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Cuboidle
Portugal
1 Posts |
 Posted - Feb 17 2019 : 5:16:59 PM
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Hello! This is my first post on this forum, which I found very recently. In brief, I'm 20 years old, from Portugal, and currently going through some sort of spiritual emergency. Before explaining in further detail, I need to tell my story.
It all started during the summer, in the midst of a festival. I was on a lonely path, developing myself spiritually (I am a very emphatic and sensitive person), and looking for freeing my ego from the countless traps he was in. In that festival, I was fine, quite bored, but fine. Untill I had this joint, two days after a low MDMA dose. Suddenly, I felt enlightened, I felt that I was understanding the connections of the universe, better than never. And slowly things escalated. A weird guy went to our camping spot, wanting to stole us, but he was quite high and we handled the situation fine. But it was my trigger, I started to get paranoid with it. I managed to calm down in the moment, but the damage was made. Slowly, I became paranoid, thought everybody knew what was I thinking, started to hear voices, started to emanate a massive amount of energy (I started to communicate non verbally mostly, since I slowly was feeling I was going above, loosing touch with my body). I ended passing out after a fat joint on a concert, due to the noise and heat (I remember having a sort of OBE while standing up for a few seconds, this was reaaaally weird). In the end of the festival, I tried to astral project, but nothing. I just felt existing in a split-second, a whole delusional state of bliss and understanding, which was nothing but delusional.
Fast forward, and after being in a completely schizophrenic state, I ended up moving to my family again, and only in November I managed to understand I was going crazy. Slowly, the voices reduced and I was much more aware of all the weird things I did. But I find hard to have my life back again, and as I started to investigate, I found myself dwelling on the Kundalini hypothesis. I don't know, it can be, it can't, but I am sure I have a cure. Maybe someone who has been through this. Everything is weird. If I was truly schizophrenic, I would be quite delusional, right? I wouldn't be able to heal myself from "thinking I was an FBI agent" to a normal, although broken functioning, correct? To sum up, I am quite lost now, and would be terribly great to chat with someone experienced. I'm open to chatting, email, something. I need to restart, to reborn, to heal myself slowly, with a good planned approach. I'm alone on this, despite all my mother's support. I'm sorry if some of the things make no sense, but I never explained them, and this was the only way I find to make them more clear. Thank you, and be blessed.
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1. What are your symptoms and how long have you had them? Are your symptoms primarily physical, psychological, or both?
Both. My thoughts generally get scrambled with invasive voices, which may sound like thoughts, whispers, or actually loud voices and sounds. They make, most of the times, sense for me, when they are random and almost onomatopaic. Physically, I feel a lot of pressure in my temples, my crown, my ears and my neck, followed by a persistent and annoying tinnitus. It is common also to have spasms, jerks, seeing lights and flashes (snowflake vision alike, but also due to be using the wrong lenses on my glasses), and weird states of consciousness, such as feeling myself going "up" or going "down". Sometimes I feel this energy on the groin area, which I attribute to the root chakra, and the other day I felt this area expanding, as I grounded myself a bit. Kundalini texts talk often about an energy coming up or down the body, and feeling the "snake" uncoiling from your root chakra. Although I can't say I felt that kind of energy, could you relate both experiences?
2. Are your symptoms ongoing, or intermittent? If intermittent, when are they most likely to occur -- during what kind of activity and/or time of the day? Is your sleep affected?
It depends. These symptoms are persistent, but I have moments of the day whereas I don't hear voices, when I'm focused on something, such as watching TV or a movie. However, and serving as an example, when I wrote "however" I listened to it echoing outside of my head, and felt that in the ear. It is not uncommon to listen to voices associated to a specific part of the body, but it mostly occurs in my head area.
3. Do you consider your situation with kundalini to be the result of spiritual practices, or do you regard it to be spontaneous?
This is the weirdest part. I knew superficially what Kundalini was, but never did a major effort to awaken it. I was going through a bad phase on my life, where I smoked marijuana to cope with it, meditated quite every day, was learning yoga, and had a vegetarian diet. Everything happened from one day to the other. If it is related to Kundalini, I believe so, due to the spontaneous nature of the occurrence. I was waiting for an "awakening", yes, but I am not sure if it was due to that expectance.
4. What sort of spiritual practices have you been engaged in, if any? How long? How often? Are you aware that excessive spiritual practice can aggravate kundalini, often with a delayed reaction?
