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Polishedbrass
Netherlands
4 Posts |
 Posted - Feb 20 2019 : 12:55:33 PM
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Okay, I will make this story as short as possible because I have very limited energy at the moment. Basically I started my meditation journey about 4 years ago and dove in the deep end quickly. Using The Mind Illuminated samatha/vipassana method I started meditating 45 minutes a day and quickly got to 2.5 hours.
I have been in a very traumatic relationship with a personality disordered individual during the first 2 years of that journey which caused great amounts of trauma energy to be collected in the body (I also have had some childhood trauma). From stage 4 described in that book I started getting very intense kriyas, violent shaking and rapid breathing spells and huge amounts of energy/tension were being released from my body. I walked around often unable to sleep because of it (having to take icy cold showers in the middle of the night) and somewhat hypomanic for almost a year. at the end of the third year into my jounrey I was already getting quite exhausted but decided to go on a month long retreat at Dharma Ocean. Here the kriyas continued unabathed and after the retreat I quickly collapsed physically to the point of being bedridden with very severe physical symptoms and extreme weakness.
This was a year ago and recovery has been slow and erratic. Thing is, the kriyas are still happening right now only much more subtly because I'm not doing any sitting meditation. This whole year energies have been going through my body, my back and neck are constantly locking up with tension and releasing again, locking up, releasing... and I get periodic nightmares so I'm sure some purification is still going on as well.
My accupuncturist is saying that this burnout is kind of odd because my body is at the same time exhausted and very low in energy in some places (kidneys...) and overcharged in other places. All the energy also seems to want to explode upwards and when I do sit in meditation posture I immediately get kriyas where my head is forced backwards and my mouth open in long silent screams and I feel tensions releasing in my back neck and shoulds and energy rushing out of those places up through the head/mouth and out of the body.
Now my body really wants to recover, I have had many attempts but the problem is that when I start feeling more energy and less weak, the energy starts to collect in the upper body and want to explode out, it doesn't go down. I lay awake at night sometimes and can't sleep because of the tension and when I sit in meditation posture to relieve some of the pressure the energy leaves the body, after a while I can sleep but I will be much worse again physically in the morning, weak and exhausted.
Most of the day I do do mindfulness/meditative exercises to keep my mind from wandering into very negative states and to stay in the present as much as possible. The point of focus is in the feet. I basically lay in bed all day long except for brief moments of sitting up or bathing etc. with my attention at the feet or doing some metta phrases or gratitude stuff or trying to investigate the physical pains and aches in my body.
I can't do any standing exercises nor any yoga (except very very light movements but heavy stretching is out of the question, my body is in a very delicate state despite the heavy energy flows occuring).
I hope anyone here can help me get some answers about how to aporach this. |
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Polishedbrass
Netherlands
4 Posts |
Posted - Feb 21 2019 : 07:02:59 AM
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I see that I have to fill in a little questionnaire, lets see:
1. What are your symptoms and how long have you had them? Are your symptoms primarily physical, psychological, or both?
The symptoms were heavy shaking of the upper body during meditation, huge amounts of tension in the upper body, rapid 'breath of fire' type breathing episodes also during meditation. Off cushion I would also randomly experience kriyas whenever I was relaxing or reclining (tensing of the abdomen primarily). When I got back from the retreat I described above it felt like my body was loaded with one big messy 'energy soup', it was very chaotic. That feeling subsided over the past year of being ill.
Right now the symptoms are as I described above: energy seems to want to come up and collect in the upper back/shoulders neck area. I get episodes of a lot of energy but still physical weakness and then crashes.
2. Are your symptoms ongoing, or intermittent? If intermittent, when are they most likely to occur -- during what kind of activity and/or time of the day? Is your sleep affected?
Intermittent, sometimes the energy seems to be pretty quiet other times there's a pretty heavy upflow. I can't sleep when this is occuring. Only after I sit in meditation posture and pull the 'cork' if you will and let some of the energy out by mindful investigation or open awareness I can sleep again (but will often crash the next day physically and be exhausted again).
3. Do you consider your situation with kundalini to be the result of spiritual practices, or do you regard it to be spontaneous?
The result of spiritual practice, but life circumstances (long existential crisis, a bit too long to go into here) perhaps played a role.
4. What sort of spiritual practices have you been engaged in, if any? How long? How often? Are you aware that excessive spiritual practice can aggravate kundalini, often with a delayed reaction?
