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Divineis
Canada
420 Posts |
 Posted - Aug 17 2008 : 01:30:01 AM
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Decided to delete this one. The duality of "problems" and "solutions"... tis a hard one to drop. I've fed this problem more than enough. I know enlightenment to be a lonely journey, though definetly the greatest gift I can give to humanity. Some things, you just gotta deal with on your own. I know some will forever hold certain beliefs against me, or for whatever, and I hate to say it, but they're in big part damaging themselves more than me. I've often wanted to help, buuut. I can only do so much to help. Giving up all beliefs, all attachments... I can't show anyone what that truly means, the first step is always a lonely one, and thus... I'm gonna take that first step once again. They're all a first step anyway haha.
ps. I'm an idiot. One who tries to be as honest as possible, I've given up on trying for certain things though, like I said, the duality of problems vs solutions just doesn't help, some things are forever not right... I understand that. I wasn't lying when I wrote this post, but... problems vs solutions... gotta drop that one.
pps. I'll be working on becoming the biggest idiot, biggest loser... in the world, dropping the mind and such. Emptiness... no holyness :).
Peace out folks, I need a break from these boards. I've known too much of higher spiritual truths, and am too sensitive to the lower stuff, I know I really need to ground myself in truth. Self honesty, and clearing out my chakras and such. Just trust me folks.
peace out and Namaste. And I love you all dearly. |
Edited by - Divineis on Aug 17 2008 11:43:06 PM |
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emc
2072 Posts |
Posted - Aug 17 2008 : 03:29:03 AM
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Hi Divineis,
I felt touched while reading your post. You seem to me to be a very honest soul, and due to that has quite some issue to deal with, eating those dopamine-medicines!
You know, I've been working in self-help groups with molested people, and I recognize so well what you describe! There's a tendency to feel shame for almost every behaviour, and a great fear of being abusive towards someone else... it may almost become an obsession NOT to be, and... exactly as you describe, can result in such misunderstandings.
I remember I was in a church once, where they had an African exhibition with necklaces and some art. It was a self-service arrangement, so if you wanted you could buy a necklace and put the money in a small bowl on the table. I was all alone there, and started to take up and look at the necklaces. I didn't want to buy any, just look. Then a priest came around the corner and saw me. In a fraction of a second I thought "Oh, no, now he'll think I'm going to steal it!" so I dropped it quickly and looked down in shame... And the shame was not from any wish to steal it, only from my thoughts "oh, what is this going to look like" Well... what do you think that looked like?  Of course he watched me carefully after that...
It's our tendency to believe we know what other's are thinking that's really the problem - the paranoid trait! And we all have got that to some extent. When you have a tendency for schizophrenia it may become worse, but you are not so odd having those thoughts, not from where I sit!  Actually, all "psychiatric conditions" may be seen as normal conditions/emotions/thoughts just taken a little bit to the far end on the scale... That's why all students studying psychiatry will find themselves having all diagnoses at once! They are so HUMAN conditions!!! They are only labeled psychiatric when they become dysfuncional to the society (and depending on which society you live in the borders can be very, very different!)
Having been molested or abused in any way, most people become prone to feel shame - shame personalities, also combined with irrational feelings of guilt. The amount of irrational guilt usually stands in direct proportion to the level of invasion exposed to. I don't know why I'm telling you this, but I just felt it may be relevant somehow to share my knowledge about this.
In the self-help groups we often shared stuff like this, and it was often sensed as a relief to see that other's had the same patterns and conditionings. From a spiritual point of view we know those patterns are able to be transcended, and the more we "suffer" the quicker that goes, at least in my experience! I guess that's why you also have come to the point you're at now in your spiritual development! Surely, you have the greatest opportunity to transcend your mind by continuing to cultivate the inner silence that will do the job for you! Can you find a way to that stillness when the mind turmoil is there?
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Edited by - emc on Aug 17 2008 03:30:12 AM |
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riptiz
United Kingdom
741 Posts |
Posted - Aug 17 2008 : 04:53:19 AM
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Hi EMC,
"They are only labeled psychiatric when they become dysfuncional to the society (and depending on which society you live in the borders can be very, very different!)"
