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Jim and His Karma
2111 Posts |
 Posted - Jun 20 2019 : 12:04:14 PM
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One more thing (though I hesitate to offer more mind food):
You'll discover over time that these fireworks were what you'd been subconsciously hoping for in your meditation practice. We're all wired to seek them. It's the deeply-engrained brass ring. Every orgasm has been a tantalizing taste of it. Whether you knew it or not, it's been your fundamental quest.
Now that you've experienced it, it will take years to become fully cognizant that the experience is behind you - in your rear view mirror.
Until then, you'll senselessly continue seeking the fireworks, hoping for the fireworks, out of sheer momentum of habit. It's over (and, as with all other achievements, there's no permanent satisfaction; just a new set of management responsibilities and unintended consequences). Yet you continue seeking it, like a mouse pushing the button in the laboratory that once provided a pellet of mouse food. Again, it's mostly unconscious. And it's perfectly understandable.
Listen to me: You've HAD the fireworks. Sure, you can have them again, but 1. you already experienced them, so it won't be special, and 2. there's no, like, BETTER fireworks - the ones that fix everything. This is as fireworky as your life will ever get, in this or any universe. You experienced The Thing. Been there/done that. You maxed out. God's lightning bolt hath struck - how freakin' awesome and lucky for you, right? - and now there is no greater Thing ahead.
There is no greater Thing ahead.
The moment this clarifies for you, to your very marrow, you will pivot and innately seek (and thus find) more and more silence in your meditation. And that's the good stuff. And it will provide balance.
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Edited by - Jim and His Karma on Jun 20 2019 12:11:23 PM |
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jonesboy
USA
594 Posts |
Posted - Jun 20 2019 : 1:52:21 PM
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I am sorry that is your experience but that is completely and utterly wrong.
These fireworks are just the beginning. Beyond the fireworks is changes in ones being. The wonders never end.. |
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Jim and His Karma
2111 Posts |
Posted - Jun 20 2019 : 4:58:56 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by jonesboy
I am sorry that is your experience but that is completely and utterly wrong.
These fireworks are just the beginning. Beyond the fireworks is changes in ones being. The wonders never end..
So you thought I was saying that there is no growth or change or experience after kundalini? No, that’d be asinine.
I’m saying exactly what you’re saying. The fireworks are the beginning. But kundalini fireworks are the final fireworks. There is no higher/greater firework; no bigger bang. And once you maturely recognize that (i.e. cease subconsciously yearning for the experience you’ve ALREADY HAD), that’s when the grounding really happens and the silence is fully inhabited and lots of other good stuff happens that’s way deeper (and less biologically problematic) than fireworks.
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Edited by - Jim and His Karma on Jun 20 2019 5:03:09 PM |
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jonesboy
USA
594 Posts |
Posted - Jun 21 2019 : 12:43:34 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Jim and His Karma
quote:
Originally posted by jonesboy
I am sorry that is your experience but that is completely and utterly wrong.
These fireworks are just the beginning. Beyond the fireworks is changes in ones being. The wonders never end..
So you thought I was saying that there is no growth or change or experience after kundalini? No, that’d be asinine.
I’m saying exactly what you’re saying. The fireworks are the beginning. But kundalini fireworks are the final fireworks. There is no higher/greater firework; no bigger bang. And once you maturely recognize that (i.e. cease subconsciously yearning for the experience you’ve ALREADY HAD), that’s when the grounding really happens and the silence is fully inhabited and lots of other good stuff happens that’s way deeper (and less biologically problematic) than fireworks.
Thank you Jim for clarifying things for me.
I am still not sure i am following it all.
Are you saying the the energy he is feeling now, the issues will pass. While it may be cool in some respects over time it kind of goes away and there is really no more energy experiences or realizations about energy beyond this current flair up?
I am not sure if you are saying this is as bad as it gets or if this is it period regarding energy. |
Edited by - jonesboy on Jun 21 2019 1:28:28 PM |
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Jim and His Karma
2111 Posts |
Posted - Jun 21 2019 : 4:23:32 PM
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Our whole lives (whether we're yogis or not) we subconsciously seek a burst of fireworks; some big bang experience. Orgasms are a hint of it, but still not the full thing. So we all keep trying. Spiritual seekers (at least in the more bhakti-filled approaches) can smell this experience even more strongly, so we want it even more. A lot more.
