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Jayleno214
USA
88 Posts |
 Posted - Aug 12 2024 : 11:32:00 AM
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Too long didnt read/TLDR: Hi, I have been doing AYP religiously since 2008. I have experienced what I can only deduce was an opening that ive since managed with spinal breathing, and am now in a good place, but I am unable to continue Deep Meditation because it causes overdoing: heat on the nerves, moodiness, agitation, bad mood, temper, even with 2 minutes of it. Question is, how long will this last? anything i can do to get back to dm? I miss the DM effects.
Full backstory:
Been doing DM since 2008 religiously, adding SBP sporadically, usually would raise my arousal, noticed amazing social effects, would engage in lovemaking and lose the spark, then found SBp to be choppy after such events that i would stop it until recovery, usually 2 weeks. My experience up to this recent event was that SBP would raise energy, and it was counterproductive to continue spb when i would lose my sexual energy. Moving forward.
November-December 2023 i began fasting for health and weight loss. I began fasting one day, then held for two, then three, and usually broke it on the 4th day. I did this for about 4 weeks, consuming freshly ROASTED (not brewed, thats a given) coffee that i roasted myself, really good stuff, i say this because it may be relevant soon.
on the fourth week, and the reason for this post and the reason it was the last week of fasting, was that on this particular day, was the 3rd day of the fast of the 4th week. I had been doing spinal breathing 5 minutes, with 20 minutes of dm for exactly the same duration, something in my life happened that ignited the desire for change.
on my walk to my car, i work construction, during lunch to meditate, right around the time i got to my car to open my door i begin to feel funny. Ive never felt this before... almost dizzy, but not dizzy, hazy, by the time i opened the door, sat down, turned on the car (its hot here) turned on the ac, shut the door, grabbed my phone out for the timer to begin meditation, i was now almost like dreaming.... eyes open. Thats pretty much the best way to describe it. I was fully awake, with my eyes open, and in my mind i could see a // very fast paced imagery // continuously morph and transfer and segway from one mini dream to another.
To clarify, it wasnt a hallucination, i could see what was in front of me, this was all in my mind but to such a degree that it was almost disorienting only because ive never experienced this. I could see myself sitting in my car but if i switched my attention to what was going on in my mind, which i almost could not not do, it was very attention-grabbing. I pondered for about a minute what the heck was happening... i tried relaxing consciously, and figured i could wait until this passed, whatever this was before i meditated, i looked at the time, it was 12:03. I sit back on my seat and give it its space so it can dissipate.
as iam sitting there eyes closed iam seeing the dream-like visions quickly show something happening on fast speed, then morph into another different situation again show something happening fast, then morph into another thing showing something happening then morph into another, and it kept doing this over and over and over and i couldn't quite latch or analyze one particular vision because so much was happening and at such a fast pace that the next thing was seemingly more relevant than the last, and so it continued, that was the present-day description of what i was feeling in the moment, every act in teh vision was more important than the last if only because it was newer.
At a point in time i realized this was not going to stop, i felt like 30 seconds to a minute had passed. I looked at the phone and this was the first novel event, 5 minutes had passed, and that was jarring. No way 5 minutes had passed, i just shut my eyes a few seconds ago. But they had, so i continued to meditate normally, sbp included.
the visions continued all throughout the meditation session, even through the rest period, unsurprisingly. It dawned on my during resting that maybe the new fasting variable and the first time i had consistently applied sbp was causing this...
so i decided to eat as soon as i got back to my lunchbox back at the work site. I also experienced some feelings of despair and alarm and what ive begun to understand as a panic attack. I had recently begun to experience this as well, about 6 months back but i was not fasting or doing sbp then and dont want to muddy the story but its relevant soon enough.
The second novel event happened when i was walking back to the jobsite. As i was walking back, the fact that i had been experiencing this for about 40 minutes straight now as setting in... and i got a little worried... but then quickly noticed how tame it was... this wasnt a bad thing, i thought. I also thought about what the heck i would tell somebody and how they could possibly help me... not a chance i thought.
anyway, scenes on scenes on scenes kept going on in my mind as iam now actually walking back into the building, and heres where the first thing happend.
As i walked in, i instantly recognized my view of the building and coworkers in front of me as one of the fast paces scenes that had occured to me just seconds before. It was unmistakable. It was very surprising, but a little jarring because the visions still kept coming and i still had to keep moving. I went to my lunchbox and quickly scarffed down some food i brought. I thought eating would calm the event but i quickly realized it didnt do a thing. So i went back to work...
visions continued in their fast fashion... as i reached the ladder to my worksite, i realize that this was again, one of the scenes i had just seen a few seconds before it as well... took me aback again.... unmistakable either... kept climbing the ladder.. i was assisting the roofers on their job, im not a roofer but they needed help so here i was helping them. I was tasked with cleanup of their excess material, as iam working iam paying closer attention to the visions now that i saw their potential to show relevant information, and in one vision i saw first person view of someone with broom go to this one certain area, then a coworker comes from behind the hvac and says "no no, dont clean up here please help us over here" and then it morphed quickkly into another vision, and even taht vision i just described was shown in a very high speed fashion.