How very true and do you find that from many people during your practices?
I haven't eaten meat for over 20 yrs, smoked for over 30 yrs and have not drunk alcohol for about 3 yrs.To be honest I am judged more by my wife especially because I don't drink alcohol anymore.As I say to her you don't need to be drunk to enjoy yourself.
L&L
Dave |
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Nancy
USA
71 Posts |
Posted - Aug 17 2008 : 09:46:40 AM
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Hi Divineis
When I was 14, I was a freshman in High School, and my boyfriend was an 18 year old Senior. We dated for 4 years. NO issues....
I KNOW you know what you think about you bring about; so why not think about NOTHING? Perhaps, before going into meditation think about who you truly are and put that into the universe.
Rx can be helpful, but I must say from 15 years of personal experience, I taught myself all the holistic venues out there, and fired all my doctors and began natural remedies. It worked for me because I instinctively felt it, and if it is the venue you are to take than you will feel it as well. I guess I am trying to say, dont stop your RX at this point until you own the fact you do not need them, and the dopamine issues will purify themselves out, and you will feel more like yourself.
Check out some of the self healing lifestyles using Ayurvedic remedies, with Ayurveda being a sister to Yoga; it helps me understand much more and feel healthy, clean and pure inside.
NAMASTE
Nancy |
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Etherfish
USA
3615 Posts |
Posted - Aug 17 2008 : 12:20:13 PM
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i have gone through a lot of paranoia like you and know how you feel.
What I have found is that people are reacting to how you are reacting, not what you are doing.
So they were not reacting to you bumping the girl, but to how you reacted at the time.
They could see you were very uncomfortable bumping the girl, and felt guilty about it, so they make various assumptions which might include pedo thoughts. but mostly they were uncomfortable because you were.
It's exactly the self fulfilling prophecy you wrote about.
It's like telling someone not to think of the color blue.
The subconscious mind is a very simple computer, and doesn't understand negatives.
It sees no difference between the statements "I am not a thief", and "i am a thief".
Because both statements are thinking about being a thief.
So this is where AYP practices really help. As you bring up inner silence, you quiet these thoughts.
If you had been thinking nothing at all, those people on the bus would not have reacted badly even if you had body slammed the girl and knocked her down. Because then they would have seen your genuine feeling of being sorry and wanting to help her.
So the solution is more silence so you can react to what is real instead of what you are imagining. And it has the added benefit that it is SO much easier to live that way.
Everybody has those thoughts clamoring for attention, you may just have a little more incentive to meditate and quiet them.
P.S. So if your mind insists on thinking all the time, cultivate thoughts like "I am a meditator" or "I feel peaceful". Make sure they are positive so your subconscious mind is steady.
Then return to quietness and being in-the-moment when you can. |
Edited by - Etherfish on Aug 17 2008 12:28:26 PM |
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Divineis
Canada
420 Posts |
Posted - Aug 17 2008 : 2:03:45 PM
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thanks guys, I'm truly touched by all your efforts to help. I'm truly grateful, honestly, it really means a lot, just to know peopel care. haha, I dunno if it's my dopamine, but I'm crying here, touched by your loving words. I've been meditating daily, cultivating silence. Finding that "silence" between the words has been a great help, when my mind is especially full of junk. Honestly, I think I might be dead today if I wasn't a meditator, I've just heard way too much, way too much. Drives me to help others out that much more though. I know so many more are hurting so much more than I was... than I am at times.
I love you all, namaste to you beautiful people.
and thank you once again :) |
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brother neil
USA
752 Posts |
Posted - Aug 17 2008 : 5:53:12 PM
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| as long as you label yourself as schizzo you will always be schizzo. DROP THE LABEL. THe only way to liberate yourself from it is to forget about it. |
Edited by - brother neil on Aug 17 2008 5:55:01 PM |
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Divineis
Canada
420 Posts |
Posted - Aug 17 2008 : 11:47:55 PM
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It's what, or who's behind the label that matters tubeseeker ;). I've heard enough labels to know that one hehe.
ps. I deleted the topic post, rewrote some stuff. Goodbye folks, won't be on here till I can embrace my sensitivity and remain grounded in truth. |
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Etherfish
USA
3615 Posts |
Posted - Aug 19 2008 : 9:14:46 PM
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Yes tubeseeker is right about labels. That doesn't mean you don't have any problems; of course you do as we all do.