When kundalini awakens, it's the ultimate fulfillment of that subconscious yearning. It's the experience we'd all been looking for, of which orgasm was only a hint. It's the thunder strike from heaven that countless people seek.
Of course, it presents some sloppy issues and consequences to be handled, including, perhaps, overload issues. We discover that, despite all efforts, it's notoriously hard to tamp down all this energy and get the genie back in the bottle.
Why is that?
There's another process at work! The deep desire fulfilled by kundalini awakening doesn't simply stop (for the same reason million dollar lottery winners often keep buying tickets): fundamental processes don't just stop on a dime. So we keep needlessly yearning, for a while, for the thing we already got.
One must realize, in one's bones, that the bang has banged, and the fireworks have shot; that you've gone as far, pyrotechnically, as you can go. You must recognize, with finality, that there is not greater firework!
Six or seven years after kundalini awakened for me (and after a number of re-ignitions and after-tremors), as I was meditating I noticed, with alarm, that I was still vaguely expecting some sort of "experience", merely out of habit. Not kundalini, specifically; I was simply meditating as I'd always meditated, which meant expecting some vague notion of a thunder strike. A prize. This drive was unconscious....which is why it lingered long beyond its usefulness.
I needed to consciously remind myself that the Big Thunder Strike was BEHIND me. I'd been there and done that. There is no greater firework to be experienced.
There is no greater firework to be experienced.
There is no greater firework to be experienced.
I knew it, but hadn't really baked it in: The biggest bang had banged, so there was no bigger bang to work toward. That part was over.
At that moment, meditation refined and I very quickly stopped pretending I wasn't boundless silence (except for sh*ts and giggles). And this quiet, subtle transformation did not come with a bang, nor did it deliver much sensation of energy. Kundalini was more like shmoondalini (for the humorless, that's my irreverent way of saying it became beside-the-point).
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Edited by - Jim and His Karma on Jun 21 2019 8:16:10 PM |
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Jim and His Karma
2111 Posts |
Posted - Jun 21 2019 : 8:08:42 PM
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BTW, for those who have not awakened kundalini, I've built a pretty solid argument for why that awakening is not a fitting goal in and of itself (even besides the perils and pitfalls of overload). Juicer stuff lays beyond kundalini, headed the OTHER way, into silence, and kundalini is not a prerequisite to that. Many spiritual traditions - more cool-headed ones - make no reference to kundalini or other energetic awakenings. They shoot straight to silence.
Yogani says it a zillion times: silence is the really good stuff. So everyone's pretty much on board (except super Tantra-oriented teachers, i.e. fireworks specialists).
Just be careful what you wish for - both figuratively and literally. If you meditate with a subconscious expectation of fireworks, you'll eventually experience them. And when you do, you'll spend years removing the remnants of that yearning out of your system. Maybe better to do that earlier....?
Understand that I'm not urging anyone AGAINST kundalini. It's not something to actively avoid or fear (the bliss is pretty damned good, really....though it's ultimately just another layer of worldly distraction).
But you might want to be smarter than me and go straight to the quieter, smaller unclenching where you stop pretending you aren't boundless silence. Just mature past any desire for a thunder strike, if you can intuitively see past the flashy attraction of it. Recognize it as a detour, and choose to renounce it (pro tip: god has a notoriously spotty record in fulfilling prayers for stuff, but he's super responsive about helping us renounce stuff if we ask nicely).
If you can get beyond expecting/needing bangs (because you see the higher wisdom and greater maturity of it, not because you're scared of kundalini), that would be awesome. But it shouldn't be an obsession, or some mindy thing to chew on. It's a frame of mind. If it comes naturally, cool. If not, take the well-worn path.
I won't have anything further to say on this thought. Consider it a quick word to the wise, not a new spiritual pathway I'm hoping to proselytize. It's not something I, myself, did, so I can't offer pointers beyond the above speculative musings.
