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Lar
USA
11 Posts |
 Posted - Dec 17 2014 : 01:31:13 AM
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I've been doing ayp practices consistently for about 18 months. Lately, the nature of my DM has changed. When I start I silently repeat the mantra a couple of times, then I stop the repetition, though I can continue to hear it. It is as though someone else is saying it and I am just listening. Then it disappears altogether. I can no longer hear it, though I am aware of it somehow. I then float in a seductive, silent sea of nothingness, yet still aware of the mantra. I have a tremendous desire to know, to be consumed by this. So, I have increased DM to 25 minutes and I want to go even longer, but I am experiencing overload and have had to throttled back. I am seeking that balance of doing more but not over-doing.
In the last year I have done some magic mushrooms a couple of times. The experiences have been just delightful. I have experienced the entire universe as just love -- love and bliss and nothing else. So, I thought this might be a good time to try them again to see if I might be able to explore my silent sea without overloading. The house was empty, quiet and peaceful. My wife would not be back until later in the evening. Now, there was this little voice reminding me that I have been overloading quite easily and that this might not be the best time, but my impatience won out.
In the past I have found it helpful to start with a question I want answered and to repeat the question throughout the trip. So, I asked what is my next step? What should I do next? I brewed some mushroom tea and was on my way. Within in fifteen minute I could feel it starting to work. It was, however, slightly unpleasant. I tried listening to some classical music (which has been just amazingly wonderful in the past). But Brahms seemed to just grate on me. I dd some asanas, then SB, then DM. nothing was any good. I just felt bad and the feeling was intensifying. I remembered from reading and from past experiences that if things got bad, to just remember that I am in control and that by changing my environment I can alter the experience. So I went for a walk, fiddled around in my shop, yet the uncomfortable feeling persisted and continued to intensify. I did not feel frightened particularly, or worried about anything in particular. I just did not want to be on this trip. It was exponential overload. I knew it was just a matter of time, that it would pass. Mentally I felt quite lucid, but I couldn't shake this bad feeling. By now it was escalating at a faster rate. I began to panic as I realized I was in trouble and that I needed help--right now.
At this point I need to digress. My middle son, T, graduated last June and has a job here in town. After he graduated, he lived with us so he could build a nest egg. It was not a good situation. He wasn't participating in household chores and was just plain angry. He has always had a temper, but this was over the top-- yelling, throwing things, broken glass... I told him that it was not working out and that he need to move out ASAP. Which he did. Communication had broken down almost completely. I told my wife to give it time and that he'd get over, that time would heal. She said she wasn't so sure. End of digression.
The only person I could think of to call, however, was T and I did. Not surprisingly, he did not answer. My next choice was his boss, D, who happens to be a good friend of mine. I explained the situation and it was clear D wanted to help but had no idea what to do. So, I asked if he could do without T for awhile, to which he said of course (I could hear the relief in his voice that he was off the hook). I asked him to tell T what was going on and that I needed him. With good traffic it is a 10 minute drive from his work to home. T was here in 5 minutes.
Simply put he was a tower of strength. He said he had had bad trips and he understood what it was like and that he knew what to do. He said he was going to stay with me and just keep talking with me till it passed. He took me for a long drive and we had a wonderful, deep, and wide ranging conversation. I continued to feel terrible throughout the next two hours, but T hung in there and remained positive. He kept reminding me that I just needed to wait it out and that it wouldn't be much longer. And we continued talking. There was no trace of left over animosity. At one point he even said of his mom "She sure is a good person". I sensed from him a deep appreciation for his family.
I was left with the realization of what a wonderful family I have and how strong the ties are between us, that we will all always be there for each other. I also have a new found appreciation for reality. I like my life, I like being alive. And perhaps a deeper understanding that, yes, bad things happen, but I can handle it just fine (I can hear Joe Cocker now "All I need is a little help from my friends...")-- and that (unaltered) life is wonderful and a delightful adventure!
So, while this trip was extremely unpleasant, the end result has been very positive. I got the answer to my question. The next thing I needed to do was mend my relationship with my son, and I think I have done that.
However, I am done with mushrooms. I don't want to be altered. I like reality just like it is. I am now even questioning my desire that my yoga practices leads to some phenomenal experience. When I did my sit this morning and again this afternoon, the vast still, seductive sea was still there waiting for me and right now that is enough. It is all I need right now. |
Edited by - AYPforum on Dec 17 2014 02:31:33 AM |
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AYPforum
351 Posts |
Posted - Dec 17 2014 : 02:31:33 AM
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| Moderator note: Topic moved for better placement |
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jusmail
India
491 Posts |
Posted - Dec 17 2014 : 06:11:18 AM
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| Scenery, it is. |
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BlueRaincoat
United Kingdom
1734 Posts |
Posted - Dec 17 2014 : 07:05:43 AM
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Hello Lar
What a Lovely story! Thank you for sharing.
You are clearly making progress with your practice and your life is better for it. I think you are perfectly right - you don't need magic mushrooms. Your bhakti is strong, the impulse for growth is in you and substances are not necessary. It seems you are progressing as fast as you possibly can already.
I hope you'll find the right balance in your practice and continue to enjoy your progress.  |
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kumar ul islam
United Kingdom
791 Posts |
Posted - Dec 18 2014 : 3:25:43 PM
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Hi I think the words for me to describe your desire is knock on the door don't ram raid it then drive around not knowing what to do with the loot take care brother be gentle on the path it will be gentle back. |
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Lar
USA
11 Posts |
Posted - Dec 19 2014 : 12:47:31 AM
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Kumar,
Good analogy. Made me laugh...
Blue - Thanks for the kind words.
Lar |
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kumar ul islam
United Kingdom
791 Posts |
Posted - Dec 19 2014 : 08:28:26 AM
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| hi lar ive had many exsperiences with alternative keys to open the doors to the self mushrooms being very strong and illuminating but that was 25 years ago the closest i get now is the smell of coffee jar and chocolate and black tea my senses are really open now due to yoga practice reading scripture and listening to audio of the himalayan stories instructions the more i give up the more i seem to get but not really in the same way many blessing to you and may the fungi be with you but only to look at . |
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BlueRaincoat
United Kingdom
1734 Posts |
Posted - Dec 19 2014 : 10:15:14 AM
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Fun guys, yes! Fungi – better not.
Wouldn't you agree Kumar?  |
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kumar ul islam
United Kingdom
791 Posts |
Posted - Dec 19 2014 : 3:30:02 PM
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Or fun-gal
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Dogboy
USA
2294 Posts |
Posted - Dec 19 2014 : 3:40:47 PM
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Very funny  !! |
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Desire for Progress