But I think the psychiatric establishment can sometimes "lock in" certain problems by labeling them, categorizing what constitutes them, and telling you that you belong in that category. So what i have seen is that system enables patients to believe those things can never change, and use that label as an excuse to not make any effort to change.
So with the spiritual energy increasing, it is up to people like you and me to show the world that those labels can't cage us in. We can pick one of those aspects at a time and prove they are not true because the increasing spiritual energy enables us to change.
Everyone has things about them that would be considered "abnormal" if you examine them in detail.
And yet they are considered "normal" because they interact with others and are able to live their lives and get what they need without disrupting the lives of others too much.
So that is where the psychiatric establishment draws the lines and begins scrutinizing anyone who crosses them.
This is generally a good thing, but it is possible to end that scrutiny by conforming in some ways, and I believe that AYP can help greatly with that. |
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Divineis
Canada
420 Posts |
Posted - Aug 20 2008 : 01:37:09 AM
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I'm baaaack, been doing some serious grounding work. It's helped me get my mind around certain things... mostly that of knowing "non dual" thought can be a bit (really... a lot)confusing when your root isn't seriously grounded. It's like I'm one thing in the third eye (non dual awareness, oneness) up there, and completely another down in my root (the me chakra).
I'm still definetly gonna take it easy on here though.
Weird how certain ailments come up because of spiritual imbalances. And "poof", they're gone, when you do the work haha :).
Yeah, I agree with that a lot Etherfish. My third eye is way nutz at times, like mind reading nutz at times... just don't let the psychiatrist know that, he'll think you're crazy, I made that mistake haha... well not really a mistake, I feel I need my meds at least for a little while, until I can get certain imbalances under my control. I know if I continue with some serious grounding, this one should basically be gone. It's tough to take on the worlds problems when there's no "me" haha.
Ps. remind me to build things from the ground up if I ever start writing about "illusions" and such. I've had to forget AYP completely and just work on a chakra to chakra basis. Honestly, AYP sucks for certain kinds of imbalances. Don't spinal breathe, work on your root... if you're stuck in illusion. I was born "top heavy" though, so I dunno... maybe it's just me. |
Edited by - Divineis on Aug 20 2008 02:26:38 AM |
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Ananda
3115 Posts |
Posted - Aug 20 2008 : 03:23:48 AM
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welcome back Div, good to know things are better for you and sorry to intrude by giving this piece of advice but i think you should get your stuff more organized.
i c a lot of anarchy in your spiritual practices (self pacing is needed), take stuff one step at a time and know what suits you best as a practice and stick to it and your inner guru will let you know when it's time to evolve or add another practice.
free yourself, from yourself.
best wishes,
Ananda |
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Divineis
Canada
420 Posts |
Posted - Aug 20 2008 : 04:44:44 AM
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Indeed, I agree Ananda. I think I'm just gonna take things chakra by chakra as I see fit, followed by some simple "I AM" meditation. It feels the best thing for me at the moment. Spinal breathing gets way too top heavy way too quickly for me, to the point of just "working on the down breath" at times. I can't ignore the higher chakras... I dunno, some guy I really trust suggested just focusing on the third eye, whith fingers making that circle thing, I kinda feel something like that would just throw me back off balance though, but It was a good reminder that... I can't deny the higher truths... I just need some grounding work for now. The highers and lowers kinda balance each other out anyway... heh. I've heard root, and crown, sacral and third eye, and plexus and throat are inter-connected, heart right spot in the middle. Amazing how that works.
I saw my birth yesterday while meditating on my navel (or sacral chakrah). The spiritual kind. Me, in spirit, just floating above the fetus me. That was ermm... eye opening in a way haha. I love how these things just come to you when you're not looking for em :). |
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