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lpiscit2
USA
5 Posts |
 Posted - Oct 31 2018 : 4:31:26 PM
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Hello all,
I am new on this forum! Thank you in advance for any advice you may give. While I am new here, I am not strictly new to the AYP journey. It has been a few years.
I always knew I was circumcised and have never been thrilled about it. However, as my practice has progressed, the unhappiness has grown to acute discomfort, pain (physical and emotional), and sadness. As I have become more aware of my body and mind, I realized that without my foreskin, the sensation of sexual activity is frequently laced with either hyper-sensation and pain, or numbness. The function and physical make up of my penis has been altered dramatically. The sensations greatly hinder my ability to practice energy circulation during sex, pre-ejaculatory sex, and has soured the entire sexual experience.
I have been working to come to acceptance for what has been done to me as well as doing what little I can to physically make it better (foreskin restoration). Recently however, I have started cutting back on sexual activity and focusing more on sitting/asanas/pranyama. While this allows me to ignore the problem, I feel as though a limb of my spiritual practice and overall life has been severed, much as a part of my body was amputated. This brings me great sadness.
I guess what I am looking for most is hope. Has anyone else struggled on the tantric sexual journey because of circumcision? Did you find a hope filled path? Is there any specific practices you would recommend to include sexuality in my life with what is left of my penis?
Again, thank you in advance.
Best, Lpiscit2 |
Edited by - lpiscit2 on Oct 31 2018 4:32:01 PM |
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Dogboy
USA
2294 Posts |
Posted - Nov 01 2018 : 6:11:40 PM
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Hello lpiscit2, welcome!
quote:
However, as my practice has progressed, the unhappiness has grown to acute discomfort, pain (physical and emotional), and sadness. As I have become more aware of my body and mind, I realized that without my foreskin, the sensation of sexual activity is frequently laced with either hyper-sensation and pain, or numbness. The function and physical make up of my penis has been altered dramatically. The sensations greatly hinder my ability to practice energy circulation during sex, pre-ejaculatory sex, and has soured the entire sexual experience.
I see from your profile that you are still young, twenty five, and I am assuming that you were circumcised at birth, as I, and many millions of others have been. Being circumsized in no way should prevent you from employing tantric methods in your spiritual pursuits. Yogani has assured, as long as a male has testes, he should be able to transmute sexual essence upward. Have you always pain and numbness throughout your sexual life? If so, then you should consult a urologist or a specialist in sexual medicine. I suspect that this is not the case, that perhaps you are experiencing a lack of consistant sexual sensations regarding your equipment, and if that is the case, it is something you can improve with practice and yoga.
I wonder how you can be so certain that the sexual lives of the uncircumcised are superior to yours; do you have actual memory of your foreskin? It is like imaging a stillborn child would have been a Nobel Prize winner, without considering other possible scenerios.
quote:
I have been working to come to acceptance for what has been done to me as well as doing what little I can to physically make it better (foreskin restoration). Recently however, I have started cutting back on sexual activity and focusing more on sitting/asanas/pranyama. While this allows me to ignore the problem, I feel as though a limb of my spiritual practice and overall life has been severed, much as a part of my body was amputated. This brings me great sadness.
Acceptance for your circumstance is key, for dwelling on what you cannot change will not move you forward. Ignoring sexual activity, or your feelings surrounding this acute loss you feel will cripple you eventually. What we give attention will open up change in our lives.
I am more than two and a half times your age (60), and had to have my prostate removed eight years ago due to cancer. Although the procedure did not affect sexual sensation, it left me unable to become physically aroused for more than a year. The surgeon spared all the nerve endings severed from the procedure, it was a matter of time, daily sexual practice, and attention to arousal cues for the nerves to regenerate connections and return to normal.
Likewise, your AYP practice, over time, purifies your neurobiology, opening nadis and loosening blockages so that prana flows freely in your body. I suggest, rather than avoiding sexual activity, you take to time and care to investigate your sexual arousal. Just as you sit in meditation to bathe in your inner silence, you should, with tender care, atmosphere, oils, music, and measured breath, relax, play, and be with sexual sensation, not just your penis but your whole body. As with your meditation practice, this practice should be disciplined and consistant. This act of self love, over time, will make you comfortable and familiar with how you express sexuality and arousal, not to mention prime your spiritual pump.
