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anthony574
USA
549 Posts |
 Posted - Jul 06 2008 : 10:23:24 PM
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Hello everyone
I wanted to bring something up that I have been thinking about tonight. What brings this about is that I had a rather strong experience today with yoga. I won't go into details but I will say that I have been becoming increasingly aware of the spinal nerve and today I had to do both sadhanas close together. As a result, I guess, I had a very intense spinal breathing session. Now, for me, a "good" or "active" pranayama session is when there is something more to it than just visualization. The feeling I usually get is a feeling of unexplainable...not quite warmth...
I can best describe it as a rising feeling inside of me, as if I am on the top of a big rollercoaster about to go down, or moreso like I am about to laugh or cry. Tonight it felt like a strong about-to-cry feeling and it continued throughout meditation and after...and is still there. It feels somewhat like being high on marijuana or lsd.
Anyway, my thoughts are about self-pacing. Afterwards as I was resting intense things were still happening. I felt like a "portal" was emerging between me and "god" or maybe the unmanifested...whatever you want to call it. However, part of my resisted what I interpereted as an oncoming "transformation" and I decided I didn't want it to happen quite then. I got up and ate the lasagna I had in the oven from an hour before and decided I wasn't going to do any spiritual stuff for the night.
When I decided not to do any spirity stuff and to sort of cool the flames there is a guilt associated with it. I feel like I am "bailing out" on something, or that I am in general doing something wrong or weak. Tolle's writings on surrender came to mind and I try surrendering and forgiving the current moment for what it is and not judging it. I just wonder what is the difference between "self pacing" and "bailing out"/"being too scared". |
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david_obsidian
USA
2602 Posts |
Posted - Jul 06 2008 : 11:13:55 PM
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Hello Anthony,
I don't see any reasons for any guilt whatsoever. You felt a portal was opening up, you backed off. You had your reasons at the time, whatever they were. Fine. The portal may even have been illusory for all I know. The spiritual path isn't a sprint or even a marathon, it's a long migration. Nothing wrong with pitching tent and calling it a night.
Steady and consistent is what makes this journey successful.
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Divineis
Canada
420 Posts |
Posted - Jul 07 2008 : 12:29:46 AM
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yeah, I gotta admit, "nothing" has scared me ermm... itless. haha itless. Honestly though... there was a while when I was hearing that high pitched "eeee" metallic grindy in the crown cricket noise, and it just seemed like "oh man, I'm far from any form of enlightened lifestyle"... not that I think there's a particular enlightened lifestyle, but like... along with that eeeeee just came this intense desire for silence, nothingness, god, whatever you wanna call it. And that scared my ego itless... to a certain point, It's sorta like I dive in in everyday life to the best of my ability (who doesn't...) though I left meditation to the side for a little. Part of me really wanted to keep at it, but the other part was still strong, and that's ok, I know I have much deeper to go, but it's cool where I am, you know :). Ughh, even now, I've only meditated like 2 days ago... (and for like 5 mins today while waiting for a friend) and my crown is kinda buzzing, can't say it's exactly pleasant... stuff like this, I'm sure some are ready to just plow through, but... this path ain't flowers and roses all the time haha, though it's cool to find a mostly flowery path :).
The "breakthroughs" though, when you feel it's "now or never", just remember it's always now, "then" included... those "spiritual choices" if you wanna call em that, they never leave you, paths inside never really close off, they just kinda dwindle slowly as you set em aside, waiting for a moment to show themselves, or... to keep dwindling. Infinite potential... always remains haha :). They say all it takes is one moment of full awareness. You might of missed it this time, but another is waiting around the corner... wait a minute, what'd I just miss? haha ;) |
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david_obsidian
USA
2602 Posts |
Posted - Jul 07 2008 : 10:47:32 AM
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when you feel it's "now or never",
Yes, when I say the portal may be illusory, I mean the 'now or neverness' is probably illusory. You may have had an opportunity to pull a weed out from your consciousness, but since you missed the opportunity, that same weed may just get pulled out while you sleep. |
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The essence of pacing
