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1st post in public forums...hello

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yo_gi

Germany
47 Posts

Posted - Apr 29 2018 : 3:53:50 PM

Hey AllYouPathfellows… how are you doing?

I`m not new to AYP, but this is my first post in the public forum… I don’t know why I haven’t posted here earlier, there is much more going on than in the plus-forum. Anyways, here I am, catching up and having not much to say…
But I leave a little random stuff and stories here, that have happened in the recent past (some of that I was about to post – but you know how it can be, as soon as it is written, the purpose is often fulfilled and the need is gone). So I accumulated a couple of potential posts that I partly share now, instead.

A few weeks ago I was at my parents place, talking to my mother while my father was meditating. She told me about her feelings – rather depressive, actually quite bad… I have only heard once from her a degree like that (but maybe that doesn’t mean much, since she rarely talks about her feelings). She unloaded a little of her worries, concerning her evening of life and stuff like that. My mother lives a lot in the past, trying to get back what is gone and missing the point to open up for the now (I told her). “And don’t tell your father about it”, she said – “he doesn’t need to know, it’s ok”. After our talking we went back in the living room and my parents started to do their little work-out (a couple of exercises – especially for my mother, respectively her injured leg-nerves (also a big reason for her mental state)). I also did a couple of push-ups but then I had to sit down on the couch. I thought it was some kind of opening symptom. Usually I don’t tend to emotional scenery, rather to physical/energetic stuff. This time was a little different. I saw my mother and her striated countenance. And then the perception of the room suddenly had a subtle hole-like quality, or like transparent clouds with dark, shadow-outlines and a sad emotional empty-shelf-layer to it. As I said, I thought it’s just another (rather weird) passing something. So I jumped on my bike and was back home soon after. This cloud, though, was somehow following me and remained until my evening practices took care of it. Looking back it reminds me of the cheshire cat following Alice through wonderland, with the only difference that I had grumpy cat on my tail. The same night I was talking to my mother on the phone. Her voice was much stronger and she told me that she feels much better and is having a nice evening with friends watching a soccer match. Her brightened state may have declined a little, but – apart from occasional small downs - is basically still staying with her. I didn’t do anything – I just did let go as I do with all the other stuff, but it makes me happy that my mother seems to feel better no matter why or how.

This little random self-inquiry-situation I think is fun (and I assume quite common). It shows the ability of the mind to mask itself as the witness and instantly loosing its grip in front of it. I was walking through a door and someone was standing behind it, so I almost ran into him and got “frightened” – you know like if someone is waiting around the corner, jumps out and says boo! In that situation my body played its scared role and executed its boggled reflex - within the awareness. In the separate view of the witness experiencing this - wondering about the body's behavior appeared – which in turn was witnessed – which led to the thought/idea: “Gotcha! (the wondering)… you are not myself since I am witnessing you” – which was in turn witnessed and led to the thought/idea “this Gotcha!-thought is also not myself since it is witnessed” – this led to…you know where this is going. It felt like peeling the mind-onion. After quite a few fast automatic cycles it began to strain and I did let go. So the “last in the row” was something like “ahh ok - whatever” – it was witnessed. Isn’t it stubborn how the mind tries to claim to be the witness, as it produces thoughts that fit the relative perspective of the witness - only to become identified as an pointless effort over and over again. It was really fast in weaving its mental webs – but while doing it, it became unveiled. The happening of the process itself was witnessed.

The following is also from the scenery department: During my last solo-retreat on Easter I had a couple of nice experiences during meditation: I saw beautiful landscapes like a street leading in a forest or the shore of a lake with big white rocks an a black thunderstorm rocking above it or the view out of a window with heavy rain pelting on the glass - or just grey muddy weird stuff. But the most impressive experience was a period of breathlessness over about 2 or max 3 min, that was different compared to what I have experienced in those terms so far. The uncoupling from the breathing was way more stable - absolut no feeling of being in charge of breathing and also not the slightest feeling of the possibility that being in charge could ever come back – it felt like it could go on forever. I was located in the body, but the body itself was only some sort of compressed sensual information, a little farer away and completly still with a kind of blue flavor to it (?). I remember that it was very peaceful – no excitement whatsoever. It was not a big space surrounding my perspective and I remember that it was colored black and red and outside of it this very subtle blue glow around the frozen statue of my physical body. The mantra was still going on. as I became aware that there was no heartbeat – at least not that I could sense any. It was not scary at all, only peaceful. Then after 2,5min or so, the breath came back – soooo slowly and easily creeping in.

So these were 3 little stories... hope you enjoyed reading... it was joyful writing it...

wish you all a wonderful ride