Sitting at work....everybody is away on holiday......I just do some "data cleaning" on the computer and answers the phone when it rings....and there are the bells of the City Hall next door chiming every 15 minutes. Confirming the hereness of everything....
I often look up from the computer screen.....I look at the presence in the room. It is amazing that what is so invisible is yet so obvious. And I can’t help smiling and smiling (it feels like being three years old and everything is.....as if happening for the first time)....then I observe the tendency to speak..... I observe the lingering tendency to make sense out of it....the tendency to fracture it.... to make it "fit into" the concept "my life". This fracturing always happens when mind stirs and I go with the stirring. The mind stirred....and I went with the stirring.....it was a slight excitement.....and then this question: "What do you have in store for me?"....meaning "what more wonderful stuff will happen to me because of you?". And then the split second of anticipation.....of "knowing" that something good was ahead....
But this is just another subtle trap. It may seem innocent; but it is not. It is the same trap it has always been....
And it is so obvious.......that this is exactly what the ego "does". Ego is nothing but this inner activity. Ego is not an entity doing things. It is simply this activity. Consciousness contracted around the idea of itself......an image. Always a fiddleing with what is.....in order to somehow reference it to the idea of life. It is so amazing......the whole play is just so fantastic.....it is such a mystery that this life IS.
The activity and the idea. Fueled/animated by the energy of consciousness. The idea cannot survive without this activity.
This is the whole illusion. TRUTH is not that something "good" will happen! Whatever will happen in any future is completely irrelevant – good or bad are just opinions. Becoming judgements becuase held onto. The false lover that is the anticipation cannot but veil the factual goodness that is already here.
Nothing is ever more true than this moment! And it is truth that is goodness.
Letting go of the very insight that it is this activity "around" the idea that perpetuates the suffering....is crucial.
Yet - there is no "how to function"..... No recipe. "How to"....is control. And control is always this activity perpetuating itself. If not let go of..... insight immediately becomes something else. It becomes a layer on top of the openness of the moment. Another idea.
Another prison. And that is paradoxically all that is "in store" for "me".
Me - in store - is the prison.
*laughing*
When the question formed itself.....almost before the verbalisation of it was finished, the shine (the presence) sparkled this great, incredibly light, silent laugh......saying:
I have nothing in store for you!
It is such a contagious laugh! The going with the stirring of the mind stopped...it always does when smitten with this laughter. It simply melts and everything blends into one...
What do you have in store for me?
Posted - Jul 17 2008 : 06:20:59 AM