And while I don't purport to speak for Yogani, I don't think anything I've said conflicts with AYP, which, yes, offers a pathway into (and out of) kundalini, but, once again, repeatedly notes that stillness/silence is the really good stuff (see the above lesson link, for example, which, btw, answers a question I myself sent in). |
Edited by - Jim and His Karma on Jun 21 2019 8:10:15 PM |
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Dogboy
USA
2294 Posts |
Posted - Jun 21 2019 : 10:21:15 PM
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quote:
At that moment, meditation refined and I very quickly stopped pretending I wasn't boundless silence (except for sh*ts and giggles). And this quiet, subtle transformation did not come with a bang, nor did it deliver much sensation of energy. Kundalini was more like shmoondalini (for the humorless, that's my irreverent way of saying it became beside-the-point)
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lalow33
USA
966 Posts |
Posted - Jun 23 2019 : 1:38:20 PM
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Hey Tom,
"If you can find a real guru, he can provide that extra space for someone like you or Piruz to let the obstructions go. To make the process smoother."
That's not my experience. I know it is yours and a couple of others that's why I mentioned it. |
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lalow33
USA
966 Posts |
Posted - Jun 23 2019 : 1:57:16 PM
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Hey Piruz,
You will see labels like "premature crown opening" and " overload victims ". Please take them and throw them in the the trash. They are not helpful. They are a box that someone is putting you in.
Take care,
Lori |
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jonesboy
USA
594 Posts |
Posted - Jun 24 2019 : 09:07:18 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by lalow33
Hey Tom,
"If you can find a real guru, he can provide that extra space for someone like you or Piruz to let the obstructions go. To make the process smoother."
That's not my experience. I know it is yours and a couple of others that's why I mentioned it.
I believe you did experience exactly that. Did you not find extra space to drop issues when you were caught up? I can remember a few times when it helped with you. |
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jonesboy
USA
594 Posts |
Posted - Jun 24 2019 : 09:10:10 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Jim and His Karma
Our whole lives (whether we're yogis or not) we subconsciously seek a burst of fireworks; some big bang experience. Orgasms are a hint of it, but still not the full thing. So we all keep trying. Spiritual seekers (at least in the more bhakti-filled approaches) can smell this experience even more strongly, so we want it even more. A lot more.
When kundalini awakens, it's the ultimate fulfillment of that subconscious yearning. It's the experience we'd all been looking for, of which orgasm was only a hint. It's the thunder strike from heaven that countless people seek.
Of course, it presents some sloppy issues and consequences to be handled, including, perhaps, overload issues. We discover that, despite all efforts, it's notoriously hard to tamp down all this energy and get the genie back in the bottle.
Why is that?
There's another process at work! The deep desire fulfilled by kundalini awakening doesn't simply stop (for the same reason million dollar lottery winners often keep buying tickets): fundamental processes don't just stop on a dime. So we keep needlessly yearning, for a while, for the thing we already got.
One must realize, in one's bones, that the bang has banged, and the fireworks have shot; that you've gone as far, pyrotechnically, as you can go. You must recognize, with finality, that there is not greater firework!
Six or seven years after kundalini awakened for me (and after a number of re-ignitions and after-tremors), as I was meditating I noticed, with alarm, that I was still vaguely expecting some sort of "experience", merely out of habit. Not kundalini, specifically; I was simply meditating as I'd always meditated, which meant expecting some vague notion of a thunder strike. A prize. This drive was unconscious....which is why it lingered long beyond its usefulness.
I needed to consciously remind myself that the Big Thunder Strike was BEHIND me. I'd been there and done that. There is no greater firework to be experienced.
There is no greater firework to be experienced.
There is no greater firework to be experienced.
I knew it, but hadn't really baked it in: The biggest bang had banged, so there was no bigger bang to work toward. That part was over.
At that moment, meditation refined and I very quickly stopped pretending I wasn't boundless silence (except for sh*ts and giggles). And this quiet, subtle transformation did not come with a bang, nor did it deliver much sensation of energy. Kundalini was more like shmoondalini (for the humorless, that's my irreverent way of saying it became beside-the-point).
A couple of things Jim.
First it is correct to not desire more fireworks or any state of being or experience.
Once such desires drop, there are much better fireworks. Silence is only half of the equation while energy is the other.
What is being discussed here is just the beginning, the awakening to energy. It grows much more from there.
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Piruz
United Kingdom
73 Posts |
Posted - Jun 24 2019 : 6:52:35 PM
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Jim, the main theme of your posts make sense, like they always do, and I never fundamentally disagreed in the first place. But why you think I'm trying to mess with my energy or actively summon it, just because I'm trying to understand the underlying mechanisms of grounding, I have no clue. You speak of yogis unconsciously seeking so-called firework experiences, something to which I can definitely relate. But again, rest assured that my approach to post-Kundalini yoga is not the same is pre-Kundalini. In fact, I never bothered much with theory before Kundalini.
