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tamasaburo
USA
136 Posts |
 Posted - Apr 25 2015 : 9:24:49 PM
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Hi guys, it's been a while. Thanks to Yoga, I've had pretty good equanimity in most areas of my life of late, but recently something came up which really bothered me.
I got into playing a video game which many take very seriously and even play competitively. I decided I also wanted to reach a level of being at least decent, if not competition-worthy, in this game because I found it really fun, and because it's been a while since I've had something into which to channel my competitive instincts (sadly, many of my hobbies have gone out the window of late due to very busy time at work).
The thing is, I find that ever since I started taking the game at all seriously, I find I can get EXTREMELY angry when I don't perform up to my own expectations. I don't mind losing per se, but I get very angry at myself if I lose because I made a stupid mistake, or if I lose repeatedly to someone who does not seem to be very skilled (I don't mind losing to people who are obviously skilled).
In many cases I find it is best for me to just avoid situations which I know cause bad emotional reactions in me. I no longer watch horror movies, for example, because, while I can enjoy them, I find they make me anxious, give me insomnia, etc. and basically fill my head with unpleasant thoughts and images.
So a part of me thinks that if playing this game makes me really angry, maybe I should just stop playing it, but besides being reluctant to give up what I thought could be a fun pasttime, it also seems like maybe I'm just skirting an underlying issue. If I really have all this anger ready to come out over something as trivial as a video game maybe I should instead learn to deal with it or transcend it somehow?
I have tried to be present and aware, or to ask myself "who is getting angry?" etc. when I start to get angry and this helps somewhat, but doesn't completely solve it.
Anyway, the more general question is: is it better to avoid situations that you know set you off emotionally, or is it better to try to dig into it and see if it can be transcended somehow?
Thanks for any insights.  |
Edited by - tamasaburo on Apr 25 2015 9:25:31 PM |
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bewell
1275 Posts |
Posted - Apr 25 2015 : 10:35:55 PM
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Hi,
That's a tough question. I have a similar situation with Church meetings. There are some situations that get me "crazy." Lately, I'm avoiding going so that doesn't happen. I take some comfort in knowing that lots of people deep into yoga no longer find traditional church suites them. Still, there is the thought that I should stick with it and learn to, as you say, "transcend."
I don't know what's best. |
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ak33
Canada
229 Posts |
Posted - Apr 25 2015 : 10:38:44 PM
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| Its league of legends isn't it |
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tamasaburo
USA
136 Posts |
Posted - Apr 25 2015 : 10:42:15 PM
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| Haha, good guess, but no. |
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ak33
Canada
229 Posts |
Posted - Apr 25 2015 : 11:06:20 PM
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| Simple answer, avoid it. Running away from your problems is one thing, and deliberately sabotaging yourself by seeking out situations that trigger (beyond a point where you can function properly) you is another. Maybe take a break and come back, and then try to deal with the underlying issue. |
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compassion
90 Posts |
Posted - Apr 26 2015 : 02:13:13 AM
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| If you don't mind me asking, what kind of video game is it? If there is any violence in the game, I might suggest that taking the experience more seriously would probably feed feelings of anger and aggression. Just as a warzone might not the easiest place to get a good night's sleep, you might not be doing yourself any favours with a violent video game. Perhaps you could experiment by taking a non-violent game seriously, and see if it provokes the same kind of reaction? |
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Charliedog
1625 Posts |
Posted - Apr 26 2015 : 04:11:04 AM
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Hi Tamasaburo,
Do you have a steady yoga practice at this moment?
After some time of practice you can see more clearly your own habits, that could be challenging.
The game shows you something that needs your attention.
Time to look inside and see were the anger comes from....why are you so angry at yourself if you are making a mistake?
Avoiding situations which trigger your emotions, ( I don't mean films or games) is not the way in my opinion.
Yoga practice is, dealing with them, see them, accept them, (challenge!) surrender, don't push them away, or avoid........you have to be totally honest to yourself.
Then the emotions can be transcended, and then you can see them for what they really are. 
Edit;wording.
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Edited by - Charliedog on Apr 26 2015 05:20:52 AM |
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kumar ul islam
United Kingdom
791 Posts |
Posted - Apr 26 2015 : 06:35:46 AM
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when an arrow with a poison tip is aimed at you the best action is to avoid it. |
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Dogboy
USA
2294 Posts |
Posted - Apr 26 2015 : 07:00:31 AM
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It would be interesting for you to learn why you are so attached to the outcome to produce such an emotional response. Sounds to me like Ego has claimed this territory for its expression  . |
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Holy
796 Posts |
Posted - Apr 26 2015 : 09:25:31 AM
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Hi tamasaburo,
it is in the nature of the game, if you win, you feel good, if you loose, then not :P
You also have no chance, as you play to win. If you'd play just for fun, it would only be fun, but the game is obviously not programmed for fun but for being better than the other, so the result is unavoidable.
