still dreaming and making noises, but as soon as my awareness hit my body again I felt the most intense heart "pain" I have ever felt in my life. I thought maybe I was having a heart attack or something. I spent a few moments focussing on the pain and trying to dissociate from it when it changed into the most intense feeling of joyful loving I have ever experienced. My heart felt like it was "pouring" love out of my chest. I couldn't help but to break out into tears of exquisite and profound ecstacy. Right at this point both my dogs and my wife stopped making dreaming sounds. This all seemed to be too coincidental not to be connected. Just wondering if anyone has had anything like this happen to them before and wondering if this has ever been caused by being really sick before. Thanks for any input as this was a little unnerving. (P.S. I am feeling a little better today )
Love,
Carson |
Edited by - CarsonZi on Jan 15 2009 10:50:39 AM |
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Katrine
Norway
1813 Posts |
Posted - Jan 15 2009 : 2:56:15 PM
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Hi Carson
I am very glad you made it to the Bhudda class 
Also...good to hear you feel better. It's all down hill from here...you know....just like the river 
Yes.....I have had openings many times when ill. Your experience...the love in heart......that is so beautiful, isn't it....one simply must cry.....it is too much to "hold".....
And the devotion increases every time this happens.....
I hope you can meditate again now...that your stomach will stay calm.
f.ex....when I ran a high fever....I experienced being looked at...by a loving Eye.....it was the bluest of the bluest....with a golden hue....it was pulsing....and truth poured out of it......into the heart.
After illness...there would be insights....things would just naturally appear clear. So....this is purification.
I am curious....the one...hoot, was it?.....does it tempt you to smoke another one? Or are you ok with the abstinence now? |
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Jan 15 2009 : 3:17:55 PM
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Hi Katrine,
quote:
Originally posted by Katrine
I am very glad you made it to the Bhudda class
Also...good to hear you feel better. It's all down hill from here...you know....just like the river
I am very glad I made it to the class as well all things considering. The class I am taking has a prerequisite class in "mindfullness meditation" that is supposed to be taken before it, but I conviced the owner of the studio through conversation to let me take this course without taking the prerequisite. I am glad too because the course I am taking now is still a little "mickey mouse" compared to the AYP approach to things. The teacher actually told me after the class that she thought I was too advanced for the course, but I told her I was there for the Satsang and group meditations more then anything and was happy just to be there regardless. I got the impression after spending about 20 minutes after the class talking with her that she may ask me in the future to start teaching AYP classes there so maybe this is the reason I had this course fall out of the sky into my agenda. Who knows. It also fits so nicely in with the "Real Love" book that it can't have been coincidence! (I did not know when I signed up it would be a course in "metta")
quote:
Originally posted by Katrine
Yes.....I have had openings many times when ill. Your experience...the love in heart......that is so beautiful, isn't it....one simply must cry.....it is too much to "hold".....
And the devotion increases every time this happens.....
Yes, the release was amazing. Having the pain move to outpouring love, (and this truly was OUTpouring even though there really was no outlet, as there was NO keeping this inside) was more then I could handle. Crying was the only outlet I had at the time and it WAS beautiful. And yes, the bhakti is going wild now.
quote:
Originally posted by Katrine
I hope you can meditate again now...that your stomach will stay calm.
Still having some stomach issues and I doubt they will go away anytime really soon, but I can deal with it today much better then yesterday. I have been using marijuana to deal with my stomach issues for so long now, that my body has no idea how to cope without it. Good thing I'm learning that "I" am not my body cause before this would have been unbearable. I was able to get a short meditation in before work this a.m., but also am still having some crown issues so I am having to keep them short and sweet. But sweet they are!
quote:
Originally posted by Katrine
f.ex....when I ran a high fever....I experienced being looked at...by a loving Eye.....it was the bluest of the bluest....with a golden hue....it was pulsing....and truth poured out of it......into the heart.
Yes! Last night I saw "the eye" as well. Didn't really want to say anything in my opening post of this thread because I find when other people talk about seeing stuff like this I can get a little jealous , but right before I had the OBE I saw the "eye" that I was feeling the wind through, open up and look at me. And it was blue as well. I had never seen this before and kinda thought it was my mind playing tricks on me until I was suddenly "gone" and then I knew there was probably something to it. Didn't want to ascribe too much to this little bit of "scenery" though.
quote:
Originally posted by Katrine
After illness...there would be insights....things would just naturally appear clear. So....this is purification.
That's kinda how I took it as well. Especially because of the "pain" in my heart which then shifted with my awareness on it. This HAS to be some sort of purification right! haha.
quote:
Originally posted by Katrine
I am curious....the one...hoot, was it?.....does it tempt you to smoke another one? Or are you ok with the abstinence now?
Actually, unbelievably, NO! Hurray!!! I have no desire to go back to being a "chronic" pot smoker. The attraction has ceased! I put that one "hoot" off all day long, even though I knew it would make me feel better, until I absolutely "needed" it. (I felt I needed it because I would never have made it to my class if I hadn't and I really didn't want to miss the first class) But after having that one hit I put the bong away, and didn't think about it again. I may potentially go buy a small amount of ganja just for this purpose (for help during sickness) but I am confident that I can stay away from my past patterns. Thank God and thank you all for all your prayers and samyama as I'm sure I could NOT have done this without all of you and your well wishes. I can't thank the AYP community enough.