A little reading on Nadis and Chakras showed me how ignorant I was. There is apparently a network of energy tunnels (Nadi) and points of intensity (Chakras) with numerous systems of meditation designed specifically to unblock the blockages and eventually force energy into the central Sushumna. It's not just Kundalini yoga but so many other practice.
This sort of energy unblocking does seem to be what every other practice is ultimately (though not immediately) about, even mindfulness. Not only was I never advised about this when I first started practicing, but I was deliberately discouraged from looking into it. Mindfuless tells us that meditation isn't about any specific "thing" but about the "experience itself". Well, maybe, but those clowns forgot to mention how the "experience itself" was dynamic and clearly had an agenda of some sort and was at any given time clearly goal-oriented in one way or another. They never told me that "letting go" was just the start.
I don't want fireworks or "spiritual experiences". I want the exact opposite, which is the knowledge and understanding that will eventually reverse these habits. |
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Jim and His Karma
2111 Posts |
Posted - Jun 24 2019 : 11:51:02 PM
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quote:
I want the exact opposite, which is the knowledge and understanding that will eventually reverse these habits.
The acquisition and application of this knowledge will require you to direct your attention toward your energy and your overload. In bringing attention to energy and overload, you increase energy and overload. You need to direct less attention there, not more. It would be helpful to sign up for a hot dog eating contest or start compulsively listing discarded electronic equipment on eBay.
quote:
You speak of yogis unconsciously seeking so-called firework experiences, something to which I can definitely relate.
That's a start. |
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jonesboy
USA
594 Posts |
Posted - Jun 25 2019 : 10:17:20 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Piruz
Jim, the main theme of your posts make sense, like they always do, and I never fundamentally disagreed in the first place. But why you think I'm trying to mess with my energy or actively summon it, just because I'm trying to understand the underlying mechanisms of grounding, I have no clue. You speak of yogis unconsciously seeking so-called firework experiences, something to which I can definitely relate. But again, rest assured that my approach to post-Kundalini yoga is not the same is pre-Kundalini. In fact, I never bothered much with theory before Kundalini.
A little reading on Nadis and Chakras showed me how ignorant I was. There is apparently a network of energy tunnels (Nadi) and points of intensity (Chakras) with numerous systems of meditation designed specifically to unblock the blockages and eventually force energy into the central Sushumna. It's not just Kundalini yoga but so many other practice.
This sort of energy unblocking does seem to be what every other practice is ultimately (though not immediately) about, even mindfulness. Not only was I never advised about this when I first started practicing, but I was deliberately discouraged from looking into it. Mindfuless tells us that meditation isn't about any specific "thing" but about the "experience itself". Well, maybe, but those clowns forgot to mention how the "experience itself" was dynamic and clearly had an agenda of some sort and was at any given time clearly goal-oriented in one way or another. They never told me that "letting go" was just the start.
I don't want fireworks or "spiritual experiences". I want the exact opposite, which is the knowledge and understanding that will eventually reverse these habits.
If your goal is to stop your spiritual experiences. To have it all end then what Jim is telling you to do is correct.
Don't read spiritual stuff, just start getting caught up again in all the ego stuff. Wanting this or that, desiring things, getting lost in day dreams of wanting. Eventually you will get so caught up again in stuff that it will all go away.
Not anything I would recommend.. but that is the way. |
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Jim and His Karma
2111 Posts |
Posted - Jun 25 2019 : 11:33:01 AM
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That is completely false. One doesn't make spiritual progress by thinking about it a lot during one's day. Spiritual progress comes from spiritual practice, and I have practically begged Piruz not to cease his practice.
One of the basic tenets of AYP is to commit diligently to practice for however many daily minutes it occupies, but to otherwise relish and enjoy the world. Keeping one's attention planted on spirituality doesn't help, isn't recommended, and leads to overload. It's a very bad idea, and I can personally attest to this.
The practitioners of AYP, its founder, and I, myself, would very strongly object to the notion that we are "caught up again", or that we've "stopped" our spiritual practice by choosing not to tenaciously lock our everyday attention on that stuff. Quite the contrary, following this formula - practice like clockwork and otherwise relish the world - is, many of us have observed, the fastest possible route.