When the game experience has been saturated, naturally you will continue with something else :)
Therefore no worry and
happy practice friend :) |
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Dogboy
USA
2294 Posts |
Posted - Apr 26 2015 : 11:39:36 AM
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| I'm a HUGE fan of Mario Kart, play it daily for fun and competition. I no longer play against others online, just with Mario and his gang. I love the joyous competition, the mindfulness in the frenzy of the race, and to laugh at myself for caring so much about beating cartoons in a world where you can die and come back again and again . |
Edited by - Dogboy on Apr 26 2015 11:40:26 AM |
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tamasaburo
USA
136 Posts |
Posted - Apr 26 2015 : 1:01:09 PM
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Similar to Mario Kart, the game is actually Smash Brothers. One could say it is violent but only in a very cartoonish, unrealistic way. Playing the computer does not make me mad, and playing against human opponents in real life does not bother me as much, but playing online against human opponents sometimes makes me really mad (only thing is, playing against the computer is not very entertaining to me, and I only have a real life human opponent every once in a while).
I do think my anger has something to do with the emotional attachment I developed once I decided I wanted to be good at the game. When I knew I was really bad at the game and didn't care that I was bad at the game it didn't bother me to lose. But once I started putting effort into getting good at the game it started to bother me because suddenly it was a goal of mine getting frustrated.
On the one hand, it's probably good to try to return to a more casual attitude about it, since it is, after all, just a game. On the other, I feel like I should get better at dealing with emotions of frustration I often feel when I don't do as well as I'd hope in an area I care about.
One way of thinking about it that may be helpful is something I've previously used for giving presentations, performances, and other things that make me nervous. The way of thinking is that the outcome is wholly determined by the level of preparation. If I lose it's not because I'm stupid or my finger slipped or the cat walked in front of the TV, it's because I haven't practiced enough yet to do what I want to when the pressure is on (and one has to expect worsened performance when the pressure is on as part of the performance itself). I think this might help me avoid feeling like it's "unfair" that I lost to an opponent I "should have" beaten, etc.
Beyond that, however, I guess it is probably good to try to look deeper into why, in the first place, I have this emotional attachment to success in this game.
Can one take something very seriously, try very hard, and yet not feel attached to the outcome? I guess Krishna would tell Arjun you could, though easier said than done... |
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BlueRaincoat
United Kingdom
1734 Posts |
Posted - Apr 26 2015 : 2:31:47 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by tamasaburo
Can one take something very seriously, try very hard, and yet not feel attached to the outcome? I guess Krishna would tell Arjun you could, though easier said than done...
This does happen as a result of developing inner silence through meditation. Howe is your meditation practice going?
Something else that might help is mindfulness: when you get unpleasant emotions arising, hold them in awareness without trying to block or fight them. Simply accept they are there.
It might simply be a phase, some emotional baggage surfacing and clearing up. I would avoid the triggers before bedtime as much as possible. |
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tamasaburo
USA
136 Posts |
Posted - Apr 26 2015 : 3:38:47 PM
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| I do have a daily meditation practice, and in most situations I'd say I'm significantly calmer and more able to look at things dispassionately than before I started. This is part of why it surprised me that I could still get so upset over something as small as a video game. |
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jacquic
Australia
14 Posts |
Posted - Apr 27 2015 : 05:27:57 AM
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Hello,
I might upset the apple cart a bit with what I am going to say.
Ditch the video game. Just ditch it, cold turkey. And then, ditch as much other screen time as you can. Then, go outside, breathe in the air, marvel at the world around you. Watch the birds fly, listen to them in the trees. Notice just how many aeroplanes fly over your head in the sky. And at night time, notice just how many satellites you can see orbiting around you. Take your shoes off, walk barefoot on our earth, and connect to her energy. Feel the rays of the sun on your body, feel the wind against your skin. Cherish your breath.
It is that simple, my friend.
(Yes, the irony that I'm looking at a screen to type that out..).
Some situations just press too many buttons. Some are good to help watch emotions and develop 'no attachment no aversion', but sometimes in life there are situations that are just best avoided. Particularly violence, of any kind. Even cartoon violence. It is still violence.
Wishing you much love and light. |
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Blanche
USA
873 Posts |
Posted - Apr 27 2015 : 8:49:16 PM
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Konnichiwa, Tamasaburo-
Your problem must be frustrating, as it interferes with your "play." As your writting suggests, it is a more general issue than playing a video game. Of course, you could avoid playing the game, but my guess is that the anger/frustration will show up in another area of your life. It seems that you know what the problem is: you are attached to the "fruit"/outcome of the activity, rather than the activity itself. Do your best, whatever your best is in the moment - this does not mean be "perfect," as perfection is an ideal, not a real condition. Doing your best is the part you can control. The results are not under your control - think about this. Yes, Krishna's advice to Arjuna is the way to go - there is the technique, the problem is one for each of us to solve. |
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Anthem
1608 Posts |
Posted - Apr 27 2015 : 10:17:01 PM
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Hi Tamasaburo,
quote:
I decided I also wanted to reach a level of being at least decent, if not competition-worthy, in this game because I found it really fun, and because it's been a while since I've had something into which to channel my competitive instincts
The moment you decide that you want something is the moment you create your inevitable grieving, fear, anger sadness etc, when you don't get what you want.
