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So-Hi
USA
481 Posts |
 Posted - Jul 16 2015 : 12:01:08 PM
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Hello Today is Thursday July 16th. 2015
Over the last two weeks have been working around people who are sick, and it appears that the immune system has been fighting it off, for the most part some minor chest congestion and stomach upset.
So far this routine of somewhat extreme self pacing is working quite well while the body is tired but not incapable of keeping up this once daily routine.
There is also just such a draw to Samyama, that there was no choice but to cheat a little bit and performed just one of the AYP Sutras. LOVE two times.
Last night performed heart breathing after the 2 rounds of Samyama and had very good strong heart clearing results.
Rest followed for 20 minutes.
Ecstatic conductivity rising in the spine hours after the session.
Awoke last night heart center was vibrating at a very high rate could be felt physically like a device vibrating both front and back of the chest.
Guess this is ongoing signs of purification ?
Temperament during the day is good, cheerful. |
Edited by - So-Hi on Jul 16 2015 1:53:06 PM |
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So-Hi
USA
481 Posts |
Posted - Jul 19 2015 : 11:31:31 AM
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Hello, today is Sunday July 19th 2015.
The last two days of practice have been a bit different, on Friday July 17th there was so much energetic conductivity with heartsick love unwinding that I was actually crying during Spinal Breathing and Deep Meditation it is the kind of crying from deep, deep within stillness where unknown stuff has been residing like long forgotten toys of childhood or once beloved tools like slide hammer nail pullers from the early 1920’s with huge amounts of memory of work and friends long gone attached to them in the dank damp dust at the bottom of a cold damp basement with the lights turned off in the middle of coldest Winter.
All of a sudden the lights are turned on after a long time of not visiting the cellar only to find that much has remained the same frozen in time right where it was left undisturbed but with time has ceased to be relevant and has begun to decay returning its pre-manufactured, man made combined elements back to the source from whence they came an old metal chair is bumped in passing and startlingly falls disintegrating back into being earth only the most tenuous of balanced tensions where maintaining its shape long past its time of structural or practical form.
Finally it is free from the mental cohesiveness of form placed upon it by humans thoughts then manipulating elements to form the object of thought.
Mind you the reader; none of this was seen, this is just being explained well after the fact as this unknown whatever that was unspooled released is now being translated by this mind into thought then letters.
It was really difficult to favor the practices during this but stuck with it and completed then laid down for close to 1/2 and hour swiftly falling asleep exhausted and awoke not less than 30 minutes later feeling as if it were morning twice in one day.
By simply favoring the practice one has an anchor while in the midst of the storm of whatever enjoyable or powerful or even mundane that shall unwind.
Note: it is actually possible to cry internally and taste tears in Kechari while eyes remain dry.
Got back up and went about the day.
Saturday July the 18th woke up with a very sore throat. The practice for this day was more of the same to a lesser extent felt as if on the tail end of this particular cycle of purification, body is fighting illness sore throat etc..
Sunday woke to head congestion draining sinuses and chest congestion after a night of very lucid dreaming.
Edited post to remove lucid dreaming content not really relevant and might be distracting.
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Edited by - So-Hi on Jul 19 2015 3:02:57 PM |
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kumar ul islam
United Kingdom
791 Posts |
Posted - Jul 19 2015 : 4:13:39 PM
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So-Hi
USA
481 Posts |
Posted - Jul 20 2015 : 10:36:01 AM
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Hello today is Monday July 20th 2015.
Yesterdays sitting was not as energetic and not as much emotionally charged which was just fine a relief in fact. This really underscores how we should not expect any two sittings to be exactly the same,
During Spinal breathing there was a huge crack of Thunder, very, very loud but did not have the ability to shake my seat it was almost as if it were felt coming and was no surprise considered perhaps I should stop as in some traditions it is not advised to practice spinal breathing type pranayama during a thunderstorm as it believed to drawl lightning.
Then just went back to favoring the practice going deep into Spinal Breathing.
Disappointment when it was time to stop spinal breathing seemed to soon but transitioned into Deep meditation.
During Deep Meditation found the mantra going up into the crown but it was pleasant and natural not forced nor too much it just went there and I realized this is what Yogani meant by purifying the crown without effort.
It was nice it felt slightly warm and a very gentle vibration of love if it had an emotional flavor at all that would be the closest thing to it.
Other systems that focus on the crown tend to produce feelings of heaviness and strong electrical ecstatic conductivity and strong vibration in the crown this was different gentle like a fine warm summer rain with very little electrical feeling and just a nice pleasant hum of a vibration.
The color was whitish to golden yellow, easily favoring the mantra this was observed upon first observance and understanding the mantra was in the crown there was some thought of putting it elsewhere but there was a gentle reassurance this was alright and to continue on it was going to be all right was the reassurance so went back to easily favoring the mantra.
