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Jayleno214
USA
88 Posts |
 Posted - Apr 02 2019 : 02:36:42 AM
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Can I go back to using the regular mantra?
Ive been doing mostly dm for the last 10 years, before moving onto my first mantra enhancement since 4 months ago.
I did not drink nor smoke for the 10 years (and when it did it was a sip that convinced me to continue not to). But this December and February and March I endulged in a recent lingering desire to drink alcohol. Only the last time in March I drank till I felt tipsy. Nothing crazy like in my high-school days.
Things haven't been the same since. I feel like I'm starting from 0.
I've remained abstinent since, and am feeling the energy side of things grow, but my firm foundation, my rock, has been swept from me. I no longer have the patience I revered, the insight I loved, the peace I reveled in. It's all gone. I know I'm capable of such deepness and to see myself unable to procure it as I did before the drinking began, is immensely motivating to rectify the problem.
Needless to say I'm doing twice a day meditation with the second enhancement, which I began in December.
I feel iam not going deeper, like I was with the enhancement, before I drank. I'm thinking I need to revert to the regular iam to aggressively reestablish the inner stillness. I'm thinking the enhancement only works if it is done after stillness is present.
That's what I'd like to Do. But is that recommended against? The lessons say something among the lines of "once u make the switch, that's your mantra"
OH, and I'm done with alcohol, obviously. |
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Stille
Germany
76 Posts |
Posted - Apr 02 2019 : 05:51:41 AM
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Hello Jayleno,
reading your post there was one thing which came to my mind. For I don't think that drinking a little bit of alcohol (you are far away from excessive drinking, daily drinking of small amounts and addiction, if I interpret your words correctly) is able to take away your inner silence, especially not after ten years of DM, there might be a different cause to consider.
To me it really sounds like you are grasping for the feeling of what you are used to experience. Might it be that you have developed an attachment to inner silence and instead of witnessing what is happening moment to moment, you crave to experience bliss/silence?
Using a mantra enhancement sweeps up more stuff from inside, resulting in more purification. Yogani says that DM works regardless of what is experienced during practise time. Being lost in mental stuff or sitting in unshakable inner peace does not matter. What matters is that you follow the simple procedure of DM, which produces all the experiences.
What I want to say is: maybe your alcohol consumption does not produce the changes you experience but instead the second mantra enhancement really is starting to work, resulting in the "loss of inner silence".
Just food for thought. Maybe I am completely wrong.
I wish you good fortune on your chosen path 
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Dogboy
USA
2294 Posts |
Posted - Apr 02 2019 : 2:59:24 PM
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| Stille may be right, the enhancement may not be the problem, and the enhancement has only been three months. Feelings and experiences come and go, and one should not actively tailor what happens within a sitting. That said, if your inner guru is telling you the mantra is the problem, then there is nothing wrong reverting to AYAM, in the name of self pacing. What you should not do is ping-pong back and forth, choose an approach and stick with it awhile. My inclination would be to soldier on a bit more (as long as you are not in discomfort) and see if stillness bubbles up from that. |
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Jayleno214
USA
88 Posts |
Posted - Apr 02 2019 : 3:27:24 PM
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One thing I forgot to mention is one day I could not sleep, no alcohol involved,after the alcohol episode, and I went 48 hours without sleep. Upon sleeping finally, the next day is when things that were different already due to the alcohol were now even further from stillness.
Im not blaming the mantra.
I blame the alcohol and lack of sleep.
Having said that, it is a fact that I've lost my inner stillness, or a large degree of it. And to clarify, I had inner silence when I began the enhancement up until the point of alcohol use.
Im saying I think the enhancement is only an asset if there is stillness present, which the alcohol has removed. And by the way your right, I'm no drinker by any means. Even little sips when I did indulge I could feel the negative effects to my treasured stillness and positive effect on others diminish.
I was hoping for more assured judgments as to what direction to take, but no matter, it's time to meditate again and Ive concluded that comfort and self pacing are king. and daily activity is the measure of correct practice, right? If so, just even, contemplating the change, I can feel I am making the right move because I feel the stillness coming back just from making the choice or toying with the choice of reverting to Ayam. It feels right. Call me crazy, I know, but I feel better already.
On being attached to stillness. I cannot argue with that perspective. It seems iam. No pun intended lol. This is a good thing surely. Yogani himself calles himself an addict of the yoga game. I think being attached the comfort and stillness is a good attachment, for it will lead me to greater opening. In fact, to get stillness I must let go during meditation. So it's a non attachment attachment. Right? Or what's the alternative? Continue meditating without a minding as to what daily activity is producing? Anyhow I agree I'm seeking stillness, but I'm sure that's a good thing.
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Jayleno214
USA
88 Posts |
Posted - Apr 02 2019 : 4:12:28 PM
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| Just meditated with Ayam. And so far so good. Got the magical easiness and smoothness I was lacking. I'm gonna stick with it a couple months. Ty. |
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Dogboy
USA
2294 Posts |
Posted - Apr 02 2019 : 8:36:40 PM
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| The Guru is in you |
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BlueRaincoat
United Kingdom
1734 Posts |
Posted - Apr 03 2019 : 04:29:10 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Jayleno214
Just meditated with Ayam. And so far so good. Got the magical easiness and smoothness I was lacking. I'm gonna stick with it a couple months. Ty.
Good to hear you're back to stability and enjoying your practice.
The advice is to retrench to the routine on which you were stable before the problem occured. Mantra enhancements are not compulsory. You can go all the way with the I AM mantra. If you feel that you could step up your practice, there are other techniques you can try before attempting a matra enhancement.
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dancer303
Germany
10 Posts |
Posted - Apr 30 2019 : 11:18:52 AM
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| I once read that this "Ayam" mantra is an extremely powerful one which has been kept very secret for many centuries and which probably originates from the Himalaya-region. Can anyone confirm this? |
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Dm for 10 years, last 4 mo. Mantra enhancement
