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microcosm
102 Posts |
 Posted - Feb 16 2017 : 9:35:31 PM
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Hi, I feel like I'm going to hang up. This is not good. Below are my answers to your questionnare.
1. What are your symptoms and how long have you had them? Are your symptoms primarily physical, psychological, or both?
It's hard to explain. I feel like I'm traveling through a fractal, which is myself. My symptoms are mainly psychological. I've no access to my body. I've something on me which I want to take off, but can't without high degree of concentration. Concentration causes instability in my experience of reality. For example: things (physical objects) appear and disappear, contradicting my memories -- I found this interesting few times, but now it seems unsatisfactory (boring ;)).
2. Are your symptoms ongoing, or intermittent? If intermittent, when are they most likely to occur -- during what kind of activity and/or time of the day? Is your sleep affected?
They are ongoing with various intensity. I could say "intermittent" but I suspect I lack awareness to notice everything. They are most likely to occur during high concenration states, but also in "ordinary life" doing "mundane things". My sleep is affected.
3. Do you consider your situation with kundalini to be the result of spiritual practices, or do you regard it to be spontaneous?
Mix of both.
4. What sort of spiritual practices have you been engaged in, if any? How long? How often? Are you aware that excessive spiritual practice can aggravate kundalini, often with a delayed reaction?
Various. Mostly vipassana, but I tried also shaktipats (multiple sources), did a lot of hallucinogens (LSD, mushrooms, DMT). I'm not aware that excess can do me any harm, because I didn't experience any.
5. Do you consider yourself to be “sensitive” to spiritual practices? If so, with what practices, and what sort of measures have you taken to accommodate your sensitivity?
I do not consider myself "sensitivie" because I can't feel energy in my body, despite doing many practices and working hard. Concentration is key for me, IMHO.
6. Do you think drugs have contributed to your kundalini situation?
Yes, esp. LSD and mushrooms.
7. Have you experienced traumatic events in your life that may have a bearing on your current symptoms?
Yes, suicide (failed).
8. Is your sexual lifestyle affecting your symptoms? Are you aware that obsessively limiting sexual release can increase kundalini energy and symptoms?
The problem is that my penis doesn't listen to me.
9. What is your general diet? Are you aware that a lighter diet can stimulate kundalini?
Vegetarian. Yes, that was the idea.
10. Do you engage in moderate exercise regularly, like walking, yard work, etc? Are you aware that regular exercise can help stabilize ("ground") kundalini symptoms?
Yes, I go to the gym.
11. Are you a highly devotional person? Are you aware that excessive devotional activity, satsang or spiritual study can aggravate an active kundalini?
I'm not devotional at all, but I've utmost respect to all spiritual teachers.
12. Are you engaged in ordinary daily activities like a job, school, family, parenting, social activity, service to others? Are you aware that such activities, undertaken without spiritual intention or expectations, can help ground excessive kundalini energies?
I'm engaged in some social activity. I'm in a point where job, school, family are not relevant (I don't have to work bc I've a lot of savings, out of school, don't like talking to my family). I'm thinking about service to others.
13. Have you been examined and treated by a medical doctor or mental health professional for your symptoms in the past? If so, what was the result?
Yes, I've been examined. The diagnosis was paranoid schizophrenia and depression.
14. Are there other factors and/or measures you are taking in relation to your situation that are not covered above?
I really want to feel bliss, but there is none. I don't get why it's so hard to feel blissful after this much work.
15. Optional: What is your approximate age (teen, 20s, 30s, 40s, etc.)? What is your gender? We ask because the manifestation of kundalini symptoms can be affected by these factors.
~30. Male. |
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts |
Posted - Feb 16 2017 : 10:52:38 PM
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Peace and love to you.
If I had any advice to give, it would be to follow the magic AYP formula: Vision + Desire + Action = Achievement. Really take your time to contemplate and invest in those elements, and then it will start to fall into place. This has been my experience.
RE: psychedelics...I did my share, and paid a price. It's the nature of the beast. They are not beneficial over the long-term, and they are detrimental to the nervous system and energy body. Practices like Deep Meditation and Samyama (core and cosmic) are far more valuable and rewarding for the purposes of transcendence.
Finding some sturdy people in the community to connect with can be highly, highly advantageous. This is a crucial point, especially for those of us in recovery. There is great strength in numbers.
Unity. Strength. Wisdom. |
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BlueRaincoat
United Kingdom
1734 Posts |
Posted - Feb 19 2017 : 09:20:26 AM
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Hi microcosm
Sorry to hear you're going through a rough patch.
Expectations of bliss can easily be disappointed, but you have been making progress deepening the witness state (as you wrote in another post) and that is the most important point. You are gaining ground - that is undeniable. Of course there are rough patches, but they can't last (nothing does, does it?  ).
"Service to others" is great idea. And I hope you will carry on with your practice, paying attention to self-pacing of course. I also hope you can benefit from Bodhi's experience. I guess he can understand what you're going through better than other people, who have not been exposed to psychedelics.
All the best to you. Please do let us know how you're getting on. Sending prayers your way  |
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Charliedog
1625 Posts |
Posted - Feb 19 2017 : 10:33:36 AM
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Hi microcosm,
Sorry to hear you have a not so easy path at this moment. You received great advices of BlueRaincoat and Bodhi already. Just would like to say to you, after the rough times there will be a new smoother phase.
Hopefully you will stick to the spiritual practices, and leave the psychedelics for what they are, this may sound as a mother, but I mean it. Is it possible for you to find an experienced yoga teacher in your surroundings?
Otherwise do practice and keep in touch here. It could be helpful to share your difficulties. Expressing the feelings in words could be releasing, here or in a journal.
You are in my prayers, love to you 
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microcosm
102 Posts |
Posted - Feb 19 2017 : 1:42:59 PM
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| Thank you Bodhi, BlueRaincoat, Charliedog. |
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Charliedog
1625 Posts |
Posted - Feb 20 2017 : 07:58:52 AM
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Could you describe your daily practice microcosm?
Then we can maybe advice you.
How are your plans to travel to Nepal?
Maybe you can combine this with volunteer work?
It might do you good to have structure in life and it can be eyeopening to be in a different culture for some time.
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Edited by - Charliedog on Feb 20 2017 08:09:37 AM |
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microcosm
102 Posts |
Posted - Feb 20 2017 : 09:39:54 AM
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I think my problem is poor concentration - I'll try to improve that. I'll also work with the body, because there's plenty of tension there. It's possible I'll travel to Myanmar for a retreat, idk yet - the retreat is in december.
I'm resting now, because last few days were very destabilizing. Yes, I think I'll do some volunteer work. |
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Charliedog
1625 Posts |
Posted - Feb 20 2017 : 10:35:58 AM
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Concentration will also be improved by going out and take brisk walks in nature. (Grounding)
Maybe you can look in your neighborhood for a yoga class. For instance vinyasa or power yoga or hatha yoga. In a group with an experienced teacher will take you out of the head and into the body. Also this improves your concentration and it is physical intense. This will release tension from the physical body and also emotional tension and you connect with the energetic body.
This all will help you to improve your meditation practice, I speak from experience, we can have so much to carry that it sometimes is easier to start with asana. Shavasana or corpse pose at the end will be your meditation moment.
Hope this is helpful, if you have an AYP practice let us know, so we can advice you in this.
Wishing you volunteer work with many happy moments, I would love to go to Myanmar once
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Feeling strange
