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Deer Medicine
USA
8 Posts |
 Posted - Jan 10 2018 : 11:00:16 PM
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Dear Friends.
I am seeking feedback regarding a kundalini awakening process that has been constant for the last 10 months.
This was the second time kundalini symptoms woke up in my body/spirit. The first time (2013) lasted 6 months and did not quite seem to awaken. These recent kundalini symptoms have been intense and constant.
I have the following questions:
1) Any advice for coping with the intense despair that is alternating with bliss states?
2) Why are the lights around me often flickering? Does this mean my energy is out of control? How can I use this energy productively?
3) Do you have any encouragement about intense arising fear of death? Does this fall away? Is there anything I can do to move through intense fear of death?
Questionnaire:
1. What are your symptoms and how long have you had them? Are your symptoms primarily physical, psychological, or both?
Alternating heat and chills.
Bliss states alternating with horrible despair.
Involuntary kriyas and mudras and bandhas every day (Mudras when driving and even at work.)
Feeling of energy moving up. Difficult to explain.
"Waves" of energy before sleep (daily).
Involuntary shakes and tremors (occasional).
Incapacitation from bliss in body (occasional).
Throbbing in third eye area (occasional).
Increased sensitivity to energy patterns and waves of other people and places. (daily)
Weeks at a time of original (it seems) classical music running though head (This happened to me 25 years ago as well while I was a conservatory student.) It is literally nonstop when it occurs.
The above alternates with a much-increased quietness of the mind.
Lights in my house/ workplace/ grocery store flickering and/or turning off. (daily)
Forgetfulness. Less attachment to what happened yesterday or last week.
Less tolerance for drama. Less interest in gossip, TV, news.
Feelings of love for everyone coming in waves. A frequent desire to just hug people.
Overwhelming fatigue but not always sleepy. Difficult to explain.
Lucid dreams (frequent) and feeling of journeying /traveling in my sleep.
Sensing of benevolent etheric presences / spirt guides. (frequent)
Less ambition. Less future-thinking. More in-the-moment thinking.
Less interest in worldly success.
Visions (and physical symptoms) of past lives/ other lives.
Feeling as if I am inside other people's bodies and minds (occasional) in meditation.
Head pressure (occasional)
3 trips to the emergency room (all around midnight) because of heart attack symptoms. (Heart rate of 180-200 with chest pain and arm numbness.) EKGs all showed I was okay.
Intense heat in soles of feet. (occasional)
Desire to spend days at a time in solitude. (frequent)
Pain in back and neck. (frequent)
Emptiness/ open space/ peace approached in mediation. Feeling of death arrives at this point. (frequent)
Desire to live in spiritual community
Less need to talk with people. More contentment with quiet and presence.
Beautiful tingling energy in head (frequent)
2. Are your symptoms ongoing, or intermittent? If intermittent, when are they most likely to occur -- during what kind of activity and/or time of the day? Is your sleep affected?
Varying symptoms occur every day. They intensify at night and during meditation. The positive symptoms intensify when I am inspired or happy. The difficult symptoms intensify when I feel separate and alone.
3. Do you consider your situation with kundalini to be the result of spiritual practices, or do you regard it to be spontaneous?
It began spontaneously in 2013 and again in 2017 without any spiritual practice. It intensified considerably and felt like it broke open in March 2017 after performing Tibetan Rites each morning for a few consecutive weeks.
The first time kundalini rose was after 8 mo. of celibacy. The second time was after 2 yrs. of celibacy. Both times were intense self-inquiry /personal-development phases in my life.
4. What sort of spiritual practices have you been engaged in, if any? How long? How often? Are you aware that excessive spiritual practice can aggravate kundalini, often with a delayed reaction?
I have been meditating almost daily for the last 10 months. It can activate kundalini but it can also calm my system. It tends to calm down the worst symptoms and soothe my emotions. It feels as if meditation practice has reduced my PTSD symptoms in half in the last 10 months.
5. Do you consider yourself to be “sensitive” to spiritual practices? If so, with what practices, and what sort of measures have you taken to accommodate your sensitivity?