Samatha/vipassana meditation, metta meditation, walking meditation, some yoga and qi gong (mostly just basic asana practice though).
5. Do you consider yourself to be “sensitive” to spiritual practices? If so, with what practices, and what sort of measures have you taken to accommodate your sensitivity?
I don't know. On retreat I got the nickname 'Spontaneous spring of healing" because the stored karma was coming up like fire hydrant exploded.
6. Do you think drugs have contributed to your kundalini situation?
No.
7. Have you experienced traumatic events in your life that may have a bearing on your current symptoms?
Yes. Heavy codependent relationship with BPD diagnosed individual that left me with ptsd and anxiety issues not to mentioned being completely drained energetically. Childhood abandonment trauma as well.
8. Is your sexual lifestyle affecting your symptoms? Are you aware that obsessively limiting sexual release can increase kundalini energy and symptoms?
I have limited sexual release for a year during the symptoms and I did notice an increase in symptoms. I also did a little bit of mantak chia solo practice that might have contributed.
9. What is your general diet? Are you aware that a lighter diet can stimulate kundalini?
Meat, eggs, salmon, quinoa, lots of vegetables and fruits.
10. Do you engage in moderate exercise regularly, like walking, yard work, etc? Are you aware that regular exercise can help stabilize ("ground") kundalini symptoms?
I can't as I'm bedridden most the time and stuck upstairs because walking the stairs is too exhausting right now (causes crashes).
11. Are you a highly devotional person? Are you aware that excessive devotional activity, satsang or spiritual study can aggravate an active kundalini?
No.
12. Are you engaged in ordinary daily activities like a job, school, family, parenting, social activity, service to others? Are you aware that such activities, undertaken without spiritual intention or expectations, can help ground excessive kundalini energies?
No. Bedridden.
13. Have you been examined and treated by a medical doctor or mental health professional for your symptoms in the past? If so, what was the result?
I have done psychotherapy and other transpersonal therapy modalities. Medical doctor called it a case of 'burnout' and said he couldn't help me any further, symptoms needed to go away with lots of rest and proper diet etc...
14. Are there other factors and/or measures you are taking in relation to your situation that are not covered above?
I don't think so, I might come back to this.
15. Optional: What is your approximate age (teen, 20s, 30s, 40s, etc.)? What is your gender? We ask because the manifestation of kundalini symptoms can be affected by these factors.
29, male.
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Charliedog
1625 Posts |
Posted - Feb 22 2019 : 03:14:29 AM
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Hi Polished Brass,
Welcome! Sorry to hear about your difficulties. It might be best for you to stop with all the spiritual practices you are doing until you are back in balance (this takes time).
quote:
Most of the day I do do mindfulness/meditative exercises to keep my mind from wandering into very negative states and to stay in the present as much as possible. The point of focus is in the feet. I basically lay in bed all day long except for brief moments of sitting up or bathing etc. with my attention at the feet or doing some metta phrases or gratitude stuff or trying to investigate the physical pains and aches in my body.
What you do with these practices is avoiding to see your negative thoughts, that does not help you to progress. It's like you press a ball filled with air under water, as soon as you stop pushing, it will come to the surface.
What will happen if you see the negative thoughts, the old pain? Maybe you will have to cry, maybe you will get angry......it is very well possible that the avoiding of these emotions makes that they will show up as pain or sickness in the bodily tissues.
First you need to get out of the bed and take steps to live a healthy life. Maybe this is easy said, but you need healthy foods and going outside the house. Walking in nature, take it slow, but take steps. Talk with people, your acupuncturist, or psychotherapist maybe. People on a forum could not help you. Seek help from friends and family to get out of this bedridden situation. You need grounding, walking, talking and laughing 
For now, stop the mindfulness practices, seek someone to talk with, share your thoughts, write, cry, be angry but let it out.
After some time of grounding you can pick up a spiritual practice again. Spinal Breathing will balance the energy, you can begin with 2x 5 minutes a day http://www.aypsite.org/41.html
Take care but take steps 
Edit: Kundalini Symptoms, Imbalances and Remedies Lesson 69
To get more insights in this journey you can start reading the lessons of Yogani here |
Edited by - Charliedog on Feb 22 2019 05:21:29 AM |
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Polishedbrass
Netherlands
4 Posts |
Posted - Feb 22 2019 : 06:32:18 AM
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quote:
What you do with these practices is avoiding to see your negative thoughts, that does not help you to progress. It's like you press a ball filled with air under water, as soon as you stop pushing, it will come to the surface.
