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brother neil
USA
752 Posts |
 Posted - Aug 05 2008 : 10:54:53 PM
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it seems many of you here have a deeper insight then most places forums and people in general so I figure I could post my issue here. According to yoganis book dawn of the witness, I have done too much non relational self inquiry for years. Not sure if that is the exact phrase he used. but I have gotten to the point where often times I wonder what is the point. I did most of my spiritual reading by myself and I think I ended up with a lot of misunderstandings because I took some things too literal while at the same time did not fully understand what I was taking litterally. So how does one come back from the side of wondering what the point is in all this. The challenging part is it has taken away my enjoyment of things I used to enjoy. I used to like volleyball, fishing, etc... but then through my misunderstanding I felt that everything had inherant sin in it and so everything I did was a sin so now it seems nothing is fulfilling. any thoughts would be appreciated
Neil
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neli
USA
283 Posts |
Posted - Aug 06 2008 : 05:29:11 AM
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tubeseeker
Have you ever heard something about the "dark night of the soul" ?
It can lasts days, months, or years, it depends on us.
take a look at this link
http://kundalini-teacher.com/sympto...arknight.php
Sat Nam
Neli
quote:
Originally posted by tubeseeker
it seems many of you here have a deeper insight then most places forums and people in general so I figure I could post my issue here. According to yoganis book dawn of the witness, I have done too much non relational self inquiry for years. Not sure if that is the exact phrase he used. but I have gotten to the point where often times I wonder what is the point. I did most of my spiritual reading by myself and I think I ended up with a lot of misunderstandings because I took some things too literal while at the same time did not fully understand what I was taking litterally. So how does one come back from the side of wondering what the point is in all this. The challenging part is it has taken away my enjoyment of things I used to enjoy. I used to like volleyball, fishing, etc... but then through my misunderstanding I felt that everything had inherant sin in it and so everything I did was a sin so now it seems nothing is fulfilling. any thoughts would be appreciated
Neil
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AYPforum
351 Posts |
Posted - Aug 06 2008 : 10:11:27 AM
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| Moderator note: Topic moved for better placement |
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Aug 06 2008 : 10:56:42 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by tubeseeker
it seems many of you here have a deeper insight then most places forums and people in general so I figure I could post my issue here. According to yoganis book dawn of the witness, I have done too much non relational self inquiry for years. Not sure if that is the exact phrase he used. but I have gotten to the point where often times I wonder what is the point. I did most of my spiritual reading by myself and I think I ended up with a lot of misunderstandings because I took some things too literal while at the same time did not fully understand what I was taking litterally. So how does one come back from the side of wondering what the point is in all this. The challenging part is it has taken away my enjoyment of things I used to enjoy. I used to like volleyball, fishing, etc... but then through my misunderstanding I felt that everything had inherant sin in it and so everything I did was a sin so now it seems nothing is fulfilling. any thoughts would be appreciated
Neil
Hi Neil,
There are no wrong ways and right ways.. there is only what is. At some point we realize, even thinking about what we could have/should have done even a second back is of no use, because it's gone. So what you have done so far is exactly what you did, and it cannot/could not be any different.
Most of us here are doing self directed practices, and have wondered at some point, if it would be better if there was someone telling us what to do. In reality, again there is no right and wrong. If you trust, everything you need will be presented to you exactly when you need it.. be it in form of a guru or speaker or book or forum.... So trust. The only wrong thing you could be doing is to wonder if you could have done things differently and would things be better if they were different and if you have harmed yourself with your past. In actuality, even that thought is OK because it just is, it is what you are living (thinking) this moment. Your Past (even a second of it)... does not exist. It can only exist in the Now (when you think about it). So what you are doing now is all that counts. When the thought of your past arises, ask if it is true? And how would you feel if you did not have that thought? And can you drop it? Turn it around. See the story that the mind is making to keep you bound to that thought. Let it go. This is the phase of discrimination that Yogani talks about in his book.
The feeling you have right now "what is the point of all this", is a phase. It arises in all of us. It is also a place where your mind has had glimpses of the witness and is scared it is losing it's hold on you. That is when most of the stories of "what's the use?" comes up. And it's OK, because somewhere in you, your silence knows this, and will guide you out of it. When you have started feeling this feeling, you can not give up spirituality, it is now a part of you. (Actually you never really can give up spirituality, it is YOU). During these phases, just keep up with your basic practice and take a break from other spiritual things if you'd like (kinda self pace spirituality). It's like a simmering phase of cooking, you add heat (practices, reading, music, etc) to your path, then when you hit a phase like this, you turn down the heat (not put it off) and let it simmer and cook for awhile till the phase passes, then you turn up the heat again.