Yes. They tend to take effect right away. I enter trances and journeys quite easily.
6. Do you think drugs have contributed to your kundalini situation?
Somewhat. After kundalini became active in March 2017 I started a series of MDMA therapy sessions (once every two months) for PTSD. I have had four sessions so far and many symptoms of PTSD are lessened. At times it feels like I no longer have PTSD.
7. Have you experienced traumatic events in your life that may have a bearing on your current symptoms?
Yes. I was sexually abused as an infant/young child and sexually assaulted as a teen and young woman. Both of my parents were physically and verbally/emotionally abusive.
8. Is your sexual lifestyle affecting your symptoms? Are you aware that obsessively limiting sexual release can increase kundalini energy and symptoms?
I have been celibate for close to 3 years. I made the choice to stay out of relationships after an unhealthy relationship ended 3 years ago. Around six months ago I had spontaneous orgasms and full body bliss states frequently. In the last few months I feel like my energy is more full and round and there is less of a need for a "peak" of sorts.
I am aware that this can intensify symptoms. However, I no longer experience lust /desire. I have libido but can only imagine being sexual in a loving/spiritually-compatible relationship.
9. What is your general diet? Are you aware that a lighter diet can stimulate kundalini?
I have been vegetarian for 25 years.
10. Do you engage in moderate exercise regularly, like walking, yard work, etc? Are you aware that regular exercise can help stabilize ("ground") kundalini symptoms?
I do Pilates and yoga a few times a week. I am often too tired to exercise.
11. Are you a highly devotional person? Are you aware that excessive devotional activity, satsang or spiritual study can aggravate an active kundalini?
No.
12. Are you engaged in ordinary daily activities like a job, school, family, parenting, social activity, service to others? Are you aware that such activities, undertaken without spiritual intention or expectations, can help ground excessive kundalini energies?
I am the executive director of a non-profit. I work long hours but believe in the mission of my work. It seems to ground the energy.
13. Have you been examined and treated by a medical doctor or mental health professional for your symptoms in the past? If so, what was the result?
I saw a GP and a specialist after the ER visits and they declared me perfectly healthy aside from mild iron deficiency.
14. Are there other factors and/or measures you are taking in relation to your situation that are not covered above?
15. Optional: What is your approximate age (teen, 20s, 30s, 40s, etc.)? What is your gender? We ask because the manifestation of kundalini symptoms can be affected by these factors.
I am a 40 yr old female.
Thank you in advance for your help and support. |
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jusmail
India
491 Posts |
Posted - Jan 11 2018 : 6:53:14 PM
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Hello Deer Medicine,
Welcome to the forum. Do take long walks and if possible, more exercise. A heavier diet for a while can help things. Others, I am sure, will chip in with more suggestions. |
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Charliedog
1625 Posts |
Posted - Jan 12 2018 : 01:18:22 AM
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Hi Deer Medicine,
Thank you for sharing and welcome to the AYP forums. Could you tell us what kind of daily meditation practice you have? How long daily do you practice and do you use pranayama or other energetic practice? This info will help us to advise you.
Like jusmail answered, grounding is important, as is self-pace. Self-pacing means cut back on practices when we find ourselves out of balance.
The lessons below of Yogani came to my mind. They will provide you with much insight in your journey and might answer some of your questions.
Kundalini ,symptoms, remedies, imbalances
www.aypsite.org/69.html
Evolutionaire stages of mind
www.aypsite.org/327.html
The aloneness of enlightenment
www.aypsite.org/392.html
Keep in touch,
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Deer Medicine
USA
8 Posts |
Posted - Jan 12 2018 : 10:42:32 AM
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Thank you for your questions. Charliedog. I have done zen and insight meditation retreats in the last few months. My daily meditation practice does not strictly follow any style that I know of. I feel like I just "drop in": kind of like setting a phone back on its charger. I listen to and look at the sensations in my body and the energy flows inside and around myself. Intuitive information and visions often arrive in my mind. This is usually after a period of calmness and almost a feeling of a TV going off (fuzzy.) I usually am instinctively doing kriyas and mudras while meditating. My daily practice lasts for anywhere from half hour (during a busy workweek) to a couple hours (weekends).