What will happen if you see the negative thoughts, the old pain? Maybe you will have to cry, maybe you will get angry......it is very well possible that the avoiding of these emotions makes that they will show up as pain or sickness in the bodily tissues.
I don't think that this is what I'm doing. What I'm doing is looking at the feeling aspect of the negative thoughts and being present with that instead of spinning off in a very unhelpful monkey mind that isn't conducive to my healing. I am not suppressing feelings and have cried for many hours, felt rage, hopelessness, fear etc. etc..
Thing is, because of my present condition my body/mind will not relax unless I very deliberately do some kind of mind-body exercise for a good while. It's like the brake is broken and my body keeps being in the fight or flight mode unless I do some form of deliberate calming practice, the most helpful to me has been keeping my awareness in the body and gently scanning areas that are very tense or like I said keeping my awareness rested in my feet. Breathing exercises have not been as helpful.
I need to keep my body and mind as calm as possible to restore my adrenal function so I have to do some kind of practice to do so.
I have the help of an acupuncturist and a coach and already have a very healthy diet consistent of loads of vegetables, only whole foods, no junk etc.. I do the amount of exercise that I am able to do and do things I enjoy doing when I have energy, like playing guitar, I unfortunately cannot go outside yet as walking the stairs is too much for me right now.
My question is concerning all my energy going up in my body and my body getting 'overcharged' (but still weak) and then deflating again. My acupuncturist calls it 'counterflow chi' (feet are very cold, so much so that I need to wear to pairs of socks over each other and head is very hot to the point where I often have cold washcloth ready to cool my neck..). |
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Charliedog
1625 Posts |
Posted - Feb 23 2019 : 01:44:23 AM
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Hi Polished Brass,
If I interpreted your practice not the right way I am sorry. Still there is a practice going on and there is imbalance in your energy system. Grounding is not easy this way, and that is what you need in this situation.
quote:
I need to keep my body and mind as calm as possible to restore my adrenal function so I have to do some kind of practice to do so.
Do you feel that there is any progress in your situation, the way you are handling at the moment?
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Polishedbrass
Netherlands
4 Posts |
Posted - Feb 25 2019 : 01:46:14 AM
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Charliedog, thanks for your messages and for taking the time to read my posts.
I have seen recovery but I have crashed multiple times due to trying to do too much too soon. Right now i’m at a point where I get build ups of energy that all wants to go up to my head. I feel better (but restless a bit) and then I crash again as the energy that seems to have collected in the upper body wants to escape through the head. I lay in bed and I feel all that tension in the upper body and can’t sleep. When I rest my awareness in the tensions or sit upright with them it’s like big waves of energy get released and rush upwards (mouth gets forced open? Throat pulled backwards) and then I crash again.
I need to retain some level of mindfulness and concentration to deal skillfully with the sometimes very difficult symptoms of my illness. Stress is the one thing I need to avoid so dealing with difficult states, both physical and emotional, is pretty vital for me right now. |
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Charliedog
1625 Posts |
Posted - Feb 25 2019 : 07:44:13 AM
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| You are welcome Polishedbrass, hopefully you will soon find some relief and grounding. |
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Sunderta
France
1 Posts |
Posted - Sep 29 2020 : 03:11:02 AM
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Dear Poli, can you kindly update us on your state? I have been living the same for a year now. I have major automatic kriyas as soon as I get some concentration. It feels ecstatic and helps to release tension and cure pains (healing). HOWEVER, after an automatic kriya session, I feel exhausted and need very heavy food. I cannot barely do anything and need to sleep. My life is not a life anymore as I am too weak to do anything. Exactly as you have mentioned, when performing automatic kriyas, my head is stuck backwards and I can feel the energy flowing straight from the back to the head. Since then, when massaging my neck, an ecstatic feeling appears thought my body. Have you tried? Same when massaging the back of my spine (kundalini gland).
Pls give news. I am sorry I cannot help here. My body is giving me the information that I have to fast for a few days. But I can't right now. I am sending Love to All. |
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Kundalini exhaustion/collapse and energy issues
