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Divineis
Canada
420 Posts |
 Posted - Mar 08 2008 : 02:58:51 AM
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I've been coping fairly well with the following problem, though was wondering if anyone knows of some practices I can do to better integrate the following experiences.
Alright, sooo, a bit of background info, a while ago, I was told by a sort of spiritual guide (which I left not long ago, I realised he wasn't appropriate for me anymore) that I have "bleeding eyes". I'm not very knowledgeable on the subject, I've yet to find any literature on it, though it has to do with having a naturally very open third eye and to have a very strong ability to empathise with people.
Part of this got to me, I started thinking I was special. I'll admit, I do often read people "like a book". I'd often think of what someone maybe thought about something I said or did, and after later conversations with them, I'd often be spot on. Which just sort of fed this "I'm special" idea.
Earlier this year, someone sent out a lot of personal information about myself, some of it rather embarassing. A LOT of people know (many are 100% strangers), a lot of people talk about it, I've overheard a fair bit of conversations about me, some just outright mocking me, though now, a lot of peoples voices are "stuck in my head". It's like 100 times better now than it was a little while ago, though at some points I'd wonder if I was actually hearing what people were currently saying or thinking about me.
I'd sometimes even get looks of hate from strangers, their feelings would be stuck with me all day at times. I went from almost suicidally depressed (I knew I'd never act out on it, though I allowed myself to hit a sort of "rock bottom") and then I'd hit the other side, and have a sort of "mania" where all I could do was laugh at all the labeling people did. I'm quite well balanced now though, don't worry :).
I've discarded that train of thought, that I hear others voices. I know "the other" matters not, all I want to integrate is The Self, and so I've decided to take 100% responsibility for any thoughts I have, which amazingly, after the first day I really decided to seriously stick to this, I heard almost no voices at all, and it's been very good since then. Not 100% good, I think my instinct to care about what others think of me is still a bit too strong.
I've already faced all my "demons", I just feel I've yet to fully face that other's can't accept that I'm just a guy trying to do his best in this big ol' world of ours :). I feel I'm slowly building more and more love for those who still hold on to hate though. It's been quite a learning experience in "non-duality".
For sometimes hours at a time though, I used to have peoples judgemental voices just looping over and over again in my head (again, accepting that "I create my own reality" is what helped). I tried the throat "yawning" technique, and something amazing happened, I felt much energy just pour down into my heart, and all the voices turned 100% compassionate. It seemed I had a mini heart awakening. I haven't been able to re-produce that, though what I'd like is a good way to balance out my third eye, especially the "receiving end".
I often have tension at the top of my neck, I'm guessing this is where I have to make a path for energy to move from. I reckon this is a tricky place to deal with.
I always go easy on meditation practice whenever I feel a strong "head-heavy" imbalance. My early symptoms usually show up with my head being stuck in a clock-wise sort of rotation, along with pressure\sometimes feeling "out of it" or not grounded. Though between these periods, (where I'll cease meditation or focus on moving energy down to my belly or heart chakra) I'm wondering what kind of practices I can do to really clear up any stuck third-eye energy.
I also thought I'd mention, my ecstatic conductivity has been getting more intense\been feeling it often throughout the day. I reckon this is doing good for that stuck third eye energy. I tend to feel it from the back of my heart all the way up to the third eye though. It's more intense higher up, dunno if this is normal.
Anyway, thanks for reading :). I've really been enjoying this place, been checking out the forums for a little. haha, I don't mean to make my first one a cry out for help, but... heeeeeelp me :) hehehe. please :) |
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