Love Always,
Carson
P.S. Congrats on your 1000th post! haha |
Edited by - CarsonZi on Jan 15 2009 3:42:03 PM |
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Katrine
Norway
1813 Posts |
Posted - Jan 15 2009 : 3:56:55 PM
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That is wonderful to hear, Carson
Hurray indeed!
quote:
The teacher actually told me after the class that she thought I was too advanced for the course, but I told her I was there for the Satsang and group meditations more then anything and was happy just to be there regardless
Yes.......to be able to facilitate each others sinking into Silence is very precious. It would be great if you could start AYP groups there eventually....The AYP meditation at my place every Wednesday.....I tell them I would pay them to come (you know...when they start fuzzing about it being free and all)........it is so beautiful to put "loving weights" around each others necks and sink into the unified sea of Silence. The group always grounds me......which is very soothing.
quote:
Still having some stomach issues and I doubt they will go away anytime really soon, but I can deal with it today much better then yesterday
So it is a chronic problem you have had for a long time....I guess you have written about it here somewhere before, right.....It is great that you can handle it the way you do now.
quote:
Thank God and thank you all for all your prayers and samyama as I'm sure I could NOT have done this without all of you and your well wishes. I can't thank the AYP community enough.
Yes.....were would we be without it.....I too am very grateful
One in Heart
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Katrine
Norway
1813 Posts |
Posted - Jan 15 2009 : 4:00:29 PM
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| Oh....didn't see the 1000.....*laughing* |
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CarsonZi
Canada
3189 Posts |
Posted - Jan 15 2009 : 4:18:26 PM
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Hi K,
quote:
Originally posted by Katrine
That is wonderful to hear, Carson
Hurray indeed!
Yes, this has been a very liberating past couple of months for me, climaxing in the past week or so. I feel much different then I have ever before and I'm sure it is only going to get better and easier.
quote:
Originally posted by Katrine
Yes.......to be able to facilitate each others sinking into Silence is very precious. It would be great if you could start AYP groups there eventually....The AYP meditation at my place every Wednesday.....I tell them I would pay them to come (you know...when they start fuzzing about it being free and all)........it is so beautiful to put "loving weights" around each others necks and sink into the unified sea of Silence. The group always grounds me......which is very soothing.
Yes, the group that meets at my house on Thursday nights is quite small still, (I haven't been promoting it as of late....too busy) so it was quite a joy to sit in silence with 15 or so others. It was very "noisy" and "ego-filled" for the first half hour or so as most discussed their ideas of metta etc, but after the group meditation there was a very noticable difference in the room energy as everyone got nice and settled into the silence. Very soothing indeed!
quote:
Originally posted by Katrine
So it is a chronic problem you have had for a long time....I guess you have written about it here somewhere before, right.....It is great that you can handle it the way you do now.
Yes I have had complex stomach/bowel/eating issues for a long long time now. Marijuana has been the only thing that has helped. For many years now I have had to smoke pot in order to swallow food, but this issue is basically gone. (how the heck this happened I don't know, I am just really thankful...I still can't eat a lot, but I have no problems with this) And I have what I believe to be and undiagnosed case of "irritable bowel syndrome" or something similar, and I may have an ulcer or something in my stomach as well as a good potential that I have celiac disease. I have an odd symptom of puking and excreting flourescent green/yellow bile. But unlike most people my bile is not acidic. It tastes like soap and is very "basic" in PH. The doctors have NO idea what this is, and it may be a combination of things. The MD's have always told me it is a complication caused by being addicted to and using so many drugs, and maybe it is, (I think it's just an easy scapegoat for a doctor who has no clue what he's dealing with, but....that's just my opinion) but I am still having these issues today, 3 months after getting off methadone and after cutting back my pot intake and eventually stopping it. I will give it some more time to let my system rid itself of all the built up THC and then I will try to go back to the doctor for better analysis. At least that is the plan.
quote:
Originally posted by Katrine
Yes.....were would we be without it.....I too am very grateful
Well, I don't know where you would be, but I can say without exageration that within a few years from now had I not found AYP I would likely be dead of an overdose or something similar, so grateful doesn't even begin to state the feelings for me....I am forever indebted to Yogani and the AYP teachings for without them I would likely be dead. And I don't say this lightly.
One in Heart indeed!
Love,
Carson
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Edited by - CarsonZi on Jan 15 2009 4:25:27 PM |
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Katrine
Norway
1813 Posts |
Posted - Jan 15 2009 : 4:59:47 PM
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Hi C
quote:
but I am still having these issues today, 3 months after getting off methadone and after cutting back my pot intake and eventually stopping it. I will give it some more time to let my system rid itself of all the built up THC and then I will try to go back to the doctor for better analysis. At least that is the plan.
3 months is very little time for something like the abdominal milieue, Carson.......of course consulting a doctor is always good to rule out other conditions, but really.....if the trouble is iatrogenic ...caused by a "medicine"...it will take time. But you might notice slight improvement sooner than you know. Fingers crossed and hope to die
quote:
Well, I don't know where you would be, but I can say without exageration that within a few years from now had I not found AYP I would likely be dead of an overdose or something similar, so grateful doesn't even begin to state the feelings for me....I am forever indebted to Yogani and the AYP teachings for without them I would likely be dead. And I don't say this lightly.
Without Yogani and AYP I would be flying around....in parts....fuse blown.....out of my body never to be seen again, I'm sure....
And seriously - nothing....neither work, living situation, loving situation, any situation.....nothing is what it was 3 years ago when I joined this forum. I am indebted to many people here....for timely, crucial advise....for loving kindness...for apropriate corrections........for laughters...... and for coming into my Dharma.....and much, much more.
Stay chrystal cool Carson
PS Still have you - stomach and all - in Samyama
PPS
If you keep this up, you'll pass 1000 post....zip...just like That!
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Can sickness cause an opening?
