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DreamWeaver
USA
50 Posts |
 Posted - Sep 19 2023 : 9:59:37 PM
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I want this so badly that sometimes I don't even care if it kills me. Maybe this is foolish. It's been many years of seeking, meditating, learning, and sometimes I step back and wonder what the hell I'm even doing. There have been many exceptional gifts and synchronicities in the last year. I'm so grateful for these things, but they are not the jewel in the heart that I'm seeking. There are occasionally aches/tugs/pressures in various parts of the body, but it's all fleeting and I'm left unsure. The body just feels relatively dead and lifeless. I've heard so many people describe awakening as difficult, but I can't imagine how. Heat? Pain? From my ignorant vantage point, these seem preferable to where I'm at, but the grass is always greener. So yeah, what makes awakening difficult?
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Edited by - DreamWeaver on Sep 19 2023 10:02:32 PM |
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Dogboy
USA
2294 Posts |
Posted - Sep 20 2023 : 01:34:44 AM
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Hello again Dreamweaver
I cannot speak to awakening b/c I, too am not ripe enough, even after an active ten years of AYP, but something I have come to understand is to observe and self inquire of your thoughts, the aches/tugs/pressures your body manifests, the yearnings and mind evaluations. In your own words you acknowledge siddis and progress, still it is not enough, what is behind this discounting? Is the body truly dead and lifeless, what is behind this perspective? You are in your early twenties in this lifetime, what is the rush? We cannot all unfold like Yogananda at such a young age, and liberation may take lifetimes to manifest, are you truly wasting your life by pursuing your yoga?
A great way to channel yearning and Bhakti is to chose an ishta, and hold them in your heart, and when in samadhi, or distress, or desire, or a deeply loving mood, you surrender it up to them, radiating from the heart which lightens the burden of being earthbound. It is the same action as Samyama.
You are on the road to liberation with your practices, and Bhakti helps you find simple joy in the doing of disciplined yoga on a daily basis. If you capture and cage a song bird it may go mute on you, it is far better to hear it serendipitously in nature, on its terms. Portraying liberation as a jewel to possess may not get you there faster, besides, you are already in possession of the jewel inside, simply offer it up to your ishta on a regular basis. |
Edited by - Dogboy on Sep 20 2023 01:42:48 AM |
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Dogboy
USA
2294 Posts |
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Christi
United Kingdom
4514 Posts |
Posted - Sep 21 2023 : 08:10:59 AM
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Hi DreamWeaver,
There is nothing essentially difficult about awakening, if we go about it in the right way. It is a very joyful and easy experience. That is, if we use effective spiritual practices that gradually cultivate inner silence and purify the subtle nervous system, at the right rate, and in a balanced manner. AYP is designed to do this.
There are many systems of yoga out there that do not do this, and which will awaken kundalini too quickly, and in the wrong direction. This is when people have problems. And those problems can be carried over from one lifetime to the next. They can also have problems, even if they are using good techniques, if they do not self-pace those practices well. So, a well managed kundalini awakening comes down to selecting the right spiritual practices, and using them sensibly. |
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DreamWeaver
USA
50 Posts |
Posted - Sep 21 2023 : 9:08:53 PM
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Thanks, Christi. Thanks Dogboy.
I know the following questions were more rhetorical, and maybe I'm missing the point by answering, but I want to give it a shot.
quote:
In your own words you acknowledge siddis and progress, still it is not enough, what is behind this discounting?
I see progress in my external life. It has blossomed in the last year and there really isn't much I would even ask for. I'm grateful, but I'm still internally disengaged. There is no companion, either internally (what I'm really looking for), or externally (could be nice). There is no inspiration coming from within.
quote:
Is the body truly dead and lifeless, what is behind this perspective? You are in your early twenties in this lifetime, what is the rush?
The body is alive, but it lacks...vibrancy? zest? I just feel so dull and cold. Blood tests are fine for all the typical culprits. The medical community would call it depression, but I'm convinced that my prana's just stored somewhere else and I have no access to it. Also, I'm in my mid thirties. 
quote:
We cannot all unfold like Yogananda at such a young age, and liberation may take lifetimes to manifest, are you truly wasting your life by pursuing your yoga?
I can intellectually understand that I'm not wasting it. I just want some unmistakable sign that inner transformation (or an inner companion) is possible. I want something to make me want to stay here out of some sense of beauty or something. I've tried to get my life in order enough to continue to make art. There is so much more inside and it's my preferred form of worship. But I have no inspiration to bring it into existence. It's a seemingly impossible knot: Art is bhakti, but it takes bhakti to make it!
Note: Edited by moderator for formatting only. |
Edited by - DreamWeaver on Sep 22 2023 01:17:14 AM |
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Salvor
USA
1 Posts |
Posted - Sep 25 2023 : 2:52:01 PM
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DreamWeaver. By correcting the locus of control, making the external locus the internal locus, the situation will change dramatically.
Pardon my poor English |
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DreamWeaver
USA
50 Posts |
Posted - Sep 25 2023 : 5:09:32 PM
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| Thanks, Salvor. Could you explain a little more? |
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sunyata
USA
1513 Posts |
Posted - Oct 03 2023 : 10:28:52 PM
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Hi DreamWeaver,
Having gone through a spontaneous awakening about 13 years ago and having experienced it's challenges and gifts. As I reflect back, I don't know if we have a choice to have a spontaneous or gradual awakening. The Goddess made me surrender. May be someday I'll write a book (who knows). As Yogani says unfathomable are the ways of Karma.
But if one is already on the spiritual path, then practicing self pacing is very important to have a smoother ride to awakening.