More interesting perhaps is why do you want "to be decent" in the first place? Most likely there is identification to some idea here of self worth. Looking deeply into things like this can be an opportunity for greater freedom in my experience. What will others think of you if you were decent or what will you think of you?
Video games can be fun, play with them if it turns your crank, just recognize the price of playing them and the price of wanting a particular outcome.This will keep it all in check but requires honesty.
So if you want to play for fun, let go of the outcome of being good or skilled, skill is an inevitable consequence of volume of play, exploration and increased silence/ stillness in the moment of action anyway.
If you want to be "good" then there will inevitably be moments of performing "badly" and the resulting emotional response.
quote:
Can one take something very seriously, try very hard, and yet not feel attached to the outcome?
Yes, when you play for the pure fun and enjoyment of competition itself, or for the pure joy of learning, the moment you want to win though.... ouch when you lose, but you can do that consciously too if you want and it all passes pretty quickly eventually.
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Jim and His Karma
2111 Posts |
Posted - Apr 29 2015 : 6:38:17 PM
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Every time I go into the tunnel in the game "Subway Surfers", I think of a girl I haven't seen in 25 years. It's annoying, because I don't really care about this girl. We don't have "unfinished business" which my subconscious is bringing to my attention. Nothing so profound. It's just that once, playing the game, I randomly happened to think of her at point. And the next time, I remembered thinking of her, so it happened again. And from there it just self-reinforced and imprinted. So every time I pass that point now, she pops up, and it's annoying, and I am reminded that the basis for thinking is incredibly petty...mostly just a matter of conditioning.
Thinking's not that deep. And it can't hurt you. The only question is how much you identify yourself with whatever random noise is coming out of your brain at a given moment.
I watch my brain do this every time I play the game. Usually, it takes me a second or so, after I say to myself, "Hmm, so I wonder what ever happened to ROBIN....". Sometimes 5 or 10 seconds. Interestingly, the point of noticing is also habitual. As is the point of noticing the habitualness of my noticing. The whole bloody hairball is just patterned response. Since it's all so light and unmeaningful and patterned and ditzy, I may as well just let it play, so long as I don't get caught up in the drama, identifying myself with this or that thought or feeling. In the words of the immortal Lionel Ritchie, let the music play on (play on...play on...play on...).
This, by the way, describes exactly what both life and yoga are. Life is about identifying ourselves with our habitual thoughts (thus reinforcing those habits), and yoga is learning to find more and more space between thinking and being (note that I didn't say "reversing those habits of thought" or "learning to think more positively" or "stopping one's thinking").
The thoughts aren't "triggering" you, unless "you" are dramatically entwined in the thoughts (which is a choice....but not the only choice). You've got it backwards; you're the one triggering the thoughts! And it's all okay; not a mess you need to clean up. Just let it play, like a tinny radio, while you blithely go about your business.
If that's hard to do, just keep doing practices. Make space. Find the freedom to make other choices.
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Edited by - Jim and His Karma on Apr 30 2015 10:15:47 AM |
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adishivayogi
USA
197 Posts |
Posted - May 01 2015 : 10:15:35 AM
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| just keep meditating/pranayama. everything works itself out |
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tamasaburo
USA
136 Posts |
Posted - May 03 2015 : 12:10:25 AM
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Hi again,
I think I've had some success dealing with this. What I have been doing is firstly going into it expecting that I will make some "dumb" errors and get mad about them. This paradoxically makes me less likely to get angry because I'm already "on the lookout" for it to happen. Secondly, whenever I lose (probably should do it at the end of every game, even if I win), I take a moment to observe my own reaction; if I start to feel angry, I try to observe that impulse and think about why it is happening. Secondly, I try to think about what I could have done differently to do better next time. This also helps keep me in a more analytical mode so my emotions don't get away with me, and is also almost certainly more useful for actually improving as well. |
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Charliedog
1625 Posts |
Posted - May 03 2015 : 04:15:23 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by tamasaburo
if I win), I take a moment to observe my own reaction; if I start to feel angry, I try to observe that impulse and think about why it is happening.
Great job! That way you develop the Witness, step by step. |
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joseph
117 Posts |
Posted - May 05 2015 : 5:29:47 PM
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Not read the answers, but as someone who used to play video games a lot, it was always apparent that the best games were ones which were difficult (had potential to make someone angry). If they didn't have it, you'd get bored fast.
It's important to take breaks whatever you're on, but especially attention demanding games. Lots of energy goes on them and they'll deplete your body gradually so keep doing yoga and meditation to recharge! |
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Avoid or Try to Deal with Triggering Situations?