The lack in enjoyment of things you do is also a phase. It is not "the misunderstanding" that has you moving away from everything you enjoyed, it the internal re-organizing that is going on, that makes you feel this way. It is a very confusing phase, because everything you believed in to be real seems like an illusion. This is generally the point when people decide to renounce the world and go live in a cave and meditate. That is taking the easy way out... and that is also missing the point of spirituality. The point of spirituality is to find the peace and see your mind for what it is and be able to enjoy life to it's fullest exactly where you are. When the mind has lost its hold on you, what is left is pure enjoyment of what is. Going away to a cave and being on your own may help you find the peace, but then you are not enjoying that peace in your every day life. It is harder to live in this world and learn, but more rewarding, because then you get the true essence of the beauty of this path, of the silence. When you have to deal with bosses, and traffic and relatives and clients and people and life in general every day, and then you realize, through it all you actually are in touch with your silence, you realize this is why we are blessed with silence, not so we can be away from this world and live in a place that already is silent in order to enjoy the silence, but to be able to live in the middle of noise and confusion and enjoy the silence.
One of the tough things is to keep faith that this phase will pass. While in it, it seems like we are losing touch with everything around us. A very important thing to do is to keep living life. Like Yogani says go out and live your life to the fullest. Even if it feels like something you don't wish to do.
Will you ever love volleyball and fishing again? I don't know. At times people go back to the things they love with a passion and enjoy it more than they ever had before, and at times they find something else that was their true passion... something they did not even know about, but are now in touch with it because of their silence. It could be art, service, sport, writing, teaching, music.. everyone is different, and we will all find how we will flow out, what draws us back out into this world. So you move inwards and then flow outwards... this is the phase of outpouring divine love.
You are doing great. Your questions, confusion, frustrations are all signs that things are moving along fine. Enjoy.  |
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brother neil
USA
752 Posts |
Posted - Aug 06 2008 : 11:34:32 AM
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Neli, I did watch batman, the dark night, a couple days ago, is that what you are talking about some of what was said in that link resonates with me becuase in this time I have two experiences of my base of the spine vibrating, in march it lasted a week and it happened for two days this past weekend, hopefully this "dark night" will end as they said in batman, it is always darkest before the dawn.
shanti, thanks for your post, I will print it out and read it again. you said some people mistake this for depression, well isnt there millions of people in the world who feel this way, so why dont they come out of it?
thanks
Neil
PS if anyone wants to send prayers I will gladly accept them
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Shanti
USA
4854 Posts |
Posted - Aug 06 2008 : 12:54:48 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by tubeseeker
you said some people mistake this for depression, well isnt there millions of people in the world who feel this way, so why dont they come out of it?
I can't answer for the millions, but the few that I have talked to about this and myself included realize depression is like an addiction.. a mind addiction.. and as with any addiction, it's only when you decide you want to stop and get out of it.. can you do it. There have been many discussion on this at the forum before.
The one thing that helps is "HALT".. when you feel like you are slipping into a depression... (or like Jim talks about it here, feel the touch of depression, and catch it before it becomes a full blown tornado).. HALT... see if you are H=Hungry, A=Angry, L=lonely, T=Tired. If it is one of these, take care of the problem (like eat if you are hungry), divert your mind for a few mins, do some self Inq. Catch it before it starts and you will get better and better at not falling into a full blown depression. Takes a bit of time, but many of us here have managed to get out of the depression cycle or at least shorten the length of time that depression has us in it's grip. It's all a mind game.. just a matter of seeing through it.
I am not a doctor so I don't know the 100 different kinds of depressions there are and am definitely not saying every depression is the same.. some need medication, therapy, etc. But learning to identify the triggers and learning to divert your obsession with it can definitely help.
My prayers are with you Neil. |
Edited by - Shanti on Aug 06 2008 1:17:38 PM |
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neli
USA
283 Posts |
Posted - Aug 07 2008 : 05:20:49 AM
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Neil
I haven't seen Batman, but I will. I understand what you feel, but it will fade away, one has to put some effort to get out. Thats true, before the light, is always the dark, I haven't been inside this state, and hope I wont be, but it can happens to any of us. But one must be conscious that in any path, there is always rocks and thorns, and we must avoid them, or get out of there the fast as possible and have faith in the beautiful things. Just think that you are near the light, and the darkness will fade away.
Sat Nam
Neli
quote:
Originally posted by tubeseeker
Neli, I did watch batman, the dark night, a couple days ago, is that what you are talking about some of what was said in that link resonates with me becuase in this time I have two experiences of my base of the spine vibrating, in march it lasted a week and it happened for two days this past weekend, hopefully this "dark night" will end as they said in batman, it is always darkest before the dawn.
shanti, thanks for your post, I will print it out and read it again. you said some people mistake this for depression, well isnt there millions of people in the world who feel this way, so why dont they come out of it?
thanks
Neil
PS if anyone wants to send prayers I will gladly accept them
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being detached