10 seconds later, with visions still rolling, i am preparing to clean a certain section from excess roof grit and a coworker comes from behind the hvac and says "no no, dont clean this area, help us over here" and im stunned. This was unmistakable. I was apparently seeing visions of the potential futures? Its been months since this occurrence and it hasnt happened again but i remember paying really close attention to the visions and it seemed as if they were possible scenarios. But anyway, i realize thats looking under the hood. Back to the drivers seat.
the effect continued for about 3 more hours, dwindling down until it was gone. I stopped spinal breathing and fasting, thinking that was the culprit.
it is august now, up until june, i was experiencing very depressing mentalities, and i couldnt meditate because i instantly recognized overdoing in even 2 minute meditations. I stopped meditating for about a month twice thinking that was enough self pacing but as soon as i started again the symptoms came back harder, namely, bouts of deeply gloomy despair, something which makes me glad i have the strong cultivated witness attribute to weather such events, but the suffering is real nonetheless.
at June, i realized i had already 6 months of self pacing with no improvement. I came back to the lessons, clearly a kundalini problem, so read those lessons and saw that sbp is the main medicine. I was weary because of my previous experience of it actually raising energy and making things worse when i released sexual energy.
well wrong i was, from the very first sitting to now, it has been the solution. 10 minutes sbp, with varying times of breath meditation.
the gloomyness is gone, no more bouts of despair. I have come to understand there has been rampant energy not going through the sushumna and causing trouble at the chakras (the times the panic attack-type despair came on, i could actually feel myself getting involuntarily tense and could feel the source of the emotion coming from the front section of my body, as if the energy was seeping into my front instead of traveling through the spine)
now onto the current problem: i cannot add even a single utterance of the mantra (shree shree iam iam) post sbp because i feel the nerves getting hot immediately and then the despair comes later on in the day.
clearly overdoing, with a single mantra repetition.
The question is: how long can i expect this to take before i can add DM again? i know we are all different and i know its something i have to guage as it goes, just give me ballpark figures and what you think, ive never been down this road before.
Also, any guidance or comments about the visions? I have to add that i do regularly have dreams that have come true in the past, all after starting AYP, so iam no stranger to believing in time paradoxes, dont know if thats relevant, just curbing the expected comment about "disregard the noise you experienced", more interested in going deeper into the topic, not back to 'safe' land.
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Christi
United Kingdom
4514 Posts |
Posted - Aug 15 2024 : 5:34:58 PM
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Hi Jayleno214,
Thanks for sharing your experience.
It does sound as if you pushed things too hard and too fast with the fasting experiment. Fasting is a powerful spiritual practice and can have delayed effects, as you have discovered. It is good that you are finding you can balance the situation with Spinal Breathing and are able to meditate still using the breath as an object. Spinal Breathing does not work for everyone as a stabiliser when energetic overload is being experienced, so it is good that it is working for you.
When switching from using the mantra to using the breath, it is necessary to stay with the breath as an object for at least 6-months. This is a minimum, and for many people it will be longer than this, depending on the nature of the obstructions that are being cleared out. You will know when you are able to come back to using the mantra simply by testing for short durations. When you do come back to the mantra you should come back to the base mantra - AYAM. The SHREE enhancement is a powerful enhancement that activates the crown chakra, so it is best to leave that out for the time being. When you are ready to come back to using the mantra, I would suggest staying with AYAM for at least 6-months to a year, before attempting to use the first mantra enhancement again.
As for visions, they are a symptom of spiritual awakening and can become a distraction on the path. It is best to not pay them much attention and continue the journey. |
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selfpaste
Spain
5 Posts |
Posted - Aug 23 2024 : 3:32:59 PM
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Hello Jayleno214,
I've also had an experience (a few weeks ago) of having a big opening towards the end of a fast. I could sense energy moving in places of my body where I'm sure that it has been a really long time since anything has moved there. It was accompanied with intense emotions and since then my practice got reduced (and increased back again).
I found that having outside pressure to get things done(in studies or in work) had a powerful effect in making my spiritual practice more stable. When I take live at my own pace my attention and my mind tends to have more space to look inward and I believe that that increases the effects of my spiritual practice. Still, it does not seem like you are in a similar situation, as you were at work while this happened. I just wanted to share my experience |
Edited by - selfpaste on Aug 23 2024 4:56:33 PM |
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Big opening when fasting aggressively - Self Pacin