Also, be completely with your sadness from this loss, feel it fully, ask yourself questions and pause to see what follows. Perhaps write down your feelings in a journal. Seeing thoughts and feelings become words makes you a witness as well as a participant. By dwelling with sadness, you begin to see how you have formed attachments to this loss, and discover how you will loosen this attachment and surrender what you cannot change. By giving sadness attention and then giving it away, you can be free and move forward in appreciation of all that you can be. Samyama (http://www.aypsite.org/150.html) is the prescription here. The "new you" beyond your foreskin sadness, your stilborn child, will lead to a knowing that you are not really damaged after all, maybe just Immature in expression and understanding. We are not our emotions, they are just data to consider and witness. Allow yourself to be comfortable in the skin you're in, your attention/intention is all that is required.  |
Edited by - Dogboy on Nov 01 2018 9:17:56 PM |
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Chard
250 Posts |
Posted - Nov 02 2018 : 01:41:04 AM
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Hi lpiscit2!, this is such an interesting topic I’m so glad you raised...I think there is a connection between sexual pleasure and circumcism. I did not circumcise my sons for that reason amongst other reasons as well (and we got a lot of slack for that from my parents) but just like I missed out on being breastfed as a newborn and wish I would have been, we cannot create a better past or childhood for ourselves. It’s about acceptance which was mentioned by Dogboy- Love and acceptance for each and every part of our bodies. If your penis were your child (sounds funny!) how would it be received by you? I try to think about that with my stomach which I often wish I could change. If those body parts were people would you be accepting of those? Perhaps a (giggle!) Penis Loving-Kindness Meditation involving acceptance. Also, sexual pleasure does not merely have to do with our anatomy alone considering we are spiritual beings in a human body. Just some thoughts!  Chard |
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Charliedog
1625 Posts |
Posted - Nov 03 2018 : 03:55:41 AM
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Quote by Dogboy,
quote:
be completely with your sadness from this loss, feel it fully, ask yourself questions and pause to see what follows. Perhaps write down your feelings in a journal. Seeing thoughts and feelings become words makes you a witness as well as a participant. By dwelling with sadness, you begin to see how you have formed attachments to this loss, and discover how you will loosen this attachment and surrender what you cannot change. By giving sadness attention and then giving it away, you can be free and move forward in appreciation of all that you can be. Samyama (http://www.aypsite.org/150.html) is the prescription here.
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Jack
United Kingdom
305 Posts |
Posted - Nov 12 2018 : 11:37:20 AM
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Hi lpiscit2,
As a purely practical suggestion from a fellow circumcised man, I'm aware you can purchase 'foreskin replacement' style products which effectively cover the glans of your penis during your day-to-day life. This allows dekeratinisation to occur which in turns leads to partial restoration of sensation. We'll never recover full sensation following circumcision, but you could regain a fair amount.
I've included a link below for an online store based in Canada who manually produce and sell such a product.
https://manhoodcanada.com/shop/
Good luck with your restoration. |
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lpiscit2
USA
5 Posts |
Posted - Nov 28 2018 : 08:57:20 AM
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Hello to all who have responded,
I first want to express my heartfelt thanks for your input. It is rare that I find a place to have a positive or productive conversation about circumcision and your responses have been a ray of sunshine in a dark place.
Dogboy: I have dwelled on your post for quite a while. To answer your questions, you are right I do not know what it is like to have a foreskin and I likely am over-romanticizing it. What drives the feeling that loss is the uncomfortableness of sexual relations that seems wrong in some way. After reading and re-reading the advice in your post many times, I have slowly been folding it into my life. I have started journaling and found it to be a good way to express my emotions. I love your quote, "We are not our emotions, they are just data to consider and witness." I have been finding it easier to give the sadness attention and then give it away. I am not great at self-love/sensual play sessions... but I think the advice of bringing the same mentality of meditation to sessions like these is key. The few times I have done it have been mostly positive, but it is still awkward to me. I still very much struggle to enjoy sex with a partner and that brings up the sadness, but I now have better tools to release that sadness and find hope that pleasure with a partner will come with time. Thank you.
I have also started re reading the AYP book on Samyama, which honestly, I don't think I fully understood the first time around. Re-reading and contemplating has been fun.
Thank you for sharing your story as well as your wisdom.
Chard: Thank you for your positive and upbeat message. I have not yet tried a loving-kindness meditation to my penis but when I do I will write to you on this forum :)
Jack: Thank you for the information on the manhood products. I actually have already used those and a few others and it was a great resource when I got started restoring. I have recently finished creating my own personalized restoration device out of 3d printed parts and hardware haha. It has been working very well for me so far. If you would like to hear more about I am happy to share my design and process. If you are restoring as well, I wish you the best of luck.
Again, a most heartfelt thanks to everyone.
Best always,
lpiscit2
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Dogboy
USA
2294 Posts |
Posted - Nov 29 2018 : 12:20:19 PM
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| Ipiscit2, thank you for the update, and for being brave with yourself. As you cultivate acceptance for your circumstance, for yourself, the awkwardness will dissolve because you are challenging beliefs that have calcified over many years. Godspeed, dear forum friend! When you get around to samyama, let us know how it is for you |
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Circumcision and Spiritual Life