Yoga, meditation (whether youtube-guided, whether mindful and silent), binaural beats, and living in a repressive, almost monastic way, due to a long depression. Important to metion, I was trying to "connect" the heart chakra to my third eye, because I read somewhere it would develop my emphatic and telepathic abilities. Also, what followed the overload of my Third Eye was the amount of energy I was putting on it intentionally (I had lost my glasses in the month before the breakdown, and I decided to use my Third Eye to guide me in the "absence" of my physical eyes")
5. Do you consider yourself to be “sensitive” to spiritual practices? If so, with what practices, and what sort of measures have you taken to accommodate your sensitivity?
Yes. I felt a lot of perception shifts during the year before my mental breakdown. I took my time integrating them, with the practices described above, and seldom went to group spiritual practices. I felt intensively both the environments and the experiences, and most of them had negative repercussions on me, since the exposure to unknown and lower frequencies made me feel quite depleted.
6. Do you think drugs have contributed to your kundalini situation?
Maybe. I smoked everyday, but not heavily. I had a small dose of MDMA two days before the "awakening", and I had a joint in that day, which triggered the change on my perception. In the beginning, everything was nice and clear, but suddenly all the paranoia, voices, and hallucination started. The worst part was feeling disconnected from my body, and thinking I had all sorts of psychic skills (which I might have, dunno), and the fear. Mostly the fear.
7. Have you experienced traumatic events in your life that may have a bearing on your current symptoms?
Oh yes. Broken households, a neglecting father, mental-health issues on the family, loneliness, broken relationships and a lot of teenage angst.
8. Is your sexual lifestyle affecting your symptoms? Are you aware that obsessively limiting sexual release can increase kundalini energy and symptoms?
Don't even get me started on that. I limited my sexual activity, and I don't have sex since October 2017. I had once after, but it doesn't count for being so terrible and traumatizing. I failed on having intercourse the days before everything started (I was on a festival then), and she refused. Everything at a sexual level was very repressed, and I was trying to channel that energy into music, creativity and some sort of advance practice, which I forgot the name, but it can be referred as an "inorgasm". Probably trying that led me to increase most of the energy, since I did it to cope with my low sexual life.
9. What is your general diet? Are you aware that a lighter diet can stimulate kundalini?
I had a vegetarian diet, consisting on dried fruits, nuts, eggs, soy-milk, dark chocolate, peanut butter, bread, vegetables, rice, pasta, etc. It was quite light, but I used to ate a lot to compensate the low protein diet I had. Probably had something to do.
10. Do you engage in moderate exercise regularly, like walking, yard work, etc? Are you aware that regular exercise can help stabilize ("ground") kundalini symptoms?
I'm really afraid of leaving my house. Sometimes I go out to the park to have a coffee and talk with a friend, but it is rare to leave the place. Sometimes I do yoga or stretches, but I find myself low on energy to handle such practices. I find myself having trouble grounding myself on the nature due to that, so I try to apply it to my body when at home, even when doing nothing (doing a body scan). From my social encounters, I find myself believing whether I'm "reading" people's mind or they are "reading" mine, you know? I'd love to get that figured out, since I believe, when stabilizing it, it might be an emphatic skill to develop. On the other hand, I felt too observed in the last one, since the people there barely talked to me and knew I had a psychosis episode in front of them, which led me to have a weird attitude, and they were not really understandable about it,
11. Are you a highly devotional person? Are you aware that excessive devotional activity, satsang or spiritual study can aggravate an active kundalini?
A bit. I pray sometimes, I tend to keep my faith up, just to not feel so bad. I don't know if this applies to me, but makes me wonder. I wish to develop studies in Spirituality, but I don't feel that is the moment now.
12. Are you engaged in ordinary daily activities like a job, school, family, parenting, social activity, service to others? Are you aware that such activities, undertaken without spiritual intention or expectations, can help ground excessive kundalini energies?
No, but I do wish. However, I fail to find a purpose on engaging in such activities, due to all the fears and mental blockages.
13. Have you been examined and treated by a medical doctor or mental health professional for your symptoms in the past? If so, what was the result?
Yes, and it was very disappointing. I was prescribed Olanzepine, but the diagnosis remained unrevealed. Probably schizophrenia. But I don't consider myself schizophrenic, even with everything I'm afraid. I can function normally, as an anxious cucumber, but normally.
14. Are there other factors and/or measures you are taking in relation to your situation that are not covered above?
Not yet, but I'm planning on doing a Reiki session. I had a shamanic healing session, and it went quite good, I felt better. However, it is not addressing the problem, and I don't know where to seek for help at a low cost and with reliability.
15. Optional: What is your approximate age (teen, 20s, 30s, 40s, etc.)? What is your gender? We ask because the manifestation of kundalini symptoms can be affected by these factors.
20, male.
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I hear voices. Is it Kundalini?