Really wanted to stay with deep meditation but again respecting the discipline self imposed stopped gently letting AYAM dissipate to silence and stillness. Sat and it was known to practice 2 sutras of Samyama twice.
Love.
Radiance.
Some heart breathing
Some Mahamudra
Laid Down rest 15 minutes.
Asked my wife later if she heard that loud thunder cracking, she replied yes but just once, wow bet we got allot of rain… She replied none at all looked out the window bright and Sunny. Wow were there any rain clouds, did it get dark out? nope no clouds was just like it is now.
Weird that's strange.
Tell me about it made me jump she said. |
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Charliedog
1625 Posts |
Posted - Jul 20 2015 : 12:02:46 PM
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Hi So-Hi,
Thanks for sharing! Lately I also have that experiences in DM. Sitting for the window eyes closed in silence, and then it is as if the sun is going to shine outside, see in fact also a golden sun as in the form of sahasrara lotus flower. When opening my eyes it is still dark or cloudy outside. Also the warm raindrops on the crown I feel regularly. Beautiful isn't it 
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So-Hi
USA
481 Posts |
Posted - Jul 20 2015 : 2:39:53 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Charliedog
Hi So-Hi,
Thanks for sharing! Lately I also have that experiences in DM. Sitting for the window eyes closed in silence, and then it is as if the sun is going to shine outside, see in fact also a golden sun as in the form of sahasrara lotus flower. When opening my eyes it is still dark or cloudy outside. Also the warm raindrops on the crown I feel regularly. Beautiful isn't it
Yes, yes it is |
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sunyata
USA
1513 Posts |
Posted - Jul 20 2015 : 9:08:31 PM
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So-Hi,
Thank you for sharing your practice journal. It's very enlightening. |
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So-Hi
USA
481 Posts |
Posted - Jul 21 2015 : 08:08:24 AM
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| Thank you Sunyata and for your helpful replies as well. |
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So-Hi
USA
481 Posts |
Posted - Jul 21 2015 : 09:33:08 AM
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Hello today is Tuesday July 21st 2015. Paradoxes……..
The last two days Sunday & Monday outside of practice have been an experience of the witness subject to bodily ailments this morning it is noticed that symptoms are clearing after a very strong healing deep nights sleep.
It is considered that it is entirely possible the symptoms of illness must also possibly be considered as symptoms of on going inner purification.
The last two days have left the witness also subject to the emotions of the heart & mind and there have been anxieties being unwound and they are fear but there is no revelation concerning fear of what.
Just pure distilled 100 proof fear. Well maybe 90 proof now that it is being written out.
Imagine it as uncolored undifferentiated not holding any thought form or memory in suspension. Or maybe just some very few particles. Either way there is not enough to be discernible.
If you have water it is water. If you put brewers yeast powder in water and stir it it remains in suspension and you can drink this suspension but if you let it sit the powder will not dissolve it will eventually wind up sitting on the bottom of the glass.
In another forum post there is the question is pain a prerequisite? This is the title of the thread.
It is thought after the last two days that it is not necessarily a prerequisite but it will come and it is unavoidable, there really is nothing worse to cope with than anxiety, but it is known how to do so.
Yogani really does keep giving the key over and over again cultivating inner silence through Spinal Breathing and Deep Meditation the two core practices of AYP.
Ah but here is one of Yogani’s paradoxes, we do the practices to cultivate ecstatic conductivity and inner silence which gives rise to the witness.
By the very doing of these practices we unwind many things from the subconscious things that are simply not known or knowable to the conscious mind.
So it is with the present capability of this neurobiology to conduct Inner silence in daily living; the gift of Deep Meditation that the last two days have been lived with unwinding anxieties of fear.
A paradox no? Releasing the Toxic anxiety by the practices and by the practices being given the ability to witness and cope with their unwinding.
Yogani also always advises letting go and letting God just like in Samyama, if you ever want to feel in the heart again and be brought to joyful tears just release and let go from the heart, have to watch myself around others-these days developing a melting heart that needs little provocation to come to ecstatic conductivity leading to radiance and release this brings tears to the eyes and further cleansing .
During the last two days there has been a lot of letting go just like in samyama when the anxieties would become welled up into the throat threatening to overwhelm mind too much the witness would simply release just them into stillness just like in samyama, in a way it is almost like watching Karma Ghosts be freed to move on at long last as thought forms long trapped are released to be recycled into a different life becoming perhaps un bound awareness components again.
Ho huuuuuunngghhhhhhhh release, and the heart vibrates with openness and it is known this cycle will repeat as often as necessary until the unwinding and purification is complete.