When it's all said and done, we arrive at the place "chop wood, carry water". Or in today's term: fold the laundry, load the dishwasher.LOL! While continuing daily practices, evolving and being open to possibilities.
Much Love,
Sunyata 
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Edited by - sunyata on Oct 03 2023 10:34:15 PM |
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Dogboy
USA
2294 Posts |
Posted - Oct 04 2023 : 03:52:39 AM
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interpaul
USA
551 Posts |
Posted - Oct 04 2023 : 11:33:31 PM
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| Dreamweaver, I hear you and share your frustration at times. Focusing on a destination often spoils the journey. In those moments in which we sit in awe or in bliss, we have achieved enlightenment (in my opinion). This reminds me a bit of Yogani's discussions around "abiding" inner silence. Everyone seems to be searching for a life without suffering. Yogani does often say pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. It sounds like you are searching for an internal/external source of peace and ease, we all are. There are so many stressor which pull us away from the present moment compromising our connection with the inner silence. In your response to Dogboy and Christi you share some very positive fruits of your practice. I hope you experience more moments of joy and a deeper connection with your body. |
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SeySorciere
Seychelles
1571 Posts |
Posted - Oct 05 2023 : 07:16:10 AM
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Dear Dreamweaver,
You may consider adding heart breathing to your practices:
https://www.aypsite.org/220.html
It will help create that connection to your inner guru that you seek
Sey
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DreamWeaver
USA
50 Posts |
Posted - Oct 10 2023 : 7:39:31 PM
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| Thank you, everyone. Thank you. |
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Running Water
Belgium
18 Posts |
Posted - Oct 21 2023 : 1:42:19 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by sunyata
Hi DreamWeaver,
Having gone through a spontaneous awakening about 13 years ago and having experienced it's challenges and gifts. As I reflect back, I don't know if we have a choice to have a spontaneous or gradual awakening. The Goddess made me surrender. May be someday I'll write a book (who knows). As Yogani says unfathomable are the ways of Karma.
But if one is already on the spiritual path, then practicing self pacing is very important to have a smoother ride to awakening.
When it's all said and done, we arrive at the place "chop wood, carry water". Or in today's term: fold the laundry, load the dishwasher.LOL! While continuing daily practices, evolving and being open to possibilities.
Much Love,
Sunyata
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dcame
Canada
11 Posts |
Posted - Oct 21 2023 : 4:53:26 PM
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quote:
I just feel so dull and cold.
Back in the 1990s I was heavily into primal therapy. Reading something like that, I would immediately suspect early-life trauma. Unfortunately I do not know of anyone still offering primal therapy today, so I do not know how you might go about resolving the trauma. ?Stay with the feeling? would be a basic rule. |
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DreamWeaver
USA
50 Posts |
Posted - Oct 23 2023 : 5:46:57 PM
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quote:
Reading something like that, I would immediately suspect early-life trauma.
Indeed |
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sunyata
USA
1513 Posts |
Posted - Oct 23 2023 : 10:37:12 PM
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Hi DreamWeaver,
Just wanted to add. Awakening, Enlightenment,Kundalini Awakening or adding more practices will not solve all our human problems. It does give us a bigger perspective to our challenges and we can take steps, make changes from that perspective.
Have you tried going to the gym, therapy? Meeting Healing groups?
In my experience,healing is continuous and never ending.We have to take into account all the activities we are engaged in to take care of our body, mind and spirit. Sometimes just taking care of the Spirit may not be enough.
Sunyata
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Blanche
USA
873 Posts |
Posted - Oct 27 2023 : 2:09:28 PM
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Awakening is the process of realizing who you are. Right now, when you read this, one thing is clear: you are. How does it feel to simply be? It feels peaceful. If there is enough clarity, it feels loving, compassionate, and blissful. Thus, the good news is that BEING is happening here and now - and with enough clarity there is the realization that BEING is happening beyond the limitations of here and now, beyond space and time. Simply put, awakening is like reaching in the pocket of your coat and discovering a treasure that has been there with you all along.
Kundalini is the Divine within. At some level, it is always awake. It is moving and enlivening your experience of the world. In spiritual terms, Kundalini awakening refers to the awareness of the Divine within, experienced as energy, light, being more than the physical body, and recognizing the there is more than the material reality. And more.
Kundalini awakening means that the Divine within is realized. The energy goes up all the way to the crown, unites with the infinite Divine, then it comes back down and it transforms the entire body-mind. It is hard to put into words. Sacred texts often say that enlightenment happens at the best possible moment. Again, good news: this will happen to you. Nobody is left behind. And in silence and love, the mind stays still - there is no time - everything is enlightened.
What makes Kundalini awakening difficult? Obstructions. Kundalini may try to go over the obstructions, like a car driven on a rough road. But when there is no much of a road or the obstacles are considerable, progress is slow. What to do? Spiritual practices. On the mat and in daily life. Practice yama and niyama. Service to others is a high practice. As obstructions are dissolved with practices, Kundalini awakening goes smoothly.
What makes the overall awakening difficult? Attachment. As long as we hold on anything, awakening is not possible. We have to let go of all we hold on to open our hands and hearts to the gift of who we are. How do we know when there is attachment? One way is to be ok with whatever comes our way. Appreciate what you have in your life. It is all a Divine gift. It is given to you and it may be taken away at any time. It is not yours. And it is not who you are.
What you are has no beginning and no end, and its only limits are the limits of your creativity. Living from THAT is like a re-birth, it is joyful and blissful - and it is amazing how easy is to get used to it and forget the journey.
As Suzuki Roshi used to say: We are fine, and we could all use a little improvement.
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Edited by - Blanche on Oct 27 2023 2:13:33 PM |
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What makes Kundalini awakening difficult?