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Edited by - Jim and His Karma on Jun 25 2019 1:37:28 PM |
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Piruz
United Kingdom
73 Posts |
Posted - Jun 26 2019 : 12:34:43 AM
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Jim I don't think Jonesboy meant to advise me to cease all spiritual activity. He only meant to say that if (if, yeah?) my only aim was to stop the firework experiences, a mindset he advised me against, then the easiest way to do that would be to cease the practice.
Now back to grounding.
Jim did you yourself not encourage asymmetrical attention in your thread to deal with left/right side energy problems? Is this not deliberate (and yet advisable) tampering with energy? Well in my case I don't even use attention but instead sleep on the opposite side of where the energy is concentrated, and that usually solves the problem for me and I feel a lot more balance. This is another example of how an understanding of the way energy moves in your body can help you ground it. It's not (and I stress, 'tis not) just about controlling energy flow through attention but finding ways to work around it (by doing or avoiding very simple things, stuff we can do or not do in our everyday lives), but that still requires a rudimentary understanding of the dynamics.
The acquisition of knowledge does not always require you to tamper with (i.e pay attention to) energy. It can lead to the exact opposite. I am almost certain that an understanding of the dynamics will actually help me reverse the habit of needlessly paying attention to energy flows. |
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Piruz
United Kingdom
73 Posts |
Posted - Jun 26 2019 : 01:09:18 AM
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Oh, and like I said before, your thread about grounding (the long one) speaks of energy moving from the head (Muladhara?) down to the stomach (where it meets blockages). From that point on you begin to explain the various grounding techniques. But the way you describe the movement of energy sounds a but foreign to what I've been feeling ever since my Kundalini erupted (if it's Kundalini anyway). My problem is energy traveling upwards (even though you say energy at the stomach travels downwards, I can always feel, even when I'm not paying attention, the energy makings its way upwards, and never downwards, like the head is its natural destination). It usually starts at the groinal area and keeps on moving until it reaches the chest and then finally (though mysteriously) makes its way to the back (spine) where the famed Kundalini electric shock finally occurs as a result of energy buildup (or release?). Sometimes the passage of energy across the Chakras is smooth, sometimes not.
Now I'm not sure if this makes a difference to the general theme outlined, but something tells me a difference in dynamics dictates a change in grounding techniques. |
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Piruz
United Kingdom
73 Posts |
Posted - Jun 26 2019 : 01:10:35 AM
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| That is, of course, unless you think the SAME grounding technique will work for ALL blockages in EVERY part of the body! |
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Piruz
United Kingdom
73 Posts |
Posted - Jun 26 2019 : 01:13:09 AM
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| Also (and please bare with my I know how annoying I can be) how would you like me to get back to my practice? Lotus position? I'm told lotus position isn't good for grounding. Lotus is how I've been meditating for years, and I've been practicing 4 days a week one hour a day. |
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jonesboy
USA
594 Posts |
Posted - Jun 26 2019 : 09:22:10 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Piruz
Also (and please bare with my I know how annoying I can be) how would you like me to get back to my practice? Lotus position? I'm told lotus position isn't good for grounding. Lotus is how I've been meditating for years, and I've been practicing 4 days a week one hour a day.
Ahh, now that is your problem.
Lotus can be powerful so no.
1 hour a day is a long time.
Cut back to 15/20 minutes a day, just sit cross legged in bed. Once things smooth out, do that twice a day. |
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jonesboy
USA
594 Posts |
Posted - Jun 26 2019 : 09:29:21 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Jim and His Karma
That is completely false. One doesn't make spiritual progress by thinking about it a lot during one's day. Spiritual progress comes from spiritual practice, and I have practically begged Piruz not to cease his practice.
If one isn't having issues, you should be doing your practice all the time. Meditation and life are one and the same.. at least eventually it get's there. It is a mistake to only do your practice on the mat. Life is where it matters the most.
quote:
One of the basic tenets of AYP is to commit diligently to practice for however many daily minutes it occupies, but to otherwise relish and enjoy the world. Keeping one's attention planted on spirituality doesn't help, isn't recommended, and leads to overload. It's a very bad idea, and I can personally attest to this.