I don't use pranayama but am interested in starting it. I do a little bit of yin yoga on the weekends. |
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Charliedog
1625 Posts |
Posted - Jan 12 2018 : 12:34:11 PM
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Hi Deer Medicine,
Thank you for your answer. Reading your questionnaire and your reply you have found already some beautiful progression in the spiritual journey. However you mention you experience fear and imbalance.
At this moment you don't have a balanced practice, this means that also the results are unpredictable. Advised is to follow one system of practices with a daily time schedule. If you take one step at a time you learn to know how the practices work in you, and you can self-pace (cut back on practices) if needed. We all have our karmic obstructions and we are all individuals, we have to find the way that suits us in yogapractices.
This is AYP (Advanced Yoga Practices) Here you can find an open source complete system of yoga practices. Maybe you can have a look around, you can start reading here and maybe you would like to start with the deep meditation.
If you have questions you can ask them here in the forums. If you would like to read also the books, listen to audio lessons, and find more lessons and a dedicated forum with serious practitioners you will find that at AYP Plus. But also here you can find for free 500 lessons written by Yogani...
Best wishes,
Let us know how you are doing |
Edited by - Charliedog on Jan 12 2018 12:36:52 PM |
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jean
Germany
107 Posts |
Posted - Jan 12 2018 : 6:12:16 PM
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Bonny Greenwell has a couple of good suggestions: http://www.kundaliniguide.com/10-th...ini-process/
B-Vitamins and amino acids are helping me with the fatigue symptoms.
The kundalini uses a lot of the biologic resources of the body to fuel the transformation including sexual energy as you noticed.
Jana Dixon wrote a lot of details explaining the biologic side of kundalini http://biologyofkundalini.com/ |
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BlueRaincoat
United Kingdom
1734 Posts |
Posted - Jan 13 2018 : 1:08:25 PM
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Hi Deer Medicine, welcome to the AYP forum
It sounds like your awakening is happening rather fast. A lot of purification going on can lead to some discomfort.
quote:
Originally posted by Deer Medicine
My daily meditation practice does not strictly follow any style that I know of. I feel like I just "drop in": kind of like setting a phone back on its charger. I listen to and look at the sensations in my body and the energy flows inside and around myself.
In AYP, we call this "passive awareness meditation". I think it's useful in times of energetic overload, it helps emotional tensions dissipate. It is a gentle form of meditation (at least for most people) but you should still keep a tab on the length of the sessions and find out how much of it helps you to re-balance. Too much meditation (of any kind) can lead to overload. You have already noticed it can activate kundalini. It might be beneficial to spend some of your leisurely time at weekends taking long walks. They help ground the energy.
I second Charliedog in her advice to read the AYP lessons. They can help you understand what is happening, where you are on your journey and how you can manage the speed of your progress and the symptoms.
The main lever for managing discomfort is self-pacing. We find the level of practice at which we are comfortable, while still making progress - that is self-pacing, in a nutshell.
A heavier diet can help too. I gave up vegetarianism when I started having too much energy running through the system and it helped. As I went back to a mostly vegetarian diet, I started taking an iron supplement. I still do. A quarter of an iron fumarate or iron sulphate pill almost every day is doing the job and I don't get any unpleasant symptoms from taking it. Otherwise you'll have to work hard to get enough iron in your diet. Keeping the iron levels up might help you exercise. It's good to keep fit, especially if the awakening process goes on at the same speed for a long time. It could be months or years, you never know. But you will clean up the emotional baggage and there will be an end to the despair and fear of death episodes.
I hope that begins to answers you first and third questions. Read the lessons and you will find out more about self-pacing and grounding.
quote:
Originally posted by Deer Medicine
2) Why are the lights around me often flickering? Does this mean my energy is out of control? How can I use this energy productively?