Today is the end of a downward slope of release it led to last nights utter exhausted sleep and replenishment.
Yesterday Monday July 21st the anxieties were so great and the tiredness so much that there were many thoughts of just not sitting at all for practice.
There were a few things that kept me going maybe by sharing this someone else will be able to fid there ability to sit under difficult unwinding.
So many things were reflected upon.
#1. The flywheel effect of years of strong practices in other traditions might be catching up with me and this is an overload. Considered this and accepted this as possible but the bhakti is such that there really is no choice but to self pace and soldier on.
#2. Maybe I should just take today off, but as soon as this was thought Bhakti said NO!! Progress is best made by repeatedly doing even if you have to crawl instead of walk, so crawl, it is ok you have nothing to prove and I release you from having to have a spectacular or even good experience sitting today, as a matter of fact feel free to have a rotten one. But crawl if you can do nothing else.
#3. How many times have you found that sitting in the midst of difficulties is the very thing needed most? Answer = Always just so long as you do not push things too far when they get beautiful.
#4.Thank goodness I have established this routine of severe self pacing, even though weak of spirit I can do this little bit, everyday, anybody can do this, C’Mon lets go enough idle speculation.
Put down the cushion and sat bowing before God, Ishta and Guru and praying please forgive this terrible mind I bring to this sitting it is all I have to offer up to work with and am doing my best.
Spinal Breathing was cleansing as it always is there was much tightness in the chest and the lungs were happiest when empty and liked to stay empty as did the mind, soon it was over and it was time for Deep Meditation and here many anxieties reared up and came to be felt and here the life raft of favoring the mantra I AM was easily favored as in clung to like a life raft in an oceanic storm,
I AM AM AM AYAM
Towards the end of the session the mind spoke up oh this is torture when will this end and then the chime sounded and it was time so with relief I am was let go of.
No Heart breathing
No Samyama the system was already expressing energetically, emotionally releasing great gouts of release.
Some Mahamudra and laying down for rest. The mind was not restful it was buzzing with no thought and then complete scenes of things to be worked out on would play out in full completion and witness would lament ah but not the doer of anything everything is already done. Seeing the doing the doing is done now to wade through the motions.
Got up put in 1/2 hour on the treadmill and as the rest of the evening wore on a calming effect was gradually coming over the system, good humor and jokes well received by others.
Time for bed.
Slept like a log.
Awoke in Lucid state working with others on a project just as clear as day, knew the alarm was not far off realized there had been an exceptionally good nights sleep, hit the snooze a few times then got up, Small traces of anxieties, very small seen as just inner unwinding and accepted and loved to be just how it will released.
So far today witness is witness to more heart melting love ecstatic conductivity flowing from under back of Skull to heart unimpeded radiating into Manipura then down to root passing through Svadhishthana on the way.
Feeling is grounding in the root.
Heart feels a bit raw like it has been raked with claws raw and exposed bleeding out relief but is better than being tight and closed. |
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sunyata
USA
1513 Posts |
Posted - Jul 21 2015 : 10:52:31 AM
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It's nice to confirm your practices with mine. The experiences you share at AYP plus and here match
with what's going on here. The only difference is I'm self-pacing since last week. The purification is intense. Somedays I wonder- that's a lot of Karma, not sure how many lifetimes of it are dissolving.
You are very good at conveying your life to the readers.. |
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So-Hi
USA
481 Posts |
Posted - Jul 21 2015 : 11:24:38 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by sunyata
It's nice to confirm your practices with mine. The experiences you share at AYP plus and here match
with what's going on here. The only difference is I'm self-pacing since last week. The purification is intense. Somedays I wonder- that's a lot of Karma, not sure how many lifetimes of it are dissolving.
You are very good at conveying your life to the readers..
Thank you Sunyata, it is thought that this life is like so many others that what is happening here is likely to be happening elsewhere as well, if it is then maybe by sharing it others will recognize similar things and in recognizing them feel more connected and not so all alone. Maybe they will have something to eat and not be spiritually hungry.
This is thought of as important just like when a person has asked me for money, for food I would take them into a restaurant ask them to to order a meal whatever they would like, then pay for it say good bye and leave.
Sometimes though it is difficult to tell whom is giving and whom is receiving as it all blends into one, in the heart. |
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sunyata
USA
1513 Posts |
Posted - Jul 21 2015 : 11:44:36 AM
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quote:
Thank you Sunyata, it is thought that this life is like so many others that what is happening here is likely to be happening elsewhere as well, if it is then maybe by sharing it others will recognize similar things and in recognizing them feel more connected and not so all alone.
You are doing really well! Stillness in action. |
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So-Hi
USA
481 Posts |
Posted - Jul 21 2015 : 2:20:58 PM
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Experiment in Self Pacing Less is More?