Overloads are caused by too much energy and not enough silence to let the energy flow and work on the issues. The energy hits your obstructions which causes mental upsets.
Is the Witness a mat practice or an all the time realization? Is the Witness the end state or just the first stage of silence in daily life?
Absolutely one should take practices off of the mat and into daily life. They make life better!
If you think that all you have to do is meditate twice a day for 30 minutes and you are going to achieve enlightenment.. you are mistaken.
quote:
The practitioners of AYP, its founder, and I, myself, would very strongly object to the notion that we are "caught up again", or that we've "stopped" our spiritual practice by choosing not to tenaciously lock our everyday attention on that stuff. Quite the contrary, following this formula - practice like clockwork and otherwise relish the world - is, many of us have observed, the fastest possible route.
I said no such thing. I was telling him that if he wanted to stop all spiritual progress and go back to the way life was.. get caught up in your wants and desires.. it is a sure fire way of doing it. |
Edited by - jonesboy on Jun 26 2019 09:39:00 AM |
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Jim and His Karma
2111 Posts |
Posted - Jun 26 2019 : 10:00:48 AM
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Piruz,
We are in a forum for a system of spiritual practice called AYP. I thought you knew this, but apparently not.
I'd suggest you practice AYP, which has been found by me and thousands to be quite effective, and provides a more tested and proven basis than can be gleaned by asking some random dude on the Internet (though, if you ask ANYTHING on the internet, weightily confident people will arrive to advise...and I'd urge skepticism, generally).
AYP offers endless repetition of its explanation of the concept of "self-pacing"", which you critically need to hear. And it deals, in its way, with energy flows, and explains about meditation postures.
My suggestions - in that other thread as well as this one - were offered with the assumption that practitioners are already doing AYP and might need light "bandaids" (as I put it, above), to help them through grounding issues.
My statements, clarifications, and re-clarifications appear to just be sowing more and more confusion, which is the last thing I want, so I'll stop here. I wish you all the best. |
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lalow33
USA
966 Posts |
Posted - Jun 26 2019 : 11:17:12 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by jonesboy
quote:
Originally posted by lalow33
Hey Tom,
"If you can find a real guru, he can provide that extra space for someone like you or Piruz to let the obstructions go. To make the process smoother."
That's not my experience. I know it is yours and a couple of others that's why I mentioned it.
I believe you did experience exactly that. Did you not find extra space to drop issues when you were caught up? I can remember a few times when it helped with you.
Not in the long term. I'm not sure anything was really dropped. Do appreciate your willingness to help.
P.S. Tom is not my guru. |
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lalow33
USA
966 Posts |
Posted - Jun 26 2019 : 11:27:38 PM
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Piruz,
The energy climbs up the "front-side" for me as well. It's cool. It also "drains" down like a laundry chute which clears my head.
Take care,
Lori |
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Piruz
United Kingdom
73 Posts |
Posted - Jun 27 2019 : 04:41:05 AM
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Sorry if I upset you Jim. It's just the agony I'm going through. Yes, I haven't educated myself on the basics of AYP, but I will now. I honestly never meant to challenge what you were saying. Let's forget this whole "theory vs. grounding" thing and focus on some specifics. An example of something which happened to me last night might help.
It was midnight and I was falling asleep on my stomach when all of a sudden I could feel an energy explosion at the groinal area. This usually hurts and is more dense, but this time it felt like a wall had been breached over there (the groinal area). Mind you I wasn't "paying attention" to the energy flow or messing with it in any way. It was merely the sleeping position that triggered the firework (there's a spontaneous, non-induced state between sleep and wakefulness where the energy flow is at its peak, and this is what makes trying to fall asleep a nightmare for me). The energy flow at the groinal area became more felt after the "explosion" so I immediately got up and went to sleep on my back because I knew the flow would otherwise become aggressive (overload).
This is what I meant by the dynamics of energy flow. Why is this happening when I'm sleeping on my stomach? Why is energy concentrated on the side I sleep on (without me even being aware of it much less tampering with it)? Does this Kundalini energy shoot up not just the back but the groinal area/stomach as well? And if so why is it (sometimes) possible for it to travel down to the upper thigh?
This is the sort of thing that's making me crazy! I don't know what this "energy" wants and where it's natural destination is! I'm in the dark so help me out please. |
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After months of grounding it's not enough