You need not worry about using the energy "productively". It is productive, it is cleaning you up. As for controlling it, you are just finding out, like many of us have, that we don't really control this energy. Don't worry, it will be kind to you. It is you, but the notion of 'control' doesn't quite apply. It is surrender you are moving towards. The energy can do strange things when it's unsettled, like the flickering lights. It's nothing to worry about.
Take it slowly and look after yourself. Let us know how you get on. Best wishes |
Edited by - BlueRaincoat on Jan 13 2018 1:11:19 PM |
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capucine
France
66 Posts |
Posted - Jan 15 2018 : 03:51:36 AM
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Hello Deer Medicine,
Nettle leaves powder is very efficient for iron deficiency.
If you live in countryside or have a garden, you can easily find nettles. Ok not now, it’s winter ! But soon, april, may are the best months to harvest and dry them.
Otherwise, you can buy it in powder, ready to use.
I had iron deficiency too. I tried full of pills before to find the good ones. Nettles (leaves) really help.
Spirulina helps too, to bring iron, but be careful, it is very rich in amino acids and phenylalanine cuts the hungry sensation and can make you too slim (if you are already very thin).
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Kentox
India
61 Posts |
Posted - Jan 15 2018 : 08:25:35 AM
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Mostly you are on right track, but despair is the last thing that should be there. I do not know if its because inner silence hit me like a truck before kundalini and so that may be the reason I can never empathize with people who have psychological problems or negative emotions attached to it before I simply never felt it and only because of that I could compelete the whole orbit in less than year, now I am overflowing with energy that seeps out of me just by staying near me people could have their kundalini awakened if they are just open.I keep doing my kriyas nonstop day after day it is common as taking a breath for me.
Also alternating cold and heat is just energy moving through front and back meridians, nothing to worry.
If you meditate that in itself solves most of the things, but when you suffer a blockage it'll bring alot of pain until it destroys it completely which might lead to very uncomfortable issues.
Only problem that I see you have is that you haven't shown mind its place yet, it is still toying with you. If you really are getting detached from things you must do it properly, detach from the despair as well. You don't really fear death, you fear death of your little identity that you have created. It is not necessary to go into solitude for your entire life, I'd rather advice not to because we need active people who are awakened out there working to change the world in their own way.
When I was starting my meditation, only thing I would need to look for is something for me to work at, by placing my attention on it, I would soon find my answers which may go very very deep. Anything that hindered my meditation I would meditate upon it and it'll either be removed by itself or I end up finding answers as to why it is there and what to do to root it out or ease out the process.
Only problem I see is that you feel despair and fear of death. Rather than asking me and others for the answer, I'd ask you to look into yourself and find why is it that you fear death and why despair. Slowly slowly you'll get your answers. Be patient and stay open.
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Deer Medicine
USA
8 Posts |
Posted - Jan 16 2018 : 7:57:06 PM
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Thank you all for your wonderful suggestions. I have found the passive awareness meditation to be incredibly helpful. It feels like I am approaching more and more stillness every day. Sometimes a weird thing seems to happen in front of my eyes. Like a TV screen zapping and getting wavy.
There is less thought now when I meditate but there are very subtle feelings surfacing. I have felt holding patterns and even felt like I went inside my mother's body and felt her holding patterns. If I focus on an area in my body when I notice those patterns, a small area will release.
Thank you capucine for the nettle suggestion. I actually have that at home and will try it this week. I also am taking an herbal iron supplement: Floradix.
I am reading the AYP lessons and find them very useful. I am so grateful for these resources and this community. |
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Charliedog
1625 Posts |
Posted - Jan 17 2018 : 01:53:58 AM
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capucine
France
66 Posts |
Posted - Jan 17 2018 : 03:05:27 AM
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Floradix is very efficient, only plants, vegetables and fruits inside. A little expensive.
Vitall+ is very efficient too, but it's from a french laboratory. It's bisglycinate iron (not herbals). It's a very assimilable iron and soft for the digestive system.
Avoid tea, coffee and milk limiting iron absorption. On contrary, take C vitamin (lemon, orange, kiwi) to help absorption.
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Kundalini Questions
